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Widowed in 2019

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Members: 130
Latest Activity: yesterday

Discussion Forum

365th Day Without You

Started by Pooh898. Last reply by Carol E yesterday. 3 Replies

Yesterday marked the 365th day without my husband. I miss him beyond words but, this loneliness is almost unbearable. My ROCK is gone and I’m left all alone it seems with no sense of purpose. My…Continue


Started by Judyrose. Last reply by Alw12889 Feb 12. 28 Replies

It’s been 3 months for me. It is the worst feeling in my life. Some days I think he’s coming back then I realize he’s not and have a breakdown. We were married for 48 years and I don’t like being…Continue

Being in public

Started by Justme. Last reply by Pietie Feb 10. 10 Replies

I dread being at work or in public around people who know me. Inevitably someone asks, "HOW are you doing?" or "How were the holidays?" and won't let it drop w/ a fine. I know they care and that…Continue

Still doesn't feel real!

Started by Mimis. Last reply by Deb Jan 21. 2 Replies

It's been almost 3 months (30 Oct 2019) since my best friend, love of my life, and father of my two boys died in hospital due to complications from liver failure. It still doesn't feel real. I see…Continue

Comment Wall


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Comment by pokerflat yesterday

It's been almost 2 months since my wife  0f 20 years passed away from stage 4 cancer that spread from the lungs to the brain. She had been fighting  for over  2 years. While I miss her a bunch I'm glad she is finally at peace. I miss the small things we use to do and say to each other. It does seem to be getting easier and it helps that i'm back at work. What is helping me is when I'm going through things and finding things that I was told "I lost" spare keys for one...  before she had the disease she would have just told me" I moved them here because" My kids cracked up when they saw where they were ..3rd bedroom closet...It just tells me the cancer was affecting her.It was difficult the last year as her personality and moods changed and I  took on everything around the house..bills shopping , cleaning....and maybe became a little..overwhelmed,  resentful. Still went to every doctor/chemo/radiation treatment.. I think it hit us in April of 2019 when "Keytruda" a wiz bang immunotherapy drug was not effective...and I started thinking about being by myself.

One thing that keeps moving me forward is hearing her say...Don't dwell...get out....move that's what i do when I start to get off the rails. I have gone by myself to a couple events that we use to go to together, It wasn't even close to being the same ..Cried in the car..over and back ....but I did it and survived..and may do it again.

Then again if feels surreal....  

Comment by CvilleSarah on February 14, 2020 at 3:24pm

Comment by Melissa on January 18, 2020 at 6:57pm


Please do not feel as though you need to give Rick up! Find ways to stay connected. (There's a whole grief theory, called "continuing bonds", that basically debunks the idea that it is somehow better for us to "get over" our beloved dead. It is not...which is good, because it's an impossible thing to ask us to do anyways.)

Comment by Melissa on January 18, 2020 at 6:54pm
To everyone who has been widowed in the last few months, let me just say this:

Literally the only thing you should be doing (and, for many of us, the only thing we CAN do) in the first few months is to move toward anything that feels slightly less painful. Trust yourself to recognize what those things are for you, and then do them. That's it.
Comment by DeeDee on January 15, 2020 at 10:54am

Risky biz,

I feel your pain! I feel like most days I’m on auto pilot and some days I just need a nap!!! 
mine day at a time is all you can do, I aim for one hour at a time... 

Comment by Riskybiz on January 15, 2020 at 10:48am

A dear friend who has been widowed twice has told me to take it one day at a time.  That is what I am doing.  I force myself to get up and start the day.  I cry all the time and am losing weight.  I just cannot imagine my life without Rick.  How do I give up someone I have been married to for 45 years?

Comment by Lisa on January 15, 2020 at 9:52am

I am just over two months in, and I don't know if it's better, but it's different. I still cry every day. I still can't get up in the morning, because there's nothing I want to do or that seems worth getting up for. But once I am up, it doesn't hurt as much to just be alive, move around, breathe. I miss him like crazy every minute. I am ready for a day when I will be able to get out of bed, find meaning in my work again. I hope that time is coming. I'm not there yet, and it may be a long wait. It's hard to imagine more than one day in the future.

Comment by Riskybiz on January 15, 2020 at 9:26am

Not doing well at all, my husband has been dead for one month and I can't stop crying.

Comment by [email protected] on January 15, 2020 at 9:11am

How is everyone doing these days knowing hard to deal with a big lost as I am now

Comment by Riskybiz on January 14, 2020 at 11:56am

I think people are very uncomfortable when death comes up.  They don't want you to tell them that you are lonely, hurting, sad, angry, depressed and don't want to get up in the morning.  There are people with banal comments, like "He's in a better place".  Be strong.  He would not want you to feel like this.  These people have no idea how hard this is.  I hate being a widow.  I hate saying the word.  I hate crying all the time.  I hate the pain.  And the knowledge I will never kiss or hug him again.  Maybe these people have never really loved someone with all their heart.  I will somehow get through this but I will never be the same woman I was.  I don't see ever being happy again.


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