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Widowed in 2012

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Comment by laurajay on March 29, 2018 at 4:18pm

Six years  tomorrow  and I find grief lying anew  on my heart.  Not softer, not easier only real- more so as  the  time passes.  I have the wisdom  to understand  this grieving  process  but I've not mastered much skill in six years of how to live  without  him and still thrive.  I see  beauty and  I identify  with  God's purpose to still live my life as He directs me...but  so many  years  of yearning  for  the mutual nurturing we shared is still so hard to bear.  Weary with  well -doing is not scriptural.  Trying  to find a kinder  way of life... one that  keeps  windows opened  even when doors are  shut closed.  Seeking  light.      I pray  as each of you add yet  another year to your loss  your  own  healing  continues...                    love              lj

Comment by Timelord on March 18, 2018 at 5:26pm

Hello Maggie!  Yes watching with the subtitles is a bit hard!

Regarding the Crown... absolutely watched it!  Incidentally, Prince Phillip was played by Matt Smith who was one of many actors to play Doctor Who :).  The best scfi show..ever!

Comment by Maggie on March 18, 2018 at 2:48pm

Forgot to mention Victoria on PBS. I don't like silly crude comedies either..mostly historical themes, and a good drama.

Comment by laurajay on March 18, 2018 at 2:41pm

Maggie.  Expect  to be swept  away  with the transformations in Love your Garden!  I learned  so much  from that show  as well .  It's  based in the U.K.  so the whole  notion of lovely English Gardens prevails throughout  the episodes.  It is so civilized  and bursting  with  beauty  and caring.

I went bonkers   watching Downton Abbey a while back.  I even bought  the entire  series  on DVD.  My first  marathon  show...almost  got addicted   I enjoyed it so much.  I will check out  The Crown for sure.  All the  subtitled  shows  are a challenge.  LOL  They  talk  so fast  and only  a few  words  pop up  in the subtitles  but I do enjoy  the foreign  drama.  I'm not much for the stupid-humor  shows  or movies.  It brings down an axe  on dignity, decorum and  intelligence.  Not my cup of tea.  I am a refined  older  lady.    LOL   LOL    enjoy  your  viewing      proper  hugs.....          lj

Comment by Maggie on March 18, 2018 at 12:38pm

Timelord...I tried to watch this movie and it really looked good. I like some sci-fi. But it's difficult for me to read the subtitles and not be able to watch the show at the same time. I wish they'd go back to the old "dubbing" in of voices in English...

Comment by Maggie on March 18, 2018 at 12:27pm

Oh I love gardening (not vegetables) but plants and flowers and it is my mental therapy. I have Netflix and will definitely watch that show. I hope you have watched The Crown on is fabulous even if you don't like history.

Comment by laurajay on March 18, 2018 at 10:37am

Love  Your Garden     spelling  correction   sorry  bout  that

Comment by laurajay on March 18, 2018 at 10:35am

Thanks Maggie.  I removed  it to send directly  to Frank.  It sounded  too know-it-all  and I did not want to make it seem as if I had all the answers.  Frank  and I have talked  and I know it's very hard to let go of the dreams we had  with our spouses.  I feel isolated  because I cannot get up and go like I used to   but I live  around  people and activity and  places  that could be helpful  during  emergencies.  I am a realist. Passing 70  woke me up  to knowing  if I want  to stay independent  as long as possible  I had to let go of romantic notions of a knight  in shining  armor  and countryside   frolicking as well as pipe dreams.  Thank goodness I write as a hobby  because there  I am free to express my thoughts   without  exceptions.  Yesterday,  I marathon  watched  N etflix  "Love Your Gatden"  and was in total awe.  Then I cried  and cried and cried.  My  husband planted  me a garden  every year.  Sunrise  and sunsets  we  sat in our backyard  under  an apple tree and...sometimes  talked... but often in silence  we watched  the garden grow.  For some reason  letting go of that  experience has been hardest  of all.   It brings  such longing.   We have lost  so much more  than just the person we loved  so long and so well.   I know  I have  depression but  I work  at being aware  it's ok  as long as I keep growing  in understanding.  As long  as love  still manifests itself  in my life....anyway I'm rambling.  LOL   so I'll close.        lj

Comment by Maggie on March 18, 2018 at 4:11am

I don't know where your comment went, LJ, but I agree with you completely. I'm 71 and when I was married that dream of living away from it all in nature would have sounded appealing, but not now. I've discovered how much I like and need to be social and have friends and be close to activities, not to mention good hospitals, etc. 

Isolation is not good for most people and can lead to depression. 

Comment by Frank on March 16, 2018 at 10:01pm

Hi All.

Susan and I grew up in small towns at opposite ends (E/W) of New York State.  She grew up near Albany, and I grew up between Rochester and Buffalo.  She used to say her town was smaller than mine, until I told her we only had one traffic light, flashing yellow, it was in front of the Fire House and turned red when we had a fire. Her town had two.

During our careers she lived in many very large towns.  At one time she worked at Cape Canaveral.  I was stationed in DC, in JAX FL, Memphis TN, San Francisco, and Norfolk..  From there we went to Denver and some other large towns.  After retiring from the navy we worked together, as a team at the management level. At one job we had just one day off a week.  If some of the staff did not come in, then we had to cover for them, and going 14 days with no time off was unfortunately a routine at times.  We decided that we needed to be able to get away from the city and the job on our days off.  We drew a circle of about an hour and a half drive around Denver, discounted anything East of the town, and went looking for property in the mountains.   We found 6 acres, very few two legged neighbors, and no Cell or Pager service (then).  We wanted to get away from the noise, the pollution, and everything that comes with large towns.  

Laura, I cannot picture me moving back into town and facing all that again.  Watching my two cats having a stand off with a doe, nose to nose. Or a bobcat sitting on my deck licking his lips looking at my two cats on the other side of the dual pane 6 foot storm door while they hiss and spit at him, is something that is too precious to have missed.  I have my health, and the distance from here to Denver keeps the kids time to grow without my oversight.  We get together for holidays, and my one son comes up in between semesters.  

I did notice an ad for singles, widows \widowers something to do with farming (LOL)  Just maybe, there is a widow, who wants to get out of the rat race... Would like to play bingo once in a while at the community center, wants to start or continue her own business over the Internet. Enjoys hiking, or walks along the country roads, staring up at a night sky filled with more stars than they could have imagined, or would stand out on the deck with the temperature of 32 degrees watching huge snowflakes falling and actually hear them falling through the pine needles of the trees (they make a shooosh sound.)  if someone is out walking folks who are driving will stop and chat in the middle of the road.  Folks wave to each other and smile as they pass.  On my road, I may see or hear one car go by during the day.  I sleep with the windows open a couple of inches (to keep the cats in) during the spring, summer, and fall. 

Who knows.  If it is the Lord's will?




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