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DIVA70
  • Female
  • Matteson, IL
  • United States
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Latest Activity

DIVA70 replied to JeffS's discussion What's wrong with me?
"First let me say I am sincerely sorry for your loss. Second, there is nothing wrong with you or your son. It's only been several weeks. My husband suffered with kidney disease too. He was on dialysis for over three years and was waiting to get…"
Monday
DIVA70 commented on only1sue's blog post I have a future again
"God is so good. Praying for your continued progress. You are a living testament to the power of prayer. Be blessed."
Jul 29
DIVA70 replied to Jill's discussion A hard question but do you have any regrets about your behavior during your marriage?
"No, we were married over 47 years and together for 50 years. We loved hard and we fought hard. Sure we said some things in the heat of the moment....but thank God we had enough love for each other to know when and how to say sorry. I look back over…"
Jul 25
DIVA70 replied to LandL (Linda)'s discussion Is it so wrong?
"Please...hang in there....It has been a little over a year since I lost my darling husband of over 27 years.....sometimes I have felt as if I couldn't go on another day. I did find a Griefshare meeting in my area and that was a big help. This…"
Jul 12
DIVA70 replied to sis's discussion Drowning In Immense Sadness
"What you are feeling is understandable and I must say normal for us. My soulmate died on April 29,2018 and we too had been together close to fifty years. Some days I am overwhelmed by the loneliness and sadness. At first I shared my feelings with a…"
Jun 17
DIVA70 replied to Rich's discussion Would you do it again?
"Without a doubt....we were meant to be....met in the 6th grade and went on to separate high schools....he went into the military and I enrolled in college! At 20 and 22 we ended up at a party given by my best friend's brother. Tony …"
Jun 17
DIVA70 replied to soulmate's discussion If you could choose one song to express how you feel after the death of your spouse what would it be?
"Thank you for posting.....I just listened to this song for the first time and it touched my heart....I have added it to my list.....It is well with my soul...May God bless you and give you peace."
Jun 14
DIVA70 commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"riet I read your message and it sounded so much like how I am feeling right now. I am going into my second year without my dear Tony. I guess I thought I would start to feel better but I don't. Like you I feel drained. I was invited to a bridal…"
Jun 8
DIVA70 replied to Rainy (Misty)'s discussion Does anyone actively journal?
"Actually, I started journaling when I was around ten years old. Whether I was happy or sad it seemed to always help me to write my thoughts and feelings down on paper. I could say things that I couldn't say to anyone else. I could freely…"
Jun 2
DIVA70 commented on Noelle's blog post My Husband Died But I'm No Widow (originally in The Wall Street Journal_
"I understand. Shortly after my dear husband passed away a relative remarked that I was now single. I didn't know how to respond then but later I wrote her a letter and explained that I was alone, not single. I also explained that I am still…"
Jun 2
DIVA70 commented on only1sue's photo
Thumbnail

Our 40th Anniversary

"Lovely picture. I will be 72 next year. I am still adjusting to being alone. It's not the life I chose but one I must accept. Like you I have many pictures of my husband and I together. I will always cherish those times. Take care."
Jun 2
DIVA70 commented on Starfish5's blog post 18 months later
"I so understand what you are saying and I get it. It has been almost 13 months since the love of my life left me. I took attend a grief group and sought other resources to help me get a grip on my new reality. Sometime this month I realized that I…"
May 24
DIVA70 replied to newlife's discussion Staying in the marital home or moving elsewhere?
"I was so glad to read your reply. My darling husband passed away a year ago April 29th. I have decided to stay in our home. Its a large home for one person but this is where I feel most comfortable. I too have great neighbors. Fortunately, my…"
May 5
DIVA70 commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Monday, April 29th was the one year mark for me. Thank God for supportive friends and family. Since he actually passed on a Sunday of 2018 most of our congregation was aware that Sunday might be a rough day. We are a small group and most of us have…"
May 1
DIVA70 replied to LandL (Linda)'s discussion Another Holiday
"Today was my first Easter without my Tony. Thank God for a day filled with church  activities related to the resurrection. I was busy from 8a to 4p. The assignments I had actually helped me to focus on something other than my own personal loss.…"
Apr 21
DIVA70 replied to Jo's discussion Wedding rings in the group More Than One Loss (Multiple Losses)
"First, let me say how sorry I am for your loss. I lost my husband a little over eleven months ago. It will be a year on the 29th of April. I have decided not to remove my wedding ring. I have worn the same ring for over 47 years and I have…"
Apr 15

