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Latest Activity: May 14
I don't post much either without, August will make three years since my husband passed, and I also feel like this brain fog is not passing like it should. I am only 57, and don't think it is Alzheimer's or at least I hope not. I have started and stopped the process of giving away his things but there is so much more to do. I am at the half way mark with his personal possessions, and know that I need to move from this house as I can't stand being here without him.
I have not written anything in a long time, but I am always reading. So in 11 days it will be 2 1/2 years since I have been living in this hell. I am doing so much better then I was at the beginning, I can function so much better. The pain is manageable, I have times when I feel strangely okay. But I feel like I have brain damage. I can't focus, my mind is never really 100% there. Sometimes I feel like I am sleepwalking, seeing, but not really. It takes me forever to get anything done (plus having no energy or motivation does not help). I am at work right now, I have so much to do, but its just not moving at all, and I cant focus long enough to get through anything. At the beginning it was the fog and the shock that clouded my head, then I called it widow brain. But now after 2 1/2 years I am starting to wonder if this is it now, my brain will forever be 60% at best. feeling frustrated with it right now. thanks for listening.
Thank you for your post. My partner died 20.9.15 and it really feels like everyone around me are tell8ng me to get on. Im sitting here crying in despair this morning. Everything gone and no energy to move on.
Thank you as I will be 3 years March 8th. This dies help because the waves still hit and at times very hard. Thank you for sharing.
So true, thanks Terry and I am glad you are doing well. I might add that what I used to think of as allowing myself to be stuck I now think of as time that I needed. I've read a great book recently, It's OK That You're Not OK by Megan Devine, and I would recommend it to anyone who thinks that they ought to be doing better. It can be a big relief to feel as if you are not failing at getting back to it, and ironically that is itself a help to feeling better. Kindness and compassion for ourselves and what we have been through is always the answer, and one which just naturally opens up our compassion for all of those around us.
I hit 3 years on January 7th. Because my husband died while he was away, the last evening we'd spent together was New Years Eve, so that night I opted out of the parties and went and sat out of my deck and had a glass of champagne like we would have just the two of us and spent some solid time communing with him. I'm doing a lot better, and I had the sense that it might be the last New Years that I spend alone, at least intentionally. I've come through the worst of it, and it took 3 years. I wish those people who had pushed me to move on as one year ticked up would have left me to work through this as I needed to. Our hearts and our loves aren't set to the calendar like that. I too have been hanging on to most of his things, and have just started to move them out, I've finally come to the feeling that he doesn't need them anymore. I am at the front of the 2015 wave of loss, and so I hope that hearing this from me might help those of you a little further back feel as if its okay to move at your own pace and to feel and honor the feelings you have.
If you don't have plans this evening, pop into the chat room to ring in the new year with other Villagers. You are not alone. We'll be there for all US time zones from 11pm Eastern to 12:30am Pacific.
We're hanging out in the WV chat room for anyone who finds themselves alone on Christmas day. Join us!
If you need some company on Christmas Day &/or New Years Eve, please join me in the Chat Room.
I'll be hosting the Chat Room on Christmas Day, so if you need a boost before heading off to a family gathering or find yourself alone and want to chat with others out there just like you ... please stop by. I'll be keeping an eye on the room all day (I'm in the Pacific time zone).
I'll also be hosting a New Years Eve chat from 11pm Eastern time to 12:30am Pacific time.
Dianne in Nevada
Difficult times. The days are grower shorter, nights longer. Winter has arrived. Its dreary and cold. Typically I would be planning a vacation to a sunny destination with my husband. He would be immersed in every last detail of the trip and I would be researching the “points” system on how to make it most affordable. Those days are gone and fast approaching is the anniversary of his passing and the dreaded holidays. I do not celebrate the holidays any longer. I sit quietly listening to others’ stories as my mind and heart wander aimlessly - missing him. I am approaching the 2 year mark. As I have read on here “the realization that the best part of my life is now over” hits me. It’s true.
I am not yet capable of discarding any of his things. During the first year I had to “erase” parts of him from my life just to get legal and file taxes. (e.g., change title on home, autos, etc). I have to forgive myself for that. I do not want to erase my husband..ever. Our adult children have less compassion and have decided I will never “be fixed”. Guilty. There are no active groups near me.
Like you, Bundles, there is no enjoyment in food. I eat for sustenance only. I read a lot. Newspapers, books, anything I can get my hands on. I find myself binge watching Netflix and Hulu as well.
I have no interest in dating..but would enjoy some company. I miss my husband! It. Just. Sucks.
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