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Widowed in 2016

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Members: 238
Latest Activity: 12 hours ago

Discussion Forum

facing the night

Started by Riley. Last reply by Susan 12 hours ago. 12 Replies

It's been a while since I've been on here.  My husband died July 2016.  I'm still hurting bad, especially at night time .  I'd love to be asleep right now , but it's so painful just getting ready for…Continue

52 Weeks...Missing Him

Started by spiritual dragonfly (Linda). Last reply by spiritual dragonfly (Linda) 20 hours ago. 2 Replies

It’s been 52 weeks since he left…..BUT…..[The body dies…but love… well that lives on and continues to grow]I’ve Missed Your FaceI’ve Missed Your SmileI’ve Missed Your LaughAll this while….But what I…Continue

Tags: with, me, always, he's, him

Next Week

Started by Miket. Last reply by HelensRay Oct 15. 5 Replies

Next Week is the first anniversary of my wife’s passing. Our wedding anniversary was two weeks ago - it was 40 years for us. I can feel my emotions building. They had tempered a bit over the last…Continue

Her Belongings

Started by soulmate. Last reply by PJC Sep 4. 7 Replies

I'm moving-lived her 25 years and can't bear to stay here alone. It's too big of a house for one person and all the memories. I've been going through so many "Things" I had forgotten belonged to her,…Continue

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Comment by catapan on July 6, 2017 at 10:20pm
It is (sometimes) a help to me to think that the absolute essence of LOVE which Stuart and I shared is still around me and manifesting itself in the care others show me. Sometimes I can only understand how friends behave towards me as it being LOVE in action; their way. So sometimes I still feel loved.

Of course it's nowhere near the same, but thinking of this care as one part of the universe's power of love, the same thing, just diluted a little, is a comfort to me and I try to be open to it even if, sometimes, it turns up in an unexpected form.
Comment by Prissy on July 6, 2017 at 6:43pm

Graced Teacher, your post touched me.  I lost my husband this past Nov. 10, 2016.  We were together 45 years, married 43.  Everyone processes grief in their own time line but it will eventually get better.  We will always carry our loved one with us, but we can honor them getting a new sense of self...in our own time.  I cry so much less now 8 months past than I did the first 3 months.  Tears have a mind of their own some times when least expected but never last very long now.  It is hard to find myself alone now, but I am finding my way to a new routine.  It is what he would want me to do.

Comment by Graced Teacher on July 6, 2017 at 4:37pm
I do not want to minimize what anyone is feeling, but I do want to give some hope. My wife of 26 years passed away in May of 2016. As with many of you she was my best friend, my confidant, cheerleader and we did everything together. For many months I read these posts and felt comfort knowing that there were others who felt the same. In the last month or two things have slowly gotten better. I still miss my wife terribly but as I just told a friend I worked on a photo album for 2015 for my son and I could never have done that as recently as 6 months ago. I cried some but mostly felt thankful for the 26 years we had. I say all of this to say that at least in my case it has gotten better. I still cry at times but things are improving. Please take heart, hang in there and from someone who is also walking the same path there is hope. May God bless and comfort you.
Comment by country girl on July 6, 2017 at 12:26pm
Hello all
I have not been onhere in several months . I find as the 1 year anniversary
date is coming very soon I have fallen into a deep dread of emotions.
I thought I was handling Paul's death but have come to realize I'm really at
an all time low.
I thought the tears were over but since my return from 2 wonderful weeks away
I was only kidding myself.
I returned to work part time inMay and that's when I felt I had gotten over his death.
I was only kidding myself. I know I will never be over this horrible
event in my life. Event well that sounds strange. We were married 44 years with
three beautiful well established daughters ,five amazing grandchildren
and a terrific great grandson.
It all seems pointless anymore. I've told myself Paul is so much better off
than with the disease and horrific pain he suffered for so long.
I know he is but now I'm left with nothing.
I'm sorry to go on and on but indeed to vent. Need to know why and how long this pain lasts. My pain is emotional not physical no pill will ever help but
can someone lend a little moral support. My kids are great, they encourage
me to get out and do things but I have no meaning in my life.
I don't have a large circle of friends anymore. We were all couples when Paul
was here and I guess they began to drift away as I was a single now.
Sad but true. The invites to parties and gatherings stopped coming after the holidays.
Do the tears ever stop? Do the lonely nights ever get better? How do I go on?
Therapy was a joke and costly and really no help. I've found myself
drifting away from my church. I got comfort in my church in the beginning.
You know all the older widows and their encouraging words.
I radthe posts daily on here,but denied I needed to talk.
May all of us find some peace one day.
Comment by BelovedPeach on July 5, 2017 at 3:56pm
Hi all, my name is Billie and I lost my husband who was my whole world on November 19, 2016. I joined in February, but haven't had the strength to contribute until now. My husband Joel was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver just 6 months into our relationship. Through close constant monitoring and medication he stabilized for 7 years. Joey, as I called him, was eligible for a liver transplant, but you have to have a MELD score of 15 or higher to be placed on the UNOS transplant list, of which he toggled between a 13 & 14 for those 7 years. We had grown accustomed to his health condition and life was good marrying on June 6, 2014. A couple of months later his brother Richard, known to all as Dickie, became really sick being hospitalized for 3 months. Knowing that he would not be able to care for himself all alone once he came out of the hospital, my husband and I built an in-law apartment off of our living room for him. I now became the only caretaker for both my husband and my brother-in-law, of which I feel blessed to have been able to do! After Dickie moved in in October, all was good until he again became severely sick again in November 2015. He had pneumonia, which they were treating, but he wasn't getting better. They decided to run some tests and found mold in his lungs. His Dr. Said that there wasn't anything that they could do that they weren't already doing for the pneumonia. Well he succumbed to the mold, passing away the day after Thanksgiving leaving my husband and I heart broken. A week later my husbands MELD score shot up to a 19 and was officially placed on the liver transplant list in January. Everything from there went down hill, with me being his only caretaker, until he passed away in my arms, the Saturday before Thanksgiving, on November 19, 2016 of liver and kidney failure. Our chihuahua Pippy had passed away in August 2016 of heart failure that left us both heart broken. So we had her cremated and I placed her on the fireplace mantle and there she stayed until my husband's funeral when I took her off the mantle and placed her in my husbands' casket so that they will always be together and neither will ever be alone. I was not able to have children and my family, as well as his, for one reason or another were not a part of our lives. My husband and I were both retired, so we literally spent loving each other 24/7 365 days a year. It was rare to see one of us without the other, I took him everywhere with me even at the end, no matter what it took and no matter how hard it was or what tole it took on me. I even stayed in the transplant hospital with him for 3 weeks, in his shared room, sleeping in a chair, showering in the rehab section of the hospital and buying meal vouchers so that I could eat with my husband at the same time in his room. That is where I had my first heart attack, right in that chair right next to my husbands bed. After my husband died I got a severe case of broken heart syndrome and had my second heart attack, on December 3, 2016, after finding out that his only child was taking me to court for "her fair share", as she stated to me, of what little bit my husband and I had. Ten days later I had my 3rd heart attack and my 4th and final on January 19th, 2017. So all and all I have had a tough go at it on top off a bunch of other shit that has and still to this day continues to come from his family, which includes not only his daughter, but his stepchildren from his former wife who passed away in 2007. I literally am all alone in this world with my 2 remaining dogs that I call kids. Kasia Lynn who is 12 and BJ Marie who is 3. They are the only reason why I got out of bed after Joey died.
Comment by Miket on July 1, 2017 at 2:16pm
Catapan - This pain we feel over such loss is biting. I lost my wife seven months ago and miss her dearly. I cry several times a day wishing she would walk back into my life and tell me it was all a bad dream. Then reality hits. My new reality is that I now can't wait for my turn to come - I think this is the only way I truly will be with her again. I know people tell me she will always be there, but it is just not the same. I have tried grief counseling, friends and relatives, and they make it sound so easy. It is not. This grief is pure sorrow. So we all struggle and realize it will never be the same again ... hurts so bad ...
Comment by catapan on July 1, 2017 at 9:08am
Thank you Prissy (Pat). I'm still in pyjamas on the sofa . . . I've lost time so I must have slept. I do have to go for groceries but finally, today, I know I can. Cat food too. Can't forget the fur babies. Stay strong.
Comment by Prissy on July 1, 2017 at 6:12am

