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Widowed in 2017

We're so sorry you have a reason to join us. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

We are grateful you found us so soon after your loss, but until this group grows please feel free to also join the Widowed in 2016 group. There are active conversations there with others in their first year of loss.

Members: 66
Latest Activity: on Monday

Discussion Forum

"I know what you are going through" UGH!

Started by Raven2017. Last reply by BelovedPeach on Sunday. 8 Replies

If I hear one more person say "I lost my (mother/father/sister/brother/....), I know exactly what you are going through,"  I think I will scream!  NO!  NO!  You do NOT know exactly what I am going…Continue

Another week...

Started by VenusBlue. Last reply by Anchor82 Sep 14. 6 Replies

And yet another week without my dear husband.  This makes six weeks since he passed. This is the worst time keeping ever. So unreal; such a time warp. I'm brought to tears when I have to say my…Continue

How am I supposed to even begin to prepare for Christmas?

Started by Tania. Last reply by mls64 (Mike) Sep 13. 2 Replies

The holiday season is lurking - growing closer every day. It's supposed to be a joyous time with family and friends. It's not even Halloween and already items are on display. Christmas in July was…Continue

Who am I?

Started by Leeky. Last reply by Gunnerx2 Sep 4. 10 Replies

I seem to be fixated on this thought - who am I?  I honestly don't know.  We were together for my entire adult life.  I don't know what I like to eat, watch on tv, my clothing style, or even my…Continue

Comment Wall


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Comment by Angela on March 19, 2017 at 1:28pm

I notice that people have noted they have become time keeper I can fully relate.  It's been two weeks and two days since my fiance passed.  Yesterday I was able to cope with only a few break downs and yet today, every breath I took was a constant reminder of what I had and never will ever again.  I feel all of the stages of grief sometime within seconds of each other but today I am just stuck in a hopeless feeling.  I wish we didn't have these types of groups but coming here is the only place I can feel like others know how it feels.

Comment by kellygreenstrat (Colin) on March 8, 2017 at 8:27am

Oh, every day gets worse.  I'm sure it will be like that for a while.  And no there is nothing that touches that pain.  It helps me coming in here, being among kindred spirits.  It feels better to say things out loud, and it's so heartwarming to have people here holding you up.  I trust things will get better eventually.  In the meantime it is a total freefall in the darkness.

Comment by guilloma on March 8, 2017 at 8:22am

kellygreenstrat, it is the little things that knock us down.  I've cried cleaning out the litter box because that was a chore that my husband took on.  I, too, thought that it would be "one day at a time" but it is really a minute by minute hell.  In some ways, I feel worse now than I did 6 weeks ago.  The pain is so deep, no amount of crying can release it.

Comment by kellygreenstrat (Colin) on March 8, 2017 at 3:08am

I hear you Phil, my wife was my "better half".  In fact quite a few people spoke of her as an incredible inspiration.  She taught religious ed. and fought the good fight without a peep of pity.  I'm also finding out that it's not as much one day at a time, but one minute at a time.  I had some extra room in the trash and thought I'd make use of it just now.  I grabbed a bag and headed upstairs.  I was ok throwing out so many medical supplies that were already opened (I'll donate what's left).  When I went into the bathroom and started grabbing things I grabbed her razor blade and thought of her shaving.  I collapsed.  If the dumbest things like that are going to knock me down, I am terrified of the next minute.

Comment by Stripes07 (Phil) on March 7, 2017 at 4:45pm
It's been 2 weeks since the funeral. It just irritates me so that the goods have to go before grumpy people that are so bitter with life. But then again maybe he doesn't want the grumpy one who does. So many things to look forward to and now they won't happen. Not going to someplace we planned to go together, she had such a faith that she made me feel like a heathen and I have a strong faith in god. Don't know what to do other than take each new day as it comes.
Comment by kellygreenstrat (Colin) on March 5, 2017 at 9:52am

I'm so glad to hear you wouldn't change a thing.  We lived that way knowing her time was limited.  Our 20th wedding anniversary was in November and we planned a trip to Disney (since our honeymoon this would be our 20th trip).  The doctors told us in August that we should go right away.  We didn't.  We kept our plans, loaded the truck (flying was too difficult so we drove 1200 miles) and planned to leave at 2AM.  At 8 oclock that night her nephrostomy tube  (to her kidney) blocked.  we ended up in the emergency room that night and had surgery in the morning.  They kept her 5 days and we spent our 20th in the hospital.  I scrambled to remake the plans to Disney and we left 4 days later.  Not what we planned, but it was everything we hoped for.  In all my time through this I never ever felt regret or wished we had done things differently.  I feel your pain in not knowing how to put the pieces back together.  I trust in God.  It does help me though everyone finds comfort where they can.  She was more a part of me than I was and I struggle to know who I am without her.

Comment by mcbeth (Mary Beth) on March 5, 2017 at 6:23am

VenusBlue I think I would rather sleep through Sunday mornings. Tom would watch his car shows on TV, I would be checking my email and enjoying a second cup of coffee. We both enjoyed a dark roast coffee and our daughter and gotten her Dad two bags of coffee from The Roasterie in Kansas City. I haven't been able to open either bag yet.

Larry I think right up until the end we are all holding out for one last miracle. I know before we took Tom off the vent my youngest daughter kept asking her Dad to squeeze our hand. I told her that if he did, I would not be able to take him off the vent. After we took it off, he slept ant snored for over 4 hours and I just knew that he was going to pull through and life would be normal again. When he took his last breath I wanted to shake him and scream at him "no  you can't leave me, it isn't suppose to be this way." I wanted to slap the life back into him.

It's funny that I am sitting here talking to a group of people that I do not know, but sharing with you the raw, bleeding part of myself that I will not share with anyone, especially my family. Being strong in B.S.

Comment by VenusBlue on March 5, 2017 at 4:56am

Sunday mornings are the worst for me.  We usually enjoyed lazy mornings, not in a rush to do anything, but enjoy each other.  My husband passed away at 7:30 on a Sunday morning.  It's now a very somber time for me with lots of tears, and unanswered questions. Today marks five weeks, five weeks without my sweet husband.  I can't fathom it still. The time has been a blur filled with memories that make my life seem like a dream that never happened. 

Comment by guilloma on March 3, 2017 at 11:06am

Just checking in with this group today.  I hope that each one of you is doing the best that you can.  Today is an OK day for me.  Still lots of crying, but I do not feel as jagged as I have felt recently, especially the past few days.  Of course that could change in an instant, but for this moment, it is OK.  Take care

Comment by guilloma on March 2, 2017 at 12:40pm

I am sorry that you are here, Heavyheart.  It does help to know that others are experience similar things.  My husband was older, so we did not make long term plans (I am not much of a planner anyway), but we did have some short term things that we wanted to do together.  Now those things are just gone.  And none of us get get to make any new memories with our loved ones; we are all stuck reliving the ones that we already have.  They say that the grief gets softer; I sure hope so.  I hope that the people and stories on this site will help bring you some peace.


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