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Widowed in 2018

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Members: 177
Latest Activity: 11 hours ago

Discussion Forum

The one year period means nothing

Started by Kris63. Last reply by Kris63 11 hours ago. 10 Replies

II have checked all the boxes of all the “firsts”. First holidays, birthdays, anniversary of the last family vacation, which I am so grateful for. June 2, 2018 was the day my world burned. May 31,…Continue

New to the Group

Started by kk24. Last reply by kk24 Aug 2. 6 Replies

Hi Everyone,I am new to the group and the site. I lost my wife 12/12/18 to lung cancer. We were together 28 years (over half my life) and I feel so lost without her. We found out in May that she had…Continue

Anxiety/panic attacks

Started by Julie. Last reply by Lisa_says Jun 19. 9 Replies

i have been having panic attacks out of no where. Any advise on this subject? It is not fun at all. JulieContinue

Hard day, Our Anniversary

Started by Mrs Bear. Last reply by Noelene T Jun 2. 5 Replies

Bill died 4/14/18, I must have been on autopilot last year. Our anniversary  is today.  Its hitting me so hard today. I heard 2nd occurrence is bad but I still wasn't prepared.   This day was special…Continue

Comment Wall


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Comment by KJPE on January 18, 2019 at 9:37am

Today:  I discovered that just an ordinary weekly event - getting out of work on Friday -- can be devastating because my body remembers how happy and lifted my heart would feel looking forward to spending a weekend with my husband.  To walk out today - even with lovely plans filling my weekend -- was terrible because I don't have that lift in my heart that I had for 33.5 years of Friday afternoons....

Comment by riet on January 16, 2019 at 10:38pm


How bad that you have to experience this. So terrible that this happens to young people. I hope for you that your attempts to get in touch with this family will work. You do everything that is possible. But what is that with some family members? I have not heard or seen my sisters in ten years. They do not live far away, but never came in all the years that my husband was ill, or even when he died. Although we told ourselves that we did not need them, it still hurt. Even a lot sometimes. Especially because we have not seen their children who have come here so much. We do not know their grandchildren either.
Fortunately, other family members have come closer and now mean more like those "distant" sisters.
I hope that you will not get hurt even more with this approach. Some people want and can absolutely not be helped. Not everyone has your big heart or even understands it. All the best to you.

Comment by LP on January 16, 2019 at 10:13pm

The support you all give each other here is so astonishing - complete strangers reaching out and comforting one another during a time that we all unfortunately know what it’s like to suffer through. You all make me believe in goodness again.

i had some terrible news. I have a sister who has been estranged, despite our overtures to her, from me and my other sister for over twenty years. We heard that her oldest son, our nephew, has died suddenly at work, possibly from an aneurysm. He was just a week short of his 36th birthday. He leaves a young widow and two toddler daughters. It is beyond heartbreaking. I sent my sister a message, but don’t expect to hear back from her (I’m sure she must be in shock). I sent a donation for the widow’s family to their synagogue and flowers for the funeral I’m in the process of writing his widow a letter (I’ve never met her) - I feel this strange kinship to her, even though I hadnt seen my nephew since he was 14 - she is the mother of my great nieces and a fellow widow.  I would tell her about this website and other resources I’ve come across. I know she won’t be able to take in anything I say now, as she’ll be in too much shock, but I hope in time I can be of help. I breaks my heart to think that her nightmare is just beginning.

Comment by KJPE on January 16, 2019 at 6:13pm

I'm so sorry to hear about illness (your cold, June 15) and your broken hip (Riet).  These insults to our bodies make our grieving even more difficult and make us so much more vulnerable to believing that we will never feel better or find a moment of happiness again...I go in & out of the worst despair.  I'll be okay for a few days, and then get desperate-crazy-devastated because of how much I want to hold my husband in my arms, just tell him something simple about my day, etc.  I have many tears and sobs before I rest... My thought, Riet, is that we do go back to the worst grief but then we swing out & get a little normal, and then go back again.  I think of healing as a zig zag.  Sharing experiences with all of you is so incredibly helpful:  I am eternally grateful.

Comment by riet on January 13, 2019 at 12:50pm


I recognize your story. My husband died on April 20, 2018. I do not feel any progress since then. I miss him every moment. I can not believe that he is no longer there, and will never be there again. I also do not feel him near now. I am now recovering myself after a broken hip. And on some days I can only cry or look lethargically outside. It seems so cruel that things happen that he can no longer experience. The days are already visible longer. I can not bear this. Things are changing and he is not coming back. This is such a pain. How can you endure that for years? I thought I had already taken a few steps forward. On the contrary, I am back where I was when he died.

Comment by June 15 on January 13, 2019 at 9:26am

The holidays have been so hard. I got a cold Thanksgiving week and still haven’t recovered. I’m sure the grief is slowing the healing process. Feeling tired has brought back the crying periods. There have been lots of tears.

folks keep telling me they feel their loved one near them. I don’t, 

Comment by HockeyDogs on January 13, 2019 at 8:37am

I can relate to what a lot of you are saying. I lost my partner of 25+ year last May. She sustained a catastrophic brain injury in a bike crash while training for her 2nd Ironman. She died 21 hours after impact. Truly the love of my life. It was a normal Wednesday night until it wasn't. In some ways, time has stood still since the moment I got the phone call. In other ways, time is speeding by in a way that frightens me. Despite having made significant progress on getting getting my feet back under me, the one word that most captures my post-Annie experience so far is: disorientation. There isn't an aspect of life that hasn't changed. I'm at peace with her passing but I hate her absence, if that makes any sense at all.

Comment by foundationoft on December 15, 2018 at 11:14am

LP--Christmas coming has been hard for me too. My amazing husband and father to our 8 children passed away at the age of 44 this past March.  He battled an aggressive NET cancer.  I have recently begun to ask God "what" questions about our life not working together the way I had planned.  At the beginning I focused on the "why" type questions (Why him?, Why do our kids have to grow up without their daddy?)  but they left me frustrated and lonely.  I began to seek after the "what" questions (What do you want me to do with the short of amount of life I have left here?  What do you want my life to look like now? What do you want to teach me through this terrible storm?  What do you want me to be for my kids?)  and these types of questions are good- I am getting answers and less frustrations.  I'm planning to celebrate my husband this Christmas with the kids.  We will do a balloon release too as Christmas was his bday too.  And mine.  It will be hard and we will cry, and feel every feeling we have and share it as a family.  The truth is:  YOU DO HAVE THINGS TO CELEBRATE!  WE ALL DO!  Even when it doesn't look like it, things will get better, God loves you incredibly well.  If you want some encouragement please find our family blog and read it at    Much love and prayers to you all as we face these new holidays without our loved ones.  

Comment by LP on December 15, 2018 at 7:43am

First Christmas is hard for me too. I had to brave the crowds today in the town centre, and at one point t I felt that if one more person said something jolly to me, I would punch them.. of course the next person was the vicar in the church where I was buying some charity cards, and I’m not really that sort of person anyway, but I did burst into tears. 

It is horrible to be around people who are celebrating when I feel I have nothing to celebrate. The year anniversary is coming up in February  and I’m already dreading that. 

I guess if you’ve got kids or close relatives of your spouse then they will be feeling something similar, and perhaps it won’t be so bad if you’re  surrounded by those who are grieving your lost one too. 

Comment by Tekwriter on December 15, 2018 at 7:17am

I lost my wonderful husband in May. I had made some progress but have now backtracked and have lost it all. I am back to crying everyday. They holidays are really taking a toll.


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