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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Widowed in 2012

We're so sorry you have a reason to join us. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Patience (Diane) is your group greeter. 

Members: 579
Latest Activity: Jan 4

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Comment by Suz on April 19, 2012 at 11:44am

I lost my husband to Pancreatic Cancer on February 26. We were married for thiriy-seven years. Hardest journey I have ever been through in my life. I have Fibromyalgia and ran myself ragged taking care of him before he died and I still am exhausted and having uncontrollable pain (as well as the deep emotional pain).  He was my soulmate...what else can I say? I feel like I have lost half of myself. 

Comment by OriRising on April 17, 2012 at 10:22am

Hi Everyone.  I haven't been on here much, but its comforting to know that I am not as alone as I feel.  Pebbles- my husband died on the 19th of Jan also at 38 years old, only one month shy of his birthday...I know how you feel as I am left with young kids as well- 4 year old girl and an 8 month old boy now.  Every new memory is bitter-sweet.  When he started crawling this month I couldn't just be happy- I was also so sad that Eric couldn't see him and realized that he will be missing all of his upcoming milestones.  I am dreading his first birthday and I just feel like a terrible mom for this thought.

Comment by Ccdague on April 17, 2012 at 10:10am
Wendy...I understand your mixed emotions in welcoming a new season...but missing those "spring things" you did together. Good for you that you are accomplishing stuff you didn't know you could do. I get it!! I am a very short woman and never had to change a lightbulb for the past 40 years. Guess what? They all belong to me now.....guess I will have to conquer my fear of heights and climb that ladder....I'll still hate it and will be terrified....but if I want light in my house I need to learn how. I thought I had the most horrible day of my life when Denny died almost four weeks ago.......but guess what? It got worse......he stayed dead. Every day is a new challenge...but after reading so many difficult stories on this site.....I am convinced that I will survive, too. My salvation will be finding the gentle humor again in everyday life. Denny was remembered for his ability to make people smile and laugh....I owe it to him to live my life that way now more than ever.......
Comment by Wendy J on April 17, 2012 at 7:11am

I want to check in...havn't been here for awhile.  On May 4th, it will be three months.  The heaviness of the grief and the severe anxiety have modified, but the grief is still very present and I miss Gary so much.  Its spring and I am taking over all the outdoor tasks he did...its a mixed feeling mowing the lawn, weedeating, etc.  I feel good when I can do something I didn't think I knew how to do, but I miss sharing it all with my husband. 

Comment by Blue Snow on April 17, 2012 at 5:50am

Chez2all, I am SO sorry you have a reason to join this little club. {{{{hugs}}}}

Comment by chez2all on April 17, 2012 at 5:33am

5 weeks in and i'm rushing around trying to get as much of the ending stuff done before I have to go back to work next week.  So much to do, so little energy!  I'm into my 2nd widowhood and so much is familiar and yet so strange.  Doug's death was by suicide and so there was no time to prepare myself or the kids, no time for goodbyes.  Overall I have been able to be more positive in my approach to my grief as I learned not to smother it.  But I have to admit to feeling fairly overwhelmed this week as I try to get in my last 'free' grief sessions.

I have had lots of support from family and friends but most don't really have any idea what any of us are going through.  I look forward to getting to know each of you in our new 'club' and I am sorry that we are here, but at least we have a safe place to land when we need to.

Thank you for providing this forum and all the support I have received over the past few days since discovering this site.

Comment by Ccdague on April 14, 2012 at 12:06pm
Pebbles...thank you for your thoughts. I arrived home to the joyous greeting of my tonkinese cat Molly............and the house was peaceful with the music playing softly in the background....just as it always is when I arrive home. I immediately felt calm, at peace, and glad to be wrapped in my own surroundings. I had a glass of wine while unwinding from a 12-hour travel day and fell into the deepest sleep I have had since Denny's death three weeks ago. I am going to be all right...I must be gentle with myself and forgiving as I complete this journey.
Peace
Carol
Comment by Ccdague on April 12, 2012 at 2:53pm
Well....I went back to work this week. I live in Boston and am on assignment in San Antonio Texas. I will fly home tomorrow and walk into an empty house for the first time. I have that pressure in my chest just thinking about it. If someone could help me prepare for this "first"..............
Comment by [email protected] on April 12, 2012 at 7:36am
Pebbles im so sorry for your loss, I lost my husband Jan 1st and I just got the report from the medical examiner. I called every monday, I know they knew my voice. My husband was only 37, easter wasvery hard for me to. His family came to visit and we went to his grave. I still have so much guilt for not knowing what to do when he was dying, and the what ifs haunt me. So when I look at the pain in his families eyes I feel responsible. I know to some this isnt rational but I dont know how else to feel. I love life, I want my old me back, but I know that cant be the case with him missing. I look at our daughter she gives me strength and hope. I have so many friends who love us, I am so thankful for this. We are so blessed to live in our small town.

We just celebrated her 12th birthday and this was so hard because he was supposed to be there.

I am currently fighting the cemetery as the approved his headstone only to refuse it after it came in. I spent so much time finding him a classy headstone, its black grainite with photos of him lasered in it. A graphic designer created it. So now they say we are so sorry you can put that at the foot of his grave but it doesnt meet are standards. Are you f....king kidding me. What horrible ppl. I could take them to court but I need to move forward. his body may be there but his spirit is with me and our daughter. I dont believe spirits stay still they go where they are loved.
Comment by Ccdague on April 10, 2012 at 9:43am
My husband passed away on March 22, 2012.......not quite three weeks ago. He had fought melanoma for 3.5 years....the last 7 months with mets to his liver, lungs, speen, bones and brain. I work in healthcare and went back to work today. I live in Boston....and my children are in Pittsburgh....it has been difficult being alone through his illness and now. I want to be strong and graceful......I want to help others who are in a similar situation.
 

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