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Widowed in 2016

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Members: 259
Latest Activity: on Monday

Discussion Forum

How are you doing?

Started by Riley. Last reply by Miket on Monday. 6 Replies

How is everyone doing?  I thought I'd list some things I'm still feeling and new feelings or realizations.  I'm still lonely. I still have nightmares.  I love being with my grandsons, I'm starting to…Continue

Confusion, Grief and Sadness

Started by Tess. Last reply by Miket on Sunday. 3 Replies

Hi all,I've been seeing so many posts in my inbox that are a variety of emotions and responses, of strength and struggle. I have been struggling lately, at least last week was a profound week for it.…Continue

As I Sit in Heaven

Started by Miket. Last reply by Miket Apr 14. 4 Replies

Hi All - I received this poem from one of my grief counselors a while back. I have it posted on my refrigerator door and every time I read it it warms my spirit but I always end up crying. I am sure…Continue

Maybe this is what I miss?

Started by catapan. Last reply by Riley Apr 12. 5 Replies

It's taken me far too long to get up, showered and dressed today.    Some days are like this, aren't they?Too much ruminating.    Too much time trying to "find" an answer to a way forward.  I realise…Continue

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Comment by Soaring Spirits on December 17, 2017 at 8:52am

If you need some company on Christmas Day &/or New Years Eve, please join me in the Chat Room.

I'll be hosting the Chat Room on Christmas Day, so if you need a boost before heading off to a family gathering or find yourself alone and want to chat with others out there just like you ... please stop by.  I'll be keeping an eye on the room all day (I'm in the Pacific time zone).

I'll also be hosting a New Years Eve chat from 11pm Eastern time to 12:30am Pacific time.

Dianne in Nevada

http://widowedvillage.org/chat

Comment by originaloregonian on December 16, 2017 at 4:26pm

ImTheMarigold, I am feeling the same way.  It was Halloween 2016 when my husband passed, and I was numb during the holidays last year and just did things for my toddler daughter.  I was at a high school concert this last week and broke down in tears over "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas".  I still haven't gotten a tree and want to pull out a few decorations, but I think I'm stalling because of the pain I know that will come.  

Comment by ImTheMarigold on December 15, 2017 at 7:05am

Hi Sherry. I am just over a year now and I agree, it is getting harder. I just want the holidays to be over. I was so numb last year, just 6 weeks in, that this year feels like the first Christmas without him. I have not been doing as much as the difficult work as I should be, I get scared of being overwhelmed by all the pain. I know I should. And I tell myself that come the weekend I will make time for it. Then I do everything to avoid it. Thinking of you and others for whom this season is not what it used to be.

Comment by lowrsr (Sherry) on December 14, 2017 at 5:21pm

It's been quiet here! I will be the first to admit that I haven't been writing much, at least not for public consumption. I have been doing a lot of journaling and reading. Doing difficult work. It has been about a year and three months since I lost my soulmate, and if anything, it is getting harder, not easier. But I'm trying. I am wishing everyone peace during this holiday season.

Comment by ButterflyWingz on October 18, 2017 at 9:06am

Hello from Colorado.  I became a widow Thanksgiving day 2016.  The worse day of my life and from there it became the most excruciating pain.  Some days the pain was so horrendous that I couldn't breath.  You all know that pain.   Im going into my 11th month and the pain is subsiding. However, there becomes other factors that take over.  Battles with health ie aches and pains in areas that I say WTH? Got a cavity which really sucks so off to dentist.  Which I just got dental insurance.  My sps carried all our insurances so managing that was a chore and costly.  Big dent to my paycheck.  OTherwise I will soon face the one year anniversary and dont even know what we will do for Thanksgiving.  I know most say the date of death isnt always Thanksgiving but to us it always will be Thanksgiving.  Hugs and prayers to all. 

Comment by Susan on August 3, 2017 at 12:38pm

Hi Catapan!

   I'm glad it all went well ! And it's good that you had some people watching over you. ;-)  At least now you KNOW that you can do it :-) 

Susan

Comment by Athena53 on August 3, 2017 at 11:10am

catapan, I'm so happy you were able to sing both hymns with such strength. I'm an Episcopalian and funeral rituals are So important to me that I planned Ron's with great care.  One of the women in our church music team doesn't even do funerals because she gets so emotional.  I'm sure that having a friend and climbing companion sing made it more meaningful for everybody.

Comment by catapan on August 3, 2017 at 10:17am
Hi Susan. I'm home. I did it. I sang every note of the two hymns and I understand my voice was recognised, above the congregation, right up in the gallery of the church. I found the power. I felt myself standing strong and grounded. Using my breath control gave me control in general. It was only at other times, when friends and associates I don't see often came to ask me how I'm doing, that the tears came.

The friend who was my "minder" for the day kept an eye on me, I know, and relaxed once I was circulating a little at the reception afterwards. I brought him home and he thanked me for driving him! A little game has been played to watch over me. How grateful I am!
Comment by Susan on August 3, 2017 at 4:30am

Good Morning Catapan,

    What a wonderful friend you are to Peter.... I wish you luck singing at the funeral without tears.

Much Love.

Susan

Comment by catapan on August 3, 2017 at 1:26am
Today I am driving a round trip of around fifty miles to the funeral of a friend and fellow climber who died suddenly, as he would no doubt have wished to go, at the top of a hill.

I am going to get there. I will hold on as best as I can and when I can hold on no longer, I will leave quietly. I'm a singer. Jokingly, some friends have already "booked" me to sing at their funeral! I don't know if I can sing, today, for Peter. I'll try.

Yesterday evening, another member of our mountaineering club rang me, ostensibly to ask for me to drive him to the funeral. Yes, I understand. There's been concern around for me, friends have planned this and I'm being taken care of, today, in the only way he can do it. I am so very grateful.

I'll drive to his house but maybe, if these tears that are blurring my vision right now (and I know they're for me, for no one else) don't abate, he'll have to do the driving from then on.

Meanwhile, I was going to say that my "usual" natural remedy calmants don't seem to be having much effect but - who knows? Maybe I'd be in a worse state without them.

I tell myself: I am brave. I do hard things. Here I go.
 

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