Since my fiance, Philip, died in February I've been hoping to feel him or sense him or just anything to know he is with me. I haven't really had "that feeling" at all and haven't really even had any…Continue
I'm having an especially hard day today and I'm not sure why. Tuesday's are usually my "bad" day since Philip passed on a Tuesday. Every Tuesday since then, I get up in the morning and have no motivation, am impatient with everyone, and just generally want to be left alone.
But today when trying to book a moving truck for my upcoming move, I just lost it. I just started crying and had a major breakdown. The quote was more expensive than it was two weeks ago and it just sent…Continue
I just finished reading Confessions of a Mediocre Widow by Catherine Tidd, It was a great read, especially for a young widow and I loved that it was a memoir rather than an advice book. It made me feel a little less crazy, which was much needed, but it also got me thinking.
What I realize now at just over four months, is that I'm in the middle of an identity crisis. I'm not only trying to figure out who I am now as a single person...heck, just as a person. I…Continue
I've read and been told by my fiance's family that a person who is grieving shouldn't make any major life decisions for the first year after his or her loss. But how is that possible? Doesn't losing the person you love and have dedicated your life to force you to start making major life decisions immediately?
Two weeks after I lost Philip I had to go to a job interview in another state. I guess I didn't have to go, but I went because I didn't have a job and we'd moved in with my…Continue
I quit taking care of other people. I quit making decisions. I quit being responsible.
I just can't handle any of it right now. I don't want to burden other people with my grief so I keep it mostly to myself (and here!), but that is the most I can do for other people. I can't take care of their emotions or any other needs. It is just too much. When people ask me what restaurant I want to go to, or what time I want to meet somewhere, or where I want to go my response is always "I…Continue