Create a Ning Network!
Join yourwidowed peers
Sign Upor Sign In
Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.
Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.
We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."
We're so sorry you have a reason to join us. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.
Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]
Latest Activity: May 14
Yes, Danteprayer I get those thoughts too. I find I rehearse going to meet him in the ER and finding out he's dead. I replay why I didn't stay with him longer, and wanting to see his eyes one last time. It's upsetting at the least, and morbid as too, and it pops up in my thoughts frequently.
Suse, weeding a tiny tiny moss garden sounds so very peaceful. Maybe I will make one....
I thought I had reached a relatively quiet, stable place for a while, but what with my daughter moving back in I've had to do a lot of things I wasn't really ready for yet - packing his clothes into boxes, getting rid of our bed so that I can make room for my home office stuff, going through yet more mementos - so that I'm having another round of sobbing, nightmares, being unable to do anything productive like actually get out of bed.
I say 'another round,' but really the part about not being able to get up and face the day is new. For more than a year, I got up and got through every day, and in fact hardly could rest at first. Like I ran on adrenaline for the first 9 or 10 months. But I feel like I've absolutely just run out of juice. I'm so tired. This has been unexpected, and I'm finding that grief is still taking new forms.
I have found so far that those 'year ago' days and holidays are more upsetting in the weeks/days leading up to the day, then that the day itself is not as bad as expected. But I have had to learn to anticipate 2-3 days of recovery time afterwards.
I never got to see my husband after he died, which I found so saddening and disorienting, as if I couldn't properly know it had happened or say goodbye. But when I read stories like yours, danteprayer, I think maybe I was spared.
The "a year ago" days are exhausting, and at least for my family, I found no relief from the ceremonies I had planned. It will get better in a couple of months, after you pass the year-agos as well as the it-can't have-been-a-years which follow.
Sigh. Did anyone here find their spouse dead, unexpectedly? Lately I can't seem to get the image of my husband out of my mind - how I found him. It seems like it's more vivid than normal and it's driving me nuts. Having it pop into my head is really distracting when I have responsibilities.
Yesterday I realized that a small thought had crept into my mind, "I am still here," and that it was sitting in the place where "I would welcome death" usually resides. When I lost my husband, I almost lost myself too, but I am still here. I don't know how I got my head above water, and I'd say, there's nothing but water all around, no land in sight, but still... 15 months of thinking every day that I wanted to die, and now I can breath again. At least for now.
My hubby's BSA bike was sold. Now I am feeling very sad. He loved his motorcycle and now it's gone. An empty space. An empty home. The bike was rusting on my patio and I needed money to eventually be able to purchase a cheap car. Now all I can do is stare at the empty space with empty dreams. It hit me so hard that my hubby is gone. This is a very sad day.
Hope - this is a slow process and we are all different. These are my feelings though. I'm at 14 months now - and am realizing that I feel much better when I can look for others to help! Anything - a note - a smile - whatever need you see that you can meet. It comes back around too! I had a friend call me last weekend and she was at a store and wanted to purchase an outdoor patio rocker and she couldn't fit it in her car. She asked if I would mind coming to the store to pick it up. So, of course, I did. She was so appreciative, but it wasn't a big deal. Same weekend - I was frustrated trying to figure out how to fix a leaking toilet - posted a question on Facebook, and a friend's husband called and came over and fixed my toilet! It has been so very difficult for me to ask for help since my husband died - and this man was so kind to volunteer! He said "no big deal, just took a few minutes" - but to me - it was a big deal. I feel that since I am still here - God is not finished with me yet. So, I am always on the lookout for what I can do to help someone else. Eventually, I think God will show me what the next chapter of my life is going to be - but for now - I am just doing the best I can as each day comes. I strive to find joy wherever I can because I believe we are to have a deep abiding joy - even while experiencing this grief. I can look into my grandsons precious blue eyes and feel that joy! I choose to dwell on the positive and limit the times I allow myself to be sad. I am striving to celebrate the life I shared with my husband of 30 years - someone else on here shared that as their goal for the 2nd year, and I have adopted it as well. Maybe something will help you as well.
© 2018 Created by Soaring Spirits.
Report an Issue |
Terms of Service
Please check your browser settings or contact your system administrator.