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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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Widowed in 2017

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Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

We are grateful you found us so soon after your loss, but until this group grows please feel free to also join the Widowed in 2016 group. There are active conversations there with others in their first year of loss.

Members: 180
Latest Activity: Mar 6

Discussion Forum

Making new friends

Started by Mike. Last reply by Lala Mar 2. 24 Replies

I read a lot about people who have a great support group of family and friends. But my wife was my best friend and my family is far away. So my support group is digital, either online or on the…Continue

Has Anyone had any 'Strange' things happen in your house since your spouse passed?

Started by Shoosie2. Last reply by eightracker Jan 25. 14 Replies

Good Morning EveryoneI haven't had much of a chance to post anything recently, but I do read everything. I just had to ask this question. Two days after my Rick passed, December 20, 2017, I was…Continue

6weeks out and overwhelming sadness

Started by Luv4Z. Last reply by SweetMelissa2007 Jul 20, 2018. 9 Replies

Today I have an overwhelming sadness . Im sure this is not a stranger to anyone on this site. I get so sad all of sudden . I have 4 kids under the age of 12 and they see me crying every day. I try to…Continue

A Ton of Bricks

Started by Shoosie2. Last reply by Shoosie2 May 24, 2018. 7 Replies

Hi everyoneTomorrow is the 4 1/2 month mark that my Rick left his 'earth-suit' , and it's just really hitting me hard that my Rick won't ever be back. Ever. I tried to get that through my mind and…Continue

Comment Wall


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Comment by HelensRay on April 15, 2018 at 2:43pm

Just to set the scene, I live in the UK and lost my Helen on the 30th June 2017. 

Last Friday our 15 year old granddaughter went to South Africa with a party from her school.  Bethinn and 10 of her fellow pupils have gone for 15 days to assist in a deprived school in Cape Town and naturally I am very proud of her. 

On friday morning I went on to her school website to see if there was any information on the actual time that the party was leaving.  The site has a twitter feed and every day a member of the school puts up a thought for the day.

On Friday the thought for the day was

"Believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and also believe that you can be the light at the end of some one's tunnel"

That's how I think of widow village, I love the way we get support here and how we, in our turn, give what support we can.  Peace, love and light on this troubled road we travel.

Comment by EarthSpirit (Carol) on April 15, 2018 at 12:28pm

Thiswitch, thank you for your reply, it’s nice to know someone else feels the contradiction of not wanting people to feel sorry, but also wanting them to understand. Weekends are difficult; it’s Sunday and I was doing a little shopping this morning and I felt so not part of the world around me. I don’t know any other way to put it. It feels like I’m in an invisible bubble and the rest of the world is living real life. Anxiety is my middle name these days; worrying about maintaining my house, finances, vehicle, health (even though I’m in good health), you name it. The support group I joined didn’t work for me, but I have a counselor who’s available, thankfully. Thank you for listening. Peace to you in this shared journey..

Comment by thiswitch on April 7, 2018 at 10:17am

Carol - it has been seven months for me and so much of your post resonates with me. Time really does distort reality, I feel like he was just a dream most of the time. But then I watch a video and see his mannerisms, hear his voice, and realize he is right there with me. I also understand not wanting people to feel sorry for you. I think it is a struggle in my head between not wanting people to feel sorry for me vs wanting people to feel sorry for me and understand just how painful this is. 

And Mike, I feel your pain. I couldn't understand during those first how people could be further along those first five or so months. I didn't understand how the feeling could change. But now at 7.5 months, I look back and understand that it was a tsunami of grief, so I couldn't feel the waves. But now they are waves. Which means there are some hopeful days in between the waves, days where I don't cry. You start to feel a little better. But then the wave comes and it is just as painful if not more. I suppose I trust that this too will change. 

Comment by EarthSpirit (Carol) on April 5, 2018 at 4:45pm

It is 6 months today since I lost the love of my life after 29 years. Yet it seems like a lifetime since I’ve been without his love and presence. Time has a way of distorting reality when it comes to this particular grief I think. As he would wish me to do, I’ve taken steps to rejoin my community to share events and resume volunteer work which we took part in together. But it’s so hard, feeling vulnerable and not wanting friends and acquaintances to “feel sorry for” you. My experience has been one of my community embracing me, so I begin to believe that I. Can. Do. This. ❤️❤️

Comment by Mike on March 23, 2018 at 3:37am

Three months ago today my wife died. It is still overwhelming and painful. I honestly don’t know how I made it this far.

“In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything and two minus one equals nothing. “    Mignon McLaughlin

Comment by Carmen513 on March 18, 2018 at 8:38pm

Mike 3mths is still pretty raw grief.Often I felt sucked into this vortex,beaten up and spat back out again.10 minutes,2 hours, a day ,a night.

