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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

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Remarried After Loss

Have you found your "Chapter Two"? Here's a place for those who have remarried or are in a new committed relationship to get acquainted and discuss concerns or issues - and maybe even answer questions for those who are just considering remarriage.

Your group Greeter is Doug.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Members: 50
Latest Activity: Jun 18

Discussion Forum

Re-marrying after the death of your spouse is a good thing

Started by Don Jun 18. 0 Replies

God realized that Adam was lonely and that man was not meant to live alone.  so God created Eve from Adam. People who remarry  happily live longer than those who sit and pine.Continue

Kids - What do you tell them when we start dating ?

Started by Doug02122014 Dec 31, 2017. 0 Replies

The following is a summary of a lady's question in another Internet grief support group with my response. I’ve been spending time with a guy our family has known for some time.  Up until now we have…Continue

Tags: loss, after, dating, and, Kids

Dealing with the fear of losing a 2nd. or 3rd. spouse .

Started by Doug02122014. Last reply by Doug02122014 Dec 1, 2017. 7 Replies

Ok, how many of us have been down the road of "I'm not dating / remarring because I don't want to go through another loss of a spouse"?I have said all that, but the urge to continue living and moving…Continue

Wedding planning for Volume Two

Started by JHclecce. Last reply by Maria Louisa Nov 18, 2017. 5 Replies

I am finding that wedding planning is becoming VEEY difficult. I see these adorable ideas and now look at them through a widows eyes. For example instead of a guestbook there were empty bottles…Continue

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Comment by Tia33 on April 14, 2016 at 10:06am

Hi Lostwithyou<3! I did not hide my dating from my family, but I am from my husband's family because they are still grieving and is in denial. My family are happy that I picked myself up so quickly, but I knew that that is what my husband would want. I absolutely did not want to grieve for years on out-my mind doesn't work that way. I can't focus on negatives, pain, fear, and stress. It will put you in a dark place you don't want to be. I have to focus on the positives, the future, my children, and how I can fulfill my life. I learned from my husband that life is too short to be concerned about things that I cannot change. My family understands me and know that while there is still breath in my body, I will live. Eventually, I will tell his family since I am moving with him, but for now, I rather not. 

Comment by Tia33 on April 14, 2016 at 9:38am

Don, Thank you for your advice. Yes, he is needy and I guess I can be too, but his neediness is much more than mine. I absolutely try and see things from his prospective and act accordingly. But I think my problem is breaking habits from my marriage. My husband and I were together for 10 years, but only married for two before he passed. As I said before, my husband was laid back, I didn't have to check in all the time- my new beau wants me to check in all the time.. I'm just not use to it. Thanks again.

Peace & Blessings

 

Comment by LindaLou on April 14, 2016 at 3:27am
My story continues… We talked about the fact that we live 35 minutes from each other and that I had a 100-year-old house that I have been working on for 25 years to update… And that he had a retirement condo… We talked about everything … Including the fact that if we started to date and things did not work out would we be jeopardizing our friendship that we have had for seven years prior… ????? And we talked about the fact that if we ended up getting married one of us is going to end up being a widow/widower eventually someday… And that statistically that could be me… Like I said we talked about everything… In the end of the conversation we both decided that we were willing to just go with it and see how things work out… with the number one thing being that the faith that we have in our God and our Savior was going to get us through any of the things that we talked about… So we started to date on July 19th 2014...
Since that time we have fallen in love with each other… Very deeply… Became engaged in October 2015… And we are getting married this coming Monday, April 18, 2016.
Though everyone knows that we are engaged, no one knows that we're getting married on Monday… We decided that we just wanted to be married with just the two of us there… We're going to get married in the office of the pastor at the church that he belongs to… we are going to be leaving immediately after we get married to North Carolina for a honeymoon trip visiting some dear friends and relatives… We decided that I am going to his condo as a starting point… As my home does not really suit our lifestyle and the purpose of what we want to do next… So we are going to continue to upgrade my house and to eventually sell it or possibly rent it to his son… Who has expressed an interest in it… Telling us that if we were not going to live there… That he had an interest in living in my house…he is also a very good handyman and could be doing a lot of the upgrading that needs to be done while living there…

