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Widowed in 2015

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Members: 325
Latest Activity: Jun 25

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Comment by Jimmy'sGirl on February 26, 2015 at 10:54am

Thank You Victoria... and I am also so sorry for the recent loss of your husband.  Time means nothing right now.  Days turn to nights and back to days again and my emotions are all over the map.  Yesterday was a "bed" day.  Thankfully I have no demands being made upon me and I have a close girlfriend and my grown children near me right now to ease any household demands I may have.  I laid in my "womb" all day.  Today I am up and trying to do some dishes, have a shower and need to go out and face some of the "business" again.  Ugh!  Truly the last thing I want to do but I know Jim would want me to "get 'er done" although I laugh a little inside imagining him trying to do these things if the roles were reversed.  28 days today.  Feels like yesterday... everyday.  2 phone calls yesterday from men who worked with him.  Grown men I have never met, sobbing with me, extending themselves to help me with anything to honour their mentor and friend who they miss so much.  There is comfort there as they tell me how much he loved me, how he was always sharing stories of our adventures and our dreams and how he was looking forward to growing old with me.  There is comfort but it is so hard too.  It just seems so HUGE... like the Man he was and the legacy he has left behind.  I miss him sooo... Not sure where I'm going now :(

 

Comment by Victoria on February 25, 2015 at 2:25am
Jimmy girl- I'm so sorry for what you are going through. My husband died suddenly Jan 24. Its so crazy how life seems to almost freeze when something like this happens. Mornings are my enemy as that when my anxiety is at its highest and it hits me like a ton of bricks that I'm facing another day without him. I am happy to have joined this group to be surrounded by people that understand and are going through the same thing. It has been nice to hear some stories of people that are further along this journey. Feel free to message me if you ever want to talk.
Comment by Jimmy'sGirl on February 25, 2015 at 1:54am

I am so new at this.  Not new to loss as such... but new to THIS loss.  On January 29th my whole life did a 180. In a heartbeat.  Didn't see this coming at all.  I have been sludging through what feels like quicksand for the last...ummmm...27 days. Baby steps.  Still have the moments when I feel I've been kicked in the solar plexus and I gasp for breath.  Do I even want to keep breathing??  Chaos, panic, anxiety.  I am doing all I can to honour this amazing Man who shared my life for too short a time.  I have bad days and then I have worse days.  The earth keeps turning and I am dragging reluctantly behind her... I know I will get through this.  I just wonder who I am meant to be when the dust settles.  Mind totally blown.  I appreciate a place to express these feelings.  Thank You.

Comment by lonelyinaz on February 23, 2015 at 9:28pm
Hello victoria pls visit wv often we all get it and are here for you. Sometimes with all the stress of life and then add widow/widower life we are truly invaluable to each other. I also connect to you my wonderful hubby and his family from hanover small world sometimes. Hugs to you.
Comment by j'swife on February 23, 2015 at 7:57pm

(Victoria) im so sorry for your loss. I understand some what of what you are going through my husband passed tragically on jan 30th and I got my answers this last Wednesday. The days dragged so bad up until that day, it did help a little once I got my answer but still not easy. I will keep you and your children in my thoughts please feel free to message me. I also have a 6 year old its extremely hard with kids. 

Comment by Doug02122014 on February 23, 2015 at 12:18am
Victoria,

You're wise in breaking it down to small manageable pieces "getting through one day at a time". I can remember my early days all too well. I had to start out just worrying about getting through the next 5-15 minutes for awhile. Some days it was all I could do to get out of bed long enough to get kids on bus and then run and jump back in bed for the rest of the day. I even had to remind myself to breathe. You may remember what its like before loss to breathe full deep breathes; not those shallow choppy "fight or flight" breathes we all get after loss. I celebrated "Little Victories" when I could; many days there were no celebrations. In fact it took 3 months before I had a good day and several weeks after that until I had back to back good/mediocre days. Then, and I don't know exactly when, I noticed I was having several good days in a row. Of course I felt guilty as hell for that; no winning.
Comment by Victoria on February 22, 2015 at 12:26pm
Thanks guys. I was hesitant to join here but it's so hard when you feel like no one around can understand how this loss feels. Most days I feel like I'm going crazy. I thought being able to talk to people that have experienced the same kind of loss would help me to not feel so alone. I'm mainly trying to focus on getting through one day at a time. On Tuesday it will be a month and I'm so nervous for that day to come. Thank you all for your kind words. I'm so sorry for your losses too
Comment by mixelated on February 22, 2015 at 12:11pm

I'm sorry, (((Victoria))). Just hold on and know that we all have been there and listen to the other widows for your hope. People at home and people online can hold your hand while you walk or even fall down for a while. It's OK to feel broken. You don't know how you will get through it but you will.

It has only been two months for me. My husband died suddenly December 19. I was crying at everything, all the time, a month ago. Now it is slightly better. Some days I am crying only 2 or 3 times in the day, and other days it is every few minutes all day. But it is not so relentless as it was.

I felt like I was dead, too, when my Tom died. But I'm still here. My old life stopped, and I didn't want this new one, but it's happening anyway. Remember your husband would want you to heal and be there for your kids.

(((hugs)))

Comment by LeahCim on February 22, 2015 at 12:00pm
I am so sorry that we are all in this place but feel lucky to have found a group of people that understand and can appreciate what we are going through. I husband passed suddenly on January 21 at the age of 41. I never thought I would be a widow before I turned 40. My kids are 15 and 13, and I agree that the kids are moving me through this because I don't have a choice; I need to be there for them. I have never been on my own, I started dating my husband when I was 15. I understand your brokenness, Victoria. I am so sorry for your loss. I pray that you will find help and healing from others who understand your pain.
Comment by Victoria on February 22, 2015 at 11:46am
My husband passed suddenly on January 24. He had never been sick in 13 yrs, and the coroner still has no answers yet as to what caused it. I feel like so broken. I have 3 little kids aged 3, 5 and 9 and they are the only thing pushing me to keep going. I feel like I burst into tears at everything. I have no idea how I'm going to do this without him. My life feels like it stopped the day he died. :(
 

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