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DIVA70
  • Female
  • Matteson, IL
  • United States
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DIVA70's Discussions

Choosing to be a recluse

Started this discussion. Last reply by Justme Sep 26, 2019. 10 Replies

It has been 15 months since my husband of over 47 years passed away. I would like to say that I have moved on and life is getting better. That would be a lie. On April 29,2018 my life literally…Continue

 

DIVA70's Page

Latest Activity

DIVA70 commented on Soaring Spirits's group Long-Term Illness
" I too am so sorry for your loss. My husband and I met in the 6th grade. We grew up in the same neighborhood, went to different high schools but reconnected when he returned from Viet Nam and I was in college. I was 22 and he was 24 when we…"
Friday
DIVA70 commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"1. what was your 1st pet and his/her name? collie,Stinker2. Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a kid? No, but I had a Shirley Temple doll that I loved3. What was your favorite subject in high school? English4. Did you earn an award or get a…"
Friday
DIVA70 replied to Impala Princess's discussion Corona is making my partner's passing so much more difficult in the group Widowed in 2020
"I am so so sorry to hear of your loss and how your grief has been compounded by COVID 19. It is overwhelming.....but what I found helpful was to try to prioritize what I needed to do to survive. In my case there was a holdup in getting my…"
Mar 23
DIVA70 commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"1. A ballerina 2. the 70s...I loved the Temptations and Marvin Gaye 3. everybody is dealing with something 4. hot pants...I had the shape but my personality wasn't suited to the attention I got 5. it wasn't a haircut...it was a bad…"
Mar 22
DIVA70 replied to SoreEyes's discussion Emotions - How do you keep your emotions under control?
"Thank you. The one thing I am sure about is I have had my Prince Charming. I'm also good with my current status. I have told several family members and friends I don't have a problem being by myself. My challenge is navigating my life…"
Feb 21
DIVA70 replied to SoreEyes's discussion Emotions - How do you keep your emotions under control?
"I don't know if this will be of help or not. I did not cry at my husband's funeral. I really think I was just trying to get through the day and all the formalities that go with taking that last ride with your loved one. I think I was also…"
Feb 21
DIVA70 replied to Jill's discussion A hard question but do you have any regrets about your behavior during your marriage?
"No, none at all.....sometimes I would get frustrated, sometimes I would even get angry....but the frustration and the anger never surpassed the devotion and love I had for my husband. The anger would pass, the frustration would simmer down and what…"
Feb 21
DIVA70 commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"I pray we can all find a little bit of peace as we try to navigate this new journey of life."
Feb 13
DIVA70 commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Regarding Valentines Day....I have decided to take an approach that might seem strange to some... I have chosen to celebrate this special day set aside for love..... when our kids were growing up it was a fun day...It was not just about two people,…"
Feb 13
DIVA70 replied to Carol E's discussion 40 years in the group Born in the 40s or Earlier
" I wish I could say it will get easier. It will be 2 years April 29th that my world was changed forever. I take it one day at a time. You are absolutely right about that. I find this site has offered a community that understands the highs and…"
Feb 1
DIVA70 replied to sadderbytheday's discussion How old was he? in the group Born in the 50s
"I have to admit I have always had different feelings depending on the age of the person. When my best friend lost her battle with cancer at the young age of 35 I felt overwhelming sadness for her husband who was left with two boys under the age of…"
Jan 26
DIVA70 commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Regarding still getting mail addressed to your loved one....something to think about...in November I received a letter addressed to my late husband. I assumed it was just junk mail, some sort of advertisement. I didn't recognize the company…"
Jan 17
DIVA70 replied to Justme's discussion Being in public in the group Widowed in 2019
" Like the rest of you I usually respond with "I take it one day at a time." Recently I have started adding, "This is something I will never get over but I will get through it." I have found that saying that has left most…"
Jan 14
DIVA70 replied to soulmate's discussion Still attend the same church? Or church at all?
"Soulmate, first let me say how sorry I am for your loss. Regarding your question concerning church, I believe I can relate to your struggles. It has been almost two years since my husband passed away. We were together 50 years. We joined the same…"
Jan 13
DIVA70 replied to Maggiepie's discussion Talking to hubby in my head or aloud
"I am truly sorry for your loss. It's been almost two years since my soulmate passed away. Do I talk to him? Yes, every day. Shortly after his passing I purchased a curio to display some of his prized possessions from his time in Viet Nam as…"
Jan 11
DIVA70 replied to phyllis's discussion Married 62 years in the group Born in the 40s or Earlier
"Wow....I have 3 adult children, 2 boys and one girl. I have nine grandchildren (we just got the nInth  one in November) and they are really what helps keep me going. I like the idea of a gratitude journal. A few months ago I was writing in my…"
Jan 7

