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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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Widowed in 2019

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Members: 167
Latest Activity: on Thursday

Discussion Forum

just joining

Started by julieb. Last reply by julieb on Tuesday. 8 Replies

Hi all, Just joining the group. I've read many of the posts on here and it seems we all have a lot of the same feelings. I'm very sorry that any of us need to be here. I never could have imagined…Continue

365th Day Without You

Started by Pooh898. Last reply by Mama Mary May 7. 7 Replies

Yesterday marked the 365th day without my husband. I miss him beyond words but, this loneliness is almost unbearable. My ROCK is gone and I’m left all alone it seems with no sense of purpose. My…Continue

Being in public

Started by Justme. Last reply by AnnieDReich May 5. 17 Replies

I dread being at work or in public around people who know me. Inevitably someone asks, "HOW are you doing?" or "How were the holidays?" and won't let it drop w/ a fine. I know they care and that…Continue

Hello

Started by MattsMom. Last reply by Mama Mary Apr 25. 3 Replies

Just joined the site and this group. I wish it didn't have to exist. My husband died 8/1/2019 after an almost seven battle with glioblastoma multiforme (GBM). He was 69 and we were 7 weeks shy of our…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by Lisa on April 28, 2020 at 7:01pm

Thought you all might be interested in this article about grief during this pandemic. Alan Wolfelt, who is quoted in it, is the author of the book I mentioned earlier, "When Your Soulmate Dies".

https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-features/coronavirus-g...

Comment by laurajay on April 27, 2020 at 11:34am

Alex...your  grief  is  fresh  and  raw  and  emotions  are   in  upheaval.  The pain  of  loss  is  no  respecter of persons...we  all feel  it but  you  do  have  the  advantage  of  your  youth.  Your  life is  at  the  very  beginning  of  the  most  productive, adventurous  years.  Your  love for  your partner  will  never  end  but   there  is  room  for  love  from others  should  new  people  come  your  way.  You  do  not  see  it  or  feel it  because of  your  pain  and  loss   but  in  time,  of  which  you  have  decades more  to  live,  you  may  find  you  have  the  capacity  to  love  again...never  the  same  but  worthwhile.  It  will  not  diminish  what  you  had with your  partner  but  rather  allow  your  soul  to  find  rebirth  and  new  joy. Grieve  as  long  as  it  comforts  you.  Tell  your  story  as  we  all  have  done  here....but  know  change  will  happen   better  or   worse  I  can't  say  but   what  you  feel  today  will  change  and  if  you  allow it  you  will  reach  new  understandings  and  find  yourself  moving  forward  in  your life.   No  timetable.  Allow  it  to  unfold  as  your  heart  tells  you...yield  to  the  changes  and  be  grateful .

Comment by Michelle on April 27, 2020 at 5:33am

Hello All and thank you for sharing your stories with this group.  My husband, Dan passed away from a massive heart attack 11 months ago.  I came home from work and found him.  I am still finding it hard to believe it's really true.  It's an image I'll never get out of my head and one that replays in my mind when I'm not expecting it.   We did everything together and now I find myself doing all of those things on my own.  Going to Menards for example - that was his place and he knew where everything was in the store.   I was there this weekend and it just seems wrong for me to be there alone.  I am taking care of the house and yard on my own, which at times seems like so much.  I have two daughters that are grown.  One lives on her own and the other just finished college and still lives at home with me, which helps.  This new live of mine is one I never imagined at this stage in my life.  I am thankful for my life but I also miss him so much.  I still have all of his things in the closet, bathroom, his slippers are still by the door.  I just cannot remove those things.  Dan should be here.  It's so hard to see pictures of him or talk about him without crying.  I wonder when the pain will get easier.  Thank you for providing this space for me to share.

Comment by Lisa on April 26, 2020 at 8:05pm

Hi Alex,

I'm so sorry for your loss, and thanks so much for sharing. I understand what you mean about not being ready to let things go that are proof of your life together. I have a brownie mix that I have been "saving". As if he is going to come back so we can make it together like we planned. I do have kids, but they are older--high school and college--and I do sometimes feel bad that I still find it so hard to get out of bed and keep moving, as if they are not enough for me to live for. I think these feelings must just be normal during this time, no matter how much good our lives still hold. It helps, like you said, to think about my gratitude for having had what many people never get in life. I am 50, though, and it does seem like such a long time ahead to live without him, and to find some joy and meaning in that.

Comment by Riskybiz on April 26, 2020 at 7:39pm

Alex,

I hope my post does not discourage you from having children and finding another love.  You are only 30, I will be 68 in September so our situations are different.  We both have sorrow, you must believe that your life is going to get better.  I had 45 years with a wonderful man, I want you to find the same.  I am praying for you.

