So sorry that you are going through this. It's been 6 years since my husband passed away. I remember the fog of grief that lasted longer than I thought it would at the time. You have support here and can feel free to…"
Good morning AMA. I appreciate your kind words. Although as I read it, I did cry quite a bit because it is just another reminder that my husband is gone. I miss him dearly every single day and think of what we would be doing, "the right now moments".
Thanks for responding AMA, I really appreciate it .My dear friend who I now live next door to is a guy and very stoic and did I mention a man? so I know he would rather face a firing squad that see me cry so I don't. My son loved his stepfather so very much( and who he is as a man is because of him) but he does not get the depth of my despair nor do I want to burden him with it. You can't know unless you have been through it. I don't want to be remembered as this depressed person so I put on a happy face and suffer in silence. Since I am managing money and bills for the first time in 35 years and quite frankly it's the wrong side of the brain and think maybe I'm not going to make it here in this very expensive Silicon Valley...( my dog's grooming is more than what it was to get my hair colored in my little city) I keep thinking well if this happens (sell my short sale house or pay off my car ) worries would be less but I just get to the what's the use ? We lived with something that was so out of our control that I feel that is what rest of life will be. The other day my son texted me and told me to go to a movie by myself to which I had to say to him, if I was not already depressed going to a movie by myself would really put me into the despondent side. Everything is an effort. I want my life back. I want my husband back...Mr." it is what it is guy".
AMA so sorry for your loss. My spouse passed from cancer also. It is not easy trying to cope with life after a loss, you pray your way through and do the best you can. My daughter lives in Costa Mesa not too far from you. Having sunny days help, I live in Nevada and I don't think my moods would be the same if I still lived in the Midwest.
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