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Widowed in 2015

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Comment by Flower on December 1, 2018 at 4:35am

I have a question which will probably sound strange but I’m going to ask anyway.

I am coming up fast on the third anniversary of my husbands death. I moved about 6 months after he died and have no regrets, for now I am renting an apartment and it gives me peace to be here.

I went through my husbands belongs before I moved and packed a “memory trunk” with things that had meaning for both myself and my son. I kept a few items of clothes which I keep in my closet and I have  photos of us as a family as well as two lovely ones of him alone in the apartment.

One of his loves in his life were his guitars.  When I moved I kept his two favorites and had them out in the apartment in the living room on a stand. They were a part of him that I still had (and they are both beautiful). Now I am thinking it is time to put them away, I can’t really put into words why. He’s not coming back and they seem to say that too me.  Equally putting them away makes me feel sad and a little guilty.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Comment by Flower on December 1, 2018 at 4:16am


I don’t have any answers about where to look regarding a new relationship as I have not reached that point yet but I have experienced friends disappearing since my husband died.

I don’t know why some close friends disappear, I suspect our lives are now just too different now and people find grief difficult too be around. I also know I am not the same person. 

Have you joined any groups locally where you might make new friends? I know it can be very hard to do that.

Comment by Bundles549 on November 20, 2018 at 5:06pm

Charlotteelse, my won mother refuses to talk about my husband. She knew him for 40 years and cannot manage to find one good memory to share! Both of my home attendants for Mom tell me that they can tell that she didn't like him, based on what she doesn't say. Yet she wonders why we are not close?! I had to give up my family because I loved my husband. And contrary to what my friends and I believed in our 30s, being together is not just about money, you don't just kick somepne to the curb, and you never know what the future has in store for you. I loved him and he loved me even more. Now all these "friends" are alone with their so-called wisdom or wishing that they had had the relationship that er had together.

Comment by Bundles549 on November 20, 2018 at 5:00pm

Nardly, I am taking my time. Right now I guess it's just at the level of even having someone to talk to, even if only about trivia. I am not looking to find another "love of my life"...but I wouldn't pass up the opportunity. I'm just not ready for a big commitment yet. I feel very disconnected to the things that used to bring me joy. Myhusband embraced all of them and he enjoyed just watching me. We travelled together so that I could participate in things that I enjoyed. Now I feel so adrift with those things. I don't do as much art or book making as I did, don't like what I make, don't enjoy looking at my extensive library of crat books. It all feels a part of Before. Yet I am lost about the future. So much of my time is taken up with work and caring for Mom, I don't have the energy that I used to have, not really happy, just slogging through, doing what is my duty to do.And I am having a lot more visual memories of Al and I, I remember his affection and I miss it.

Comment by Charlotteelsie on November 15, 2018 at 10:40am

It was my partners anniversary 30th Sept but the last month with my daughter leaving for university my grief is up again. I miss them both of course. Ive been on half a dozen dates and have another Saturday. It seems to make my grief worse and the loneliness is really bad as I miss my soul mate connection with my partner. I do feel in my teens again its so stressful.

Comment by Nardly on November 14, 2018 at 11:45am

Hi Bundles,

 I know how you feel. For me I wanted someone to share my life with too. I’m 65, no living family. My wife’s family doesn’t want to ba a part of my life since she died. I tried dating sites, went on a few dates, met some nice ladies I’m good friends with now. Met one lady who was nice on the surface, but had anger issues underneath. I was about to give up on it and met a very sweet woman that’s caring, affectionate, always happy and smiling. It was very strange at first but now we’re very happy together. I know what you mean about seeing if anyone calls, responding to your profile etc. It’s a bitch we have to go through this again at our age but I guess we’re lucky to have another chance at love. It is better than crickets!  I wish you all the best moving forward with your life, I’m here if you need to talk about the dating thing. But be careful, meet in a public area. 

Comment by Bundles549 on November 14, 2018 at 9:32am

So about 10 days ago I joined eHarmony. It was something to do to ease the pain and the loneliness. So, taking another step away from my husband who is not here, toward someone who IS here. Nothing big happening yet. Just an occasional message from a coupla guys. No sense of urgency, but yet it feels like high school or college. That old "is there a message for me, will he call?: syndrome. I suppose it's better than crickets!

Comment by Bundles549 on October 2, 2018 at 1:44pm

It's a week away from the 3 year anniversary of my husband's death. I have been thinking about him so much lately, having little flashbacks of us together doing daily activities, dancing, eating together. I feel sad. I Miss him. I am still not feeling that close to family. Too many years of not being a part of them has been difficult to reverse. And I am a childless aunt...apparently I have nothing to offer!

I brought my 96 year old mother to live with me a little over 2 months ago. I am dealing with my feelings about her lack o grqatitude close up. I feel so taken for granted instead of appreciated. My cousins are coming up from Philadelphia for a day visit tomorrow. From the way she talked, I thought she was bringing lunch and we all would eat it together. Now it turns out that she expected me to treat her and her brother, since they are driving up. That wasn't my sense of the visit in the first place. I thought I was being gifted something, now it seems that I am not. And now I have to buy groceries, make salad, cannot make the cake that I had planned because all of a sudden my cousin is not eating carbs

I already feel out of sorts because I am feeling lost and alone, wondering how I will ever find love again at 65, when we all know that men want younger women and sex...well, you know what I mean. I wish I had my old life back. My husband would be helping with Mom, we would be going on a road trip once in a while, just enjoying hanging out. It doesn't seem like I am asking for all that much...

Comment by Mary H on October 2, 2018 at 10:41am

I'd say hang in there Charlotteelsie, but honestly, I've been feeling like I've been walking a tightrope over the abyss myself lately.  Just don't look down, and try to find something, anything which you can find joy in for a little bit.  That's my plan and my hope, that if I just keep going, maybe one day I will look around and find myself happy again.

Comment by Charlotteelsie on September 27, 2018 at 8:51am
  • A week ago was 3 years since my partner died. My only child has gone off to college two weeks ago and I had a knee replacement seven weeks ago. The third anniversary is very hard and painful. I feel lost and a great deal of rage at societies expectations that we just keep going. I feel totally burnt out and cant see a future at all. Theres a limit to this brutal betrayal of grieving. His family ignore me and do not communicate. It feels like he never existed. Charlotte

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