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Widowed in 2017

We're so sorry you have a reason to join us. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

We are grateful you found us so soon after your loss, but until this group grows please feel free to also join the Widowed in 2016 group. There are active conversations there with others in their first year of loss.

Members: 38
Latest Activity: 16 hours ago

Discussion Forum

Father's Day

Started by Leeky Jun 19. 0 Replies

What a bitter-sweet day.  I look at our children and feel so thankful they had such an amazing man for their father.  And I remember all the times we did things together for Father's Day.  When they…Continue

In memory of...

Started by ashleynicole8378. Last reply by Boo Jun 16. 3 Replies

   Been really missing my hubby Mark today, so I've decided to post a little bit about him and who he was. Feel free to add to the discussion with your on In memory of... So here goes. In memory of…Continue

Who am I?

Started by Leeky. Last reply by Boo Jun 16. 7 Replies

I seem to be fixated on this thought - who am I?  I honestly don't know.  We were together for my entire adult life.  I don't know what I like to eat, watch on tv, my clothing style, or even my…Continue

Lost wife on January 20th

Started by Larryh0823. Last reply by Larryh0823 Apr 28. 32 Replies

I lost my wife on January 20th after a quick illness due to colon cancer.  It has been a major roller coaster ride since the day she died.  Until the last 30 seconds of her life I fully believed we…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by Stripes07 (Phil) on March 7, 2017 at 4:45pm
It's been 2 weeks since the funeral. It just irritates me so that the goods have to go before grumpy people that are so bitter with life. But then again maybe he doesn't want the grumpy one who does. So many things to look forward to and now they won't happen. Not going to someplace we planned to go together, she had such a faith that she made me feel like a heathen and I have a strong faith in god. Don't know what to do other than take each new day as it comes.
Comment by kellygreenstrat (Colin) on March 5, 2017 at 9:52am

I'm so glad to hear you wouldn't change a thing.  We lived that way knowing her time was limited.  Our 20th wedding anniversary was in November and we planned a trip to Disney (since our honeymoon this would be our 20th trip).  The doctors told us in August that we should go right away.  We didn't.  We kept our plans, loaded the truck (flying was too difficult so we drove 1200 miles) and planned to leave at 2AM.  At 8 oclock that night her nephrostomy tube  (to her kidney) blocked.  we ended up in the emergency room that night and had surgery in the morning.  They kept her 5 days and we spent our 20th in the hospital.  I scrambled to remake the plans to Disney and we left 4 days later.  Not what we planned, but it was everything we hoped for.  In all my time through this I never ever felt regret or wished we had done things differently.  I feel your pain in not knowing how to put the pieces back together.  I trust in God.  It does help me though everyone finds comfort where they can.  She was more a part of me than I was and I struggle to know who I am without her.

Comment by mcbeth (Mary Beth) on March 5, 2017 at 6:23am

VenusBlue I think I would rather sleep through Sunday mornings. Tom would watch his car shows on TV, I would be checking my email and enjoying a second cup of coffee. We both enjoyed a dark roast coffee and our daughter and gotten her Dad two bags of coffee from The Roasterie in Kansas City. I haven't been able to open either bag yet.

Larry I think right up until the end we are all holding out for one last miracle. I know before we took Tom off the vent my youngest daughter kept asking her Dad to squeeze our hand. I told her that if he did, I would not be able to take him off the vent. After we took it off, he slept ant snored for over 4 hours and I just knew that he was going to pull through and life would be normal again. When he took his last breath I wanted to shake him and scream at him "no  you can't leave me, it isn't suppose to be this way." I wanted to slap the life back into him.

It's funny that I am sitting here talking to a group of people that I do not know, but sharing with you the raw, bleeding part of myself that I will not share with anyone, especially my family. Being strong in B.S.

Comment by VenusBlue on March 5, 2017 at 4:56am

Sunday mornings are the worst for me.  We usually enjoyed lazy mornings, not in a rush to do anything, but enjoy each other.  My husband passed away at 7:30 on a Sunday morning.  It's now a very somber time for me with lots of tears, and unanswered questions. Today marks five weeks, five weeks without my sweet husband.  I can't fathom it still. The time has been a blur filled with memories that make my life seem like a dream that never happened. 

Comment by guilloma on March 3, 2017 at 11:06am

Just checking in with this group today.  I hope that each one of you is doing the best that you can.  Today is an OK day for me.  Still lots of crying, but I do not feel as jagged as I have felt recently, especially the past few days.  Of course that could change in an instant, but for this moment, it is OK.  Take care

Comment by guilloma on March 2, 2017 at 12:40pm

I am sorry that you are here, Heavyheart.  It does help to know that others are experience similar things.  My husband was older, so we did not make long term plans (I am not much of a planner anyway), but we did have some short term things that we wanted to do together.  Now those things are just gone.  And none of us get get to make any new memories with our loved ones; we are all stuck reliving the ones that we already have.  They say that the grief gets softer; I sure hope so.  I hope that the people and stories on this site will help bring you some peace.

Comment by guilloma on March 2, 2017 at 9:37am

mcbeth, I work from home, but usually go into the main office once a week.  I have not been in weeks, but I drove in on Tuesday this week.  It was rough.  I am in an office in the back, tucked away by myself.  It was good to focus on something else, but it was also nice to be alone, where I could lay my head on my desk and cry every now and then.  My co-workers pretty much left me alone back there.  I have been trying to let my emotions just roll on through, no matter when or where.  I have cried in my car, in the grocery store, at my bank, in my finance guy's office, in front of my boss, at my washing machine, in the middle of street walking my dog.  I never feel a sense of relief after crying, like I have with other losses, but it helps to just let it flow.  And sometimes, very rarely, I can smile at a memory of my husband.  I usually cry after that, too, but that's OK.  I hope that you find a moment of peace.  Hugs to you.

Comment by Heavyheart on March 2, 2017 at 8:39am
Hi all,
I feel this raw pain of grief still. I lost my boyfriend John on February 9. John and I were discussing getting engaged and making lots of plans for the future. His death has been so sudden and devastating. He was on vacation, I was not able to go with him on this occasion, and while he was out one day he had an accidentwhich resulted in his passing. I find myself worried for a future without him as we were just beginning to plan so much. I still am struggling right the why him, why us? I hate that he is no longer here.. there is a bittersweet solace in knowing others are experiencing similar thoughts and feelings. I know this journey is long and rough.. I can only hope that one day this pain will. It be so heart wrenching and raw
Comment by guilloma on March 2, 2017 at 7:09am

Yesterday (03/01) was exactly 5 weeks since my husband passed.  In some ways, I feel worse now than I did those first 2-3 weeks. The grief is different - not quite as raw and stabbing - but now I think that my brain is finally starting to accept that he is gone, which is another kind of horrible.  I hate this so much. I don't want to get used to his absence!  I just want him here with us.

It is such a drastic change, VenusBlue.  It is incomprehensible to me.

Comment by mcbeth (Mary Beth) on March 2, 2017 at 5:24am

Morning Ladies. I lost my husband of 42 years on January 2. He had diabetes, heart and kidney problems, but  at the time he died he was dong well and it was not expected. We have been together since we were juniors in high school. We did everything together and the only time we were apart was when we were at work, even when he was in the hospital I was with him every day. I had to go back to work the week after he died, it's a double edge sword. It gives me a reason to get up and get dressed every day but at the same time I'm pretending that I'm doing ok. I'm afraid that I have not really let it sink in and that one of these days I'm going to lose it. I don't know if any of this makes sense. I am not happy to be here but I am glad that I have found a group that can understand what I'm going through.  MaryBeth

 

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