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Widowed in 2013

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Latest Activity: Dec 31

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Comment by booktime (Susan) on September 15, 2017 at 1:40pm

NolongerBergen - that's the thing, my life with Ed feels very distant now. Like someone else's life as you say. Perhaps that is what I am coping with now.

Carlady, for the first time ever I am tasting retirement. I'm not retiring now but I'm looking at it with great curiosity.

Without Jim,hugs, just hugs. That is so hard. I feel for you. It seems we have all lost friends but to "lose" family, yikes. Hugs.

Today went well. Towards the end of the day, a friend came in who lost her husband 2 years ago tomorrow. So when that happened, I was just at two years. I think we both feel connected for the long haul - we will always remember these dates. 2 years and 1 day apart. Just being able to talk about it briefly was so helpful.

Hugs to all. I can't believe I'm in my 5th year but I am.

Comment by CarLady on September 15, 2017 at 7:18am

My 4 year anniversary of widowhood was September 1st.  I agree with NoLongerInBergenJC that I am in a better place mentally now.  I am planning to retire from my 20-year career at the end of this year - just handed in my notice last week and I feel lighter, freer.  Retirement will give me an opportunity to turn the page and start a whole new chapter in life.  The hardest time of day for me has been coming home from work to the empty house, seeing the empty seat where my DH would be waiting with a beer in his hand and a glass of wine waiting for me.   I have many hobbies that I have no time for now, and friends already retired to travel and do things with. It's time to start really living life again - I just haven't been able to do it while working full time.  I'm looking forward to the future now, which is a step in the right direction.  Hugs to all. 

Comment by NoLongerInBergenJC on September 15, 2017 at 6:11am

I think all of us 2013-ers seem to be in a better place. My 4 years is October 5, and I am doing well in my new home. Like some others, I'm feeling that "removed from that other life" sense, and while I suppose it's a good thing because it means I am at peace with and enjoying this new life, it bothers me that Steve is not in my thoughts ALL THE TIME as he was. I know that we all only live as long as people remember us, but to have 30 years of my life feel now as if they were someone else's life is kind of scary and sad in its own way.

Comment by Bobbysgirl on September 15, 2017 at 4:59am
I was very fortunate no interior damage, did not lose utilities. Cleanup outside. My son had to evacuate and stayed at my house until his utilities were restored. We experienced 120 mph winds and it was scary.I feel badly for people who had 185 mph winds.I have lived here 49 years and have gone through many weather events,.This hurricane was a nightmare.
Comment by booktime (Susan) on September 15, 2017 at 4:10am

Bobbysgirl, did you have much damage? I saw a picture of my SIL's house in Fort Myers - at least a foot of water!!

Comment by Bobbysgirl on September 15, 2017 at 3:56am
Two months ago was the anniversary of Bob's passing. I am also more at peace. I live in Ft. Lauderdale and after going through hurricane Irma I realized I could handle tough situations. I am feeling stronger and more confident in myself. Peace to all.
Comment by booktime (Susan) on September 15, 2017 at 1:51am

Today marks the the 4th anniversary of Ed's death. He feels more and more removed though there are lots of memories. Without being conscious of it, I am a different person than I was 4 years ago. I am more at peace with myself.

Comment by NoLongerInBergenJC on September 2, 2017 at 10:15am

Looks like a lot of us are going into that 5th year, my sadiversary is October 5.  Like Susan, I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel in terms of retirement (16 months if I can stand it that long).  Last night I did something that I never would have done if my husband were still here:  I went to a Green Day concert.  I have wanted to see this band for over 20 years.  Green Day was always my guilty pleasure.  I don't know why my husband had such disdain for this.  He had liked the Ramones, which was also a 3-chord punk band.  But he just could not stand Green Day.  He dismissed it as "simple" and "dumb" and "not complex in any way."  He was a Deadhead and a complete music snob.  I never would have asked him to go to a Green Day show, because he would have been miserable (because he would not have allowed himself to step out of his music snobbery).  And so I would have been miserable.  But I went, and the concert was great, and I had a fantastic time, and I had a strong sense of him being there and saying "I'm happy you got the chance to do this."

Comment by CarLady on September 2, 2017 at 7:17am
Yesterday was the 4th anniversary of my husband's passing it was labour day Sunday morning which meant arrangements to transfer his remains to the funeral home were delayed and there was no one available to pronounce even though death was anticipated (he had AML). I'm still in the house we bought when we married 38 yrs ago and still working at the same company for 20 years. I think these may be contributing factors delaying moving on. I'm planning to stay in the house because it is the right size, location and I have a large support group of friends in the neighbourhood. I'm planning to retire at the end of this year and I'm hoping retirement will help me start a new chapter spending my days on hobbies I never have time for now and travel with friends. One day at a time.
Comment by booktime (Susan) on September 2, 2017 at 5:39am

Maggie, I get that alone feeling. Especially after my mom died in March. At times it is big to think: no parents or husband! I do have a sister who I am very close to. We often day dream about owning a place together, raising alpaca (wait, that's her dream!). But I do feel that as long as she is alive I have a place.

I think I need to begin to look at future options for living. I don't want to move now but in 10 years, who knows.

It isn't easy. Hugs.


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