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Widowed in 2014

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Members: 414
Latest Activity: Mar 17

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Comment by missusvonkysmeed (Juli) on February 16, 2014 at 5:45pm

KayRo-I totally get the brain turned to mush thing.  I took me daughter to her orthodontist last Thursday, apparently her appointment wasn't actually until March.  I am constantly feeling like I am forgetting something, it is very annoying but from what I understand completely normal. -Juli

Comment by KayRo on February 16, 2014 at 4:32pm
Denise, I'm so sorry for your pain. You're at about the same point I am. My husband died on Jan. 9 so 6 weeks. The paperwork is bothering me, too. I know I'm an intelligent person and I should be able to understand all of it but sometimes I feel like my brain has turned to mush.
Comment by Schneesmom (Denise) on February 16, 2014 at 7:16am

I just joined this group, even though I was officially widowed in 2013, but on Dec. 30.  Tomorrow will be 7 weeks and I am functioning, but I miss him so much.  I am getting used to coming home to a house without him in it.  I had to go through his files to gather up the stuff to send to the accountant to do his taxes.  When I found the medical stuff I just sat and cried and cried because it was like a journal of the step by step process of losing him starting in September, 2013 and ending in December.  I hate this. Even though I am fairly independent and can by just fine on my own, this is different because it isn't by choice.  My choice was to have Terry in my life and to grow old with him.  Sigh.

Comment by SJG (Susan) on February 16, 2014 at 3:14am
I have been without Jim for 25 days now. I go visit him every Saturday, a ritual for me now. We met in Sept 09, got together in Apr 10, he was diagnosed in May 11, we got married in May 12. I am back to work now, and coming home afterwards is the hardest. I would always greet him at the door with s kiss when he got home after me. The weekends I am totally lost. Jim and I did everything together, everything. No more texting, phone calls, everything is just a memory. I smell his scent on some of his clothes, but know that will disappear in time. I do wear his watch, and feel comforted by this as his watch meant a great deal to him. I also miss his voice and touch the most.
Comment by KayRo on February 14, 2014 at 2:58pm
I just got off the treadmill and I realized there are parallels between exercising and my widowed life.
I hate to exercise. But I realize that it's good for me physically and mentally so I do it. I'm hoping it will help me sleep by wearing my body out. Also, even though my daughters are young adults, I want to take care of myself for their sake now that their dad has died. So I walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes every day even though I hate it.
I'm doing the same thing with my life. A lot of days I hate getting out of bed and getting started, but I make myself do it. I know that it will help me physically and mentally to get out of bed, go to work, talk to people, and do all the things I need to do each day. I do it for my daughters since it wouldn't be fair to them if I just gave up. I know they're both getting themselves up out of bed and going about their days even though they're grieving, too. And at the end of the day I sometimes look back and feel like I hated my day, but I'm glad I did it.
Comment by missusvonkysmeed (Juli) on February 13, 2014 at 12:30pm

Passingthrough- Thank you for the kind words.  I am managing to get up out of bed every day, get myself and the kids ready for a new day and go through the motions.  Sometimes that is all it feels like though, that I am going through the motions.  I know it is still so fresh but I used to be able to get excited about little things, and look forward to little things.  I don't/can't do that anymore, now it is just another day to survive.

Comment by Passingthrough on February 12, 2014 at 6:14pm
Missusvonkysmeed I am so sorry for your loss and for the reason you found your way to this site. We are on the same journey and we have and still are feeling everything you are going through with your recent loss. Take it a day at a time. Don't try to think to far in the future. For me it takes a lot of prayer; my journey began May 2012 but it seems like yesterday. You try and take care of yourself and children.
Comment by missusvonkysmeed (Juli) on February 12, 2014 at 2:42pm

I lost my husband just 1 month and a day ago.  It still feels so unreal, he was only 40 and it was a stupid accident.  The emotions are exhausting, I keep whipping back and forth between feeling like 'It is what it is' as Brian would say, a sense of quiet acceptance, to feeling like it isn't fair and shouldn't be real, to gut wrenching pain at the loss. It makes me feel crazy.

It is a little harder and easier both that I have 2 kids who desperately need me, 8 and 5.  I am just so mad for them, both Brian and I came from homes with broken marriages and when we were married we agreed divorce was not an option.  Our kids were supposed to have a stable and loving 2 parent environment for their whole lives.

Comment by KayRo on February 10, 2014 at 6:48pm
Eli, Oh what touching words. You're right, while I'm busy with life I forget that Russ is gone or maybe think he's just in the other room. But when I stop for a minute it hits me. Worst is the end of the day at work. I used to text him to tell him I was on the way home. But now there's no one to text and no one waiting at home. You're right, I feel like I'm just ticking off days. I'm happy when I can get into bed and say I made it through another one. I usually fall asleep but then wake up around 3 AM and can't turn my brain off. I'll probably mope my way through valentine's day and wish the hours away until it's over.
Comment by Eli on February 10, 2014 at 12:07pm

Dear KayRo, I lost my soulmate and heart 34 days ago..., even though sometimes it feels so much longer, and sometimes when I am with people or doing home chores I forget for a little while and then something hits me and I remember he won't be calling me , or coming home extra early with a happy cheesy grin, etc, etc, and my heart turns to lead again, and the colour of my life just fades away again. Valentine is a construct, and just like your Russ, my Zozo didn't believe much in it either. But, he knew I did care a bit and surprised me with a small token. What is going to hurt is that your love, who made you feel Valentine's was your day too, is not there, and thus Valentine's day has no meaning anymore. How to cope with it? The same as you cope when you see couples walk hand in hand, hear love songs, watch romantic movies, and see happy couples flirting with each other. You remember it all had ameaning because of him, you thank him with all your heart for having made you feel so complete, you silently tell him you know you made him the happiest man and complete too, let the tears fall, feel the heartache, and put another tick on another day. There is no easy way, and it doesn't get easier. You just find a new way to share that day with him, create a new tradition that somehow you will share with him, it still is you and him, differently, full of sadness, but also full of love.


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