Catapan, I can ABSOLUTELY relate to what you are experiencing!  I was just like that for the first 3 or 4 months after John passed (Nov 2016).  I would call my sis and ask her if it ever ends.  I was so tired of non-stop tears,and I mean body racking wails.  Slowly, the tide began to change.  I was only crying now and again throughout the days instead of al day.  I kept reminding myself to be gentle with myself.  I had to give mysdlf permission to be still and do nothing. II had to literally force myself up and out of the house just to get groceries and gas.

One day a friend suggested what I needed was a change of scenery.  That was at about the 6 month point since his passing. So I made the decision to do just that, hopped on a plane and visited my son and family for a week. It was not a magic pill but it did make a difference for me.  I still cry most days but I no longer feel paralized.  It is so lonely without John and I do not have a large or close circle of friends.  But I am learning to enjoy my days as they come.  And I let the tears fall if they must.

I pray for you to find peace as well.  Be gentle with yourself, but commit to getting through each day one at a time.  The pain will always be there, the lonelyness of not having someone to share the day with, someone to turn to when feeling the need...but I am hoping - for all of us - that we can get comfortable with that.  Carry your loved one with you always.  Look forward to happier days.  I send you live and hugs, Pat

Comment by catapan on July 1, 2017 at 3:32am
Help! It's another of the days when I feel as if I'm in the middle of a raging storm. I got up and dressed and had breakfast and even began putting together an IKEA item I bought last week and then just began to fall apart. It's very scary although I know it will not be as bad as the previous time. I have returned to bed sobbing and wailing, thinking I might sleep but it hasn't happened. I suppose I'll get up and dress again but I really need is someone to whom I can pour it out. I'm really trying not to be hard on myself by telling mysef it's okay not to pull myself together, its okay not to go out for groceries, there's bound to be some things in the fridge to eat. . . I just want someone to look after me for a while. There's no one.
Comment by catapan on May 17, 2017 at 10:00am

How brave!     I've donated very many of Stuart's workshop tools to a charity that, here in the UK, trains handicapped people to work with their hands and one of the things they do, is clean up and refurbish tools (hand and mechanical) and send them off to a charity in Africa, where the people are grateful to use them.      They even took a wood-turning lathe and all the lathe tools.    But I haven't had the heart to deal with his climbing and mountaineering equipment (the stuff I personally can't use, I mean) or his bikes . . .     This will come around.    The geometry of his bikes doesn't work for me.    I have hopes that a friend may be willing to take his "best" bike, with a donation to a local hospice charity in lieu of payment.

 Meanwhile, I hope you have a satisfying day this weekend.

 

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