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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Widowed in 2018

We're so sorry you have a reason to join us. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

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We are grateful you found us so soon after your loss, but until this group grows please feel free to also join the Widowed in 2017.

Members: 101
Latest Activity: 18 hours ago

Discussion Forum

4 months since husband's death

Started by LL22. Last reply by riet 18 hours ago. 12 Replies

hi everyone. this is my first time blogging...anywhere.  Last week marked 4 months since my sweet husband died. It's still hard to just say those words. It seemed like the first couple months I was…Continue

Lost

Started by Lost. Last reply by Mainship33 22 hours ago. 6 Replies

I lost my husband of 29 years suddenly 7 weeks ago. I feel like I’m going backwards, I miss and love and grieve more every day. I still look for him everywhere. Friends and family have stopped…Continue

May

Started by Tekwriter. Last reply by June 15 Oct 5. 4 Replies

I lost my husband on May 3rd. It has been so hard. I still do not like to go out and stay at home a lot more than I used too. I am always tired and I guess that is the depression. I got some extra…Continue

Husband recently passed

Started by Elizarahana. Last reply by Elizarahana Sep 16. 4 Replies

Not sure if this is how to post. My husband died August 30th from liver cancer. We have a 4 year old and a 2 year old. I don’t know how to deal with this pain. Taking care of my kids feels…Continue

Comment Wall

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You need to be a member of Widowed in 2018 to add comments!

Comment by Sar_ML on September 3, 2018 at 1:16pm

Hi everyone, I signed up recently and have been working up to introducing myself in the groups I joined. I am still in disbelief most of the time to be honest..... I still feel nauseous when I start actually putting it into words or typing it. I haven’t really accepted or become used to this new status yet. To sum things up this new unwanted chapter - earlier this summer our family was in a bad accident that took my husband from us. We are now trying to recover/adapt one day at a time to as I try to cope and navigate this new unbelievable and unplanned part of our story. I’m heartbroken that we are here but it feels like it will be helpful in having so many others to lean on. Thanks for listening.

 

Comment by zavopup on August 25, 2018 at 4:05pm

Bruna,  I am so sorry to hear of your pain.  So recent.  You must give yourself permission to not know what is next.  When my wife died in February I was in shock and devastated.  My identity was changed for having my mate ripped from my life.  I feel broken and lost 10 pounds in the first month.  It's been 6 months now and I feel no change in my pain.  I write about my wife and our life and share with others this process of grief.  My friends are not sure what to do to make me feel better, so they offer support and comfort.  The pain has not diminished, but it has only been 6 months for me.  

Be patient and kind to yourself.

Comment by LP on August 23, 2018 at 1:27pm

Hi Bruna

This is so recent for you. All of us here know just how awful the pain is. But you will get through although it’s really the toughest thing you’ll ever do. The only advice I can give is to cry as much and as loudly as you need to. Don’t hold back. Let other people help you but tell them how they can help, because many friends and family won’t know and won’t understand. They’ll do things that may hurt but with the best intentions. So unfortunately it’s up to us to tell our family what it is we need. The thing that helped me most was allowing people like my sister, best friend and stepdaughter to help me with things like registering the death and organising the cremation etc. I also made sure to have time to myself, when I could and  just stay in bed on a weekend and cry, scream, cuddle my husband’s clothes and do whatever it took to comfort myself. You will get through. And when times get tough we are here to listen. Hugs from a fellow widow 

Comment by Bruna.in.pain on August 23, 2018 at 7:49am

Hello

I am brazilian living in Brazil. I lost my husband, american, living here with me 22 days ago. I´m completely lost. I don´t know what to do with my life.

Are you being able to go on? please tell me how...Thank you

Bruna

Comment by Patience on August 18, 2018 at 4:20am

Hi Doug, I just noticed this! The anaswe is YES!!! When we sent my first daughter, Jessica off to college, my husband was then very healthy, we had minimal experience with grief and we were shocked at how we were actually grieving for about a week afterwards!! Honestly, it was like someone had passed away! We were SO sad. I will tell you that awful feeling only lasted a week or maybe two. I think my Wayne was most surprised at how much he missed Jessica. 