To be honest there were times I thought is that what going insane feels like!

I got some counseling with a Physiologist and apparently I am normal. Ha, if that's what you call normal.She was brilliant though and explained many concepts surrounding grief that helped greatly.

Its kinda not easier as the days slip by ,but it is certainly less intense and not so sudden.

It is so different for everyone. It is the same.

And what helps me must not help the next person and vice versa.

Try to remember too that Grief doesn't follow a linear pattern,and emotions,thoughts, memories,stages,appear randomly or may trigger something one day and nothing the next.

You are doing great one day at a time, 24 hrs is a long day, and I find early evenings and Saturdays horribly sad!

I miss my soulmate so much and even though I am grateful for our unique love story, I still feel ripped off and frustrated with the senselessness separation.

Comment by DeniseL on March 18, 2018 at 5:32pm

Mike, I know exactly how you feel.  I was doing better at a month than I am at the 6 month mark.  We're all different and I think for me it's finally starting to sink in that my Chris isn't coming back.  I'm going to my first bereavement counseling session on Tuesday and also attending Camp Widow, Tampa this coming weekend.  I lost my husband to cancer and had 18 months to prepare for the loss.  But no amount of time could have prepared me for this.  And I'm right there with you, this is the worst I have ever felt in my life.  I'm just trying to take it one day at a time.  

Comment by Mike on March 18, 2018 at 5:10pm

I hear people saying that it gets a little easier as time goes on. I am at three months and having a very hard time. I can see that some people are at seven months or ten months and seem to be doing better. I’m not sure that that is where I will be when those times arrive but perhaps I will.  I recognize that it is giving other people hope and I’m glad that it helps them.  For some reason the last few days have been very difficult for me. It seemed like I was starting to get a little better and then everything came back even harder than before. I understand if this is also a “normal” situation. I never expected it was going to be easy but I never thought that it would be this hard.  This is truly the worst I have ever felt my entire life. 

Comment by Carmen513 on March 17, 2018 at 8:04pm
Hi Mike,
Thanks so much for posting . I am so sorry for your loss.
It echoes everything so familiar to me (unfortunately)
This thing called grief sucks, of course I knew it would, but I didnt relis=
e that some days Id be hanging on by my fingernails and other days Id wonde=
r why I had!I guess its instinctive to want to survive, which is why for me=
at the 3mth month I felt like I was treading water in a deep ocean for a w=
hile there.My instinct to survive battled with my heart grieving for its so=
On the outside I appeared to be "coping". On the inside I felt like a ragin=
g hot mess with anxiety/sleeping problems.
Month 7 and I still miss my man like crazy,yet the storm has calmed or Ive =
become a better swimmer ( a bit of both) I think lol.=20
The truth is I will miss him til the day I die. And we will grieve for many=
things,past,current and future. The focus of my life ie future, has lost f=
ocus. My leading man has gone on ahead as we all shall someday too.
For now, all we really have is the day we are in anyway,so I am just gonna =
do today...
Everyday our loved ones keep loving,guiding,cheering us I do it for =
him,until I can do it for myself.
May God bless you both Mike
Comment by NancyD on March 17, 2018 at 5:40pm

Thank you ShirleyB.  My husband died six months ago and I can feel a shift towards the kind of thinking and feeling you describe so well.  I too want to "maybe start doing 'things again' ".  What might that look like? I am trying to figure out what kind of life I want to lead going forward, how I want "to be in the world".  It's overwhelming to even think about sometimes.  I had retired two and a half years ago and shortly after that---before I had time to start experiencing life without a full-time job---Frank was diagnosed with stomach cancer.  I loved and took care of him for 14 months. I'm grateful that I could and did, but now I'm sort of stunned with what I don't have:  a husband, a career, a plan for a life. I've taken on a small volunteer position two mornings a week.  It gets me up and dressed and out of the house.  That's a good thing!   But it's not something I want to do longterm.  I just can't figure out what I DO want to do yet.  Whatever it turns out to be, I want it to be meaningful and I want to include inside me all the love I still have, and will always have, for him.

The grief, like so many folks here describe, comes in waves and just knocks me down.  The waves are further apart now, though, and I hold onto to that as a sign of hope.  I am also learning what sorts of things can make me feel worse and I try to avoid them.  Like reading sad books or watching scary movies at night. Taking charge of my life in little ways like monitoring how things affect me is helpful.  Expressing gratitude for what I DO have is helpful. Not giving in to the despair and simply "putting myself to bed" when I'm tired and cranky is good too. Such simple actions, but I think they are helping to move me forward. 



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