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DIVA70's Blog

I'LL NEVER LOVE AGAIN

Posted on January 12, 2019 at 8:51am 4 Comments

APRIL 29,2018 MY LIFE WAS CHANGED FOREVER. WE WERE TOGETHER FOR 50 YEARS, OVER 47 YEARS AS MAN AND WIFE. OVER THE YEARS WE HAD MANY SONGS THAT REFLECTED THE LOVE WE SHARED. THIS MORNING I HEARD THE SONG LADY GAGA SINGS IN A STAR IS BORN AND IT SUMMARIZES MY FEELINGS SO PERFECTLY. I HAD WHAT MANY HOPE FOR IF ONLY FOR A MOMENT. WE HAD SOMETHING THAT WAS SO SPECIAL AND JUST FOR US. SO AS I LISTEN MY TEARS ARE MINGLED WITH MY SMILE BECAUSE I KNOW THAT ONE DAY WE WILL BE REUNITED. UNTIL…

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HOLIDAY JITTERS!

Posted on November 1, 2018 at 5:48am 3 Comments

Well, it's November 1 and the holiday season has officially begun. I for one am already starting to get the holiday jitters. Fortunately, my Tony and I had long ago cut ties with the commercialism of Thanksgiving and Christmas. Our focus was on experiencing the "true" meaning of the season. For us that meant reaching out to friends and family with gestures of love...i.e. a visit to the nursing home to cheer up a family member or baking cookies with grandma and grandpa, etc.  Of course this…

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My Heart Still Aches

Posted on July 29, 2018 at 12:22pm 6 Comments

Exactly 3 months ago today my world was shattered and I lost my only true love and my soulmate. People keep telling me the heartache I feel will become more and more bearable. Right now I don't see how that will ever be possible. Even after 50 years together (over 47 married) we were looking forward to the future. We still had so many plans and dreams. Despite his illness (he was on dialysis) we had learned to navigate around his treatments and we still managed to travel and do the things we…

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Fathers Day

Posted on June 18, 2018 at 9:48am 0 Comments

WELL, My Dearest,

             We made it....our first Fathers Day without you! I have to admit I was a basket case the days leading up to Sunday. Generally, the kids and I would be wrapped up in getting you that "perfect" gift. This year I was going to get you that new recliner you always wanted....your Pammie was sure to get daddy something special and of course Howard was the one to get you something funny. Kevin, our oldest always was the first to call and the grandkids jumped…

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Comment Wall (3 comments)

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At 9:44am on June 15, 2018, riet said…

Dear Diva,

Reading your post, it struck me how close your experiences are similar to mine.  My husband died on the 20th of last April. He was suffering from braincancer.  He fought against it for 4 years with every force in him. He wanted to live and live and live.  He was my soulmate, my best friend, my love for almost 50 years.  We met when I was 15 and he was 23. 

The opposition from both our communities even brought us together more strongly as ever.

We have 3 children and 3 grandchildren who miss their dad and grandpa terribly. My dear husband lived for me and his family.

And as in the poem: he was my North, my South, my East and West, I thought it would last forever and I was wrong.

I still can't cope with his dead. There are times I just scream his name and hope he will hear it.  Or I close my eyes and pretend he is standing next to me. 

How do you manage to go on with your recent terrible loss?

I  thought I was prepared because of the grief we had before he died. The cancer had destroyed almost all functions of his body. He was almost completely paralyzed. He lost almost completely his speech and his sight. And still he wanted to battle till the last day.

He didn't want to return to a hospital or a hospice, so with the help of our daughter who nursed him every day in the last month, he could stay and pass away in our home. 

I miss him so very much.  And just like you, I melt down sometimes. In places we went together,  hearing a song we both liked, seeing the flowers he planted last year.

And I am so angry sometimes. The thought I never never see him again, is unbearable to me.  We never can share any jokes, or any memories no more .

People keep telling me this will change . At this moment I don't see that.  I only want to get those horrible last months out of my mind.  I want to see my darling as he was before this disease entered in our life. Before he was so dependent on help.

But it is difficult to find again my caring, creative, lovely husband again. I have to watch old photos to see this.

You experience this for about the same time as me .

So I wanted to say hello to you .

All the best to you

Riet

At 9:20am on June 6, 2018, Rainy (Misty) said…

Hi Diva, I noticed you on my blog and chked to see if you were new here.  I see that you are, WELCOME!  I'm so very sorry you've had to join us.  The struggle is real but not impossible.  I hope you'll find courage, strength and companionship here, just as I have. 

At 8:26am on June 4, 2018, Patience said…

Welcome to Widville, Diva70.I am truly sorry for your loss, and hope you find caring support and friendship here.
Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Click the "help" link at the top of page. You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. And the "chat room" is open 24/7.
Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place. I look forward to getting to know you here in Widville. Take care of yourself.

 
 
 

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