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Widowed in 2018

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Members: 119
Latest Activity: 14 hours ago

Discussion Forum

Introduction-feeling lost

Started by MomoftwinsinCanada. Last reply by sunshinesoon 14 hours ago. 2 Replies

I lost my husband of 12 years on Oct 1st, 2018. He was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2015, did very well on targeted therapy, worked as a physician full time until April 2018 and became a passionate…Continue

Lost my wife last January

Started by randy61543. Last reply by Lucky yesterday. 1 Reply

My wife and I were married on 09/15/2017. She passed on 01/05/2018. Even though we were only married those few short months, we were together for 10 years. She was the love of my life. We had that…Continue

I don't really know what to say

Started by Kek5772. Last reply by IHaftaBeStrong on Sunday. 5 Replies

Hello my name is Beth,Where does one start when their heart has been broken, when words of comfort do little to stop the tears or calm your rapid breathing.Five months ago my husband of 21 years was…Continue

Husband recently passed

Started by Elizarahana. Last reply by Luv4Z Nov 18. 7 Replies

Not sure if this is how to post. My husband died August 30th from liver cancer. We have a 4 year old and a 2 year old. I don’t know how to deal with this pain. Taking care of my kids feels…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by riet on August 11, 2018 at 4:17am

dear Lifeunknown, 

Even after 3,5 months I feel the same as you describe it. I just cannot understand: never again, never again. Never again will I meet him. Every day there is so much I have to discuss with him, I want to share with him.

All those things he liked so much and will never experience again. Birthday celebrations, Graduations of our grandchildren. So much . 

He was "killed" by a brain cancer.  And we were able to say goodbye. But  now I wished he had died suddenly and not slowly  by this terrible cancer.  He was aware he was dying bit by bit.  So both were grieving when he was still around. We tried to live a full life but that was so difficult as we both were very sad, knowing what was happening.  We tried to ignore that as much as possible.  

My husband was suffering a lot in his last months. And still he wanted to live.  But now I am asking myself:  what if I would have a choice?

I think I absolutely would choose to die suddenly.  Just as a friend did: She was on a dinner party. And in the middle of a conversation, she just stopped, fell down and died on the spot. She was almost 80. She had enjoyed the whole party, and nothing could have predicted her death.

Yes, please, this is much more bearable for relatives as seeing the suffering and pain and the final loss of your loved one.

The pain and the grief for yourself is the same.  But at least you are not haunted by the idea of his suffering.

I am aware this just is true for elderly people.  None of this probably is true for young victims of accidents or something similar.

But death is overwhelming .  I wished I could have given half of my remaining years to him. So we would have died together. That is as it should have been.

Comment by Lifeunknown17 on August 10, 2018 at 7:16pm

dang. so sad to read all these posts about your loved ones being killed. I am sorry for you all.  cancer is a killer too, but you usually have a few days to say good bye.  I was just saying the other day in the chat room, I'm not really sure what's worse.  That, sudden..gone.  or the slow rotting painful gone.  afterward, the loss is still a horrible feeling.  My wife didn't get much time at all, compared to many others.  from finding out, to the last day. just this past june. it went pretty quick.  Still feels like a nitemare, that i hope to wake up from.  Then reality hits me in the face again. nope this is real.  holy hell batman....I just cant believe it.  and here is where (riet's) comment comes in,  "i just want to yell:  let my WIFE come back".    as i read from a bunch of others, there is a common theme.  this woman / man cannot be replaced. they have left the bar so high, how is anyone going to be able to ever fill their shoes.  Which is where the thought...I will be alone forever now, until it's my turn.  just numb. 

Comment by MomOfBoys (Tammi) on June 21, 2018 at 7:39am

Miss Em I am wondering the same.

And boys are so hard to read how they are really feeling.

I have just joined the group as well, and If I don't reply to people I apologize, I am a little overwhelmed at the moment but I hope to be more involved.

