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Widowed in 2018

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Members: 159
Latest Activity: on Tuesday

Discussion Forum

Identity Crisis?

Started by sis. Last reply by BillDrums Apr 12. 15 Replies

I lost my husband March 18, 2018 from a cerebral aneurysm. We were together 49 years, married 43, with grown boys. I guess it's because of the holidays, but lately little things are smacking me in…Continue

Losing the Love of my Life.

Started by Patra24. Last reply by KJPE Apr 1. 1 Reply

Hi, I'm new to this site, I Lost the Love of my Life, my Amazing Husband on July 10, 2018 to Lung Cancer there's not a day that goes by that I don't cry at some point I feel it's getting worse than…Continue

New to this group and site

Started by Heidi57. Last reply by Heidi57 Mar 29. 2 Replies

My husband of 42 yrs passed away on Sept 22/18. (age 64), due to heart & dialysis complications (long story.) We met July 3, 1974 the day before my 17th birthday.  Our first date was in August…Continue

Going out is so hard

Started by Kmelli3 (Kate). Last reply by LP Mar 29. 8 Replies

Hi there, I'm fairly new to the site.  My name is Kate and I lost my husband of 20 years (Tom) to cardiac arrest on November 23rd at age 46.  I am so lost and devastated.  I have been asked to…Continue

Comment Wall


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Comment by Amhjm85 on January 21, 2019 at 5:58pm

Hi Everyone, I am sorry that we are all hear but I am grateful that we can help each other through this.

My husband died at age 32 from cancer on 23rd Oct 2018. His birthday is 23rd Jan and we will be scattering his ashes the same day. I am feeling terrified of what the day will bring. I don't know if I have the strength to do it. I'm scared that my support network (our friends) will think that scattering his ashes means 'closure' and that everything is ok now. It's only been three months. Everything is not ok! I feel like I am purely surviving. I don't find joy from anything. My husband's parents live very close by and they have offered for me to stay with them. I'm wondering if I should? What would you do? What did you do? I have no children and so I am also adjusting to living on my own for the first time ever as well. The only person who would tell me it was all going to be ok was my husband and now he's not here anymore. I'd love to hear from you, if you are further down this journey of grief, just exactly what helped you live with it. Please give me some hope....I feel hopeless and like I can't go on.

Comment by KJPE on January 20, 2019 at 9:53pm

Me too - may more sunshine & longer days cheer me up a little....after I grieve not sharing them with my beloved.

Comment by June 15 on January 18, 2019 at 1:56pm

KJPE, I understand. I find myself in tears driving in the garage because I know he won’t be there when I open the door. After a nice dinner with friends I’m reminded he is the one a want to tell all about the dinner.

Its been 6 months and the holidays were a big setback. The dark winter weather doesn’t help. I’m hoping spring will help.

Comment by riet on January 18, 2019 at 12:58pm

Even after 9 months, the loss of my husband continues to hurt incredibly. KJPE, you say this so aptly: "because my body remembers how happy and lifted my heart would feel". And now that feeling never comes back. The shine and color has disappeared. I am lifeless. In the years when my husband was incurably ill, I often thought: I wanted to have time to do this or that work. I now regret those thoughts. I now have all the time in the world and I do not get anything done. How easy and obvious everything went when we were still together. We were so happy and hoped that together we would grow old. I do try to enjoy the things we liked together. But  it is so difficult and so different.
Dear friends, a lot of strength to come through this weekend again.

Comment by Crabby on January 18, 2019 at 11:28am

I feel the same way about Fridays. I used to love them as much as Don did, but now I just get this heavy feeling in my heart as I am on my way home from work. Don passed away suddenly 6 months ago.  During the warmer months we would cook out on a Friday, and just relax and drink wine. Weekends are not the same. But one thing that I did find that sort of helps is keeping busy. If I have too much down time, I feel so sad and end up crying. My most recent project is steaming the wallpaper border off of the living room walls so I can paint in there. Sometimes I do get upset and cry while doing whatever project I am working on, but that's okay.

Comment by KJPE on January 18, 2019 at 10:59am

I'm so sorry that we're both going through this but sharing eases the pain.  Even the kindest friends are so wrong sometimes:  one asked me the other day if I could get happy feelings from my memories.  Not yet after only 3 months and maybe more, right?  I notice too that if I am at home on Friday nights I cry a lot...

Comment by HockeyDogs on January 18, 2019 at 10:03am

KJPE I completely understand how you feel about Fridays. It was much the same for me. Annie was always off early on Friday too, and it always kicked off our weekend plans. No matter what else I do or who I might happen to be with, it just isn't the same. The silence and absence in the house on Friday afternoons / evenings is SO acute. 

Comment by KJPE on January 18, 2019 at 9:37am

Today:  I discovered that just an ordinary weekly event - getting out of work on Friday -- can be devastating because my body remembers how happy and lifted my heart would feel looking forward to spending a weekend with my husband.  To walk out today - even with lovely plans filling my weekend -- was terrible because I don't have that lift in my heart that I had for 33.5 years of Friday afternoons....

Comment by riet on January 16, 2019 at 10:38pm


How bad that you have to experience this. So terrible that this happens to young people. I hope for you that your attempts to get in touch with this family will work. You do everything that is possible. But what is that with some family members? I have not heard or seen my sisters in ten years. They do not live far away, but never came in all the years that my husband was ill, or even when he died. Although we told ourselves that we did not need them, it still hurt. Even a lot sometimes. Especially because we have not seen their children who have come here so much. We do not know their grandchildren either.
Fortunately, other family members have come closer and now mean more like those "distant" sisters.
I hope that you will not get hurt even more with this approach. Some people want and can absolutely not be helped. Not everyone has your big heart or even understands it. All the best to you.

Comment by LP on January 16, 2019 at 10:13pm

The support you all give each other here is so astonishing - complete strangers reaching out and comforting one another during a time that we all unfortunately know what it’s like to suffer through. You all make me believe in goodness again.

i had some terrible news. I have a sister who has been estranged, despite our overtures to her, from me and my other sister for over twenty years. We heard that her oldest son, our nephew, has died suddenly at work, possibly from an aneurysm. He was just a week short of his 36th birthday. He leaves a young widow and two toddler daughters. It is beyond heartbreaking. I sent my sister a message, but don’t expect to hear back from her (I’m sure she must be in shock). I sent a donation for the widow’s family to their synagogue and flowers for the funeral I’m in the process of writing his widow a letter (I’ve never met her) - I feel this strange kinship to her, even though I hadnt seen my nephew since he was 14 - she is the mother of my great nieces and a fellow widow.  I would tell her about this website and other resources I’ve come across. I know she won’t be able to take in anything I say now, as she’ll be in too much shock, but I hope in time I can be of help. I breaks my heart to think that her nightmare is just beginning.


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