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Widowed in 2014

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Members: 414
Latest Activity: Jul 7

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Comment by Dianne in Nevada on February 21, 2014 at 8:05am

My heart hurts for those of you who are so new to this widowed life, but I'm grateful that you found Widowed Village so early. It helps immensely to learn that how and what you're feeling is also felt by others. Keep sharing here. Words are important.

If I may, I'd just like to reassure you that - for me - my memories have not faded after 3 years. In fact, as time has passed and the intense pain of my loss softened, wonderful memories of our 41 years together have returned and overshadowed those very difficult final cancer years that consumed my memories early on. I still miss him ... some days desperately ... but again time has softened the edges of that grief. I just wanted to offer a tiny bit of hope to you today from someone who has walked where you are now and survived. You will, too ♥ 

Comment by JpBaker on February 21, 2014 at 7:45am
Time scares me. I'm afraid I will lose detail of my memories and the passion of my missing her.
Comment by SJG (Susan) on February 21, 2014 at 6:54am
Today at twelve noon, will be ONE month since my husband Jim passed away. It is ten fifty now, and I am counting down every minute now. I have no idea how I will feel when the clock strikes twelve.
Comment by JpBaker on February 21, 2014 at 6:36am
My wife died at 12:47 am on a Saturday. This Saturday will be 4 weeks and I'm really scared of the clock coming to 12:47 on another early Saturday morning. It just means she one week further away from me.
Comment by SJG (Susan) on February 20, 2014 at 2:22pm

So...day 30 is almost finished. The last several days have been quite rough. Just the fact of getting up in the morning is hard, what kept me going was work. When I come home from work, I am still expecting Jim to walk through the door waiting for me to greet him with a kiss. I have to keep telling myself that he is not coming home. 

This morning, I actually had the thought of why even bother making to effort of moving forward (on) because of all the pain I have felt so far, and knowing it will become more intense as time goes on. I still need to decide, even though I am sure I know what I will do, what to do about Jim's truck. I would like to keep it, though know keeping my car would be more economical. I don't really need a truck, I would just keep it because it was Jim's. Tonight I spent a bit of time downstairs looking for little things that I could throw out. I have a garbage bag ready to go and a couple boxes of papers and old coffee/tea cups. 

I know it is still early, but I also wonder if I will be able to stay in the house that was "ours". It is a bungalow w/ 3 bdrm and 1 bath and an unfinished basement on 10 acres. I don't feel the house is too big, but because of the memories I have here. I have only lived in the house since Sept 2010, and we got married in front of the fireplace in May 2012. Jim put his live savings into buying the house and property and he loved the fact that I told him I was and wanted to stay here. He even had to "buy" the place a second time when he left his last partner for me. 

A couple of my friends do worry a bit about me being out here, as this is a rural property and being "single" now. It makes it a bit harder for people to come out this way. 

I went to a grief seminar this past Tuesday and saw a grief counselor on Wednesday. I am looking forward to group sessions and hearing other people talk about their struggles and coping strategies. It is so true, in that you (me) lose your identity when your spouse passes. I am staring to play with my wedding rings, putting them on my right hand. Earlier this week I did order a ring with a heart shaped black diamond framed by small white diamonds to replace my wedding set. I will wear the black diamond on my left hand, and move the wedding set to my right hand. If I do meet someone, the black diamond ring will move to the right hand. The thing I like about the black diamond is that is almost looks the same as my wedding ring. It is a heart framed by smaller diamonds in the shape of a heart. Basically 2 hearts. So, the black heart would be Jim, and I would be the little diamonds framing him.

All for now. Don't want to turn this into a novel. 

Thanks for taking the time to read this long winded entry.

Comment by RiseAgain on February 18, 2014 at 3:53pm

Hi Denise, I also lost my wife in December, before Christmas, and its so close to 2014, I asked if it mattered to join this group. Its been 9 weeks and I relate to all that is posted. I forgot a wedding on the 14th of a good friend, and missed an appointment the same day. I get drained thinking about the details and paperwork. Now I realize im suppose to do Sandis Taxes, And I dont even feel like doing mine. Cant find the deed to our camper, Just got rear ended the other nite by a college student in neighborhood, and I just dont want to deal with any of it.

People say all this is normal. And that helps, but I just hope it passes.  I know procrastinating on the legal stuff and business stuff doesnt make it better, but I am just stuck.. Some days my highlight is coming on here and just being able to say!  This is hard!! I feel like Im sinking daily, but then get a glimpse of hope here. I lost my phone, I lost 2 e-cigs, which are not cheap, scatter brain and "Mush brain" fits perfectly..  I hold on to hope that "it gonna get better"  

Comment by missusvonkysmeed (Juli) on February 16, 2014 at 5:45pm

KayRo-I totally get the brain turned to mush thing.  I took me daughter to her orthodontist last Thursday, apparently her appointment wasn't actually until March.  I am constantly feeling like I am forgetting something, it is very annoying but from what I understand completely normal. -Juli

Comment by KayRo on February 16, 2014 at 4:32pm
Denise, I'm so sorry for your pain. You're at about the same point I am. My husband died on Jan. 9 so 6 weeks. The paperwork is bothering me, too. I know I'm an intelligent person and I should be able to understand all of it but sometimes I feel like my brain has turned to mush.
Comment by Schneesmom (Denise) on February 16, 2014 at 7:16am

I just joined this group, even though I was officially widowed in 2013, but on Dec. 30.  Tomorrow will be 7 weeks and I am functioning, but I miss him so much.  I am getting used to coming home to a house without him in it.  I had to go through his files to gather up the stuff to send to the accountant to do his taxes.  When I found the medical stuff I just sat and cried and cried because it was like a journal of the step by step process of losing him starting in September, 2013 and ending in December.  I hate this. Even though I am fairly independent and can by just fine on my own, this is different because it isn't by choice.  My choice was to have Terry in my life and to grow old with him.  Sigh.

Comment by SJG (Susan) on February 16, 2014 at 3:14am
I have been without Jim for 25 days now. I go visit him every Saturday, a ritual for me now. We met in Sept 09, got together in Apr 10, he was diagnosed in May 11, we got married in May 12. I am back to work now, and coming home afterwards is the hardest. I would always greet him at the door with s kiss when he got home after me. The weekends I am totally lost. Jim and I did everything together, everything. No more texting, phone calls, everything is just a memory. I smell his scent on some of his clothes, but know that will disappear in time. I do wear his watch, and feel comforted by this as his watch meant a great deal to him. I also miss his voice and touch the most.
 

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