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Widowed in 2012

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Comment by laurajay on June 22, 2018 at 11:16am

Mac.  Turning out  well...good for you.  Had they each been 10  yrs  younger  than they were  when she died  it might have been very different for all of you.  I truly  feel for those  widowed with young  children. I cannot imagine the awesome challenge  they face.  Hard enough  having young  grandchildren who had family dinner  with their  "papa"  who was well  but died  just  couple of days  after that meal. Just no good explanation still isn't  one---life is  still very  hard   growing old  alone  and  with  changing  health  and lessening financial means.  Very hard.

Comment by Mac on June 11, 2018 at 5:38pm

I remember when I was first widowed. Sometimes I would ask myself, "would the kids have been better off if it would have been me rather than Cindy?" Our son had just graduated from high school and our daughter was in college. Cindy was an incredible mom, she was always so focused on our children in so many ways. This week will = 6 years. My children are doing well and we are doing well as a family. It comforts me to know, that I don't ask myself that question anymore.

Comment by momof3 on May 15, 2018 at 3:59pm

I wear your name over my heart
I wear your old shirts, some so old and thin now, like a fragile web over my shoulders.

I wear every piece of jewelry you had given me, each enveloped in a memory of time and space; happy thoughts, to have, to hold.

I like to put on my wedding ring, too; without it my finger always feels naked. The heavy presence of your absence.

You see, I can wear your memories-- Oh, so many memories triggered by what you have left behind!

But I can’t wear your arms around me, or your touch, or your kiss. For that I have to wait for sleep and perhaps a rare happy dream that won’t disappear on first awakening.

I wear you in my heart.

Comment by Maggie on May 15, 2018 at 10:09am

Charlie's Girl......I'm almost at 5 years and also sold our too big home and also moved to Florida. But I did buy a home and have enjoyed decorating it and landscaping it all by myself. It feels like me and I will live here til I no longer can, which I hope is far in the future.  I've made 2 good friends and two ex SILs live here too and I'm friends with both. The key to keep me from getting depressed and  lonely is to stay busy and social. I know that's easier said than done. The longing and missing are always there and I expect they will always be there. I'm not interested, in the least, in finding another man , so that gives me freedom to do exactly as I please, which I value. I don't think there is an answer to all this other than plugging along as best as you can. It sucks anyway you look at it.

Comment by lostmylove on May 15, 2018 at 9:56am

As hard as it is to lose the love of your life, 2012 brought heartache to others in my family. Yesterday marked 6 years since my brother in law died suddenly. So begins the countdown for me until my husband died unexpectedly 4 months later. It is an unfortunate coincidents the has brought my sister and me closer. Someone who truly understands the pain and loneliness. Someone who feels the absence all that much more when trying to help our children figure out life's challenges!

xoxo

Comment by CharliesGirl on May 15, 2018 at 6:27am

I am at 6 years and find that the pain and loneliness are worse than ever. Over these years I have made some major changes - sold all of Charlie's things and our farm home, moved to Florida. I thought this condo would be my forever home, but recently I have been looking at houses. Then I realized that DURING every change I have made, it felt like I was moving ahead. Once the changes were accomplished I went back to the same old feelings. I now know this new change I have been contemplating would fill some time and then once again I would be back in this position - loneliness, depression, despair.

I'm back here after a long absence because after this many years I have no one else to talk to about my feelings.

Comment by only1sue on May 15, 2018 at 4:07am

For me at 5 1/2 years out it feels now as if life hold little joy. Of course here in the southern hemisphere we are just going into winter so short cold days to look forward to. I have to keep busy to keep from feeling as if life is not worthwhile. It seems easier sometimes to fill all my time and leave little time to think. Sorting through old photos does seem to make me see how different my life is now but there is nothing we can do about that. Those years do seem like the best years of my life for sure . But we have to play the hand we are dealt.

Comment by Timelord on May 14, 2018 at 10:44am

Momof3 I feel the same way.  (By the way - your walk in the woods (may I assume woods?) sound wonderful!

I feel like I'm marking time.  Son just started his life with his GF, and daughter has 2 more years undergrad left...and I am...terrified of growing old.  I don't think I'm scared of death, just growing old.  Don't want to!  

Anyway...six years is...a lifetime....

Comment by Maggie on May 14, 2018 at 10:43am

I'm at 5 years almost and I find the fact that time moves right on along is sad, in a way. Like looking at those old family pictures, even of out parents or grandparents. Time makes it all recede and seem distant and for some reason that really bothers me. Memories stay but fade like an old picture and it feels like you can't hang on to the past anymore. Maybe that's a good thing....a time and place. I also think being alone in nature is healing, even if only for the time. We are all certainly living an altered life. It is hard.

Comment by momof3 on May 14, 2018 at 10:32am

Well, I'm at my 6 year anniversary and feeling like i am NOT doing great. In looking at old family pictures, I see how young our children were, and know that after those last happy years, they didn't get to grow older with their dad. Especially my youngest (now 17 yrs old). Still in therapy. Trying to be "mindful" now. Spent yesterday hiking alone for 5 hours , felt good to just let my mind wander, sang a few sad songs to myself, etc. Just hoping to feel some peace by the end of the day.....

 

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