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Widowed in 2018

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Members: 177
Latest Activity: 11 hours ago

Discussion Forum

The one year period means nothing

Started by Kris63. Last reply by Kris63 11 hours ago. 10 Replies

II have checked all the boxes of all the “firsts”. First holidays, birthdays, anniversary of the last family vacation, which I am so grateful for. June 2, 2018 was the day my world burned. May 31,…Continue

New to the Group

Started by kk24. Last reply by kk24 Aug 2. 6 Replies

Hi Everyone,I am new to the group and the site. I lost my wife 12/12/18 to lung cancer. We were together 28 years (over half my life) and I feel so lost without her. We found out in May that she had…Continue

Anxiety/panic attacks

Started by Julie. Last reply by Lisa_says Jun 19. 9 Replies

i have been having panic attacks out of no where. Any advise on this subject? It is not fun at all. JulieContinue

Hard day, Our Anniversary

Started by Mrs Bear. Last reply by Noelene T Jun 2. 5 Replies

Bill died 4/14/18, I must have been on autopilot last year. Our anniversary  is today.  Its hitting me so hard today. I heard 2nd occurrence is bad but I still wasn't prepared.   This day was special…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by KJPE on January 21, 2019 at 8:17pm

Dear Amhjm,  My heart hurts for you and the pain you are going through.  My husband died just a couple of weeks before yours did, so we are at the same place in our grief.  Holidays of course do not carry the same joys; at the very best, the joy is balanced by grief & sadness.  As for accepting your husbands' parents' offer and other offers, I would try it out & see if it is a comfort for you.  The first month I stayed with friends a couple of times & did find comfort although I found that I quickly wanted to be home, even though coming home then & now so often brings tears and sorrow because my husband isn't here. I have found my best hope comes when I am with other people that I love.  No one else can provide what my husband did but sometimes I feel comfort knowing that all of my love didn't die with him.

Although I buried my husband & didn't scatter ashes, I know with certainty that scattering will not bring you closure....any more than the funeral did for me.  The relief is having one especially painful set of "to dos" all done.  Please don't hold back tears during any rituals - I certainly haven't.  And keep writing here:  and I'll keep writing back.  I check this page most days.

Comment by Amhjm85 on January 21, 2019 at 6:45pm

Thank you so much June 15. It's so hard to imagine a better time ahead, when all I can do is put one foot in front of the other. I'm trying to practice gratitude for the time I had with my husband and the love that I felt for him and he had for me. But still the waves of sadness crash over me constantly. I thank you so much for giving me some hope and I hope to hear more words of wisdom from people like us. Thank you!

Comment by June 15 on January 21, 2019 at 6:22pm

Amhjm85, I understand that hopeless feeling. I’m only at the 7 month point. It does get better. I remember the first few months were almost a blur of numbness. The next few the pain really hit. 

Be kind to yourself and try some things and give yourself permission to change your mind.

All the first are hard, birthday, anniversary, holidays...

You are wise to know the 23rd won’t bring the closure your friends hope for. You will be amazed at what you can just get though.

So many brave women & men have traveled this road before us & they are still standing.

Sending hugs and hope!

Comment by Amhjm85 on January 21, 2019 at 5:58pm

Hi Everyone, I am sorry that we are all hear but I am grateful that we can help each other through this.

My husband died at age 32 from cancer on 23rd Oct 2018. His birthday is 23rd Jan and we will be scattering his ashes the same day. I am feeling terrified of what the day will bring. I don't know if I have the strength to do it. I'm scared that my support network (our friends) will think that scattering his ashes means 'closure' and that everything is ok now. It's only been three months. Everything is not ok! I feel like I am purely surviving. I don't find joy from anything. My husband's parents live very close by and they have offered for me to stay with them. I'm wondering if I should? What would you do? What did you do? I have no children and so I am also adjusting to living on my own for the first time ever as well. The only person who would tell me it was all going to be ok was my husband and now he's not here anymore. I'd love to hear from you, if you are further down this journey of grief, just exactly what helped you live with it. Please give me some hope....I feel hopeless and like I can't go on.

Comment by KJPE on January 20, 2019 at 9:53pm

Me too - may more sunshine & longer days cheer me up a little....after I grieve not sharing them with my beloved.

Comment by June 15 on January 18, 2019 at 1:56pm

KJPE, I understand. I find myself in tears driving in the garage because I know he won’t be there when I open the door. After a nice dinner with friends I’m reminded he is the one a want to tell all about the dinner.

Its been 6 months and the holidays were a big setback. The dark winter weather doesn’t help. I’m hoping spring will help.

Comment by riet on January 18, 2019 at 12:58pm

Even after 9 months, the loss of my husband continues to hurt incredibly. KJPE, you say this so aptly: "because my body remembers how happy and lifted my heart would feel". And now that feeling never comes back. The shine and color has disappeared. I am lifeless. In the years when my husband was incurably ill, I often thought: I wanted to have time to do this or that work. I now regret those thoughts. I now have all the time in the world and I do not get anything done. How easy and obvious everything went when we were still together. We were so happy and hoped that together we would grow old. I do try to enjoy the things we liked together. But  it is so difficult and so different.
Dear friends, a lot of strength to come through this weekend again.

Comment by Crabby on January 18, 2019 at 11:28am

I feel the same way about Fridays. I used to love them as much as Don did, but now I just get this heavy feeling in my heart as I am on my way home from work. Don passed away suddenly 6 months ago.  During the warmer months we would cook out on a Friday, and just relax and drink wine. Weekends are not the same. But one thing that I did find that sort of helps is keeping busy. If I have too much down time, I feel so sad and end up crying. My most recent project is steaming the wallpaper border off of the living room walls so I can paint in there. Sometimes I do get upset and cry while doing whatever project I am working on, but that's okay.

Comment by KJPE on January 18, 2019 at 10:59am

I'm so sorry that we're both going through this but sharing eases the pain.  Even the kindest friends are so wrong sometimes:  one asked me the other day if I could get happy feelings from my memories.  Not yet after only 3 months and maybe more, right?  I notice too that if I am at home on Friday nights I cry a lot...

Comment by HockeyDogs on January 18, 2019 at 10:03am

KJPE I completely understand how you feel about Fridays. It was much the same for me. Annie was always off early on Friday too, and it always kicked off our weekend plans. No matter what else I do or who I might happen to be with, it just isn't the same. The silence and absence in the house on Friday afternoons / evenings is SO acute. 

 

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