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Widowed in 2013

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Comment by booktime (Susan) on September 15, 2017 at 4:10am

Bobbysgirl, did you have much damage? I saw a picture of my SIL's house in Fort Myers - at least a foot of water!!

Comment by Bobbysgirl on September 15, 2017 at 3:56am
Two months ago was the anniversary of Bob's passing. I am also more at peace. I live in Ft. Lauderdale and after going through hurricane Irma I realized I could handle tough situations. I am feeling stronger and more confident in myself. Peace to all.
Comment by booktime (Susan) on September 15, 2017 at 1:51am

Today marks the the 4th anniversary of Ed's death. He feels more and more removed though there are lots of memories. Without being conscious of it, I am a different person than I was 4 years ago. I am more at peace with myself.

Comment by NoLongerInBergenJC on September 2, 2017 at 10:15am

Looks like a lot of us are going into that 5th year, my sadiversary is October 5.  Like Susan, I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel in terms of retirement (16 months if I can stand it that long).  Last night I did something that I never would have done if my husband were still here:  I went to a Green Day concert.  I have wanted to see this band for over 20 years.  Green Day was always my guilty pleasure.  I don't know why my husband had such disdain for this.  He had liked the Ramones, which was also a 3-chord punk band.  But he just could not stand Green Day.  He dismissed it as "simple" and "dumb" and "not complex in any way."  He was a Deadhead and a complete music snob.  I never would have asked him to go to a Green Day show, because he would have been miserable (because he would not have allowed himself to step out of his music snobbery).  And so I would have been miserable.  But I went, and the concert was great, and I had a fantastic time, and I had a strong sense of him being there and saying "I'm happy you got the chance to do this."

Comment by CarLady on September 2, 2017 at 7:17am
Yesterday was the 4th anniversary of my husband's passing it was labour day Sunday morning which meant arrangements to transfer his remains to the funeral home were delayed and there was no one available to pronounce even though death was anticipated (he had AML). I'm still in the house we bought when we married 38 yrs ago and still working at the same company for 20 years. I think these may be contributing factors delaying moving on. I'm planning to stay in the house because it is the right size, location and I have a large support group of friends in the neighbourhood. I'm planning to retire at the end of this year and I'm hoping retirement will help me start a new chapter spending my days on hobbies I never have time for now and travel with friends. One day at a time.
Comment by booktime (Susan) on September 2, 2017 at 5:39am

Maggie, I get that alone feeling. Especially after my mom died in March. At times it is big to think: no parents or husband! I do have a sister who I am very close to. We often day dream about owning a place together, raising alpaca (wait, that's her dream!). But I do feel that as long as she is alive I have a place.

I think I need to begin to look at future options for living. I don't want to move now but in 10 years, who knows.

It isn't easy. Hugs.

Comment by Maggie on September 2, 2017 at 5:02am
My husband too died in July of 13. So much has changed in my life since then. I have moved to another state new home, made a few new friends, try to keep busy with people and activities, as I have no children or grandchildren and have regained a since of "me" and some creative juices that had been unknown. I am fairly content and have been retired 15 years (4+ now without my husband).
But deep within I still feel the longing and missing for what should have been and the loneliness of growing older without a mate. For me, I'm not interested in meeting someone. My husband and I had a unique relationship that I dont feel can be matched. So I try to get by and make do with my lot in life. It's not always easy. Mostly, at 70, I can feel myself getting more tired and starting to feel aging. The hard grief has passed, but in its place has come some anxiety about aging alone. It's not the same with friends that you simply don't share a daily life with in the same house. They are valuable, but it's not the same.
Comment by booktime (Susan) on September 2, 2017 at 4:43am

September is the time that I do think more of Ed's last days. He died on the 15th after going into hospice on the 6th. It was that Labor Day that was the turning point. So much pain and I felt so helpless.

So I am reflecting on these days but I find I am somewhat more removed. I don't know if that is the best term. I still grieve but it is quieter. I am astonished that I'll be going into my 5th year. The first months moved so slowly; now the years are zipping by.

For the first time, I am considering retirement. Not yet but I can see an end date of work which is incredible. I just had a vacation in our summer home and had a sweet taste of what not working might be like.

Hugs to us all in this "club" no one wanted to join.

Comment by Brianne on August 26, 2017 at 6:26pm

To Barbee, I enjoyed your comments and read them to my new love - Dave.  We have taken my husband's ashes with us on trips with the intent to spread his ashes.  We also built a permanent memorial to my husband on a mountain top near our winter vacation home.  Like you, 'for us it works".  It may not be the path for everyone but for us it works.  Also my mother in law, who has always been a big part of my life, accepts my new love and is happy for me and Dave.  We spend lots of time with her.  Good luck to everyone who steps outside their comfort zone and tries dating.  Stay safe.  Be optimistic.  There is someone out there for you and you don't need to forget about your husband/wife to enjoy a new life.  

Comment by Brianne on August 26, 2017 at 6:21pm

To Soaring Spirits webpage - as per your question yes please share my comments.  I have the courage to move forward because of attending Camp Widow.  

 

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