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DIVA70
  • Female
  • Matteson, IL
  • United States
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DIVA70's Friends

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DIVA70's Discussions

Choosing to be a recluse

Started this discussion. Last reply by Justme Sep 26. 10 Replies

It has been 15 months since my husband of over 47 years passed away. I would like to say that I have moved on and life is getting better. That would be a lie. On April 29,2018 my life literally…Continue

 

DIVA70's Page

Latest Activity

DIVA70 replied to Rich's discussion One more day to spend together, what would you do?
" I would say our twenties when it was just the two of us.....we lived in a high-rise and in an area populated by different cultures. There was something going on all the time....street fairs, art shows, musical events....our focus was just each…"
4 hours ago
DIVA70 replied to Rich's discussion The obsession of starting a new relationship
"NoLongerinBergenJC so much of what you have written echoes my own feelings, especially the line where you said you don't want to risk your financial security on someone looking for "a purse and a nurse". I had to chuckle at that.... I…"
Tuesday
DIVA70 replied to Rich's discussion The obsession of starting a new relationship
"Please don't feel bad at all about posting this topic. I for one and very happy that you did post it. I for one see my choice to not get involved in another relationship as something very positive. I thought I made that clear in my initial…"
Nov 8
DIVA70 replied to Rich's discussion The obsession of starting a new relationship
"I feel there is no one definitive or best scenario. I just hope people make their decisions based on the right reasons. Be careful about pursuing another relationship just because  you are lonely or your faith forbids sex outside of marriage.…"
Nov 7
DIVA70 commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Tekwriter as the mother of two sons I cant begin to imagine the pain you are experiencing. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you have someone there who you can go to for support. I will be praying for you."
Nov 4
DIVA70 replied to Alma's discussion His things
"I have done the same. In fact, I have also started getting rid of a lot of my own stuff I know they wont want. When I told my oldest son I know he wont drive 1200 miles from Florida to where I am to lug stuff back 1200 miles just to throw it away he…"
Nov 2
DIVA70 replied to Melissa's discussion Support we need vs get
"I actually have two very close or shall I say formerly very close relatives who wanted me to grieve the way they wanted me to grieve. One seemed to feel as if she knew what I was going through but actually didn't have a clue. It was really all…"
Oct 30
DIVA70 commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Mary, you are so right. We had so many wonderful holidays together. It is so hard even thinking about the holidays now. It actually is heartbreaking. I think that's why I have to go away or do something different. "
Oct 28
DIVA70 commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Mary, I feel exactly the same.....I cant wait for Jan 2 to get here. The holidays always represented family for me and the best part of that was having our patriarch of the family with us. He too cared for the outside decorations and I took care of…"
Oct 28
DIVA70 replied to Alma's discussion Sometimes the anxiety
"I agree with you about the grandchildren. That is why this year to celebrate Grandpa Tony's birthday I told my son and daughter-in-law we would not be going to the cemetery.(I did that alone this year) Their grandpa always enjoyed taking them…"
Oct 27
DIVA70 replied to Raven2017's discussion Group Grief Therapy- Good or bad?
"A friend of mine felt the same way about group sessions and quit after the first session. I think I was fortunate. I heard about Griefshare  from this site and found one in my area. Some people might be put off because it has references to the…"
Oct 27
DIVA70 replied to Hope's discussion What are your best strategies for living alone? in the group Born in the 40s or Earlier
"I understand....its been a little over 16 months since my soulmate of 50 years departed. My life has been changed forever. I usually feel like an observer watching others live the life I used to live. Sometimes I join friends for lunch or dinner.…"
Oct 26
DIVA70 replied to Mel's discussion Loss By Addiction/Suicide in the group Widowed in 2019
"I am so sorry to hear of your loss and I am equally sorry for the guilt and pain you are feeling. It has been almost 18 months since my husband passed away. I have learned that it is impossible for us to really know the depth of a person's…"
Oct 26
DIVA70 replied to AtSam(Steve)'s discussion I sit alone in the group Widowed in 2019
"Truly, I am so sorry to learn of your lost. Believe me I do understand. My darling husband and I met in the sixth grade. We attended different high schools so we didn't see each other again until we were 20 and 22....but the bond was…"
Oct 24
DIVA70 replied to Judyrose's discussion Lost in the group Widowed in 2019
"I was married to my Tony for over 47 years and was with him as a couple for 50 years. It has been 17 months since he passed away and I still cant believe he is gone. How do you move on when your life has been wrapped around this one person for so…"
Oct 14
DIVA70 replied to JPSwifeCathy's discussion ENDING YOUR OWN LIFE TO EASE THE PAIN----WOULD IT HELP?----HAVEN'T WE ALL CONSIDERED IT?!
"I was with one of my sisters shortly after my Tony's death. We started talking and I made the comment that I felt like jumping in front of a train. Our family is very religious and the two subjects you don't talk about are depression and…"
Oct 8