Comment by Alex on April 26, 2020 at 7:27pm

Hi, I'm new to this group and I wish we didn't have to be here but I'm "happy" I've found people who feel similar way that I do so thank you for sharing!

I've been reading the comments for a while but never posted myself. I was touched by Lisa's post about changing sheets as I did the same thing keeping them on for months! (no matter how disgusting it might sound) I suppose it's just about staying as close to them as we only can - even though it's still so very far! It's been 9 months since my partner passed away after battling a long term illness and I still didn't unpack the bag that he prepared for his next day at work before being taken to the hospital, or still didn't use up the 'dry foods' we bought together. I feel like I have to hold on to them and like not having them will be a proof that our life together is over and somehow I'm still not able to fully acknowledge that. And it's the same about visiting the cemetery for me - going to places where you feel closer to them. My relationship didn't die and I still need the time that is dedicated just to me and him. Visiting the cemetery might help get it structered because you know specificaly that it's your time - to think, to talk, to play your music... However, I believe it can be any of your places, like Sander's vine cellar for example - sounds very special to me. Or addressind your spouse in journal like you mentioned before.

I've just read Riskybiz's latest post and it's so sad not to believe in happiness anymore. I feel quite the same way - I don't look forward to anything either. I'm only 30 and we had a whole life ahead of us and now it only feels like an empty road of nothing and it's so unfair. We didn' have children yet and perhaps having them would be motivating to get out of bed and get on with life but I appreciate that being a widowed parent must be very difficult too. Going through life alone is scary but considering my beliefs, this is the only path I can see for myself. People keep telling me that I'm young and will meet someone else but I'm not albe to listen to that, as I'm sure nobody is at that stage. Despite all this I believe I will find some sort of purpose that will make my life less miserable. And I definitely don't consider myself a loser - as I feel like I've already won - I found a real love "until death do us part", something that many people will never experience. I just don't know what to do with the time I have left here as living it without him and not knowing how he is doing is scary and I can's make any sense of it. 

Take care everyone and thanks again for sharing your stories

Comment by Riskybiz on April 26, 2020 at 5:54pm

Lisa,

Rick was cremated, he wanted to be "scattered" in the pond behind our home, in the spring. He wanted his boys there, well his ashes are in the closet, we can't follow his wishes yet as our oldest son has the virus.

I feel like God is playing a cruel joke on me.  Rick goes into the hospital and thirteen days later he is dead.  Totally  unexpected, shocked the doctor.  Died one week before Christmas Eve.  Needless to say, Christmas was unbearable.  Next was New Years Eve, that was the night he proposed to me, forty six years ago.  And now, this pandemic.  I have never been so lonely in my life.  I just cannot see a life without him, the sadness is overwhelming.  Does the crying ever stop?  The aching?  I am so ready to join him.  I just don't want to do this anymore.  Sometimes I think I am going crazy the hurting is so intense, and I just want him back but I kn9w that will never happen.  To all of you I am so sorry this has happened to all of us.  I can't imagine ever feeling joy or happiness again.

Comment by Lisa on April 26, 2020 at 3:55pm

Thanks for sharing, everyone. I like it that if your loved one was cremated you have the option of choosing meaningful places. I just went to the cemetery on Friday, no special reason--I often want to go, but then when I'm there, I never know what to do. It doesn't feel like being with him, it just feels like one more place that he is not. Just like all the million other places that he is missing from now. I do talk to him at the cemetery, but I also do that anywhere. I haven't taken flowers, so maybe that would be good, and I hadn't thought about music, so that might be good too. I would like to keep going there, but it would be better if there was something to make the experience itself more meaningful. Thanks for sharing your experiences and ideas, it's very helpful.

Sarah, I also write to him in a journal, although not every night. It's maybe weird, but I already had it and wrote in it when he was alive, because it's always seemed natural to address all my thoughts and ideas to him. He was the person I went to with everything that was in my  heart, even if we never actually talked about it. So I have just kept on with that journal like always, although you're right, so much of it now is just new ways of saying how I miss him.

Comment by KCCHIEFS on April 25, 2020 at 10:47pm

thank you Hobom. Everything thing you said makes sense.  I don't know what to do at this instant,  I was just listening to a song "remind me" and it made me feel worse, because I want to feel  love and affection and it won't happen anytime soon if it does I'm sure. 

Comment by KCCHIEFS on April 25, 2020 at 10:47pm

thank you Hobom. Everything thing you said makes sense.  I don't know what to do at this instant,  I was just listening to a song "remind me" and it made me feel worse, because I want to feel  love and affection and it won't happen anytime soon if it does I'm sure. 

 

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