This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Athena53 replied to Riley's discussion How are you doing? in the group Widowed in 2016
"It's been a really mixed bag.  I'm doing better than most- DH was on a downhill slide for 2 years and by the time he faded away in November, 2016 at age 78 it was almost a relief.  Since his death I've had some wonderful…"
Apr 13
Athena53 replied to Nieta's discussion Have you experienced any "God Winks" (i.e., messages) from your late spouse?
"I just had one this morning. Ron and I were travelers.  He knew that I planned to scatter bits of his ashes in various places and so far I've deposited them in 7 places in 6 countries.  This morning I was flying home from Dallas- the…"
Mar 30
Athena53 replied to Rainy (Misty)'s discussion Is there anything you know NOW that you wish you'd have known pre loss?
"That's a very human urge.  The Victorians made elaborate braided designs out of the hair of their deceased loved ones, and put them under glass, mostly in brooches and rings.  I wish I'd talked more to Ron about how he was…"
Mar 14
Athena53 replied to soulmate's discussion Unexpected "Grief Triggers"
"Your welcome.  Just an update:  all the stuff I worried about didn't happen.  I'm sure it's because I worried about it so much! Made it to London on schedule; my flight to Delhi is tomorrow."
Mar 7
Athena53 replied to Rich's discussion Has your view of your own mortality changed?
"Yes, it has.  Before Ron died at home in hospice care, I'd never seen a dead body that hadn't been prettied up and laid out by a mortician. With Ron, I was there from diagnosis through his progressive weakening to his last days, to…"
Mar 7
Athena53 replied to soulmate's discussion Unexpected "Grief Triggers"
"Susan, I'd say it's probably safer than many taxi services- the driver's rating is displayed when you get acknowledgement that he/she is on his/her way.  Both drivers were nice- the guy who took me home offered to wait till I…"
Mar 6
Athena53 replied to soulmate's discussion Unexpected "Grief Triggers"
"Thanks, Callie2!  I know chances are everything will run more or less on time but I'm an expert on what can go wrong from personal experience and I am SO good at finding things to worry about! Yes, that ordeal in the mall would have left…"
Mar 5
Athena53 replied to soulmate's discussion Unexpected "Grief Triggers"
"I've had a few very trying days.  Root canal Friday, then Saturday I misplaced my car keys at the gym.  Looked everywhere for them with help from an employee (even the trash), finally fired up an Uber app on my phone that I'd…"
Mar 5
Athena53 replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"myranndah, thanks for this.  My situation is a bit different than yours because I'm older (lost my husband 2 years ago when I was 63) and had only a couple of months of really heavy-duty caregiving, but I agree with you on anticipatory…"
Feb 23
Athena53 replied to catapan's discussion Who am I kidding?i in the group Widowed in 2016
"catapan, for many of us, the friendships that go way back in our lives sustain us.  Quite a few people who post here have reported re-connecting with people they knew decades ago; some have married them.  A friend I saw last week,…"
Feb 23
Athena53 replied to Riley's discussion Loneliness Hits you Smack in the Face in the group Widowed in 2016
"Wow- that's scary.  No graft-vs.-host issues and it still killed him.  I know you said they don't know why it happened but I hope someone is looking into it.  Maybe they'll learn something that will save someone…"
Feb 19
Athena53 replied to Riley's discussion Loneliness Hits you Smack in the Face in the group Widowed in 2016
"Riley, I spent a lot of time on a FB page for people with Acute Myeloid Leukemia and their loved ones and, in a way, stem cell transplants are the most reliable treatment because your own unhealthy cells are replaced by donor cells.  The big…"
Feb 19
Athena53 replied to Riley's discussion I feel like a dork in the group Widowed in 2016
"One-shot events such as concerts and lectures probably aren't the best place to meet people;  the single, gorgeous, kind, brilliant person ahead of you in the refreshment line is more of a movie plot line than reality.  I've done…"
Feb 18
Athena53 replied to Soaring Spirits's discussion When did you remove your wedding rings?
"The fact that it was a Victorian tradition to leave your wedding band on till the morning of your remarriage says that there were many other people who felt the way you do.  As long as you and your fiance are comfortable with it, that's…"
Feb 17
Athena53 replied to InsideLove's discussion How was your valentine's day like no other? Here's mine.
"Wow-  what a wonderful man.  I hope someday I can be that comforting to someone who lost a loved one. So many people are afraid to talk about the person who died. My day was pretty routine and that's OK.   Ron and I never…"
Feb 14
Athena53 replied to Dianne in Nevada's discussion For those who do not want to date ...
"When my Grandma died, my Grandpa remarried less than two years later. While it seemed to be a happy marriage, she was definitely a gold-digger.  He bought her way more than he ever did my grandmother (Grandma once paid for new flooring for her…"
Feb 13

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Outside of our Comfort Zones: Small Victories

Posted on October 24, 2017 at 8:57am 1 Comment

I was better prepared for life after Ron's death than many widows.  He died about a year ago at age 78, but his health had been deteriorating and his stamina had been decreasing for a couple of years before that.  I was also 15 years younger.  I'd always managed the finances (he joked that since he was an English major and my degree was in Math that was a no-brainer) and had gradually taken over lawn and yard maintenance, keeping the car maintained, housekeeping, etc. because he just…


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At 2:46pm on November 28, 2016, wannabmartha said…

So sorry for the reason that you’re here but glad you’ve joined us. You’ll find insight, understanding and support here at Widowed Village. We’re traveling the same road together some further down the road than others.  Join a group when you’re ready to get better connected. Participate in a forum and/or chat anytime. If you have questions, feel free to ask. There is always someone around willing to help. Below is a link that you might find helpful as a new member.


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