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Widowed in 2012

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Comment Wall


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Comment by Anne on October 22, 2017 at 12:28pm

I hope everyone is well.


Comment by Anne on October 22, 2017 at 12:27pm

It was really hard for me to box Jim's things.  He died unexpectedly at work.  Whenever I started to go through his things, it was painful, so I avoided it.  With the support of a friend, I sent many things to his children.  I then just continued as time went on to get rid of more things.  I also tried to think of who could really use the items.  Recently I donated his guitar music to a local guitar store/teachers for their students.   In August, I sent several more boxes of 'odds and ends" to his children. 

Comment by Patience (Diane) on October 22, 2017 at 12:13pm
Sue7, I'm glad you have that big smile to remember!
Mac, great idea on donating to the charity that helps low income women!
Comment by Mac on October 22, 2017 at 7:05am

momof3, I have gotten rid of most all of Cindy's clothes, most everything else is still here. Slowly but surely I'm getting rid of things, including my things. I'm encourage my children to take what they want now, rather than waiting until later. 

I got rid of a bunch of Cindy's clothes 7 months after she passed. It didn't feel right at the time to donate them to be resold. What did feel right was donating them to a charity that would give them away to women in need.  

I knew that they would especially appreciate her professional clothing. Among other things, this charity helps women get back into the workforce. Cindy would be glad to see her clothes getting put to such a good use. That made it much easier for me.


Comment by Sue7 on October 22, 2017 at 3:44am
Laurajay, I love your “one box”! Mark died suddenly also, “on duty”! The last time I saw him, he was walking out the door to go to work, wearing his uniform. I didn’t believe anyone when they came to tell me he “was gone”. I could still see him in my mind walking out that garage door, proudly wearing that uniform, with a big smile on his face! That picture is still vividly “burnt” into my mind. (As your memory of Susan, Frank). Circumstances lead me to have to move fairly quickly to a smaller home. I guess I accidentally created a “one box”, placing a few of his favorite clothing items (NASCAR hat, worn out t-shirt I’d try to throw away that he kept getting out of “rag bag”, shorts, and his dress uniform, boots and station t-shirt). All these items along with his cologne (only1sue) helped me continue on, and ready in case this was a nightmare and he needed his special items when he came back in the garage door, even though I knew in my heart that he wasn’t coming home. Our two daughters took special “Dad” items and I gave a few keepsakes to his best friends at the Fire Department. I was able to donate his clothes to a local charity. My heart goes out to you all, as we have to do things in our own time, and our own way, keeping memories of our loved one the best way we know how. I still have Mark’s “memory box”, but my best memories come to me at special moments, dates and thoughts. Some memories cause sadness, but all I have to do is remember that big smile as Mark walked out the door, and it makes it better. I believe I’ll see that smile again when it’s “my time”. “Hugs” to all of you! Momof3, we are all here for you!
Comment by Patience (Diane) on October 22, 2017 at 3:32am
Thank you everyone so much for posting here. Momof3, good question about what to do with our loved ones belongings. And laurajay and only1sue - thank you for answering and for your thoughts!
Frank, thank you for your post. ((((Hugs))) on your upcoming 5 year anniversary of your loved one's passing... I'm so sorry I didn't see your post sooner. like back in September... I am also thinking of you for what would have been your 40 year anniversary.. ((((hugs))) to all our members here in "Widowed in 2012" we are all having or have had the 5 year anniversary of our loved one's passing...
Five years is such a monumental number.
Comment by only1sue on October 21, 2017 at 11:41pm

laurajay, thank you for your post, Ray lingered for so many months and I hated to get rid of his clothes but in the end, maybe twelve months later I did.  What I did keep was a few bottles of his aftershave.  He died eleven days after his birthday, two weeks after Fathers Day so some of it was new, still unwrapped. I still have a little of it left.  When I have been feeling really blue I have sprinkled it on "his" pillow so I go to sleep to an aroma that reminds me of him.  I still have a couple of boxes of his documents, newspaper clippings and awards he won in the two service clubs he belonged to.  I just need to know he lived well before the strokes and other illnesses made our life so different.

Comment by Frank on October 21, 2017 at 9:56pm

I am so glad that folks have started posting again.  My last post was sitting there by itself for so long I was afraid I'd said something wrong, or offending or too painful, and driven folks off.



Comment by laurajay on October 21, 2017 at 4:40pm

momof3.  Here's  what I did.  When my husband  who was happy and healthy   died  suddenly  and unexpectedly  with  NO  warning  or reason...I was  dumbfounded.  I had never  known anyone who was alive  and then just died.  Somehow thinking  it could not be he just did-  I decided  odd  as it seems now,  to make a "one box"  just in case it was a dream  and he returned. At the time it was so logical.    I started with one empty  box  and as I got rid of  his things  I kept  one of everything---pants, shorts, pj's, underwear, tee shirt, robe, jacket  shirt, tie, shoes, toothbrush, hairbrush, wallet, watch, etc.  and so forth-   but just  one...that way  just in case  he reappeared  I would have  a  "change"  of clothes  for him  and his  essential daily items.  I did this  just a few months after he died.  Put everything  else  in big bags  and gave  away  to charity- we knew someone  who worked  with inner city  youth  and much went there.  It was freeing.  My husband  was a generous man and I know he  would would have wanted his things given away  and  not  morbidly  hoarded  by me. I have  gone  into the "one box"  box  to hug a

shirt  etc but not only a few times  in 5 yrs.  It was the perfect  thing for me.  I still know  if he walked  in the door  at any time I would ask where he'd been  and why  it took him so long to get home.... I'm not crazy but  sudden unexplained   death is different and is never resolved.  So while I accept  him being gone.  I am ready for whatever happens.  It's not my call.  

  momof3.  Just  do it.  It's time.  Save  some things  you love  to hold onto  and pitch the rest.  It is cluttering  your life  and your hubby  doesn't  need all his stuff anymore.  Your memories  will not  die or fade  if you de-junk.  Love  is richer  and stronger  than  a barrel of old belongings.  love  and courage  coming your  way!    You can do  this.     lj

Comment by momof3 on October 21, 2017 at 1:20pm
Help! I am having trouble giving away and throwing away my husband's old clothes and belongings! Give me strength....

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