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Widowed in 2016

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Members: 261
Latest Activity: on Thursday

Discussion Forum

Sole responsibility for your own life and happiness

Started by Tess. Last reply by Tess Jul 4. 8 Replies

I know this many seem an odd discussion, as we are essentially always responsible for our own lives, but it seems to take on a new twist after losing one's spouse. When you share your life with…Continue

The Process

Started by Miket. Last reply by LostandSad Jun 29. 2 Replies

I have given more thought to the process my wife and I always went through on decision making - for things small and large.One of the couple has a thought or an idea ... going to a movie, moving,…Continue

Another Trigger

Started by Miket. Last reply by LostandSad Jun 16. 7 Replies

I had to write - my wife’s birthday is in a few days and the thought of her not being here rips at my heart. I constantly revisit in my mind her last weeks and days. I have regrets that I could have…Continue

How are you doing?

Started by Riley. Last reply by Riley May 28. 25 Replies

How is everyone doing?  I thought I'd list some things I'm still feeling and new feelings or realizations.  I'm still lonely. I still have nightmares.  I love being with my grandsons, I'm starting to…Continue

Comment Wall


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Comment by Susan on July 31, 2017 at 3:10pm

Hi Athena,

   I have no idea what I would say if someone asked me that question!!! ... Paul passed on 12.7.2016 ...  Almost 9 months.  


Comment by Athena53 on July 17, 2017 at 2:22pm

Well, it happened to me already- 8 months after my husband's death I got the first "So, are you dating again?" question.  Weird thing is, it came from my financial advisor.  He's a nice guy, lives halfway across the country in NJ (I used to live there), very married, so no ulterior motives.  Fortunately it's something I'm open to if I come across the right guy- just not actively seeking one out. I'm 64 and a grandmother (in darn good shape, though ;-))- just didn't expect the question this soon and from that source!


Comment by Graced Teacher on July 8, 2017 at 1:31pm
Thank you Prissy, I just wanted to give a little hope. I like the way you said it and how Catapan puts it, but there is improvement. I also try to keep in mind that I know Joni (my late wife) would want me to move forward and enjoy life. I agree it is often difficult and some days more so than others, but as you put it I don't cry as long or as often as I did. I still miss her terribly but there are actually some good days now. Prayers for all of us as we continue down this path.
Comment by country girl on July 7, 2017 at 6:33pm
My husbands funeral was the day before our 44tg anniversary. He passed away on the 26 try and his body was in such poor shap I refused to wait until after
our anniversary to have his funeral mass. I guess in away it will be the second
anniversary without him. So sorry for your loss .
Comment by catapan on July 6, 2017 at 10:20pm
It is (sometimes) a help to me to think that the absolute essence of LOVE which Stuart and I shared is still around me and manifesting itself in the care others show me. Sometimes I can only understand how friends behave towards me as it being LOVE in action; their way. So sometimes I still feel loved.

