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CandJ02
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CandJ02's Discussions

Butterflies and Other Signs

Started this discussion. Last reply by Lisa (lost) Lamb Jul 13, 2015. 3 Replies

Since my fiance, Philip, died in February I've been hoping to feel him or sense him or just anything to know he is with me. I haven't really had "that feeling" at all and haven't really even had any…Continue

 

CandJ02's Page

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Callie2 replied to CandJ02's discussion Butterflies and Other Signs
"Sometimes these thoughts can be comforting. Who really knows if these signs are real or not. I felt my husband tried communicating with me also. So, if it brings us a little peace how can it be harmful!"
Jul 9, 2015
vintage56(barb) replied to CandJ02's discussion Butterflies and Other Signs
"now that you mention it, I was walking on a trail near my home the other day and saw two butterflies I had never seen before. Don't feel bad about shooing it away, just keep you eyes open for another one. The nice thing about butterflies is…"
Jul 9, 2015
CandJ02 posted a discussion

Butterflies and Other Signs

Since my fiance, Philip, died in February I've been hoping to feel him or sense him or just anything to know he is with me. I haven't really had "that feeling" at all and haven't really even had any dreams with him in them...maybe three short ones.What I did notice was a ton of butterflies everywhere. I'm living in a new area, so I thought maybe that was normal. I've recently done some googling and found that butterflies are thought to be angels, guardians, spirits of loved ones, etc. Has…See More
Jul 8, 2015
CandJ02 commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 80s
"Hi Heather. I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my fiance in Feb. to colon cancer, except he'd only been diagnosed for six weeks before he passed. That was hard enough, and I can't even imagine how difficult a 5.5 year fight must have…"
Jul 8, 2015
Melissa liked CandJ02's blog post Why not me?
Jul 3, 2015
MaryJ liked CandJ02's blog post Why not me?
Jul 3, 2015
Grenville25 liked CandJ02's blog post Why not me?
Jul 3, 2015
CandJ02 commented on ShelisJenkins (TiffanyLynn)'s blog post 30th Birthday.. AKA It's my party and I can cry if I want to..
"Happy (belated) Birthday. I hope you made it through the day as best you could with chocolate, or sleep, or tears or whatever you needed to do for you. Hugs and love! "
Jul 1, 2015
Callie2 commented on CandJ02's blog post Identity Crisis
"I know, it is awfully hard and each situation may be different. It seems you must have had some conversation with him prior to his passing. I do believe though the life insurance is yours if you are beneficiary. Best keep as much to yourself if you…"
Jun 29, 2015
CandJ02 commented on CandJ02's blog post Identity Crisis
"Thanks everyone for the support. Callie2, my thoughts exactly. There was no will, which he planned so that what he left me was all officially designated because he made me a beneficiary, but I do often wonder if his family will ask how much I was…"
Jun 28, 2015
CandJ02 commented on flannery's blog post Connect the Dots-A Fear Based Game
"I play this game too and I'm not even a year out yet. I constantly wonder what I missed and how I could not see the signs as my fiance did what both bis4betsy's and k2k9's husbands did. I even remember saying to my fiance at one…"
Jun 28, 2015
k2k9 commented on CandJ02's blog post Identity Crisis
"I should have clarified:  I had Durable Power of Attorney (which, unbeknownst to me, ends at death!); I was his health care proxy; and I did all the finances for both of us, as well as the family business, so my name was on almost all of the…"
Jun 27, 2015
k2k9 commented on CandJ02's blog post Identity Crisis
"You lost the person you love most in the world.  Your future plans, and everything.  Unless other people have lost a spouse (or equivalent), I have learned in the last three months, they have no clue about this particular loss.  No…"
Jun 27, 2015
Callie2 commented on CandJ02's blog post Identity Crisis
"You didn't have to be married to feel such deep grief, obviously, the two of you were in love. It is unfortunate you weren't married because that would have simplified matters a great deal. There are many couples living together today that…"
Jun 26, 2015
CandJ02 commented on CandJ02's blog post Getting Harder With Time
"Thank kziss! :) "
Jun 25, 2015
kziss commented on CandJ02's blog post Getting Harder With Time
"I lost my husband 6 months ago to cancer and often during the last 6 months have struggles with the same question of making big decisions. I'm a person who like's to know what I'm up against a planner to the extreme at times. So when…"
Jun 25, 2015

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CandJ02's Blog

Why not me?

Posted on July 1, 2015 at 6:47pm 0 Comments

I'm having an especially hard day today and I'm not sure why. Tuesday's are usually my "bad" day since Philip passed on a Tuesday. Every Tuesday since then, I get up in the morning and have no motivation, am impatient with everyone, and just generally want to be left alone. 

But today when trying to book a moving truck for my upcoming move, I just lost it. I just started crying and had a major breakdown. The quote was more expensive than it was two weeks ago and it just sent…

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Identity Crisis

Posted on June 25, 2015 at 4:56pm 6 Comments

I just finished reading Confessions of a Mediocre Widow by Catherine Tidd, It was a great read, especially for a young widow and I loved that it was a memoir rather than an advice book. It made me feel a little less crazy, which was much needed, but it also got me thinking. 

What I realize now at just over four months, is that I'm in the middle of an identity crisis. I'm not only trying to figure out who I am now as a single person...heck, just as a person. I…

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Getting Harder With Time

Posted on June 12, 2015 at 7:14pm 7 Comments

I've read and been told by my fiance's family that a person who is grieving shouldn't make any major life decisions for the first year after his or her loss. But how is that possible? Doesn't losing the person you love and have dedicated your life to force you to start making major life decisions immediately? 

Two weeks after I lost Philip I had to go to a job interview in another state. I guess I didn't have to go, but I went because I didn't have a job and we'd moved in with my…

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I quit...

Posted on May 12, 2015 at 7:34am 4 Comments

I quit taking care of other people. I quit making decisions. I quit being responsible. 

I just can't handle any of it right now. I don't want to burden other people with my grief so I keep it mostly to myself (and here!), but that is the most I can do for other people. I can't take care of their emotions or any other needs. It is just too much. When people ask me what restaurant I want to go to, or what time I want to meet somewhere, or where I want to go my response is always "I…

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At 11:53pm on April 15, 2015, eliana said…

Welcome to Widville, CandJ02. I am truly sorry for your loss, and hope you find caring support and friendship here.

Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Ask here!  You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place.  I look forward to getting to know you here in Widville. Take care of yourself.

 
 
 

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