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Widowed in 2020

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Members: 91
Latest Activity: 1 hour ago

Discussion Forum

My Story...

Started by Ellen. Last reply by Sleepless in Oxford 1 hour ago. 16 Replies

Hi all,This is my first post to the group.  I have joined multiple Zoom calls and find them helpful in knowing I'm not alone with this un welcomed change in life.My husband died of a Stroke at the…Continue

Relationship with daughters?

Started by Sleepless in Oxford. Last reply by Estragon 5 hours ago. 8 Replies

My wife of 24 years died just over two months ago.  I thought it would start getting easier by now, but after reading this forum and a couple books on grieving, I’m beginning to understand why it’s…Continue

Hard Couple of Days

Started by Carousel. Last reply by Rere on Monday. 15 Replies

Maybe I'm just tired as I've been up since 2:00 a.m. today.  The past couple of days have been bad.  On Tuesday, I had a grief therapy session in the morning and then did the Zoom call in the…Continue

New Widower

Started by Carousel. Last reply by DIWT4E Jul 27. 10 Replies

My wife of 35 years passed away in June  from lung cancer.  I am not sure what my place in the world is now.  She was my soulmate, wife, and best friend.  I feel like half a person blindly going…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by Maggie May on July 24, 2020 at 6:14pm

You are right, it was out of our control - just like everything seems out of control in the world right now (which doesn't help). Our husband's passed about the same time - it's been almost three months, and I seem to be crying more. I found a voice mail from earlier in April, and I finally understood that he was saying he wanted to come home. He just wanted to come home. Several days before he passed, nurses and aides helped him call me and he clearly said "I love you." He hadn't been able to speak clearly for a long time. So, I have that to hold in my heart, and I know I did not abandon him, and he knew why I couldn't be there, but as he got weaker and sicker, he must have needed me. My head knows I did everything I could, but my heart is still hunting for him. 

I know I have to get past this, and I heard that this feeling of guilt is common for those who couldn't be with our loved ones. It helps knowing that we are not alone in this, but I'm still crying.

Comment by outwest on July 24, 2020 at 6:03pm

To Maggie May and Rere

My wife did not died from COVID, she had lung cancer. However she entered a hospice a few days prior to the COVID lock down in our state. After spending 5 nights with her in the hospice I was forced to leave. I was only allowed back in when her signs started to turn downward and again I was forced to leave at 5pm. She passed away at 12:30 am the next morning. The one thing she wanted at the end was to not died alone and it turned to be the one thing I could not make happen. I know I did what I could and would have did whatever it took to be with her at the end. But still not a day goes by with me feeling that I let her down.

I am sorry that you both have a reason to be here. Hopefully the village will provide some comfort to each of you.

Take Care

Comment by Rere on July 24, 2020 at 5:04pm

To Maggie May, 

It breaks my heart that you feel like you abandoned your husband, but I too feel that way. My husband died from COVID in late April . He was on a ventilator and because we could not visit him I feel like he was scared and wondering where we were, especially me. It haunts me. I keep telling myself that it was out of my control, but not a day goes by that it doesn't make me cry.  We must remember that our husbands absolutely knew we loved them!

Comment by Sleepless in Oxford on July 23, 2020 at 6:16am

My wife of 24 years passed away on June 6th, 2020 after a 5 year battle with cancer.  I miss her everyday and cannot image happiness without her.

Comment by JuliaB on July 13, 2020 at 9:04pm

Hi LoraineS,

My wife died a couple days after your husband, June 9.  She was 63.  This past month has been a roller coaster of emotions.  I got something from the hospice today that was the first in a "series" about things to do for starting to deal with the grief.  I suppose the good news is that, without reading the list, I've already starting doing about half of the things on the list such as talking about the fact that she has died, crying when I need to, talking about her to others, having some time by myself to acknowledge my loss.  I also have talked to her a few times.  I have also decided that she wants me to grieve for a time and then continue living a very joyful life that we had together but now building a new chapter that continues that joy.  I've rearranged a few things in the house that makes it "mine" and that has helped.  

About a week ago, she came to me in a dream.  That morning, when I woke up from the dream, I was so happy and felt absolutely enveloped by her love.  I felt she was giving me reassurance that she will always be in my heart and that I needed to keep living and find that happiness and joy.  While I know everyone might not feel this way, I felt she gave me a nudge to take off my wedding ring and go ahead and get that piece of jewelry made that I had decided to get done where I combine her wedding ring stones and mine into a new piece of jewelry.

I've also put her flag from the service on display on my book shelf.  That was something that I felt would make recognition of her death concrete for me.  I have to admit I have not brought the ashes home; those are at my friends house.  I wasn't ready for that yet. Eventually, I'm going to start taking a small bit of them to various places but we are in lock down again here in California....Thanks for reading and listening to my stream of consciousness writings.

Julia

Comment by LorraineS on July 13, 2020 at 8:38pm

My husband died suddenly on June 7, 2020. He was 77 and lived a full life. He had a severe form of Rheumatoid Arthritis since 2006 which rapidly changed his life and resulted in him losing a toe on each foot from the disease. The RA caused many more issues as well and I believe one of those lead to his death.

We were married nearly 35 years.

Comment by outwest on July 13, 2020 at 6:40pm

Darrin sorry for your loss.  My wife of 42 years passed away in April, for the last 14 years our only family was her mother who lives 1200 miles away. So it was just the 2 of us,I miss her all the time but especially in the evenings. No idea what the future holds but I know need to try and work it. 
Hopefully, you can find some help and hope here in the village to move forward.

please take care.

Comment by Rere on July 13, 2020 at 3:25pm

LO,

I lost my husband to COVID the end of April. I share your unbearable pain of losing someone you had done everything with. The lonliness  and sorrow are soooo deep. I am lost and am wondering if it is just time that will eventually help me live again. 

Comment by LO on July 13, 2020 at 2:04pm

Hello all,

Darren I know how you feel. My husband passed away 4 months ago very suddenly from Covid.  We also did everything together.  The feeling of loneliness is unbearable.  I am lucky to have my children and family, but it doesn’t take away the empty, lost feeling I have not having him with me.

Comment by darren on July 12, 2020 at 3:59pm

it`s been 4 days just gone this morning i thought the shock was less till the rest of the day came. her family lives far away, mine is all gone. our relationship over 20 yrs was just the 2 of us .friends i had before faded away.we did everything together. now just me all alone :(

 

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