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Widowed in 2015

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Comment by BBL35 on May 8, 2016 at 4:52am
Dionne, Jess, and sknj I also lost my husband to brain cancer 6 months ago. He was 35. I'm 35 too. We had been married 13 yrs and together 15. We have two boys ages 9 and 12. It is very hard to find young widow support, but it looks like we may have found some here. Each day is a struggle, but I find my busy schedule and my kids force me forward everyday. I wish I could just stay in bed but the reality is I have two kids to support. Staying busy has been the best distraction. I save my crying for bedtime. And being around couples make me feel so lonely. I miss that. Having someone in your corner, someone always there for you to listen, hold you, and to comfort you.
Comment by sknj on May 8, 2016 at 3:17am
Hi Dionne & Jess1229,
Your words rang so true for me. Almost 6 months ago my husband also died of a brain tumour. He was 37 and we were together for 18 years. I have two little boys ages 4 and 8. For the past few months I have been searching for other younger widows with small children and haven't found anything. I tried a general bereavement group but I was not in the head space to empathize with someone who had their spouse into their 50s, 60s or 70s. I just felt jealous that they were able to be with their loved one for so long. I live in Ontario and the province runs a spousal bereavement group but it states on their website it's for ages 55+. What about us? At times I feel like I should start my own group but most days are a struggle just to get through and to keep things as normal as I can for the boys. It's a tough road. I hope we can find some wisdom through this site.
Comment by Jess1229 on May 7, 2016 at 9:30pm
Dionne, I can relate...I am also a young widow at 31 and lost my husband,Tommy, to brain cancer (GBM) July 4, 2015. He was 31 when he passed. We have one daughter who is almost 2 years old. It's all so overwhelming and I, too, feel such disbelief that my love is actually gone. We were together since high school. The void is tremendous and I miss him every second of every day. I'm doing my best to get through each day and trying to make a happy life for our daughter's sake. I look forward to talking more with you, as it seems we have quite a bit in common. I agree with you- it's tough to find other widows who are young, have kids, and who can relate.
Comment by Dionne on May 7, 2016 at 12:52pm

My husband Scott passed away from brain cancer 1 year and 4 days ago at the age of 39. I'm sitting her in disbelief as I reflect on the past year...the first and from what I'm told hardest year of them all. We have 3 children and at 36 I'm learning to be a single parent and widow all at the same time, its overwhelming! However I still consider myself lucky, weird I know but I am. My husband loved me so well in the 14 years we spent together that his love still sustains me even after his death. Scott battled with a rare form of cancer for four years and four months before his body could no longer fight back. Believe me when I tell you it was his body that gave out not his spirit. None the less my strong and youthful love went from 38-98 over the course of the 3 weeks his life that which he spent on hospice. I am so thankful that I found this site because I am a young widow (36) and all the support groups that are local and even the one offered by hospice is really for older widows and widowers. Although I know we all have the same pain of loss, as a behavioral and social scientist I know that there are different elements that come with being a younger widow. Its difficult to feel robbed! We did not get to do all the things we had planned, I still have 3 kids to raise, we won't get to be grandparents together and dance at our daughters weddings to name a few. Not only do I hope to gain support from all of you, but I am finally in a place within my own grief process where I can be a help and encouragement to all of you as well.

Comment by alonenow (Betsy) on May 7, 2016 at 8:18am

I am really being uplifted by the positive stories as well. It's nearly eight months for me and I can echo what many of you are saying. I have some really tough times but I also have hours and even days when I'm OK, not great but not as low as I was in the first few months. May this trend continue for all of us.

Comment by danteprayer14 on May 6, 2016 at 5:41pm

Really enjoying reading the positivity. I'm coming up on the big 6 month mark, and maybe it's the warmer weather and the green leaves, but I feel, too, as though I can see a way forward.  Not what I wanted, but it is something I can accept and live with.  I will always miss him.  

Comment by Hope on May 6, 2016 at 7:18am

So many of the comments I am reading are encouraging in that you are making progress and the "open wound" is healing. I can relate to this as well. While I think of my husband everyday and will always love him my mind is now more focused on building a life alone. I am not as sad and I am getting out more, becoming more productive. It feels good. Then, there are those days where I get that big wave of grief again but they are less and not as overwhelming. I feel that I have finally accepted this new reality. What I feel now is I need to find more friends (particularly widows/widowers) and create a community I can relate to so I am not as lonely. While my family loves me and we see each other they are busy and I don't want to completely lean on them for company. May you all have more good days...Hugs

Comment by Really? on May 6, 2016 at 5:28am

"Transition from 'me' to 'we'" Not there completely yet, but I really enjoy the days that I am. Sometimes I wake up full of life, and a feeling that it's my life to live and the question is only, how can I live it well? And even though I'm so aware that it's mine and mine alone to choose/build, there's also an awareness that he's still with me and he's happy that I'm happy and he's cheering me on. Other days, I can barely see my way until the night time and that becomes my single goal-- just getting through the day. But I can't seem to figure out what the pattern is, if there is one to be found.

I too can report that I'm (nearly!) done with the fully open wound feeling, mixelated. What an apt description.

Congratulations to you, Terry on finding a specific path! I've found one, too, but I hesitate to make the complete leap. I'm getting there in stages, though.

Brandy1977, I talk to my husband out loud, too. I also write to him. Either way, it feels like I've gotten something off my chest and it's easier for me to move on to the next thing.

Comment by mixelated on May 5, 2016 at 8:15pm

After having made it through the first major family crisis without him this last month, having seen our daughter through her accident and surgery and moved her back in with me to recover, I think I am stronger and more stable. I am taking more things in stride rather than crumpling at each challenge. I have stopped feeling like an open wound.  

Most of the time, anyway.

Comment by Mary H on May 5, 2016 at 8:01pm

I'm doing better too.  I made the transition from we to me.  I don't like it nearly as much, but at least I don't feel like a person ripped in two any longer.


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