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DIVA70's Blog

I'LL NEVER LOVE AGAIN

Posted on January 12, 2019 at 8:51am 4 Comments

APRIL 29,2018 MY LIFE WAS CHANGED FOREVER. WE WERE TOGETHER FOR 50 YEARS, OVER 47 YEARS AS MAN AND WIFE. OVER THE YEARS WE HAD MANY SONGS THAT REFLECTED THE LOVE WE SHARED. THIS MORNING I HEARD THE SONG LADY GAGA SINGS IN A STAR IS BORN AND IT SUMMARIZES MY FEELINGS SO PERFECTLY. I HAD WHAT MANY HOPE FOR IF ONLY FOR A MOMENT. WE HAD SOMETHING THAT WAS SO SPECIAL AND JUST FOR US. SO AS I LISTEN MY TEARS ARE MINGLED WITH MY SMILE BECAUSE I KNOW THAT ONE DAY WE WILL BE REUNITED. UNTIL…

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HOLIDAY JITTERS!

Posted on November 1, 2018 at 5:48am 3 Comments

Well, it's November 1 and the holiday season has officially begun. I for one am already starting to get the holiday jitters. Fortunately, my Tony and I had long ago cut ties with the commercialism of Thanksgiving and Christmas. Our focus was on experiencing the "true" meaning of the season. For us that meant reaching out to friends and family with gestures of love...i.e. a visit to the nursing home to cheer up a family member or baking cookies with grandma and grandpa, etc.  Of course this…

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My Heart Still Aches

Posted on July 29, 2018 at 12:22pm 6 Comments

Exactly 3 months ago today my world was shattered and I lost my only true love and my soulmate. People keep telling me the heartache I feel will become more and more bearable. Right now I don't see how that will ever be possible. Even after 50 years together (over 47 married) we were looking forward to the future. We still had so many plans and dreams. Despite his illness (he was on dialysis) we had learned to navigate around his treatments and we still managed to travel and do the things we…

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Fathers Day

Posted on June 18, 2018 at 9:48am 0 Comments

WELL, My Dearest,

             We made it....our first Fathers Day without you! I have to admit I was a basket case the days leading up to Sunday. Generally, the kids and I would be wrapped up in getting you that "perfect" gift. This year I was going to get you that new recliner you always wanted....your Pammie was sure to get daddy something special and of course Howard was the one to get you something funny. Kevin, our oldest always was the first to call and the grandkids jumped…

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Comment Wall (3 comments)

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At 9:44am on June 15, 2018, riet said…

Dear Diva,

Reading your post, it struck me how close your experiences are similar to mine.  My husband died on the 20th of last April. He was suffering from braincancer.  He fought against it for 4 years with every force in him. He wanted to live and live and live.  He was my soulmate, my best friend, my love for almost 50 years.  We met when I was 15 and he was 23. 

The opposition from both our communities even brought us together more strongly as ever.

We have 3 children and 3 grandchildren who miss their dad and grandpa terribly. My dear husband lived for me and his family.

And as in the poem: he was my North, my South, my East and West, I thought it would last forever and I was wrong.

I still can't cope with his dead. There are times I just scream his name and hope he will hear it.  Or I close my eyes and pretend he is standing next to me. 

How do you manage to go on with your recent terrible loss?

I  thought I was prepared because of the grief we had before he died. The cancer had destroyed almost all functions of his body. He was almost completely paralyzed. He lost almost completely his speech and his sight. And still he wanted to battle till the last day.

He didn't want to return to a hospital or a hospice, so with the help of our daughter who nursed him every day in the last month, he could stay and pass away in our home. 

I miss him so very much.  And just like you, I melt down sometimes. In places we went together,  hearing a song we both liked, seeing the flowers he planted last year.

And I am so angry sometimes. The thought I never never see him again, is unbearable to me.  We never can share any jokes, or any memories no more .

People keep telling me this will change . At this moment I don't see that.  I only want to get those horrible last months out of my mind.  I want to see my darling as he was before this disease entered in our life. Before he was so dependent on help.

But it is difficult to find again my caring, creative, lovely husband again. I have to watch old photos to see this.

You experience this for about the same time as me .

So I wanted to say hello to you .

All the best to you

Riet

At 9:20am on June 6, 2018, Rainy (Misty) said…

Hi Diva, I noticed you on my blog and chked to see if you were new here.  I see that you are, WELCOME!  I'm so very sorry you've had to join us.  The struggle is real but not impossible.  I hope you'll find courage, strength and companionship here, just as I have. 

At 8:26am on June 4, 2018, Patience said…

Welcome to Widville, Diva70.I am truly sorry for your loss, and hope you find caring support and friendship here.
Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Click the "help" link at the top of page. You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. And the "chat room" is open 24/7.
Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place. I look forward to getting to know you here in Widville. Take care of yourself.

 
 
 

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