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Latest Activity: on Wednesday
Yesterday I went with my brother (who had a stroke and lives with me) to the VA to pass out magazines and homemade cookies. We went to the hospice and the nursing home. My late husband stayed in the nursing home for 6 weeks after his stroke, which was 8 years ago. I think I recognized one of the guys who was there 8 years ago. He is non-verbal, in a wheelchair, but he wanted to shake my hand after I helped him eat a couple of cookies. I know my husband would not have been very happy to live such a life. Even after his stroke he drove me nuts by always wanting to go somewhere, which was not easy for me as I had to do everything, including handling his dialysis. But of course, I still miss him.
Silver Lady —- I had to leave a grief group because I was told the same thing by one of the members. Everyone ‘s experience is so different but I just cannot accept that it only gets worse. Nothing could be as bad as that first year for me. Nothing. And to make it worse, I had nothing left in me to help my adult daughters. They had lost their dad and they had basically lost their mom too. I am four years out tomorrow and at least now I am strong enough to be there for my three daughters. I hope my husband is proud of me. Anyway, after four years I do find some happiness in other things——my girls, grandchildren, volunteer work, friends, my dogs, but there are times that the magnitude of losing my husband still takes me to my knees.
“Just Me,” it’s hard, isn’t it? I wonder if the woman who has been a widow for seven years is more honest than most or is having a harder time than most. Maybe a little of both?
I am at a little over four years. A married friend, one of the only few who will acknowledge that things might not be great for me, asked me the other day if it was getting any easier. I had to stop and think how to answer. I finally said that I felt that I was more used to it and that I had figured out how to handle things on my own better, but that there are joys and comforts that come with a good marriage that are just not replaceable.
I remember reading a WV post fairly early on from a woman who was several years out. She said that while things would never be as good as they were, she had reached a place of contentment. That is my goal, but I am not there yet. Please do not think that you are alone or doing less well than others of us. Hang in there!
I decided to attend my knit and crochet group at the library last week. I happened to sit next to a nice woman who chatted awhile, then said she had heard I was a widow. She asked me how long and I said three and a half years. She then said, " Honey, I hate to tell you it's been seven years for me and it only gets worse". You know, i'm still a little raw occasionally, and I miss my husband a lot. I really am feeling extremely lonely, shut out of the world and continue to feel unmotivated by life. I do try, but without success to make connections with new friends and life. If this continues to get worse, I don't know where I'll be. Maybe I just don't have the strength or faith that so many of you have. I wish I did.
Triggers abound today.
4-year anniversary on Monday, funeral this morning, and for dessert a hospital visit with my 2nd chapter wife Tamela to see an elderly friend of hers who happens to be suffering from advanced dimentia.
I guess I was put here today to comfort those who are where I once was. I definitely know the path out and I have helped those in both cases.
Mission accomplished, tomorrow is a new day.
Thank you silverlady yes just being able to reach out yesterday to a group of people I never knew existed and then to have someone add in some kindness was and is a calming thought. So thank you again -
Sending you a big, virtual hug, RIKP. Having to deal with everything on your own without the comfort and support of a beloved spouse is something that my widowed friends and I speak of frequently. In a way, it seems to get cumulative as the years go by. And certainly we all need to be comforted when upsetting medical news comes our way. I hope knowing others are thinking of you will help a tiny bit.
This is the first time I have been on this site my husband and stay at home Dad to our only son passed on August 28, 2014 after 24 yours together. It has and continues to be a long journey more good days than bad at this point but I received some medical news that wasn't great and it has thrown me off. It would have been easy before I would have rushed home to tell him and he would have made me see how simple this all was and that we could do it together. I got home and just started to cry I don't want my son to see me this way its been harder on him sometimes I think. Not having that support this time just made me a mess and I have managed to weather all of the other things life throws at you but this was the straw. Still in a funk and tearful.
@Doug02122014 - Such a nice photo. The connection is always there, especially when you have children. I have not yet gone to see the movie "Coco", but I like the sentiment that we are connected to those who are dead, because that is how I feel.
Today is another 1st. on this journey. My youngest daughter stared driving by herself. I put her through the driving school and had to prod her the entire way. When asked why a senior in high school didn’t want to drive she said that she was afraid she would be in a wreck and kill someone in her vehicle or the other vehicle.
Anyway it was a somber day on many fronts.
So I just added her to my auto insurance policy from the front seat parked as close to my wife's grave as is allowed. Somehow I feel like I have to stop by the cemetery to keep her up to date on the family. LOL. Anyway I inclued her mother in this right-of-passage.
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