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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."


Widowed in 2018

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Members: 201
Latest Activity: 15 hours ago

Discussion Forum

Wedding rings

Started by Kris63. Last reply by bigfig Apr 27. 11 Replies

Comment by Kris63 39 seconds agoDelete CommentIs anyone else out…Continue

Tags: rules, Rings

Sucks to meet like this...

Started by Blessed Hot Mess. Last reply by KJPE Dec 27, 2019. 3 Replies

Howdy folks... first post here... my husband past very unexpectedly at age of 37 on 12/7/18. He was an electrician and while pulling wire he tore a blood vessel in his heart. Unfortunately the ER…Continue

So the holidays begin

Started by Kris63. Last reply by Lee Dec 3, 2019. 2 Replies

Well, another Thanksgiving without my love, Mark. This is the second one so I thought it would be less painful. Funny, that didn’t quite happen. This morning started a bit better. I didn’t wake up…Continue

New to the Group

Started by kk24. Last reply by shebert56 Oct 21, 2019. 10 Replies

Hi Everyone,I am new to the group and the site. I lost my wife 12/12/18 to lung cancer. We were together 28 years (over half my life) and I feel so lost without her. We found out in May that she had…Continue

Comment Wall


You need to be a member of Widowed in 2018 to add comments!

Comment by LP on September 22, 2019 at 5:32am

Dear GKinSD  - Please don't say "even after 9 months" - this suggests that you think you shouldn't be as affected at this stage as you were earlier. But 9 months is early days still!!! Give yourself some leeway. I'm at 19 months, and if someone queries why my heart is still aching, I ask them why they think it should take any less time to heal from losing the person whom I loved more than anything for over 23 years? 

I have been reading everybody's contributions with interest and empathy, although I have been a bit too busy lately to post much (the start of the academic year, etc.). 

I was wondering what to do on my 60th birthday. Chris would have made a fuss of me. I knew I didn't want to "celebrate" with other people, so instead I booked a table for just myself at a restaurant where he had taken me on my 40th. It is one of London's best Italian restaurants, the River Cafe (where Jamie Oliver started). It was a hot, sunny, day and I got a table for one out in their garden overlooking the Thames. I had a photo of C smiling at me on the table, and the staff brought out a dish of roasted almond ice cream with a candle in it (you can guess what my wish was). I never know how these things are going to affect me, but it turned out to be a gentle, happy way to mark the day. 

However, this month sees our 20th wedding anniversary. I've book the day to volunteer at the National Trust gardens at Angelsey Abbey, and I have a mini-bottle of champagne in the fridge for after. Next month is his birthday - that is really hard. I used to love autumn. Now I dread it.

Comment by GKinSD on September 22, 2019 at 4:58am

Tomorrow would have been my husband’s 58th birthday. Often, we would spend a week on the central coast of California in a small town called Cambria to celebrate. I packed up the car, the dog and some of Steves ashes yesterday and made the trip up the coast. I plan to scatter some of his ashes at a favorite spot where we would sit and talk, on a grassy knoll under a giant pine tree overlooking the Pacific Ocean. So many summer days were spent under that tree.  It’s still hard for me to accept the fact that he is gone, even 9 months after cancer took the love of my life away. I hate that I am feeling numb and vacant in a place that used to bring us so much joy. I hate that I drove 5 hours to get here and the only thing I want to do is turn around, go home and get into bed and take a nap. I hate that I feel resentment when I come across a happy couple on the street or dining at a restaurant. Vacationing alone sucks. I rented a house for 3 nights with an ocean view. I hate that I’ve holed myself up in the bedroom yesterday. Today I will try to get into town. Go sightseeing. Take a walk on the beach. Do something other than lie in bed. I’ve got to keep moving. Steve would have wanted me to enjoy this trip. It’s just so damn hard. 

Comment by Babycakes1993 on September 6, 2019 at 1:16pm

Our two young children were with me as well. My daughter is more vocal as she is 3. My son who was 1 1/2 hasnt expressed much other than he misses daddy. 