Comment by shellybean on June 21, 2018 at 6:22am

So I'm just slowly getting acclimated to all the different things WidVille has to offer us. I just joined this group today, but I've been on the site - mostly in the chat - for a while now. My Marcus was killed in a work accident on January 2nd. We had the workers comp settlement hearing yesterday. Now I await the OSHA report. That's been the thing that worries me the most in this whole process...

Comment by shellybean on June 21, 2018 at 6:04am

Oh, Miss Em (((HUGS))) 

Comment by riet on May 20, 2018 at 11:49pm

Dear Miss Em, 

So sorry this happened to you and your lovely family.  You must feel so incomplete now and yet you are trying to start again as a family.

Yesterday I went to visit some good friends  for the first time alone and I also felt my husbands absence so very strong. We always went together there.  My husband having long talks with Dario,  and me with my friend Edith.  Hearing each other laugh in another corner in the house or in the garden.

And now it was so silent .  All I wanted to do was yell: please let my husband come back to me. But of course I can yell as much as I want.

I went back home , grateful for the friendship that was showed to me.  But also shrunk to almost nothing because he was no longer with me.

Comment by Miss Em (Emma) on May 20, 2018 at 2:39pm

Two days ago, some good friends got married. My kids and I went to the wedding. My husband would have been the best man, only he was killed 7 weeks earlier. I watched them say their vows, full of love and commitment and my heart broke for myself and my husband. We too promised "till death do we part" never imagining that death would happen before we reached old age. We too promised to have each other's back to love and cherish, etc. I never expected that his life and our marriage would end with a sudden tumble in a car. Sean was so very absent that day. He should have been there, for the groom and with us. I am so pleased for the couple who were married. I am confident that they will stand the test of time. I just wish Sean had been there too.

The other thing that I made happen even though I know it was awful and hard, was our first family photo without him. Just myself and the three kids. So very incomplete and yet all we have left is each other.  

Comment by Rainbow18 on May 20, 2018 at 9:50am

Thank you for sharing your story Riet. 

Comment by Patience on May 19, 2018 at 1:35pm

I'm so sorry, riet. You have found a good place to "be" here on Widville. 

Comment by riet on May 18, 2018 at 11:15pm

Reading a book, I discovered this website.  English is not my native language. Please forgive my awkward language.

I lost my husband on the 20th of last April. He fought  an aggressive brain tumor. And despite an average surviving rate of 15 months, he had exactly 4 years.  He was 73 and on the 1st of May, we would have been together for 50 years. We were in a very tight marriage. The only thing important for my husband was his family. He lived for us every moment. He wanted to have a big party on this first of May.  In stead, we celebrated his life on that day.

My husband loved living so very much. He didn't want to give up till the last moment.  He took every therapy what was proposed to him. And hoped to live till he was a 100 years old.  And despite the heavy treatment all this time, we had hopes.  He came out of the statistical data and we thought it would last that way.

It did not.  From about September 2017, his condition became worse every day.  And still, seeing,  we were blind. We hoped and hoped.

We never consulted any internet paper about his disease. We only accepted what the doctors told us. If we had done so, I believe my husband had given up fighting a long time ago, because with this cancer he had no chance at all.

Our 3 children and grandchildren however knew all about it and I only now see how lonely they must have felt , not being able to discuss all this with us.

He died in our own house. I was with next to him.  Our children and grandchildren had left a few hours before, not expecting him passing that night.  He cried when they left.  Now that hurts me so much.  I still want to hug him and he is no longer here.

He was nursed by our daughter this last month. She did this so gentle and kind.  She and her daddy were two of a kind. 

His grandchildren had come to sing and bring his music  on their guitars to him this last day.  He liked classic rock and was so happy and proud they shared his his interests.  They miss their granddad so much.

I want to tell his story a million times.  His photos are all around me.  I am surrounded very well by caring people:  our kids in the first place. But also our neighbors and friends. 

But I don't see how to go on now.  They all tell me not to think very far ahead, and live by the day.  But I can't help feeling scared.  My husband and I did everything together. And now?

Thank you for being able to tell you this.

the best to all of you

Riet

 

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