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Widowed in 2013

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Comment by Seashell on November 15, 2017 at 11:42am

Thank you all for your kind words. I went home last night and pulled out the pictures a friend had taken of my husband's funeral. It was the first time I allowed myself to see them. Although we were all grieving it was good to see smiles and even my youngest daughter giggling a little. She is so much like her father. I then pulled out the DVD I had done for my husband's memorial service and watched these pictures to the music several times. My cat even came and sat on my lap. It was wonderful to see - once again - what a great man he was. He was such a good husband and father. Almost every picture he had one or both girls next to him. My love to all of you.

Comment by AMA on November 14, 2017 at 8:09pm

Dear Seashell,

I am so sorry to hear that someone's comments hurt you so badly.  I too feel sad about the state of the world.  Perhaps we all feel more for others, have more empathy because we know that love and loss cross all boundaries?  Nobody is exempt.  But it sounds as if Jerry was particularly in tune with your feelings and your beliefs.  It can feel isolating to not only feel that he is gone but also that the one person you related to the most is also gone.  I have always felt that losing my husband is especially difficult because he was also my best friend, the one person who knew me completely and without judgement.  

Hopefully you will feel comfortable to continue posting your feelings.  Sometimes it just feels so good to get it out!  I find that sometimes I just need to write it in a letter or journal, then I feel a sense of relief.  Big hugs to you and next time you see that person just feel sad that their own world is so narrow in comparison to your own.  

Comment by Bobbysgirl on November 14, 2017 at 12:59pm
In my experience I have come to the conclusion that judgemental people are afraid of people who are different. They live in a very narrow world. I have been fortunate since childhood to being exposed to different people. I am not a religious person and I have some friends who are religious. I am tolerant of other people’s beliefs, but I have no desire to hear their beliefs. When I look at the situation the world is in I think religion causes grief. I am not trying to offend anyone. Peace to all.
Comment by Maggie on November 14, 2017 at 12:53pm
That's the problem with religion....everyone thinks their way is the only way. She seems petty and with some delight on being mean and thoughtless. We are far to judgemental as a species with no regard to the hurt it can cause. Just look at the world today.
Please ignore this and remember the love of your husband and the fine example of a human he was.
Comment by Seashell on November 14, 2017 at 8:17am

Well, no one has been here for awhile so I guess I can feel pretty safe writing this. Today someone made a judgemental comment about the religious beliefs of the Church my husband's funeral was held in and how depressing their funerals were. I live in a state where they are primarily one religion and can be very judgemental of other religions. After I corrected this person I promptly went out and cried. I don't think I have cried this hard in a very long time. It has been 4 years 7 months 3 days since Jerry passed. I miss him so much right now. Jerry was my friend, my confidant. There are so many things going on right now that the four walls that surround me seem hollow to my words. Why must people judge others on the color of their skin, their religious beliefs, etc.? My husband was one who accepted all people. He loved people. Why must we exclude to include? Thank you for listening...

Comment by booktime (Susan) on September 16, 2017 at 3:33am

Just a quick follow up - no one really remembered the date without my prompting except for my neighbor who I have only known a year and a half! I am so touched. She sent a message last night with a picture which included a glass of wine and said "here's to Ed". I am so moved she of all people remembered! She never knew Ed.

Comment by booktime (Susan) on September 15, 2017 at 1:40pm

NolongerBergen - that's the thing, my life with Ed feels very distant now. Like someone else's life as you say. Perhaps that is what I am coping with now.

Carlady, for the first time ever I am tasting retirement. I'm not retiring now but I'm looking at it with great curiosity.

Without Jim,hugs, just hugs. That is so hard. I feel for you. It seems we have all lost friends but to "lose" family, yikes. Hugs.

Today went well. Towards the end of the day, a friend came in who lost her husband 2 years ago tomorrow. So when that happened, I was just at two years. I think we both feel connected for the long haul - we will always remember these dates. 2 years and 1 day apart. Just being able to talk about it briefly was so helpful.

Hugs to all. I can't believe I'm in my 5th year but I am.

Comment by CarLady on September 15, 2017 at 7:18am

My 4 year anniversary of widowhood was September 1st.  I agree with NoLongerInBergenJC that I am in a better place mentally now.  I am planning to retire from my 20-year career at the end of this year - just handed in my notice last week and I feel lighter, freer.  Retirement will give me an opportunity to turn the page and start a whole new chapter in life.  The hardest time of day for me has been coming home from work to the empty house, seeing the empty seat where my DH would be waiting with a beer in his hand and a glass of wine waiting for me.   I have many hobbies that I have no time for now, and friends already retired to travel and do things with. It's time to start really living life again - I just haven't been able to do it while working full time.  I'm looking forward to the future now, which is a step in the right direction.  Hugs to all. 

Comment by NoLongerInBergenJC on September 15, 2017 at 6:11am

I think all of us 2013-ers seem to be in a better place. My 4 years is October 5, and I am doing well in my new home. Like some others, I'm feeling that "removed from that other life" sense, and while I suppose it's a good thing because it means I am at peace with and enjoying this new life, it bothers me that Steve is not in my thoughts ALL THE TIME as he was. I know that we all only live as long as people remember us, but to have 30 years of my life feel now as if they were someone else's life is kind of scary and sad in its own way.

Comment by Bobbysgirl on September 15, 2017 at 4:59am
I was very fortunate no interior damage, did not lose utilities. Cleanup outside. My son had to evacuate and stayed at my house until his utilities were restored. We experienced 120 mph winds and it was scary.I feel badly for people who had 185 mph winds.I have lived here 49 years and have gone through many weather events,.This hurricane was a nightmare.

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