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Widowed in 2012

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Comment by Anne on November 22, 2017 at 12:35pm

40ford.  I am so sorry that you have such pain this year.  I do hope the counseling gives you someone to help you talk so you are not alone in this.  I do hope that you have friends/family to share the holiday and the anniversary of your wife's death with.

Comment by 40ford on November 22, 2017 at 10:00am

It's been a long long time since I wrote anything, but I'm coming up on 5 years (Nov 26) and the weight of this anniversary is a heavy burden. NOTHING has changed in 5 years and the pain is as bad as ever! I've been going to a counselor and I think it helps a little. When a 50+ year relationship ends, it's the lucky one that goes first.  I miss her so so much.

Comment by Frank on November 12, 2017 at 9:13pm

Hi Sue,

I'm sorry to take so long in replying. It's been very busy with my youngest in the hospital.

In writing my comments that evening, I was trying to get my thoughts and feelings down on "paper" so to speak and probably it was not my best prose.  I did not even notice anything in your comments but your concern, and I appreciate that. 




Comment by only1sue on November 2, 2017 at 10:40pm

Frank I entirely missed the fact that your son had died.  I am so sorry.  I didn't mean to trivialise your inability to cope at a friend's funeral.  I am so sorry.

Comment by Frank on November 2, 2017 at 9:25pm

Thank you all for your thoughts and words. They have helped tremendously. 

I mentioned in an earlier post that while some folks choose to remember their loss on the day of their death. Others continue on with Mother's and Father's day.  I choose to remember Susan and our 35 years of marriage by remembering our Anniversary.  As I mentioned in my note,  I got out our wedding album and sat in bed paging through the pictures and as I do, I comment out loud to Susan as if she were sitting beside me.  Instead of her though, my two Attack House Cats jumped up on the bed and lay beside me as I looked through the album.  You know, sometimes I think Susan is pulling their strings!  When I finished, I got up and put the album away, turned out the lights and went to bed.  The cats immediately departed for other parts of the house, and I went to sleep.

Again, Thank You all for your encouragement.



Comment by Mac on October 29, 2017 at 4:05am

Frank, sending good thoughts your way. I'm sorry that you had to deal with so much all at once. 

Comment by only1sue on October 29, 2017 at 2:52am

Frank like any loving father I think God does give us a plateful sometimes.  I find with my pastoral work I can go to three funerals in a row and then not have one to attend for months.  For the first few funerals after I resumed my pastoral care work for the church I found it tough, with Ray's and Mum's death only a few months before.  But now I take each funeral as a farewell visit and am happy to do so.  You have had a tough week, but although you were not able to cope this time next time you may be able to do so.

Comment by princess57 on October 28, 2017 at 10:15pm

Frank, i firmly believe that the Lord from time to time tries and test us, He may give us a full plate but, it u to us on how we wish to handle it. I am so sorry about all your reason losses.  When i think my plate gets full i step back and take small bites or how ever much you can take it.

Comment by Frank on October 28, 2017 at 9:15pm

Today, and this week has been a terrible week for me.  On Tuesday, I traveled south for two hours where myself and another friend who lived another two hours south east from there met and helped a new widow. Her husband was also a ham, and had passed a couple of months ago. My friend and I took down his antennas and packed up his equipment.

While we were resting in-between tasks my friend got an email on his phone and told us that another friend of ours, also a ham, had suffered a massive heart attack and just died in his front yard where he was mowing the grass.  The next day, at 7am my youngest son called me to tell me that my oldest son had lost his battle with cancer and died.  Today, I felt I could go to my friends funeral service. It will be 5 years this December  since Susan passed and I thought I could make it through the funeral.  Today, would also have been our 40th anniversary.   I could not make it.  Just after it started I started to tear up, and got very anxious.  I left abruptly and drove away from the church.  I stopped by the cemetery and visited with Susan and then drove home. 

Sometimes I wonder about the saying that the Good Lord never gives us more than we can handle.

As I've done in the last 2 years, I'm going to end the day by going through our Wedding Album and talking with Susan.

Good Night All.



Comment by laurajay on October 22, 2017 at 7:19pm

momof3    Don't know your children's ages  but if they are still at home.  to de  clutter   and give yourself  room  to move forward...maybe  you could  purchase  solid  but  not too expensive  bins for your   children  kinda creating   their  own  " one box"   to hold on to their dad's stuff.   Make nice labels and choose  bins that are  stong  and close  securely.  Rubbermaid or Sterlite  brands  are good.  There are others.  That way  stuff  will get  a proper  place  and all the unneeded things can be cleared away instead of  winding  up back  in closets  and drawers.   Have  a contest  and give the  pretenders poster  to one of them for safe  keeping rolled  on a cardboard tube.  One  day   they will be  on their own  and you will not  want the extra work  of  clearing out stuff at retirement age  or older!!!  Oops,  my  font  just enlarged on its own...sorry  bout  that.   Anyway  just suggestions  and  encouragement  offered...and fat letters...LOL     hugs  lj


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