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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Widowed in 2014

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Members: 414
Latest Activity: Jul 7

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Comment by Soaring Spirits on December 25, 2017 at 7:24am

We're hanging out in the WV chat room for anyone who finds themselves alone on Christmas day. Join us!

http://widowedvillage.org/chat

Comment by Gary'swife on December 23, 2017 at 8:24am

#dougn52 -  I have met a couple of people who lost their spouses, and when we each found out the other was widowed, we could each talk about our experience without worry.    One of the things that bothers me is too many times when I talk about being widowed it makes people feel uncomfortable, so I have learned to not talk about it with "civilians".      

I had been going to a grief group, so of course everyone there was widowed, and it certainly is "the club no one wants to belong to", but it is always nice to know there are people who "get it".

Comment by dougn52 on December 7, 2017 at 7:32pm

I have never heard this discussed before.  My wife died in Jan of 2014, so it has been almost 4 years for me.  I have been in contact with many people in the same situation on this and other websites, but I recently met a 29 year old woman in real life with 2 kids whose husband died 8  months ago.  Has anyone else experienced this? Our meeting was quite by accident.  It seems for me, that meeting in person is quite different than meeting on the internet.  It is so much more real.

Comment by Gwamma on August 18, 2017 at 4:54pm
High alert indeed. If mother is escaping with son, there is a reason. Two sides to every story though. Bothers me that he is especially interested in befriending your wife. Would indicate that he is seeking assistance of some kind. (Like the teachers help in extracting the student circumventing school security?) Please advise both your wife and school of this suspicious behavior. I believe school security has experience enough to assist you best in matters of this nature.
Comment by Nieta on August 18, 2017 at 8:40am

Also shut down any social media accounts that either of you may have like Twitter or Instagram. 

Comment by Nieta on August 18, 2017 at 8:38am

Doug,

You should both be on high alert.  I would personally shut down my FB account and make the police aware of the circumstances.

Comment by Gary'swife on August 18, 2017 at 7:39am

Doug- I do not think you are overreacting.   Perhaps it is because we know of very bad outcomes with these type of situations.  

Also, I know for myself after my first husband got cancer and then died, I became much less certain things would work out for the good.  I guess it's just experience that it didn't.....and maybe I should be more on high alert.    I would definitely hide your profiles on facebook, and also see if the police might stop by ......if the guy is watching your place this might discourage him.

Comment by Doug02122014 on August 18, 2017 at 3:34am
Let's set the stage here. I lost my 1st wife Darlene 2-12-2014 which correspond to the numbers next to my name on here). I got remarried to my 2nd Chapter wife Tamela 9-26-2015. Tamela is a 4th grade school teacher. Yesterday on the way home from school she said I have something to tell you when you get home. Turns out the new boy in her class that started Monday this week is on the run with his mom trying to escape his dad in Washington State. Dad showed up today at school here in Indiana and was very pissed. School was placed on lock-down. The whole time he was on school property he was determined to talk to my wife about his son. School officials refused to let him talk to my wife.

We're both my wife and I are on Facebook and he tracked them here. I'd say he's likely to show up on my front door or possibly follow her home or hell who knows what.

Before loss I'd be as happy -go-lucky as my wife is about it all believing all is well and she left this at school. Believing that because they threatened to call the police and he left the school grounds everything is going to be all right today. Believing that if he does come back the police will get to the school in time.

Am I going crazy here or should I be on high alert ?
Comment by Debz on July 18, 2017 at 6:09pm

MickeysLove, You are not whining :)

I had a good relationship with my step children. I was there for them for years when their mother was crazy. when we paid for college, European trips for graduations, support financially and emotionally for years. Then the news in May, (from my sister in law)  that my step son was getting married, and did I want to ride to VA together...one problem.  I wasn't invited and no one knew that. It hurt a lot. It still does. I know my husband  would be so disappointed.  I have decided that in this one area I am going to have to move on. They have no time for me. Now I have none for them, a true shame given the relationship I thought we had. If I have learned one thing in the past three years it is this. If people, any people, want to be in your life they will find a way to be there. If not, then they are not worth our time and additional grief their behavior brings. 

Comment by cloudwatcher on July 18, 2017 at 5:33pm

MickeysLove,  First of all you are not a horrible person.  I have some things in common with you; and I have talked to friends who assure me I am not a horrible person because I have felt this way too,.  I have given up contact with the stepchildren, who were not here when we needed them and one did more harm than good.  They all showed up at the first memorial and one at the 2nd.  The 2 exes were at both and made a big show.  I sat silent.  My marriage was miserable for a few years before he died, he was sick and miserable and so was I watching my mother die and trying to keep them both alive and deal.  After he died I went through his things and made boxes with gifts for the grandchildren and keepsakes for his daughters.  The one daughter nearby (who is a felon and has many illegitimate children and hurt her father very much with her bad behavior) kept canceling and then showed up 3 hours late months later and kept the grandkids in the car.  I went out and insisted one open up her gift in front of me.  She never brought them over on holidays after I bought and wrapped the gifts I would send with the other kids to deliver.  So she called a couple times after he died and tried to invite her and her kids over and each time it was not convenient for me.  I emailed and invited her for other times and tried to call.  But now I have given up.  My friends know what a mess she is and so does his sister; they tell me I am right to distance myself.  

Of course I know he would want me to do all I can for them but they never acted like my family.  They never even wished me a happy birthday, and never came over on Christmas day.  They saw their father and me once or twice a year.  The 2 older ones are having a good life and stable,  and I did invite the eldest for a visit a couple years ago via email but never heard back.  So I feel at peace with my decision to give up.  They are in my will and beneficiaries list.  That is enough.  I would love to be with one of the granddaughters but that would involve the rest. I have stopped feeling guilty.

Maybe you need to stop thinking about them and move forward too?

 

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