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Latest Activity: Jul 7
We're hanging out in the WV chat room for anyone who finds themselves alone on Christmas day. Join us!
#dougn52 - I have met a couple of people who lost their spouses, and when we each found out the other was widowed, we could each talk about our experience without worry. One of the things that bothers me is too many times when I talk about being widowed it makes people feel uncomfortable, so I have learned to not talk about it with "civilians".
I had been going to a grief group, so of course everyone there was widowed, and it certainly is "the club no one wants to belong to", but it is always nice to know there are people who "get it".
I have never heard this discussed before. My wife died in Jan of 2014, so it has been almost 4 years for me. I have been in contact with many people in the same situation on this and other websites, but I recently met a 29 year old woman in real life with 2 kids whose husband died 8 months ago. Has anyone else experienced this? Our meeting was quite by accident. It seems for me, that meeting in person is quite different than meeting on the internet. It is so much more real.
Also shut down any social media accounts that either of you may have like Twitter or Instagram.
You should both be on high alert. I would personally shut down my FB account and make the police aware of the circumstances.
Doug- I do not think you are overreacting. Perhaps it is because we know of very bad outcomes with these type of situations.
Also, I know for myself after my first husband got cancer and then died, I became much less certain things would work out for the good. I guess it's just experience that it didn't.....and maybe I should be more on high alert. I would definitely hide your profiles on facebook, and also see if the police might stop by ......if the guy is watching your place this might discourage him.
MickeysLove, You are not whining :)
I had a good relationship with my step children. I was there for them for years when their mother was crazy. when we paid for college, European trips for graduations, support financially and emotionally for years. Then the news in May, (from my sister in law) that my step son was getting married, and did I want to ride to VA together...one problem. I wasn't invited and no one knew that. It hurt a lot. It still does. I know my husband would be so disappointed. I have decided that in this one area I am going to have to move on. They have no time for me. Now I have none for them, a true shame given the relationship I thought we had. If I have learned one thing in the past three years it is this. If people, any people, want to be in your life they will find a way to be there. If not, then they are not worth our time and additional grief their behavior brings.
MickeysLove, First of all you are not a horrible person. I have some things in common with you; and I have talked to friends who assure me I am not a horrible person because I have felt this way too,. I have given up contact with the stepchildren, who were not here when we needed them and one did more harm than good. They all showed up at the first memorial and one at the 2nd. The 2 exes were at both and made a big show. I sat silent. My marriage was miserable for a few years before he died, he was sick and miserable and so was I watching my mother die and trying to keep them both alive and deal. After he died I went through his things and made boxes with gifts for the grandchildren and keepsakes for his daughters. The one daughter nearby (who is a felon and has many illegitimate children and hurt her father very much with her bad behavior) kept canceling and then showed up 3 hours late months later and kept the grandkids in the car. I went out and insisted one open up her gift in front of me. She never brought them over on holidays after I bought and wrapped the gifts I would send with the other kids to deliver. So she called a couple times after he died and tried to invite her and her kids over and each time it was not convenient for me. I emailed and invited her for other times and tried to call. But now I have given up. My friends know what a mess she is and so does his sister; they tell me I am right to distance myself.
Of course I know he would want me to do all I can for them but they never acted like my family. They never even wished me a happy birthday, and never came over on Christmas day. They saw their father and me once or twice a year. The 2 older ones are having a good life and stable, and I did invite the eldest for a visit a couple years ago via email but never heard back. So I feel at peace with my decision to give up. They are in my will and beneficiaries list. That is enough. I would love to be with one of the granddaughters but that would involve the rest. I have stopped feeling guilty.
Maybe you need to stop thinking about them and move forward too?
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