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Widowed in 2016

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Members: 262
Latest Activity: on Wednesday

Discussion Forum

Nothing Compares

Started by Miket. Last reply by Melissa on Wednesday. 4 Replies

Well, next week it will be two years since I lost my wife to cancer. There has now been 730 days to think about what happened, what went wrong, and what I could have done differently. I continue to…Continue

Ugh. Dating.

Started by ImTheMarigold. Last reply by alwayssmilemichele Oct 5. 2 Replies

Coming up on two years in November. I just started to think I might want to try dating. I'm just so lonely and sad. Not what I expected for myself at 37 years old. I can't imagine anything ever being…Continue

I Heard Your Voice in the Wind Today

Started by Austin Oct 4. 0 Replies

I discovered this poem and it really radiated with me.Maybe it will bring some peace to someone else too. I Heard Your Voice In The Wind TodayI heard your voice in the wind today and I turned to see…Continue

Comment Wall


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Comment by lowrsr (Sherry) on December 14, 2017 at 5:21pm

It's been quiet here! I will be the first to admit that I haven't been writing much, at least not for public consumption. I have been doing a lot of journaling and reading. Doing difficult work. It has been about a year and three months since I lost my soulmate, and if anything, it is getting harder, not easier. But I'm trying. I am wishing everyone peace during this holiday season.

Comment by ButterflyWingz on October 18, 2017 at 9:06am

Hello from Colorado.  I became a widow Thanksgiving day 2016.  The worse day of my life and from there it became the most excruciating pain.  Some days the pain was so horrendous that I couldn't breath.  You all know that pain.   Im going into my 11th month and the pain is subsiding. However, there becomes other factors that take over.  Battles with health ie aches and pains in areas that I say WTH? Got a cavity which really sucks so off to dentist.  Which I just got dental insurance.  My sps carried all our insurances so managing that was a chore and costly.  Big dent to my paycheck.  OTherwise I will soon face the one year anniversary and dont even know what we will do for Thanksgiving.  I know most say the date of death isnt always Thanksgiving but to us it always will be Thanksgiving.  Hugs and prayers to all. 

Comment by Susan on August 3, 2017 at 12:38pm

Hi Catapan!

   I'm glad it all went well ! And it's good that you had some people watching over you. ;-)  At least now you KNOW that you can do it :-) 


Comment by Athena53 on August 3, 2017 at 11:10am

catapan, I'm so happy you were able to sing both hymns with such strength. I'm an Episcopalian and funeral rituals are So important to me that I planned Ron's with great care.  One of the women in our church music team doesn't even do funerals because she gets so emotional.  I'm sure that having a friend and climbing companion sing made it more meaningful for everybody.

Comment by catapan on August 3, 2017 at 10:17am
Hi Susan. I'm home. I did it. I sang every note of the two hymns and I understand my voice was recognised, above the congregation, right up in the gallery of the church. I found the power. I felt myself standing strong and grounded. Using my breath control gave me control in general. It was only at other times, when friends and associates I don't see often came to ask me how I'm doing, that the tears came.

The friend who was my "minder" for the day kept an eye on me, I know, and relaxed once I was circulating a little at the reception afterwards. I brought him home and he thanked me for driving him! A little game has been played to watch over me. How grateful I am!
Comment by Susan on August 3, 2017 at 4:30am

Good Morning Catapan,

    What a wonderful friend you are to Peter.... I wish you luck singing at the funeral without tears.

Much Love.


Comment by catapan on August 3, 2017 at 1:26am
Today I am driving a round trip of around fifty miles to the funeral of a friend and fellow climber who died suddenly, as he would no doubt have wished to go, at the top of a hill.

I am going to get there. I will hold on as best as I can and when I can hold on no longer, I will leave quietly. I'm a singer. Jokingly, some friends have already "booked" me to sing at their funeral! I don't know if I can sing, today, for Peter. I'll try.

Yesterday evening, another member of our mountaineering club rang me, ostensibly to ask for me to drive him to the funeral. Yes, I understand. There's been concern around for me, friends have planned this and I'm being taken care of, today, in the only way he can do it. I am so very grateful.

I'll drive to his house but maybe, if these tears that are blurring my vision right now (and I know they're for me, for no one else) don't abate, he'll have to do the driving from then on.

Meanwhile, I was going to say that my "usual" natural remedy calmants don't seem to be having much effect but - who knows? Maybe I'd be in a worse state without them.

I tell myself: I am brave. I do hard things. Here I go.
Comment by Susan on July 31, 2017 at 3:10pm

Hi Athena,

   I have no idea what I would say if someone asked me that question!!! ... Paul passed on 12.7.2016 ...  Almost 9 months.  


Comment by Athena53 on July 17, 2017 at 2:22pm

Well, it happened to me already- 8 months after my husband's death I got the first "So, are you dating again?" question.  Weird thing is, it came from my financial advisor.  He's a nice guy, lives halfway across the country in NJ (I used to live there), very married, so no ulterior motives.  Fortunately it's something I'm open to if I come across the right guy- just not actively seeking one out. I'm 64 and a grandmother (in darn good shape, though ;-))- just didn't expect the question this soon and from that source!


Comment by Graced Teacher on July 8, 2017 at 1:31pm
Thank you Prissy, I just wanted to give a little hope. I like the way you said it and how Catapan puts it, but there is improvement. I also try to keep in mind that I know Joni (my late wife) would want me to move forward and enjoy life. I agree it is often difficult and some days more so than others, but as you put it I don't cry as long or as often as I did. I still miss her terribly but there are actually some good days now. Prayers for all of us as we continue down this path.

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