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Brandy1977
  • Female
  • Bellingham, WA
  • United States
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At 3:00pm on January 29, 2016, robinslove said…

Sleep. Well, that is hard to judge because I suffered from bouts of insomnia years before Robin died. But I find I few shots of vodka in the evening seems to put me to sleep just fine. The t-shirt sounds familiar. Only I slept with one of Robin's pillows. And I would wear one of her old t-shirts. I stopped doing that because I wanted to have some of her clothes that still had her "scent" in them. My big thing is finding and collecting her head hairs. They and I had radically different hair lengths, so it was pretty easy. I have a ziplock bag full. And I know what you mean by "not feeling" her. It is going to be like that sometimes. But then, out of the blue, you will get a feeling or a sign and know she is there. Jan wouldn't leave you. Robin hasn't left me. Oh, there will be periods of time when I think she has and then... I'll just know she is there again.         

At 2:39pm on January 28, 2016, robinslove said…

Hey, Brandy! I am doing about the same as ever. Sometimes up, sometimes down. The rollercoaster of grief is what I call it. Earlier this week I hit a very low down. It was caused by an old song, that conjured up a specific memory of her. And suddenly the tears were coming and I just missed her so damned badly! In that moment, I would have sold my soul just to talk to her for five minutes. She was my best friend as well as the love of my life and it is just really, really difficult sometimes. But, I am back up again and maintaining.

What have you been experiencing lately? Are you doing okay for the most part?   

At 3:50pm on January 19, 2016, robinslove said…

Brandy: I haven't been on this site in a long, long time. But as another lesbian who has lost the love of her life, I know what you are feeling. I am, as of today, almost 3 years and four months along from losing my Robin. And though I continue to work and take care of the things I need to take care of, the sunshine has gone out of my life. Never, I fear, to return. I know in my heart that I will never find another to love. Robin was all that I ever wanted and will ever want. That is my curse. I just hope that it won't be yours. You are still young and vibrant. Don't lose hope of finding another love. And in the meantime, stay strong and live for your girls. You are not alone. And don't question your decisions. Jan is there with you, I am sure, and she is helping you make those decisions without your knowledge. Hang in there, gal!!    

At 1:32am on December 15, 2015, alonenow (Betsy) said…

Brandy,

Kath and I were together for 35 years, no kids. Lots of nieces and nephews and two cats and two dogs. She was 67. We really grew up together in many ways. I am still working which gives me structure and it's still new so I am dealing with shock. I'm glad you have family to be with for the holidays. I know it's often mixed but it's nice to be with people who loved your partner. Sending hugs.

Betsy

At 4:24pm on December 14, 2015, alonenow (Betsy) said…
Brandy,
Tried to send a message. Not sure it worked. I hope we can support each other. Sending you hugs.
Betsy
At 11:03pm on August 5, 2015, Dark Rose said…
Hello Brandy1977: today has been rough. No one really understands. people keep expecting us to snap out of it. I have also found it hard everything hurts, my anxiety is so bad. This life feels forced,I wish this was different. I am sorry you are struggling, this is not fair. Today I have been lost in the fog.
At 7:01pm on July 14, 2015, Dianne in Nevada said…

Welcome to Widville, Brandy1977. I'm so very sorry for your loss, but pleased that you found us. You'll find caring support and friendship here.

Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Ask here!  You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place.  I look forward to getting to know you here in Widville.

 
 
 

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