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Widowed in 2013

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Members: 561
Latest Activity: Jun 13

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Comment by alwayshopeful (Jocelyn) on January 30, 2013 at 6:42am

Dear chez2all. I'm so very sorry for all of your losses. I can't imagine...

I do understand about how awful the brain tumors are. Just lost my 59 year old husband to brain cancer three months ago. Everything changed for us too. My new friends here on WV "get it". Thinking of you and sending you good thoughts, prayers and hugs. Jocelyn~

Comment by chez2all on January 30, 2013 at 12:48am

Hi Jocelyn, thanks for all your wonderful sharing...truly inspiring.  My first husband died 12 years ago today from brain tumours after a 16 month battle.  Yes we had time to prepare, but I still don't think I did that part very well.  Glenn lost his personality and his memories of our 20 years together...he couldn't ready, watch tv, listen to music as he had a stroke that affected his sight and hearing badly.

For a long time I was unable to talk to anyone about that part of my journey but have thankfully found a willing group of ears and hearts here also.  I found this group 3 weeks after my 2nd husband suicided in march 2012...and what a Godsend they have been. 

it's so wonderful that we have been able to find supportive people who care about our stories...we all need to tell them.  And we can all inspire each other or surround each other with hugs when needed.  It doesn't matter where we are in our journey, some days are always going to be harder than others.  But life does improve as we accept what has happened and realize we are still alive.  What does life have to offer us in our future?  Time will tell...

Comment by alwayshopeful (Jocelyn) on January 28, 2013 at 4:41pm

Dear Friends. This is from the book Walks on the Beach by NJ artist Sandy Gingras. I imagine this chapter applies to most of us.

"Patience"

"Sometimes you walk the same path over and over. Sometimes you have to. Sometimes you can't see anything but the same thing even though life is changing all around you.

I keep going over the same memories, the same thoughts. I walk the same walk - down to the gray house with the red roof, turn into the wind, and walk back.

But the ocean won't let me make a rut. It smoothes the sand out every day. Every day there's the hopefulness of knowing that I could make a new path. Every day is a blank slate.

I wish for these things: someone to come along and take me on another path, or a time when I get sick of myself and take myself elsewhere, or a time when I start seeing it all differently. I don't know much about this process of healing. I know it involves a lot of change so small and incremental that you can't even see it as change. So I keep walking. I have to learn to be patient with myself. Not all change is about leaps and jumps. Some is very quiet. I think of vast tides turning one inch at a time, and how entire oceans move...".

Wishing all of us patience with ourselves & others in our new journeys. Heaven knows we need it to deal with all the changes in our lives. Jocelyn~

Comment by Mford4 (Marlene) on January 27, 2013 at 7:38am

Jocelyn,  I love it!!!!!  The Horshoe Crab story is a perfect reminder to all of us...even when we are stuck in the moment of despair and loneliness that there is light out there somewhere!   Thank you!   Marlene

Comment by alwayshopeful (Jocelyn) on January 27, 2013 at 6:32am

Good morning, friends. I love the beach. Any beach. A dear friend of mine just got me the loveliest little book by NJ artist Sandy Gingras. Please understand I don't mean to minimize any of our losses. However, I'm always looking for comfort and inspiration. So much of this treasure spoke to me. The book is called Walks on the Beach.

"Horshoe Crab (Upside Down)" -

"I find him wiggling all his legs at the sky trying to grab at something - trying to turn his life somehow. I flip him over, set him free at the edge of the water. I'm amazed how quickly he moves on. It feels good to have helped him.

We all have hands that want to help us right our course. They come out of nowhere. One moment we're stuck  and vulnerable, then we're free. What seemed impossible suddenly seems doable. At a difficult time in my life, a teacher came to me and offered to read "whatever I wrote", a friend offered to be a partner in a venture, a stranger came up to me and said, "I read your book and it was important to me," a man told me he thought I was beautiful. They were all hands flipping me (the upside-down horshoe crab) over and sending me on my way.

I have to learn this lesson: to accept the hands (visible and invisible) that reach for me, that give me new chances at life. And I have to learn never to underestimate my own hands and how they touch and change the world".

Wishing you all a soft day! Love and hugs, Jocelyn.

Comment by alwayshopeful (Jocelyn) on January 26, 2013 at 12:32pm

Karen. I am so truly sorry about the sudden loss of your husband. I lost my husband gradually over almost 2 years and can't imagine how difficult it is for those of you who didn't have a chance "to get used to" it. I don't think people who haven't lost the loves of their lives understand our need to tell our stories. Everyone's journey is unique. Glad you found us but sorry for the reason. I don't think anything you tell us will surprise us. Someone else will have felt it. Deepest sympathy on your loss. We welcome you although we are sad for the reason you joined us. Love and hugs. Jocelyn.

Comment by Dusty on January 26, 2013 at 2:32am

Karen, welcome, sorry that you have to be here but you will truly find it is a life savor.  My Love and best friend passed on March 30 2012 but I wanted to let you know how great it is you found the sight so early in your pain.  It is 10 months since I started this jouney. Some days, I should say moments, are so fresh....everyone has to go through their own process of grief but being able to share seems to ease the pain...and it is pain...I had lost my brother to ALS 6 yrs ago and I thought I had greived then but when it is your own Love passed it is so different...when anyone asks me how I feel I say "it depends on the moment"...having something to say and rehearsed makes it easier when someone asks and they will, just because they don't know what else to say...."Oh, I am fine" is truly a lie. You can be doing just fine and something will broadside you..."oh WE like wheat bread" when asked which kind of bread to to buy, and I broke down to tears. So knowing you are going to have surprises hit you from out of nowhere does make it easier.....I pray, may all of our day be soft ones...

Note to self; I am doing the best I can with what I have in the moment; and that is all I can expect from anyone including Me!!!

Comment by Karen (funnybne) on January 26, 2013 at 2:17am

to My New Life,thank you so much for making me feel welcome.I feel as if I truly belong here thanks to all the kindness shown me. I appreciate the welcome from you. I'm a little scared and nervous but I am hoping that the friends that I make here will help me push thru that. I have so many emotions all spinning in my head right now that I dont know what to do or how to do it. This is a start.I post on facebook as well and your right its not the same.I have wonderful friends there that try to be comforting but here there are folks that truly understand what I'm dealing with. Thank You again its much appreciated

Comment by Karen (funnybne) on January 26, 2013 at 1:36am

hello, my name is Karen and I lost my best friend my husband on Jan.8 from a ruptured aortic aneurysum. It was very sudden and unexpected. I feel lost and alone much of the time,but when here I feel warmth and understanding and such incredible kindness. I've been encouraged to tell whatever part of my story I want to tell. I did just that,I told my story and realized at the moment I clicked enter that I put it out there, for the first time I told the whole story. I have to say it was like a giant weight lifted from me. Everyone that read it was so kind and understanding. The feelings they gave me were expressions of love from the heart. I know they are sincere,emotions like that cant be anything but sincere. I was accepted from the moment I arrived. Many told me that this site saved them I believe it with my whole heart. I have a long painful journey ahead I know this but now I also know I dont have to take the journey alone if I dont want to. God will forever bless this group of loving,accepting people.

Comment by alwayshopeful (Jocelyn) on January 25, 2013 at 8:16pm

Dear lost070. Sent you a response but not sure I posted it, sorry. I live on the east coast, sorry. But we can chat here. love and hugs. jocelyn.

 

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