So we've come up with this idea of a one-year plan...with me moving up to his place… though it would mean that I will now I have a 45 minute drive to work instead of a 15 minute drive to work... However, we will be working very hard in redecorating his condo that he shared with his late wife the last two years of her life… And to make it our home together…
I will continue to work for at least a couple of years… In the meantime, like I said, we will be busy redoing his condo and making it into our home… And continuing to work on my house and to do with it whatever happens.
Prior to these decisions we talked about getting a place together that is new to both of us and to get a place that is more centrally located to my side of the family… And we may end up doing that… However in order to do that we would need to get rid of two homes… And go through all the stuff that two homes have… And we realize that to do that now it would take a minimum of at least one year and we did not want to wait that long to start our lives as a married couple…
So it was just two weeks ago that we decided just to go for it… I was planning on taking a vacation the week of April 18… And I was just going to be working around the house when we decided it would be the perfect time to just get married and start our lives and to start working together as a team to build whatever life that would be… We know that there will be family and friends that will be upset that we did not include them on our special day… however we are planning a special dinner party about a week after we are married for just our immediate family that will be a celebration of the start of our life… And then sometime in June we will have a big family and friends get together… like a BBQ as an opportunity to celebrate with our extended family and friends…
Soo....tonight after work we are going to go pick up our rings that we picked out and were ordered… And then wait for Monday morning at 10 o'clock..
Comment by LindaLou on April 14, 2016 at 2:57am
Hi Ron… I am thrilled to have just found this group just this morning… The timing could not be more perfect… Let me share a little bit about my story, OK?

On May 8 of this year will be four years since my John passed away unexpectedly of complications following a bone marrow transplant 18 months earlier.....it was such a shock to lose him because he had been declared cancer free and cleared to go back to work in the end of May 2012....We were looking forward to getting our life back on track after a very difficult previous 2 1/2 years. However on May 1 I found my husband and respiratory failure and he passed away a week later… I was devastated...I could not understand how the God we loved and loved us could cure him of his deadly cancer yet take him as a result of a complication of the treatment that cure his cancer to begin with… I struggled with that for a very long time and after ahile had to come to the realization that there were no answers to my many questions.

So I allowed myself to just be in my grief and to try to figure out how I was going to re-create a new life for myself… My John and I had only been married almost 5 years when he passed away… Yet we have had such a full life and we were planning a wonderful future together… Our marriage was a second marriage for both of us… And we had remarried again when we were both in our 50s… He was 56 years old when he passed …

2 1/2 years into my grief journey a… Another member of the Bible study my husband and I were in lost his wife unexpectedly… He had been a caregiver for her for several years… Though she had her many health issues… Her passing away was still unexpected… About six months after his wife passed away I noticed on Facebook that he was really struggling with his grief… He had let our Bible study group know that he wanted to be left alone for a while… However after six months and I saw his difficult posts… I did reach out to him and ask if he was ready to talk to someone who has been where he's been… At that time I was almost 2 years out from the loss of my John… my friend took me up on my offer and reach back out to me and we started to meet monthly for lunch… Sometimes we talked about our losses and how we were coping and other times we just spent time together chatting… About four months later he told me that he could no longer see me… Which I was OK with though I was perplexed… Thinking that maybe I was pushing him too hard down his own journey of grief… As I was turning away from him to go into my house, as he was dropping me off, after going out to dinner… He grabbed my elbow … And said " No, I think you are misunderstanding me, I can't continue to see you the way we've been seeing each other… I think I'm starting to have feelings for you… And I would like to explore those more… And the only way I think that I can do that is if we are dating. "
Well, to be honest, I was shocked… As I never thought that he would ever want to be with anyone other than his precious late wife, Judy... Both my husband and I knew Judy as my husband and I were in the same Bible study group as as them.....and I never really thought of this man assomebody that I would be attracted to yet I knew that he was a good man that treated his wife like a queen… Though I also had to admit to myself that I truly enjoyed his company and always look forward to our get togethers....
So I told him when he made his declaration of what he wanted to do next… And that was to transition to dating… That I needed time to think about it… So the following week we sat down in his car and had a very frank discussion… We talked about the fact that he had only lost his wife seven months before .... We talked about our age difference as he is 11 years older than me… We talked about the fact that I am working and have a very busy work schedule and personal life schedule and he was retired…
To be continued......
Comment by Doug02122014 on April 13, 2016 at 5:11pm
Tia33,

