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Widowed in 2015

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Comment by Bundles549 on October 25, 2017 at 11:45am

So, I guess I'm in Year 3 now. What's been different for you in Year 3? So far, I am trying to declutter, have made an infinetessimal dent in handling Al's stuff. I managed to find some videos and books and paperwork to throw away, like real estate books that I have no attachment to. I'm not attached to his real estate career. Still have most of his clothes, books.

I find myself thinking about dating, but not wanting to go hunting. I'd rather wait for Him to find me. He's gonna need references! I listen to the single men that are my patients...they're all staying home in their little caves and the women they meet are aggressive, have their own hidden agenda, it's not as simple as when you're a teenager and it's all about the hormones.

I even feel different about my art right now, and my letter writing. I do less of it and I do more binge watching on Netflix and Hulu. Absolutely no interest in cooking and no enjoyment of food. Eating way too much crap! As I watch the days get short and it gets dark earlier, my energy level is sinking. This is not my best time of year anyway, but if Al had been here, I would have distracted myself with watching the cooking shows on tv, doing some baking, and we might have taken a little road trip on an October weekend. But all of this is so, so IN THE PAST! I almost feel like giving awayall my books and art stuff, and the cooking stuff because it's just not calling to me right now.

Comment by solamente mio on October 17, 2017 at 4:27pm

Terry-  I saw your post come into my e-mail last week and as I read it, I just said oh do  I understand. There have been those times when something inside has said well, so much for grow old with me , guess you'll be doing that alone.  These thoughts just come out of the blue while you think your doing your best to move along.  no rhyme, no reason.  Just acknowledge and soldier on, its the only path ahead.  just do your best to dodge those snarky thoughts out of the blue.  I keep trying.....

Comment by Bundles549 on October 11, 2017 at 6:23pm

Lovely stories, Nieta!!

Comment by Nieta on October 11, 2017 at 1:23pm

Comment by Nieta 1 hour agoDelete Comment

Hi Bundles,

The visual I extracted from your furry kid scenarios gave me a much-needed smile today.  It also triggered memories of our own furry kid, Tazzy.

Tazzy, was the proverbial "doggy in the window."  My husband and I had attended the wake of a friend's father and, on our way back, we stopped into Port Jefferson and saw him play-fighting in the window with a pug dog.  We went in and, after I played with him a bit, my husband asked me if I wanted to take him home.  I hadn't expected that, and could not believe he meant it.  After thinking about it for about 2 seconds, I looked at our pup and said, looks like you're coming home with us little boy. 

Tazzy was a West Highland White Terrier and all boy!  He was very alert on the car ride home and he headed straight for a ball we had in our living room for the pups that lived at my in-laws' place when they came to visit.  It was as if he were saying, "I'm home!" and we could not imagine life without him after that day.  It's funny that my husband said he got him for me so that I would not be lonely when he was traveling on business, because that little guy was my Mr.'s mini me.  They'd nap together, play together and eat together while watching sports on TV.  He was, however, mommy's boy when he had a belly ache or did not feel well.

Both my boys are in Heaven now and, I'm the only one that remains of our little family but I suspect they peek in every so often and look after me until it's my turn to join them one day.

Thank you for making me smile and for triggering such wonderful memories.


Comment by Nieta on October 11, 2017 at 9:22am

Hi Terry,

Just a brief note to clarify that I did not overlook the thought that popped into your head.  You simply reminded me of a better spin on that thought and I hope that it will insert a more pleasant ear worm.

You're right, things will never be the same, as our lives/paths have been altered.  However, we can honor the memory of those who loved us for the rest of their lives by exhibiting the positive influences that they contributed to ours.  Their impact has a way of shining through us in ways we may not even realize and, it is the very part of them that continues to live as long as we are breathing.

Wishing you a beautiful day!

Comment by Bundles549 on October 11, 2017 at 9:21am

Nieta, the furry kids do their best to take care of me! The one who was "his" and would not allow herself to belong to any other, has taken me over, but still only on HER terms. MY boy is not too happy about the way she barges in and takes over his space with me! It all keeps me going...

Comment by Nieta on October 10, 2017 at 4:56pm

Dear Terry,

That thought that torpedoed its way into your brain reminded me of a sign I saw in a gift shop one day after I lost my husband.  Here is that sign...It's a little small but it reads:  "I can't promise that I'll be here for the rest of your life, but I can promise that I'll love you for the rest of mine."

Comment by Nieta on October 10, 2017 at 12:20pm

At this stage of the game if anyone asked me those types of questions, I would simply ignore them and pretend I did not hear.  If they persisted, I would excuse myself and leave.  On the phone, I would simply say I had to go.  

Sometimes people are at a loss for what to say and, while well-intentioned, they say or ask the wrong things.

BTW, your family sounds beautiful.  Furry kids definitely count!

Comment by Bundles549 on October 10, 2017 at 11:24am

Nieta, We didn't have human children either but we did have a series of cats and my husband poured his parental heart into them! We and the cats were a little family together.

Comment by Bundles549 on October 10, 2017 at 11:22am

Nieta and Maggie, it was so helpful to hear from you and to see that someone else has faced a similar train of thought. It's hard to feel that people still need an explanation from me of who my husband was...and they really don't get it. I woke up this morning with the thought in my head that the next time anyone starts that whole train of "But there must have been something that he could have done", that I will ask them how theythought he felt being in that situation, did they think he really was deliberately not working, and if it was not deliberate, then why is there no compassion? And still...why do I have to answer these questions?? I don't believe that I do, and now he's dead, so what does it matter now?


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