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Widowed in 2015

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Comment by Mary H on April 30, 2016 at 10:06am

Yesterday I remembered my husband into an event that he was no longer here for.  I have so many memories, and we had done so many similar things that my mind just put him there.  I had to pause for a moment to realize he couldn't have been.

Comment by FitFLNana (Thelma) on April 30, 2016 at 9:51am

I so understand Hope - figuring out who you are now is really a challenge.  Half of you is gone - and after 30 years of being together - it is a daunting task!

Comment by Hope on April 30, 2016 at 5:29am
I am going on 10 months and every day is an effort to live without Ken. Not only did I lose the love of my life but the life we led and the things we did that can't be replaced. Family and friends are supportive but at the end of the day they are busy with their own life. Making a way in my new reality is daunting but I have no choice. I am just praying to capture interests and things to do that I can get more caught up in to make the hours feel more productive and satisfying. I never imagined it would be like this. He had a sudden heart attack and was gone. Our plans can't be my plans now. I continue to explore who I am now and what I want to do.
Comment by Nieta on April 30, 2016 at 5:17am

Dear deaf widow,

I am truly sorry for your loss.  I unexpectedly lost my husband to a heart attack a little over two years ago and I miss him all the time. We were each others sanctuary/world and, while I am fortunate to have some friends that care, they have their own lives and I am often alone. 

It's funny - the things you miss sometimes, as it would drive me crazy when he constantly called out my name for something or other in our apartment and yet I'd give anything now to hear him bellow out my name.  I don't like to travel my journey/life without him either and it is my prayer that each step of my journey brings me a little closer to the day when I hope to join him again on my final day whenever that may be.

In the meantime, I strive to fill my days with new experiences, try to comfort to others and learn as much as I can while I still can.  I would be less than honest if I claimed to no longer cry over losing him anymore.  As time passes,  I simply cope a little better, but I still experience moments and periods of time when I regress and cry as if I just lost him all over again. 

This "journey" is filled with lots of bumps, twists and turns and like so many wonderful widows and widowers, who continue to love but have lost their loved ones, I am simply trying to fight and find my way through as best I can.  There is no manual to follow as, despite certain similarities, each experience is unique.

Wishing you courage, strength and a beautiful day.


Comment by deaf widow on April 30, 2016 at 12:35am

Nice reminder, Nieta, when we are feeling so sad.  Thank you.  Hugs to you (and Winnie the Pooh).

Comment by Nieta on April 29, 2016 at 11:20pm

Comment by KayeL on April 29, 2016 at 4:19pm
I know, deaf widow. I would say most of us whoblament here and experience the intense pain is because we loved and were loved by our spouses/partners. I hate not be able to hold his hands anymore...
Comment by deaf widow on April 29, 2016 at 3:01pm

Thank you, KayeL.  No matter what age you are, being without our loved is VERY hard.  I really understand what you are going through!  (Glad you don't smoke)!  Am sending you lots and lots of hugs!!!!!

Comment by KayeL on April 29, 2016 at 2:20pm
I concur what u said, deaf widow. I don't smoke but I sit on the couch staring the nice golf/lake view my hubby picked to be our love nest 8 years ago. I so do wish he were still healthy and alive, would come home at 6 and showered me with lots of love. I have been thinking I am only in my mid 30s, this long lonely widowhood will eat me up soon.
Comment by deaf widow on April 29, 2016 at 2:04pm

I'm at 4 months now since my PJ died from cancer.  All I want to do is go back to live in the past when he was healthy.  I don't want to live alone without him, but what choice do I have?  I don't look forward to tomorrow.  There is no one to share with. Our friends have disappeared, too.  I sit outside (smoking) and stare at the world going by.  All I can think is "I wish you were here, PJ"!  I sooooooo....miss you!


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