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DIVA70's Blog

I'LL NEVER LOVE AGAIN

Posted on January 12, 2019 at 8:51am 4 Comments

APRIL 29,2018 MY LIFE WAS CHANGED FOREVER. WE WERE TOGETHER FOR 50 YEARS, OVER 47 YEARS AS MAN AND WIFE. OVER THE YEARS WE HAD MANY SONGS THAT REFLECTED THE LOVE WE SHARED. THIS MORNING I HEARD THE SONG LADY GAGA SINGS IN A STAR IS BORN AND IT SUMMARIZES MY FEELINGS SO PERFECTLY. I HAD WHAT MANY HOPE FOR IF ONLY FOR A MOMENT. WE HAD SOMETHING THAT WAS SO SPECIAL AND JUST FOR US. SO AS I LISTEN MY TEARS ARE MINGLED WITH MY SMILE BECAUSE I KNOW THAT ONE DAY WE WILL BE REUNITED. UNTIL…

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HOLIDAY JITTERS!

Posted on November 1, 2018 at 5:48am 3 Comments

Well, it's November 1 and the holiday season has officially begun. I for one am already starting to get the holiday jitters. Fortunately, my Tony and I had long ago cut ties with the commercialism of Thanksgiving and Christmas. Our focus was on experiencing the "true" meaning of the season. For us that meant reaching out to friends and family with gestures of love...i.e. a visit to the nursing home to cheer up a family member or baking cookies with grandma and grandpa, etc.  Of course this…

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My Heart Still Aches

Posted on July 29, 2018 at 12:22pm 6 Comments

Exactly 3 months ago today my world was shattered and I lost my only true love and my soulmate. People keep telling me the heartache I feel will become more and more bearable. Right now I don't see how that will ever be possible. Even after 50 years together (over 47 married) we were looking forward to the future. We still had so many plans and dreams. Despite his illness (he was on dialysis) we had learned to navigate around his treatments and we still managed to travel and do the things we…

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Fathers Day

Posted on June 18, 2018 at 9:48am 0 Comments

WELL, My Dearest,

             We made it....our first Fathers Day without you! I have to admit I was a basket case the days leading up to Sunday. Generally, the kids and I would be wrapped up in getting you that "perfect" gift. This year I was going to get you that new recliner you always wanted....your Pammie was sure to get daddy something special and of course Howard was the one to get you something funny. Kevin, our oldest always was the first to call and the grandkids jumped…

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At 9:44am on June 15, 2018, riet said…

Dear Diva,

Reading your post, it struck me how close your experiences are similar to mine.  My husband died on the 20th of last April. He was suffering from braincancer.  He fought against it for 4 years with every force in him. He wanted to live and live and live.  He was my soulmate, my best friend, my love for almost 50 years.  We met when I was 15 and he was 23. 

The opposition from both our communities even brought us together more strongly as ever.

We have 3 children and 3 grandchildren who miss their dad and grandpa terribly. My dear husband lived for me and his family.

And as in the poem: he was my North, my South, my East and West, I thought it would last forever and I was wrong.

I still can't cope with his dead. There are times I just scream his name and hope he will hear it.  Or I close my eyes and pretend he is standing next to me. 

How do you manage to go on with your recent terrible loss?

I  thought I was prepared because of the grief we had before he died. The cancer had destroyed almost all functions of his body. He was almost completely paralyzed. He lost almost completely his speech and his sight. And still he wanted to battle till the last day.

He didn't want to return to a hospital or a hospice, so with the help of our daughter who nursed him every day in the last month, he could stay and pass away in our home. 

I miss him so very much.  And just like you, I melt down sometimes. In places we went together,  hearing a song we both liked, seeing the flowers he planted last year.

And I am so angry sometimes. The thought I never never see him again, is unbearable to me.  We never can share any jokes, or any memories no more .

People keep telling me this will change . At this moment I don't see that.  I only want to get those horrible last months out of my mind.  I want to see my darling as he was before this disease entered in our life. Before he was so dependent on help.

But it is difficult to find again my caring, creative, lovely husband again. I have to watch old photos to see this.

You experience this for about the same time as me .

So I wanted to say hello to you .

All the best to you

Riet

At 9:20am on June 6, 2018, Rainy (Misty) said…

Hi Diva, I noticed you on my blog and chked to see if you were new here.  I see that you are, WELCOME!  I'm so very sorry you've had to join us.  The struggle is real but not impossible.  I hope you'll find courage, strength and companionship here, just as I have. 

At 8:26am on June 4, 2018, Patience said…

Welcome to Widville, Diva70.I am truly sorry for your loss, and hope you find caring support and friendship here.
Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Click the "help" link at the top of page. You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. And the "chat room" is open 24/7.
Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place. I look forward to getting to know you here in Widville. Take care of yourself.

 
 
 

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