"Omg! When I read your post it could have been me writing it!!!! I am exactly like you! I also was better the first couple years, now it's so different.
I, too, have trouble with anxiety and depression. Medication helps me with…"
"Hi, my husband died about 5 years ago. They say time heals but in my case I still feel like you Rich...Don't get me wrong, I did go through times when I felt better. The first year was a blur and the next couple were me trying to…"
I love your post! It just shows you how much they are missed! Even the small things. He sounds like he was your best friend too. I'm so sorry.
It's been years for me and I still think,…"
Exactly my thoughts about the finality of it! It seems like it hit you a little sooner than it hit me. After about a year, it hit me. Unfortunately I think this is part of our grief healing...at least I hope so.
"Broken Diva, my eyes welled up while reading your message about Dennis. He sounds like a great person to have gotten to know and I couldn't help but think the same thought that's been running through my mind since my wife passed away…"
"So sorry you are feeling this way too. It IS horrible. I have anxiety meds but I take them at night because they make me sleepy. Afraid if I take them in the morning they will make me feel drowsy all day! Do you feel that way too?"
"Thank you Loveboo for saying that about Dennis. He was a great man. We both came from nothing....He did marginally in college but ended up becoming a CEO of a company. He always credited me for him becoming that too since I went on…"
"Anxiety that I feel is like a hopelessness panic. Nothing to look forward to. Thinking and worrying about the future and feeling very depressed.
That's what I feel anyway. Maybe some people are different."
I like your idea; I wish I could do that but memories of my husband and what he would want to me to do are horrifying still. I am just so sad. Maybe that is what is wrong with me - avoidance. But I know my husband would…"
"Loveboo, I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful wife. I will pray for HER....your posts were outstanding. I totally understand...my husband passed away suddenly - he wasn't sick or anything! I'm still trying to…"
"Thanks, Broken, for the friend request. I warn you, however, that I tend to avoid Facebook, so I will probably only find my way here when you write something! I know I need to connect more with others, though, so I'll make every effort to stay…"
"Dear Broken, I thank you for the friend request! I warn you, however, that I have a love/hate (mostly hate) relationship with Facebook, so I seldom find my way yo the WV webpage on my own. I do know I need to maintain more connections with people…"
"Thanks Spunky! I just sent you a friend request. You do sound similar....I guess we are both strong women!
I am SO HAPPY for you about going to the movies on Christmas. I love doing that. In fact, my husband and I always did…"
"Thank you so much Spunky for replying...I wish you the best this Christmas. It's been five years for me and I find it only getting worse!
I especially like your sentence about equating the loving message of Christmas with decisions to…"
Broken Diva, my eyes welled up while reading your message about Dennis. He sounds like a great person to have gotten to know and I couldn't help but think the same thought that's been running through my mind since my wife passed away over two weeks ago: "why do bad things happen to good people?". I told my sister in law that if there was a button I could push for me to trade places with my wife, I wouldn't hesitate. She was a better human being compared to me by far. But then my sister in law asked if I would want my wife to feel the same anguish I feel for her now. This gave me pause, I wouldn't want anyone on Earth to feel what we are feeling right now.
One thing is for certain, I am not sure if I am no longer afraid of death because I just want to be with my wife or I've just accepted the inevitability of it. But if I could make a trade where I give my life in exchange for taking all the anguish and devastation and sadness away from all life, I would gladly do it too. This is too painful and I can't even imagine how many of us are experiencing grief.
I'll leave you with something I posted in one of the discussion threads. What we know exists here on Earth is love and hope. They are both free to give and receive. If there is any lesson that my wife taught me and I want to teach our daughter is love. I love my wife. I love our baby girl. I love you and Dennis. We are all human beings and we should love and hope together.
Thanks, Broken, for the friend request. I warn you, however, that I tend to avoid Facebook, so I will probably only find my way here when you write something! I know I need to connect more with others, though, so I'll make every effort to stay in touch.
Broken Diva, you responded to my posts about the holidays and also about anxiety. We seem to have a lot in common on this journey, and I so need someone to talk to. I sent a friend request, but I can't find anywhere on the "request sent" page to message you. I too have ruminating thoughts about my husband. He died suddenly and totally unexpectedly almost 4 years ago. Please, if you can, let me know if you would consider communicating with me.
You know what I was irritated about the most? People telling me that I will get through this and find love again. "You are young and you have the rest of your life ahead of you. I know you loved him, but you will find love again."
Say what?!! how do they know what I need? Who designated these people to determine what happens in MY life? It just makes me so angry that they would brush off what we meant to each other without a second thought. Most of my friends tell me that those people are talking because they don't know what else to do or say. They just yammer on and on to make themselves feel more comfortable about an uncomfortable subject.
I think about my husband every day......he is the white noise in my head when I am not concentrating on anything else. So I do believe that you are having visions. In fact, I am a little jealous that you have such vivid thoughts and i have not been able to do that. I even prayed for him to come to me in my dreams. He used to have such vivid, realistic dreams that he would tell me about. It was comical, almost like a made for TV movie script at times!
I understand how you feel and it has been 408 days for me and I cry myself to sleep 5 out of 7 days a week.