Members

This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Information

Widowed in 2019

We're so sorry you have a reason to join us. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

We are grateful you found us so soon after your loss, but until this group grows please feel free to also join the Widowed in 2018.

Members: 172
Latest Activity: Jul 5

Discussion Forum

Not all here

Started by CvilleSarah. Last reply by CvilleSarah Jun 27. 5 Replies

Not to be weird, but does anyone ever feel like part of your soul is already in heaven, or something? Ever since my Joey died, I kind of feel like I’m “not all here.” Like maybe the best part of my…Continue

Hello

Started by MattsMom. Last reply by Jerzgirl Jun 16. 5 Replies

Just joined the site and this group. I wish it didn't have to exist. My husband died 8/1/2019 after an almost seven battle with glioblastoma multiforme (GBM). He was 69 and we were 7 weeks shy of our…Continue

just joining

Started by julieb. Last reply by Helen May 31. 10 Replies

Hi all, Just joining the group. I've read many of the posts on here and it seems we all have a lot of the same feelings. I'm very sorry that any of us need to be here. I never could have imagined…Continue

365th Day Without You

Started by Pooh898. Last reply by Mama Mary May 7. 7 Replies

Yesterday marked the 365th day without my husband. I miss him beyond words but, this loneliness is almost unbearable. My ROCK is gone and I’m left all alone it seems with no sense of purpose. My…Continue

Comment Wall

Comment

You need to be a member of Widowed in 2019 to add comments!

Comment by Michelle on April 27, 2020 at 5:33am

Hello All and thank you for sharing your stories with this group.  My husband, Dan passed away from a massive heart attack 11 months ago.  I came home from work and found him.  I am still finding it hard to believe it's really true.  It's an image I'll never get out of my head and one that replays in my mind when I'm not expecting it.   We did everything together and now I find myself doing all of those things on my own.  Going to Menards for example - that was his place and he knew where everything was in the store.   I was there this weekend and it just seems wrong for me to be there alone.  I am taking care of the house and yard on my own, which at times seems like so much.  I have two daughters that are grown.  One lives on her own and the other just finished college and still lives at home with me, which helps.  This new live of mine is one I never imagined at this stage in my life.  I am thankful for my life but I also miss him so much.  I still have all of his things in the closet, bathroom, his slippers are still by the door.  I just cannot remove those things.  Dan should be here.  It's so hard to see pictures of him or talk about him without crying.  I wonder when the pain will get easier.  Thank you for providing this space for me to share.

Comment by Lisa on April 26, 2020 at 8:05pm

Hi Alex,

I'm so sorry for your loss, and thanks so much for sharing. I understand what you mean about not being ready to let things go that are proof of your life together. I have a brownie mix that I have been "saving". As if he is going to come back so we can make it together like we planned. I do have kids, but they are older--high school and college--and I do sometimes feel bad that I still find it so hard to get out of bed and keep moving, as if they are not enough for me to live for. I think these feelings must just be normal during this time, no matter how much good our lives still hold. It helps, like you said, to think about my gratitude for having had what many people never get in life. I am 50, though, and it does seem like such a long time ahead to live without him, and to find some joy and meaning in that.

Comment by Riskybiz on April 26, 2020 at 7:39pm

Alex,

I hope my post does not discourage you from having children and finding another love.  You are only 30, I will be 68 in September so our situations are different.  We both have sorrow, you must believe that your life is going to get better.  I had 45 years with a wonderful man, I want you to find the same.  I am praying for you.

Comment by Alex on April 26, 2020 at 7:27pm

Hi, I'm new to this group and I wish we didn't have to be here but I'm "happy" I've found people who feel similar way that I do so thank you for sharing!

I've been reading the comments for a while but never posted myself. I was touched by Lisa's post about changing sheets as I did the same thing keeping them on for months! (no matter how disgusting it might sound) I suppose it's just about staying as close to them as we only can - even though it's still so very far! It's been 9 months since my partner passed away after battling a long term illness and I still didn't unpack the bag that he prepared for his next day at work before being taken to the hospital, or still didn't use up the 'dry foods' we bought together. I feel like I have to hold on to them and like not having them will be a proof that our life together is over and somehow I'm still not able to fully acknowledge that. And it's the same about visiting the cemetery for me - going to places where you feel closer to them. My relationship didn't die and I still need the time that is dedicated just to me and him. Visiting the cemetery might help get it structered because you know specificaly that it's your time - to think, to talk, to play your music... However, I believe it can be any of your places, like Sander's vine cellar for example - sounds very special to me. Or addressind your spouse in journal like you mentioned before.

I've just read Riskybiz's latest post and it's so sad not to believe in happiness anymore. I feel quite the same way - I don't look forward to anything either. I'm only 30 and we had a whole life ahead of us and now it only feels like an empty road of nothing and it's so unfair. We didn' have children yet and perhaps having them would be motivating to get out of bed and get on with life but I appreciate that being a widowed parent must be very difficult too. Going through life alone is scary but considering my beliefs, this is the only path I can see for myself. People keep telling me that I'm young and will meet someone else but I'm not albe to listen to that, as I'm sure nobody is at that stage. Despite all this I believe I will find some sort of purpose that will make my life less miserable. And I definitely don't consider myself a loser - as I feel like I've already won - I found a real love "until death do us part", something that many people will never experience. I just don't know what to do with the time I have left here as living it without him and not knowing how he is doing is scary and I can's make any sense of it. 

