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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."


Widowed in 2012

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Comment by KristeninDenver on February 25, 2012 at 3:24pm

Hi Arthur09265- sorry was off for a while.   I was married to him for 6 years, with him for 10 years total.  He was diagnosed with a rare thymic carcinoid cancer in 2010 and died after an 18 month battle.  He was only 38. 

Comment by Arnie (New Normal) on February 25, 2012 at 12:59pm
Kristen, i know how you feel i am only 24 days in and i went to work this week but only made it for two partial days. Even today i was up early met with counciler at 9 had people from church come at 11 to help clean my house and after they left i was lost again. Tired now when i lay down exhausted or not my ability to sleep is gone. My mind just keeps jumping from page to page in my memmories. Some are of what i will never do or share again with my wife. By the way how long where you married? Also if you dont mind my asking how your husband passed ( if you feel like writing, it seems to help a little)
Comment by KristeninDenver on February 25, 2012 at 12:32pm

I wish I could say everyday gets better, but it honestly doesn't seem linear.  It has been 7 weeks since my husband died and it is just up and down all the time.  I went back to work this week and had some good days just feeling productive again but stayed up too late last night watching TV and I could barely get out of bed today. For me, a lot of it has to do with sleep.  If I can sleep and stick to a routine, I do better. If I veer off that routine, I am a mess. Ugh.  I don't even have kids to focus on... but at least I have a dog. He is always with me so that helps.

Comment by Arnie (New Normal) on February 25, 2012 at 11:03am
I sure do Wendy my Judy has been gine since Feb First and yup i even hed people from Church here helping me clean the house and it was a slight distraction but that deep pain doesnt want to leave. I get exhausted yet cant nap my mind races. I cant seem to find a purpose in doing anything even watching tv is hard to do. Cant read because my thoughts overpower me. Today a greif conciler told me it will probably take 2?years before the greif subsides, that just make me more anxious and frustrated I want control of my feelings back. Wendy we have a long road ahead Hugs to you. Do you have any children living with you?
Comment by Wendy J on February 25, 2012 at 10:31am

I am at three weeks...Gary died on Feb. 4th.  The hardest part for me is this deep ,physical ache that is in my body that I can cover with activities but remains underneath.  It lifts a little sometimes, mainly in the evening...then returns in the morning.  Does anyone else have this inner feeling of deep sorrow that just feels so heavy and sad. 

Comment by Arnie (New Normal) on February 25, 2012 at 7:00am
Teresa, i to am new here i have not been on much but i lost my wife on Feb 1st and my 19 yr old on November 26 - 2011 so i do understand what you r going through. I was married 21-1/2 yrs i am left with my 17 yr old som and a big house that is so empty now. I just had a session thisorning an my person says it takes 2 yrs to recover for most people. She is the first person to put a time on this thing they call greif. I was upset seeing the posts of 1 yr and 6months and when i saw people after 5 and 6 how bad they where hurting. This is realy scarey that i will feel this way for so long
Scared of the future
Hate mornings
Scared of night
Fear of being alone at night
Uncontrolable crying out of the blue
Lack of purpose
Fear of being 46 an spending the rest of my life alone
Fear of seeing my sister in law (she is an IDENTICAL twin of my wife
Never being able to share Grandchildren with my wife
Comment by Teresa on February 25, 2012 at 4:08am

Last night, I had a dream about my husband. When I abruptly woke at 5:30 this morning I had a smile on my face. I felt safe and content. But as soon as I realized that the ball of pain that lies so heavy at the top of my stomach was gone, it all came rushing back. I realized it was all just a dream.

I am new here. I lost my husband just over a month ago. I have read the posts here and though I know none of you, I feel as though we are closer than people I have known my whole life. Never in my life have I ever felt so much pain, loss or confusion. Every day I struggle for someone to just understand so maybe I am not so alone. Although I wish I could change the fact that I lost EVERYTHING the day I lost my husband, I know I cannot. And if I cannot change it, I can at least, hopefully, both gain and give support from and to those who understand the most. I look forward to getting to know you all.

Comment by Wendy J on February 21, 2012 at 12:16pm

Thanks, Arthur.  I had lunch with two good friends today and I finally heard their message...feeling the pain of grief is just what I need to accept right hurts and I don't want it...but realizing I can't change it, is a relief.  Everyone says the cloud does lift over time...I am doing the motions of life (getting up, showering, doing volunteer work, walking dog, etc...and hopefully one day it won't feel so awful.  I am also new to faith and am praying for God's help in this journey.

Comment by Arnie (New Normal) on February 21, 2012 at 10:13am
Hang in there Wendy, it comes and goes it seems like every day is a new battlefield. This is so new for me and without Faith I would truly be lost. I am new to my faith, even as I type this I am sitting in the sanctuary at Grace Church just to try and allow God to speak to me. Please don"t lose hope.
Comment by Wendy J on February 21, 2012 at 7:14am

I'm slogging through the pain today..I'm losing faith that I can do this and come out of it.


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