Of course it's nowhere near the same, but thinking of this care as one part of the universe's power of love, the same thing, just diluted a little, is a comfort to me and I try to be open to it even if, sometimes, it turns up in an unexpected form.
Comment by Graced Teacher on July 6, 2017 at 4:37pm
I do not want to minimize what anyone is feeling, but I do want to give some hope. My wife of 26 years passed away in May of 2016. As with many of you she was my best friend, my confidant, cheerleader and we did everything together. For many months I read these posts and felt comfort knowing that there were others who felt the same. In the last month or two things have slowly gotten better. I still miss my wife terribly but as I just told a friend I worked on a photo album for 2015 for my son and I could never have done that as recently as 6 months ago. I cried some but mostly felt thankful for the 26 years we had. I say all of this to say that at least in my case it has gotten better. I still cry at times but things are improving. Please take heart, hang in there and from someone who is also walking the same path there is hope. May God bless and comfort you.
Comment by country girl on July 6, 2017 at 12:26pm
Hello all
I have not been onhere in several months . I find as the 1 year anniversary
date is coming very soon I have fallen into a deep dread of emotions.
I thought I was handling Paul's death but have come to realize I'm really at
an all time low.
I thought the tears were over but since my return from 2 wonderful weeks away
I was only kidding myself.
I returned to work part time inMay and that's when I felt I had gotten over his death.
I was only kidding myself. I know I will never be over this horrible
event in my life. Event well that sounds strange. We were married 44 years with
three beautiful well established daughters ,five amazing grandchildren
and a terrific great grandson.
It all seems pointless anymore. I've told myself Paul is so much better off
than with the disease and horrific pain he suffered for so long.
I know he is but now I'm left with nothing.
I'm sorry to go on and on but indeed to vent. Need to know why and how long this pain lasts. My pain is emotional not physical no pill will ever help but
can someone lend a little moral support. My kids are great, they encourage
me to get out and do things but I have no meaning in my life.
I don't have a large circle of friends anymore. We were all couples when Paul
was here and I guess they began to drift away as I was a single now.
Sad but true. The invites to parties and gatherings stopped coming after the holidays.
Do the tears ever stop? Do the lonely nights ever get better? How do I go on?
Therapy was a joke and costly and really no help. I've found myself
drifting away from my church. I got comfort in my church in the beginning.
You know all the older widows and their encouraging words.
I radthe posts daily on here,but denied I needed to talk.
May all of us find some peace one day.
Comment by BelovedPeach on July 5, 2017 at 3:56pm
Hi all, my name is Billie and I lost my husband who was my whole world on November 19, 2016. I joined in February, but haven't had the strength to contribute until now. My husband Joel was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver just 6 months into our relationship. Through close constant monitoring and medication he stabilized for 7 years. Joey, as I called him, was eligible for a liver transplant, but you have to have a MELD score of 15 or higher to be placed on the UNOS transplant list, of which he toggled between a 13 & 14 for those 7 years. We had grown accustomed to his health condition and life was good marrying on June 6, 2014. A couple of months later his brother Richard, known to all as Dickie, became really sick being hospitalized for 3 months. Knowing that he would not be able to care for himself all alone once he came out of the hospital, my husband and I built an in-law apartment off of our living room for him. I now became the only caretaker for both my husband and my brother-in-law, of which I feel blessed to have been able to do! After Dickie moved in in October, all was good until he again became severely sick again in November 2015. He had pneumonia, which they were treating, but he wasn't getting better. They decided to run some tests and found mold in his lungs. His Dr. Said that there wasn't anything that they could do that they weren't already doing for the pneumonia. Well he succumbed to the mold, passing away the day after Thanksgiving leaving my husband and I heart broken. A week later my husbands MELD score shot up to a 19 and was officially placed on the liver transplant list in January. Everything from there went down hill, with me being his only caretaker, until he passed away in my arms, the Saturday before Thanksgiving, on November 19, 2016 of liver and kidney failure. Our chihuahua Pippy had passed away in August 2016 of heart failure that left us both heart broken. So we had her cremated and I placed her on the fireplace mantle and there she stayed until my husband's funeral when I took her off the mantle and placed her in my husbands' casket so that they will always be together and neither will ever be alone. I was not able to have children and my family, as well as his, for one reason or another were not a part of our lives. My husband and I were both retired, so we literally spent loving each other 24/7 365 days a year. It was rare to see one of us without the other, I took him everywhere with me even at the end, no matter what it took and no matter how hard it was or what tole it took on me. I even stayed in the transplant hospital with him for 3 weeks, in his shared room, sleeping in a chair, showering in the rehab section of the hospital and buying meal vouchers so that I could eat with my husband at the same time in his room. That is where I had my first heart attack, right in that chair right next to my husbands bed. After my husband died I got a severe case of broken heart syndrome and had my second heart attack, on December 3, 2016, after finding out that his only child was taking me to court for "her fair share", as she stated to me, of what little bit my husband and I had. Ten days later I had my 3rd heart attack and my 4th and final on January 19th, 2017. So all and all I have had a tough go at it on top off a bunch of other shit that has and still to this day continues to come from his family, which includes not only his daughter, but his stepchildren from his former wife who passed away in 2007. I literally am all alone in this world with my 2 remaining dogs that I call kids. Kasia Lynn who is 12 and BJ Marie who is 3. They are the only reason why I got out of bed after Joey died.
Comment by Miket on July 1, 2017 at 2:16pm
Catapan - This pain we feel over such loss is biting. I lost my wife seven months ago and miss her dearly. I cry several times a day wishing she would walk back into my life and tell me it was all a bad dream. Then reality hits. My new reality is that I now can't wait for my turn to come - I think this is the only way I truly will be with her again. I know people tell me she will always be there, but it is just not the same. I have tried grief counseling, friends and relatives, and they make it sound so easy. It is not. This grief is pure sorrow. So we all struggle and realize it will never be the same again ... hurts so bad ...
Comment by catapan on July 1, 2017 at 9:08am
Thank you Prissy (Pat). I'm still in pyjamas on the sofa . . . I've lost time so I must have slept. I do have to go for groceries but finally, today, I know I can. Cat food too. Can't forget the fur babies. Stay strong.

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