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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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Widowed in 2018

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We are grateful you found us so soon after your loss, but until this group grows please feel free to also join the Widowed in 2017.

Members: 137
Latest Activity: Feb 9

Discussion Forum

Identity Crisis?

Started by sis. Last reply by My4pumpkins Feb 7. 3 Replies

I lost my husband March 18, 2018 from a cerebral aneurysm. We were together 49 years, married 43, with grown boys. I guess it's because of the holidays, but lately little things are smacking me in…Continue

Going out is so hard

Started by Kmelli3 (Kate). Last reply by My4pumpkins Feb 7. 4 Replies

Hi there, I'm fairly new to the site.  My name is Kate and I lost my husband of 20 years (Tom) to cardiac arrest on November 23rd at age 46.  I am so lost and devastated.  I have been asked to…Continue

Love is Like the Wind, You Can't See it But You Know It's There

Started by sis. Last reply by KJPE Jan 8. 4 Replies

I borrowed that quote from the movie "A Walk To Remember", but as I was washing dishes this morning, it felt so strong in my mind and heart. I was washing the sugar and creamer bowls, when I broke…Continue

Lost my wife last January

Started by randy61543. Last reply by sis Dec 21, 2018. 8 Replies

My wife and I were married on 09/15/2017. She passed on 01/05/2018. Even though we were only married those few short months, we were together for 10 years. She was the love of my life. We had that…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by KJPE on January 18, 2019 at 10:59am

I'm so sorry that we're both going through this but sharing eases the pain.  Even the kindest friends are so wrong sometimes:  one asked me the other day if I could get happy feelings from my memories.  Not yet after only 3 months and maybe more, right?  I notice too that if I am at home on Friday nights I cry a lot...

Comment by HockeyDogs on January 18, 2019 at 10:03am

KJPE I completely understand how you feel about Fridays. It was much the same for me. Annie was always off early on Friday too, and it always kicked off our weekend plans. No matter what else I do or who I might happen to be with, it just isn't the same. The silence and absence in the house on Friday afternoons / evenings is SO acute. 

Comment by KJPE on January 18, 2019 at 9:37am

Today:  I discovered that just an ordinary weekly event - getting out of work on Friday -- can be devastating because my body remembers how happy and lifted my heart would feel looking forward to spending a weekend with my husband.  To walk out today - even with lovely plans filling my weekend -- was terrible because I don't have that lift in my heart that I had for 33.5 years of Friday afternoons....

Comment by riet on January 16, 2019 at 10:38pm

LP,

How bad that you have to experience this. So terrible that this happens to young people. I hope for you that your attempts to get in touch with this family will work. You do everything that is possible. But what is that with some family members? I have not heard or seen my sisters in ten years. They do not live far away, but never came in all the years that my husband was ill, or even when he died. Although we told ourselves that we did not need them, it still hurt. Even a lot sometimes. Especially because we have not seen their children who have come here so much. We do not know their grandchildren either.
Fortunately, other family members have come closer and now mean more like those "distant" sisters.
I hope that you will not get hurt even more with this approach. Some people want and can absolutely not be helped. Not everyone has your big heart or even understands it. All the best to you.

Comment by LP on January 16, 2019 at 10:13pm

The support you all give each other here is so astonishing - complete strangers reaching out and comforting one another during a time that we all unfortunately know what it’s like to suffer through. You all make me believe in goodness again.

i had some terrible news. I have a sister who has been estranged, despite our overtures to her, from me and my other sister for over twenty years. We heard that her oldest son, our nephew, has died suddenly at work, possibly from an aneurysm. He was just a week short of his 36th birthday. He leaves a young widow and two toddler daughters. It is beyond heartbreaking. I sent my sister a message, but don’t expect to hear back from her (I’m sure she must be in shock). I sent a donation for the widow’s family to their synagogue and flowers for the funeral I’m in the process of writing his widow a letter (I’ve never met her) - I feel this strange kinship to her, even though I hadnt seen my nephew since he was 14 - she is the mother of my great nieces and a fellow widow.  I would tell her about this website and other resources I’ve come across. I know she won’t be able to take in anything I say now, as she’ll be in too much shock, but I hope in time I can be of help. I breaks my heart to think that her nightmare is just beginning.

Comment by KJPE on January 16, 2019 at 6:13pm

I'm so sorry to hear about illness (your cold, June 15) and your broken hip (Riet).  These insults to our bodies make our grieving even more difficult and make us so much more vulnerable to believing that we will never feel better or find a moment of happiness again...I go in & out of the worst despair.  I'll be okay for a few days, and then get desperate-crazy-devastated because of how much I want to hold my husband in my arms, just tell him something simple about my day, etc.  I have many tears and sobs before I rest... My thought, Riet, is that we do go back to the worst grief but then we swing out & get a little normal, and then go back again.  I think of healing as a zig zag.  Sharing experiences with all of you is so incredibly helpful:  I am eternally grateful.

Comment by riet on January 13, 2019 at 12:50pm

June,

I recognize your story. My husband died on April 20, 2018. I do not feel any progress since then. I miss him every moment. I can not believe that he is no longer there, and will never be there again. I also do not feel him near now. I am now recovering myself after a broken hip. And on some days I can only cry or look lethargically outside. It seems so cruel that things happen that he can no longer experience. The days are already visible longer. I can not bear this. Things are changing and he is not coming back. This is such a pain. How can you endure that for years? I thought I had already taken a few steps forward. On the contrary, I am back where I was when he died.

Comment by June 15 on January 13, 2019 at 9:26am

The holidays have been so hard. I got a cold Thanksgiving week and still haven’t recovered. I’m sure the grief is slowing the healing process. Feeling tired has brought back the crying periods. There have been lots of tears.

folks keep telling me they feel their loved one near them. I don’t, 

Comment by HockeyDogs on January 13, 2019 at 8:37am

I can relate to what a lot of you are saying. I lost my partner of 25+ year last May. She sustained a catastrophic brain injury in a bike crash while training for her 2nd Ironman. She died 21 hours after impact. Truly the love of my life. It was a normal Wednesday night until it wasn't. In some ways, time has stood still since the moment I got the phone call. In other ways, time is speeding by in a way that frightens me. Despite having made significant progress on getting getting my feet back under me, the one word that most captures my post-Annie experience so far is: disorientation. There isn't an aspect of life that hasn't changed. I'm at peace with her passing but I hate her absence, if that makes any sense at all.

Comment by foundationoft on December 15, 2018 at 11:14am

LP--Christmas coming has been hard for me too. My amazing husband and father to our 8 children passed away at the age of 44 this past March.  He battled an aggressive NET cancer.  I have recently begun to ask God "what" questions about our life not working together the way I had planned.  At the beginning I focused on the "why" type questions (Why him?, Why do our kids have to grow up without their daddy?)  but they left me frustrated and lonely.  I began to seek after the "what" questions (What do you want me to do with the short of amount of life I have left here?  What do you want my life to look like now? What do you want to teach me through this terrible storm?  What do you want me to be for my kids?)  and these types of questions are good- I am getting answers and less frustrations.  I'm planning to celebrate my husband this Christmas with the kids.  We will do a balloon release too as Christmas was his bday too.  And mine.  It will be hard and we will cry, and feel every feeling we have and share it as a family.  The truth is:  YOU DO HAVE THINGS TO CELEBRATE!  WE ALL DO!  Even when it doesn't look like it, things will get better, God loves you incredibly well.  If you want some encouragement please find our family blog and read it at www.thecrucifiedway.com.    Much love and prayers to you all as we face these new holidays without our loved ones.  

 

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