Comment by Babycakes1993 on September 6, 2019 at 1:13pm

Hello! I'm new to this group. Dec. 2nd 2019 I found the love of my life, the father of our children dead on our living room floor. It was totally unexpected as he was only 25. Being a widow at the age of 23 is so hard and now being a single parent. I am struggling very much so hope to find some support to help me get through this and not feel so alone.

Comment by Jodie on August 27, 2019 at 4:19pm

Hello all, I’m new to this site. This week will be one year since I lost my husband to cancer. I hate we are all here because of the same situation but it is a blessing and comfort to be able to share with others that have the same fears, doubts and sadness. I can’t say i’m happy to be here but I am thankful to have found you.

Comment by riet on August 24, 2019 at 10:37pm

Dear Geoff,

I recognize your despair. What you say is also about my husband and me. I can hardly bear to think about all these painful moments. The cancer has demolished my love. He fought to live. I took care of him, but not well enough. I feel guilty about that. He died in my hands, but not in my arms. I didn't even realize he died. I wanted to help him to breathe better. I wish I had held him close to me. These thoughts wrecked me. I have to push them away.
I now realize, after 16 months, that I really have to look at the beautiful things in our lives. This terrible cancer did not identify him as a person. I have to look at how he was in his life. How he lived his life. How he loved me from the first moment to the last. How he made me a better person. I now feel it was what I have to remember.
My life is full of him, I am still in love with him and I need him. But I have to lose these last miserable years.
I wish you more peace with yourself.
It is so much harder than ever thought.

Comment by GKinSD on August 24, 2019 at 3:53pm

Anyone else have the physical feeling in your gut like you are freefalling?  When I think about all the pain and anxiety that my husband experienced prior to his death, I get that feeling in my stomach similar to how it feels when you drop down an elevator too fast. I know it’s a physical sign of grief and I hate it. I wish I could forget those painful memories- but at the same time, I don’t want to forget any piece of him...good or bad. This is so much harder than I ever imagined. I’m so disheartened when I read that it never gets better. I need hope. I need a silver lining. I need my husband back. I hate what cancer has done to my life. I hate that it took the most precious thing away from me. I hate that I feel so alone. Sweetheart, if you are listening, I need you now more than ever. It’s your time to help me. It’s your time to care for me. We both promised we would find some way to reach each other after you died. Please hear me. Please help me through this. 

Comment by Dana775 on May 29, 2019 at 9:35am

Justin, So sorry for what you're going through. I would just like to echo what Roxi posted. I lost my wife in December after 32 Years of marriage and different from you, my kids are in their early 20's. Even though they were older being there to support them and to support our other family members and friends is what got me through the early days. Now that they are all doing better and not needing as much support, I am having problems dealing with the loss without that mission each morning of helping them. So I would say your kids being younger they are going to need you for quite a while and spending your time and thoughts comforting and caring for them will help you get through this. The missing and feeling of being lost doesn't go away, but you need to get up each day and care for your kids and they will care for you too. It will take a while but the three of you will work out your new normal. Wishing you all the best and know you are not alone. Dana

Comment by Roxi on May 29, 2019 at 1:34am

Dear Justin i'm very very sorry for your traumatic loss...i imagine how you feel and i can't help you with some advice 'cos i am on this horrible path of grief..i only want to say: stay with your children, you can find courage and comfort taking care of strong for them...hold on, in your children you can find a reason and a way to live a big hug roxi

Comment by Justin on May 27, 2019 at 6:31pm

I lost the love of my life and mother to my children in a car accident Nov 17th, I was driving and lost control. We were only married 6 years, have a son 6yrs old now and a daughter 2yrs old the 29th of May. I cant go a day without feeling completely lost without her. Does it get easier, I dont know, but I'm trying to go on for our kids. I have no support from her parents and some from her siblings, how to survive her loss


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