Members

This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Information

Widowed in 2019

We're so sorry you have a reason to join us. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

We are grateful you found us so soon after your loss, but until this group grows please feel free to also join the Widowed in 2018.

Members: 168
Latest Activity: 4 hours ago

Discussion Forum

just joining

Started by julieb. Last reply by pokerflat 4 hours ago. 9 Replies

Hi all, Just joining the group. I've read many of the posts on here and it seems we all have a lot of the same feelings. I'm very sorry that any of us need to be here. I never could have imagined…Continue

365th Day Without You

Started by Pooh898. Last reply by Mama Mary May 7. 7 Replies

Yesterday marked the 365th day without my husband. I miss him beyond words but, this loneliness is almost unbearable. My ROCK is gone and I’m left all alone it seems with no sense of purpose. My…Continue

Being in public

Started by Justme. Last reply by AnnieDReich May 5. 17 Replies

I dread being at work or in public around people who know me. Inevitably someone asks, "HOW are you doing?" or "How were the holidays?" and won't let it drop w/ a fine. I know they care and that…Continue

Hello

Started by MattsMom. Last reply by Mama Mary Apr 25. 3 Replies

Just joined the site and this group. I wish it didn't have to exist. My husband died 8/1/2019 after an almost seven battle with glioblastoma multiforme (GBM). He was 69 and we were 7 weeks shy of our…Continue

Comment Wall

Comment

You need to be a member of Widowed in 2019 to add comments!

Comment by Lisa on April 25, 2020 at 12:48pm

Do any of you spend much time at the cemetery? If so, what do you do there?

Comment by Lisa on April 23, 2020 at 7:16pm

Thank you, hopefully they are. That's a good thought.

Comment by Riskybiz on April 23, 2020 at 7:11pm

Lisa,

Thanks for your kind words, when this pandemic is better we will take care of Rick's ashes.  I'm glad you had a good ceremony for your Rick.  Hopefully they are somewhere sharing a beer or glass of wine.  My Rick loved red wine, and beer every so often.

Comment by Lisa on April 23, 2020 at 6:57pm

Carol, I'm sure you are right, you'll know when it's time.

Riskybiz, there is nothing trite about it at all, those are the things that a life together is made of. And I understand what you mean, it is so hard to see the empty spaces where they are supposed to be. It's good that you know his wishes, and I hope you will be able to carry them out soon. If it's a private remembrance with your family, there shouldn't be much public risk, and hopefully remembering him like that together will be comforting and healing for all of you. My Rick's kids from his first marriage, my kids, and myself, all went to the graveside on his birthday in December, just to gather around and share thoughts and memories, and also just to stand there and cry and remember together. We went out for lunch afterward, and it was a good time of remembering our life together with him. I hope we will do it again.

Comment by Riskybiz on April 23, 2020 at 6:44pm

Lisa,

Thanks for not thinking my comment was trite, it makes me both happy and sad.  It's not the bed, it's the fact Rick is not here to share it.  He was cremated, and wanted to be sprinkled in our pond that leads to a river, with both of our sons, in the spring.  With is pandemic that is not possible now, have to wait.  This site has been such a blessing to all I wish peace and happiness and relief.  We are all in a club no one wished to join.

Comment by Carol E on April 23, 2020 at 6:37pm

Yes, Lisa, I have fiends who lost their husbands and emptied their closets and gave away clothes in a matter of moths. My husband passed away the end of January 2019, and I still have all his clothes, things in the bathroom cabinets, etc. We have a lot of room in the house, so getting rid of his things is not needed to give me more space, and every time I think of going through them and giving his things away, I just feel that I can't do it right now. I think at some point it will feel right to do so, but not yet. Don't let anyone push you into it if you are not ready. I have a friend whose children came right after her husband died and helped her go through his things to give away, and it was very disturbing for her. 

Comment by Lisa on April 23, 2020 at 6:36pm

Riskybiz, thanks for sharing that story. It is such a good memory. I'm glad you have those sweet reminders of your years together.

Maybe someday it will feel like the right time to go back to your bedroom, and it will give you the comfort of a connection with him, rather than just pain. If that time comes, I'm sure you'll know.

Comment by Riskybiz on April 23, 2020 at 6:25pm

Lisa,

Regarding sheets, I have not slept in our bed since the night he died.  I sleep downstairs, in the den.  It's so hard for me to be in our bedroom, I have to force myself to shower in our bathroom.  When Rick retired he became bored quickly and asked what he do to help me in the house.  I told him to change the sheets weekly.  Every Sunday after the paper was read he would change the sheets.  It was fine with me!  One day, after I laundered the sheets, several months later I put them in the linen closet and noticed a black paper clip holder.  When I asked him why he smiled and said it was his "sheet rotation" so the sheets would last longer.  My God do I miss that man, I am crying and smiling while I write this.  My apologies to anyone who thinks this is trite.  It is trite but that was my Rick.  My love.

Comment by DIVA70 on April 23, 2020 at 6:17pm

Yes, I agree. There are no set rules as long as it is not a safety or health hazard.. It will be two years on April 29 since my dear Tony passed away. Last week it dawned on me that I had not touched any of his personal items in our bathroom. We had a large vanity with double bowls so my items were on my side and his items were on his side. I finally disposed of his toothbrush and razors. The bag he carried to dialysis is still in the same place he always left it. His seat cushion, blanket, hand warmers and other items he always carried with him are all in the bag just as he packed it. I still haven't the heart to move it. As you said it's a personal matter. Take care.

Comment by laurajay on April 23, 2020 at 4:29pm

Lisa...Can't  tell  you who   or  where  I  read  similar  stories  here  about  not  changing  sheets  but  your  admission is  not  one  of a  kind  by  any  means  here  at  WV.   I  am  happy  you  realized  from  a  health  standpoint  changing  the  bed  sheets was a wise and  healthy  thing  to  do.  There  are  people herr  who  changed nothing-  not  the  things  in  the  bathroom  or  drawers  or  closets  for years.  Some  don't  move anything in   the  way of  decorating , furniture, wall  color, photos  etc. but  in  fact  make  shrines  to  remember  their  spouse.  Others  change  everything and redo  their  homes  to reflect a new life  and  others  are  haunted  by  it  all  and  sell  stuff, get rid  of  things  and  move away!  There is  no  right  or  wrong it  is  whatever  your  heart leads  you  to  do. Everyone  deals  with  widowhood in a  way  that works  for  them. 

 

Members (168)

 
 
 

© 2020   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service