Widowed in 2012

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Comment by Dusty on May 16, 2013 at 4:03am

Talk theraphy has worked for me in the past, dealing with my husbands job risks, lets see how it helps after I was right and he wasn't safe....Soft days for all

Comment by Dusty on May 16, 2013 at 4:00am

Patience I think part of my problem is I was expecting some releif at the one year mark and it didn't happen.  Everyone said the "first" are the worst, so far for me the "seconds" have been worse...I think the first Mothers day and the other firsts I was in a fog...now there isn't a fog just the pain and knowing that this is for real...not just a bad dream...soft days for all of us...I guess I am maybe hanging on with a thread and that thread isn't very strong.  Soft days for us and everyone is so right no one gets it but the people here...my doctor maybe but he doesn't realize HOW really  bad

Comment by TimetoFly on May 16, 2013 at 1:33am

sorry, I hit the wrong year group...hugs to all and see you around the site..

Comment by Petal on May 15, 2013 at 11:22pm

Oh Joellen, I totally agree with you (like always). And Tomsgirl, if you don’t want therapy, don’t get it.

I have several friends and family who keep pushing me to get therapy.  What the hell do they know?  They have never been through anything like this and I think they just want me to snap out of this sadness.  Well, I feel I am making some slow progress (actually really slow), but it’s only been 7 ½ months, and they all think that is plenty of time to be done grieving. Why would it be enough time?

I do a lot to help myself.  I read grief books, I am on this site a lot, I have one good friend to hang with, my kids are great and spend time with me. I am not suicidal and I don’t drink or take any type of sedatives or other drugs.

I got so mad at my friend last week when she was pressing me again to get started with therapy.  So I told her, “The problem here is that Scott died.  What can a therapist do about that?”

Comment by sueprnova on May 15, 2013 at 10:49pm

I echo everyone's sentiments. For a while I considered going to a group - just to gauge where I was based on everyone else around me.
I spoke with my Priest and he told me that if "I" felt like I needed to, then go right ahead. If not, then don't. He told me that it's not a contest or a race...we mourn our spouses and will always want them with us...but we all are so unique in this area. Even though I see him every week, I check in with him for a 1 on 1 at LEAST once a month if not more often. He knows me, he knew us, he knows the kids, he knew Dana. He was there as he breathed his last breath...
I think it's just a case of people trying to be helpful. I mean, we suggest therapy for all kinds of things...why not this? Some of us may find we need to seek help in a year or 2 down the road when we come up against something we don't know how to navigate... then again, maybe not!
It's our individual story to tell.
Peace,
Sue

Comment by Tomsgirl on May 15, 2013 at 10:26pm

Joellen, thank you!

Comment by Tomsgirl on May 15, 2013 at 10:24pm

Joellen YES, you are correct, thank you!

Comment by Tomsgirl on May 15, 2013 at 10:23pm

DW, thank you for your response. I struggle constantly with this concept that I need talk therapy, my friends tell me constantly that I need talk therapy but I'm unsure what it will provide to me.I know he's dead, I know he was killed,I know how I am reacting to it, why, why, why do I need to find someone (else) to discuss it with?

Comment by Joellen on May 15, 2013 at 10:00pm

If you feel there is no need to see a therapist then DON'T. listen to your heart. I am at 13 months out and I have not seen anyone . I come on here and it helps  Like my prior post. no one knows how to travel this journey unless they have traveled it themself. many times those that say see a therapist say it because they do not know what else to say.They have not traveled this journey so they do not know what is right or not. and basically there is no right or wrong way everyone travels this stupid journey differently go with your gut feeling. you will know if you need assistance or not.

Comment by DW on May 15, 2013 at 9:58pm

I am with you tomsgirl - maybe its a Psych Major thing but I have not felt the need to talk to a counselor. I like this site because everyone here knows where you are coming from. We all have to do what is right for us and our own situation. I am pretty private so it is hard for me to imagine talking to someone who didn't know my husband  or me before he passed and think they can help me through the rough spots. Fortunately I haven't had too many days where I couldn't move on. I have so much to be thankful for it is just sad that the person I thought I would be sharing it all with isn't here. 

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