Your relationship sounds so much like mine. I am the one that is like you and my bride "Tamela" of about 6-1/2 months now (we got married on 9/26/2015) is like your boyfriend. My wife Tamela has never been married either. She doesn't know anyone besides my 2 daughters and my relatives. We live in my house that I bought with my late wife; giving me "Home Court Advantage". (I plan to elaborate more on "Home Court Advantage" in a different heading). We only see my relatives on occasion so that leaves me. I sense that you are feeling like me in the new relationship; smothered. I was married 19+ years the 1st time and I thought I would hit the ground running on this marriage thing. I was so wrong. Completely different people + completely different circumstances = completely different everything. I'm back at square one on the marriage thing.

I do remember the first few years in my 1st marriage and the same feeling of being smothered. It took several years for my first wife "Darlene" to ease up on me.

I have talked about this with Tamela and it's great that we did because it gives each other a glimpse into the other person's perspective.

The best advice I have so far is to talk to each other about everything so you both can learn each other inside and out. Keep in mind that these "Little Talks" as I like to call them need to be kept as non-judgmental as possible. I may not always agree with her position on something and vise versa but it makes us both think and try to see things as each other do. Then we can work on meeting in the middle.

Thanks for joining the group.

You have me thinking about many more topics for the group.

Take care.

Doug
Comment by Lostwithoutyou<3 on April 13, 2016 at 3:15pm
Tia33- I was just wondering if you had much judgement from people about dating too soon. I too started dating right away but felt like I needed to hide it.
Comment by Don on April 13, 2016 at 11:25am

I can relate to him.    We are both "needy", which is not a bad thing if both in a couple are that way.    My  Maxine and I grew to be that way  -  we had each other and did not need anyone else to complete our lives.   It would be good for you to try to be like him and he like you.   Eventually a harmonious relationship may develop with great benefits.    We started out being "independent" but that is not what marriage should be about.  It should be about TOGETHERNESS.   

Comment by Tia33 on April 13, 2016 at 10:44am

Hi Doug and members! I am happy to have found this group as I am looking forward in discussing my new committed relationship and hopefully gain some advice from you. I have discussed finding someone new in other groups, but some people were offended and it is completely understandable. Of course like everyone that's here in WV has lost someone very special and is trying to cope by any means and everyone's coping is different. For me, I just choose to be happy and I wanted a companion to be happy with. The pic that you see is of me and my new beau he is a little younger than I- about 4 years younger. I am 33 with two children and he has one. My husband past June of last year and we started dating August of last year and became serious and committed in October and it's been difficult. He's never been married so he just doesn't have a clue. However, he has such good qualities, we have fun together, our kids love each other, and we have so much in common. The difficult part is basically trying to become in tune with one another, trying to understand what we both expect from one another. I really don't expect a lot, but he wants to be in every aspect of my life and he wants me in every aspect of his.. My husband was sort of a laid back person and just kind of let me do my own thing while my new beau wants to be everywhere with me and it's just different. I keep reminding myself that this is a whole new relationship and I really want it to work. Any advice would be helpful-We're supposed to move in together in September and I really want us to workout.   

Peace & Blessings-Tia

Comment by Don on February 19, 2016 at 2:02pm

What's something older people can to do help their memory?

  • Your Answer: All of the above

1- Do a word puzzle. 2- Take a brisk walk. Brain teasers and physical activity can both help maintain mental function and preserve memory. 3- Meditation can benefit seniors with memory problems in just eight weeks.

! ! !  Studies show that older folks who stay socially active or live with someone also have better mental function. ! ! !

(Be an Equal opportunity offender.)

Comment by Don on February 11, 2016 at 8:43am

Thank you Doug;

I had lunch yesterday with an 84 year old lady and it was pleasant .   She is an avid dancer.

I have been dating a very nice lady in Redding, CA  (I've taught her to kayak, and we hike, swim and bike ) but she  does not want to  marry again so I shall keep on looking.    So, if there are any ladies in the age bracket of 75 to 86 who are wanting to marry again, it would be a blessing to learn about them.

 

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