"I have been fortunate with our friend on Cape Cod (where Dick and I lived). Dick and I were part of an eight couple group that used to go to the beach, holiday dinners, cocktails, etc. After Dick died, I was fortunate that I was still a…"
"This is a very interesting conversation. Truth be told I have been off this site for many years as I got tired of some of the negative environment/discussions. I know we all approach grief differently and it will always be a part of me but I…"
"I have been widowed 4 years now. In my second year of 'widowhood' I really started feeling comfortable and happy in my independence. Exactly two years after my husband died I met a man (through Match of all places but that's…"
I read your comment about leaving this site for a while because you found it depressing. I really get that. Even though I lost my husband a short 6 weeks ago, I don't want to wallow in my grief. I want to acknowledge it, work through it, but I don't want it to define me. You seem to have pulled it together. Brava to you!
I know my life was a roller coaster ride like that for a long time....sometimes it still is, although the ups and downs are less extreme. I too believe we can move forward without leaving our loved ones behind.....Michele, the founder of Soaring Spirits and WV, is a perfect example. I hope you'll consider going to Camp Widow and meeting her (and everyone else). She's a real inspiration!!!!
Hello Bub - Good to be friends! I hope you have a strong and peaceful day. My husband worked and therefore mostly lived in another state. He would come home every 6 weeks or so. So one of our sons and I are heading to TX to deal with all his belongings on Wednesday. Getting very anxious about the trip. I love your pictures - your husband reminds me of my husband. We would have been married 30 years this October. Looking forward to connecting. Have a good day!
I just read below, and I do not know how to find about you. Since when did you unhappily joined? But Kit is right. Do not hurry.
My husband passed away Oct 21, 2010. He dropped dead in an airport, before catching a plane for a romantic vacation with me. No advice, nothing, and in a foreign country. When I look back, I can now understand that I was in shock, as I could not have done what I did. I thought I would never be myself again, and I cried rivers of tears. In my country no help groups, and only recently I found this WV. It has helped me to see that my journey in grief was "normal", just as all of us, not knowing what to do, feeling awkward, shy, lonely, etc. etc. Time has helped, and not planning anything, just living one day, then another. I eat chocolate, I chose the movies, listen to good music, connect with people I like. Staying alone, really alone, for days. I am here and ready to help you if you need me. Take it slowly, be nice to you. Hugs, Cecilia576
Hi Bub, you are not ready for the advice I gave the two-year group about reinventing. You have not even BEGUN to grieve. You are still in the shock & numbness phase.
Do NOT make any changes or get pushed into any changes until at least a year has past. Don't quit your job, move or sell your house, etc. That was the BEST advice I got at one month, and I give it to you.
Have you ever had minor surgery, left the hospital, and can't understand why you have to go home to bed and no one will take you shopping or out for lunch? That is where YOU are. Wht you feel now is nothing like what you will feel. Some time about four to six months into this, is when the emotional pain-killers wear off and you discover you are missing a limb. You will wake up screaming or hysterical with the reality of your loss.
Don't reinvent - not now. Now is the time to let people take care of you. Baby yourself - rest, reflect, remember. Don't make decisions and for heaven sake, don't let others make them for you! Tell folk, "I just loss my husband, I can't make that decision now!"
THANK YOU for re-affirming my experience. Yes, if your pattern holds like mine, you'll never be alone - not at home, in the car (I keep the passenger seat clear for Robert), or at work. Just think, he can be there with you on your toughest work day! When you realize, like I did, you are mourning his body NOT him, what a different this process becomes.
I wrote because I was wanting a good mystery to read. I knew I wanted to read the book I bought myself for Christmas, but in looking for it I could not find it. I decided tomorrow when I go out I'd buy another copy. THUMP! I look around. There is an Amazon box next to Robert's chair. I open it up. Yep, the book I was looking for AND it wasn't ON the chair or UNDER the chair or anywhere near that chair when I cleaned yesterday. I yelled out my Thanks and laughed, yes, laughed, my Sweetie, is over seeing even the littlest, silliest cares in my life.
The jouney is long and hard- all the same. It is filled with paperwork, red-tape, and stupid, anger-provoking garbage, but you are NOT alone in this. Your husband is right there with you.
I hope this brings a smile & hope for the road to you.
I am honoured to be included in your new gang. Hang on in there old bean we are sure to get a bit more wrinkly before we learn to smile a lot . Anytime send me a message, no matter how bad you feel , please know we all understand . So so early for you, heart wrenching days . Love to you Pip
Bub, I'm so very sorry for your loss, but glad you've found us. The Groups are a good place to start; here you will find others with similar circumstances. The Forums offer discussion on a wide variety of topics. And the Chat room is a great source of real time support. Links to all three can be found at the top of your page. I hope you will find the same comfort and understanding here that I have. Welcome.