Take care everyone and thanks again for sharing your stories

Comment by Riskybiz on April 26, 2020 at 5:54pm

Lisa,

Rick was cremated, he wanted to be "scattered" in the pond behind our home, in the spring. He wanted his boys there, well his ashes are in the closet, we can't follow his wishes yet as our oldest son has the virus.

I feel like God is playing a cruel joke on me.  Rick goes into the hospital and thirteen days later he is dead.  Totally  unexpected, shocked the doctor.  Died one week before Christmas Eve.  Needless to say, Christmas was unbearable.  Next was New Years Eve, that was the night he proposed to me, forty six years ago.  And now, this pandemic.  I have never been so lonely in my life.  I just cannot see a life without him, the sadness is overwhelming.  Does the crying ever stop?  The aching?  I am so ready to join him.  I just don't want to do this anymore.  Sometimes I think I am going crazy the hurting is so intense, and I just want him back but I kn9w that will never happen.  To all of you I am so sorry this has happened to all of us.  I can't imagine ever feeling joy or happiness again.

Comment by Lisa on April 26, 2020 at 3:55pm

Thanks for sharing, everyone. I like it that if your loved one was cremated you have the option of choosing meaningful places. I just went to the cemetery on Friday, no special reason--I often want to go, but then when I'm there, I never know what to do. It doesn't feel like being with him, it just feels like one more place that he is not. Just like all the million other places that he is missing from now. I do talk to him at the cemetery, but I also do that anywhere. I haven't taken flowers, so maybe that would be good, and I hadn't thought about music, so that might be good too. I would like to keep going there, but it would be better if there was something to make the experience itself more meaningful. Thanks for sharing your experiences and ideas, it's very helpful.

Sarah, I also write to him in a journal, although not every night. It's maybe weird, but I already had it and wrote in it when he was alive, because it's always seemed natural to address all my thoughts and ideas to him. He was the person I went to with everything that was in my  heart, even if we never actually talked about it. So I have just kept on with that journal like always, although you're right, so much of it now is just new ways of saying how I miss him.

Comment by KCCHIEFS on April 25, 2020 at 10:47pm

thank you Hobom. Everything thing you said makes sense.  I don't know what to do at this instant,  I was just listening to a song "remind me" and it made me feel worse, because I want to feel  love and affection and it won't happen anytime soon if it does I'm sure. 

Comment by KCCHIEFS on April 25, 2020 at 10:47pm

thank you Hobom. Everything thing you said makes sense.  I don't know what to do at this instant,  I was just listening to a song "remind me" and it made me feel worse, because I want to feel  love and affection and it won't happen anytime soon if it does I'm sure. 

Comment by Sander on April 25, 2020 at 5:00pm

Lisa...sorry for your loss.... It's been 5 months since Dennis passed away....his only request was to be cremated, guess the rest is up to me...we don't have any plots so the only placed I could think of that he would like to be is in the wine cellar that we built.....sometimes I go in their with a glass of wine and talk to him and of coarse do some crying about missing him so much. I suppose as long as I live in our house that's where he will be....I feel that's where he would want to be....we both loved wine and our last trip before he couldn't travel anymore was to Carmel & Napa Valley....it's hard for me to drink any of the wine that we bought on that trip....don't want to drink the wine without him.....so many good tasting memories. 

I was going to the cemetery often to put a pink rose on my Mother-laws crypt. She passed away 6wks after Dennis did...it's not far from where my son is buried..so then I was going more often to visit Ryan....I do find comfort in doing that...not everyone does....my daughter doesn't...last time she was there is when we laid him to rest 19 yrs ago...I haven't been able to go since the virus quarantine because I have a pre-existing condition and doctors orders not to leave my house.....hoping to get out soon!

Comment by DIVA70 on April 25, 2020 at 3:13pm

Usually I go to the cemetery on certain special days...my birthday, his birthday, Fathers Day, Veterans Day,Thanksgiving and Christmas. Since he's in a Veterans cemetery I try to go whenever they have something special to honor the veterans. The first few months after he passed my children and grandchildren would go with me. Our oldest grandson was really close to his granddad and he took it so hard. Our only daughter also took it very hard so I decided I would just go to the cemetery alone. So when I go I always take flowers and place at his graveside. We had our favorite songs so I will usually play one or two of our songs (Kenny Rogers and Alan Jackson were our favorites) I tell him how I'm doing. I say a prayer and then I leave. The drive to and from is usually nice, especially in the Summer. Sometimes I just get that urge to visit his grave. I take the scenic way so I pass by a lot of open fields and farms. It's serene and about a 45 minute drive from where I live. (The same house we built and lived in for over 30 years) So I listen to all the songs he had on his playlist and some tunes that I have added which remain me of him. Many times I cry but I always smile when I think of how blessed I was to have him for fifty years. Next week I will go visit. 4/29 it will be 2 years since he passed away.

 

Members (172)

 
 
 

© 2020   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service