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Widowed in 2013

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Members: 561
Latest Activity: Jun 13

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Comment by AMA on March 23, 2018 at 6:20pm

I guess it is a good sign if we've all been off for quite some time.  It's been over 5 years since my husband died.  I've been busy taking care of my 3 children who are now 7, 10 and 12 years old.  I feel like always one or two of my children are struggling still.  They seem to be good then not so good, like a roller coaster!  I have many people asking me if I'm going to date.   I admit I'd like a companion, someone to go out to dinner with or someone that remembers my birthday.  But I barely have enough time to take care of myself plus 3 kids....where would I find time to meet a man I could trust?  I do feel like I do still sort of live in the past, I still miss my life before Dann got sick.  I started doing acupuncture (I have back pain and am kind of at my wits end as to how to get rid of it!).  As soon as I walked in the acupuncturist told me I had very sad, depressed energy and that I was living not for myself but out of duty for others.  Wow.  I don't really buy into that stuff but he really hit home.  So I'm trying to figure out how to take care of myself more.  Figure out what makes ME happy, not just taking care of the my kids all of the time.  

Hugs to everyone and hoping for a happy 2018 for us all!


Comment by NoLongerInBergenJC on March 23, 2018 at 5:43pm

Hi, Susan.  Thanks for reviving this.  I will be 4-1/2 years into this journey on April 5.  I will be 63 this year and my husband is forever 58.  I have a good life.  I retired in January and have not looked back, despite the ups and downs of the financial markets.  I am far more philosophical about money now that I pulled the plug on the golden handcuffs.  I am dealing with some endocrine-related health issues, but I've joined a gym that is associated with a large university hospital and where most people are older and many are "people of girth" like myself.  I've made a nice circle of friends.  Tomorrow I am going to the march taking place near my home.  I cook dinner once a month for the women's shelter, I see friends, and I enjoy just not having to do anything.

I have not dated at all and have no desire to.  Sometimes I think it would be nice to meet someone, but it passes because I have neither the time nor the patience to cultivate a relationship, and at this point it seems that it would just be a complication.  I don't cry much anymore, though every time I read about someone having to "pull the plug" on a loved one it is kind of a trigger.

I do feel guilty sometimes for being happy and grateful for this simple life.  I wish Steve and I could have grown old together and had that new beginning that I wanted to have, but it was not to be.  I'm not lonely, I have as much company as I want and as much solitude as I need.  Sometimes I think about my husband and how little I really knew about him; it's like he sprung from the earth fully formed the day I met him.  No one else seems to have any memories of him and I am the only person on earth who cares that he ever existed.  I'm OK with being the carrier of those memories.

Comment by Missmyhusband on March 23, 2018 at 5:19pm

Hey Booktime (Susan) - thanks for asking us.I've been doing all sorts since I stopped thinking of myself as a "widow at 40 with a house and two dogs - oh Crap!" It took years, but I fought, scratched, and clawed my way into o a new existence. A new life without Chris. Since then, I've tried internet dating and will never do it again. Prime example- single father I thought would be mature and responsible, peed on the side of a building on the way back to my car. Um, no. Met someone through a friend, dated for two years, got engaged, and then realized it wasn't right, so called it off. Basically, lots of experiences. And I hope to have more. Many more. Learning so much on this journey. Two things that I have found that I love are Michael Sealey's hypnotist videos on YouTube, so comforting and relaxing! And Neil Sattin's reLationship Alive! Podcast - love it so much and learned so much! Tak ie care, everyone. And you too, for reminding me and giving me this opportunity. This site lifted me when I needed it, showed me what I needed to see, and you all held and comforted my soul in a way it needed to be seen and felt. Thank God for all of you.

Comment by going to make it on March 23, 2018 at 4:29pm

Hugs Booktime Susan! My husbands died in the begging of 2008, & the end of 2010 & I completely relate to your post. My memories are sweet, welcome, & peaceful. Very rarely have tears these days, although of course there are those moments. 

Life is good, but I'm ready for retirement & time to just enjoy my gbabies! 

Comment by booktime (Susan) on March 23, 2018 at 4:23pm

How is everyone doing in 2018? I find I am having many more contented happy moments. I find I still like to talk about Ed and it pleases me when someone else does too! I put out a couple of more pictures of Ed on my bureau and I like seeing him. I guess it's a kind of peace I am feeling.

I also feel more and more aware of my own mortality. I'm 64 now and that feels a whole lot different. I am thinking more and more about retiring. I don't want too much time to go by - I want to be able to enjoy life!

Anyway, how are you all doing?

Comment by Tink on December 31, 2017 at 5:45pm

It's been quite a while since on the site. A lot has happened in the last year. Trying to find a new way/ life but...anyway...hope everyone can find their place in the next year. Am fairly new to New Mexico and am open to meeting others the state.

Comment by Dianne in Nevada on December 31, 2017 at 11:08am

If you don't have plans this evening, pop into the chat room to ring in the new year with other Villagers. You are not alone. We'll be there for all US time zones from 11pm Eastern to 12:30am Pacific.

Comment by CarLady on December 30, 2017 at 4:23pm

Hi booktime Susan and wid-sisters and brothers 

This was my 5th Christmas widowed; I hosted dinner for my children, spouses and in laws.  It was lovely.  A few days later we visited my late husbands family, which went ok considering relations with them have been strained since his passing.

 I am starting a new chapter in 2018 as I retired from my long time job in December after 20 years.  

So, Happy New Years to all of us and best wishes for new beginnings and positive outcomes in future.  

Hugs to all.   

Comment by booktime (Susan) on December 30, 2017 at 4:05pm

Hoping everyone had a good Christmas. It was my first without my mother and her wonderful house which held us all. So we gathered in smaller groups. I have my sister, her daughter and her husband for Christmas.  It was fun! I was actually thrilled that of all the homes my niece could have gone to she wanted to be with me.

Now I am fighting a cold and wondering what I am doing for New Year's. I am supposed to be with my sister at her home but won't if I still feel under the weather. I am not too worried about being alone if I have to be. I have something I can do on New Year's Day.

How is everyone?

Comment by Seashell on November 15, 2017 at 11:42am

Thank you all for your kind words. I went home last night and pulled out the pictures a friend had taken of my husband's funeral. It was the first time I allowed myself to see them. Although we were all grieving it was good to see smiles and even my youngest daughter giggling a little. She is so much like her father. I then pulled out the DVD I had done for my husband's memorial service and watched these pictures to the music several times. My cat even came and sat on my lap. It was wonderful to see - once again - what a great man he was. He was such a good husband and father. Almost every picture he had one or both girls next to him. My love to all of you.


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