And it go so much better when Jessica came home to visit us from College, and when we realized she'd be coming home for Fall, Thanksgiving and Christmas, Spring and Summer Breaks! Take care, (((((hugs))))). Diane 

Comment by Doug02122014 on August 18, 2018 at 2:16am

Anyone else have to send a kid off to college and not only have to deal with the "normal separation" emotions, but also all the "grief" emotions as well ?

Today is move-in day and yesterday I had this overwhelming drive in me, as I often do, to go to the cemetery and tell my daughter's biological mom my 1st wife Darlene all about it. Darlene has the best seat to watch it all from but I still think I have to go tell her. I don't understand it. My 2nd chapter wife Tamela has been my rock in all this and I can't thank her enough for all her support.

How did you get through it ?

I don't drink so that isn't an option for me.

In a week or two I will be going nearly around the clock with fall harvest so I guess I just answered my own question; work myself into the ground and I will be too tired to think about it.

I didn't know what group in here would be best to post this so I placed it here.  My so called widowed class of 2014 isn't as active as they once were.  

Comment by riet on August 11, 2018 at 4:17am

dear Lifeunknown, 

Even after 3,5 months I feel the same as you describe it. I just cannot understand: never again, never again. Never again will I meet him. Every day there is so much I have to discuss with him, I want to share with him.

All those things he liked so much and will never experience again. Birthday celebrations, Graduations of our grandchildren. So much . 

He was "killed" by a brain cancer.  And we were able to say goodbye. But  now I wished he had died suddenly and not slowly  by this terrible cancer.  He was aware he was dying bit by bit.  So both were grieving when he was still around. We tried to live a full life but that was so difficult as we both were very sad, knowing what was happening.  We tried to ignore that as much as possible.  

My husband was suffering a lot in his last months. And still he wanted to live.  But now I am asking myself:  what if I would have a choice?

I think I absolutely would choose to die suddenly.  Just as a friend did: She was on a dinner party. And in the middle of a conversation, she just stopped, fell down and died on the spot. She was almost 80. She had enjoyed the whole party, and nothing could have predicted her death.

Yes, please, this is much more bearable for relatives as seeing the suffering and pain and the final loss of your loved one.

The pain and the grief for yourself is the same.  But at least you are not haunted by the idea of his suffering.

I am aware this just is true for elderly people.  None of this probably is true for young victims of accidents or something similar.

But death is overwhelming .  I wished I could have given half of my remaining years to him. So we would have died together. That is as it should have been.

Comment by Lifeunknown17 on August 10, 2018 at 7:16pm

dang. so sad to read all these posts about your loved ones being killed. I am sorry for you all.  cancer is a killer too, but you usually have a few days to say good bye.  I was just saying the other day in the chat room, I'm not really sure what's worse.  That, sudden..gone.  or the slow rotting painful gone.  afterward, the loss is still a horrible feeling.  My wife didn't get much time at all, compared to many others.  from finding out, to the last day. just this past june. it went pretty quick.  Still feels like a nitemare, that i hope to wake up from.  Then reality hits me in the face again. nope this is real.  holy hell batman....I just cant believe it.  and here is where (riet's) comment comes in,  "i just want to yell:  let my WIFE come back".    as i read from a bunch of others, there is a common theme.  this woman / man cannot be replaced. they have left the bar so high, how is anyone going to be able to ever fill their shoes.  Which is where the thought...I will be alone forever now, until it's my turn.  just numb. 

Comment by MomOfBoys (Tammi) on June 21, 2018 at 7:39am

Miss Em I am wondering the same.

And boys are so hard to read how they are really feeling.

I have just joined the group as well, and If I don't reply to people I apologize, I am a little overwhelmed at the moment but I hope to be more involved.

Comment by shellybean on June 21, 2018 at 6:22am

So I'm just slowly getting acclimated to all the different things WidVille has to offer us. I just joined this group today, but I've been on the site - mostly in the chat - for a while now. My Marcus was killed in a work accident on January 2nd. We had the workers comp settlement hearing yesterday. Now I await the OSHA report. That's been the thing that worries me the most in this whole process...

 

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