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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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  • Matteson, IL
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Latest Activity

DIVA70 commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Not Me
"I think that what you are feeling is completely normal. I am reading Its OK THAT YOURE NOT OK by Megan Devine. I recommend it. After 48 years of being identified with another person I too am grappling with what the new me is going to look like...I…"
DIVA70 replied to Crabby's discussion Grief, guilt, and regret in the group Suddenly Widowed
" Thank you for your suggestions. My husband passed away approximately 6 months ago. T he only thing I haven't done is number 3 but I have been giving it serious thought. Hopefully 7 years from now I will have more encouraging words to…"
DIVA70 replied to Crabby's discussion Grief, guilt, and regret in the group Suddenly Widowed
"You are so right when you say even doctors don't know death when they see husband had gone to three specialists plus his primary care physician when he started feeling fatigued and "off".....EACH DOCTOR examined him, ordered…"
DIVA70 commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"First I want to say I am sorry for your loss. I am also reading 'It's Ok You're Not Ok. It's been a little over 5 months since my husband/friend of over 50 years left us. During that time I have come to the conclusion that there…"
Oct 12
DIVA70 commented on only1sue's blog post Loss
"So sorry for your loss. I am 70 and I understand. Last year during this time we lost our pastor and his wife. This was the first double funeral I had ever attended. He was our pastor for over 13 years so we had developed a very close bond. He had…"
Oct 8
DIVA70 commented on Pegasus's blog post First Time Out
"First. let me say how sorry I am for your loss. I lost my husband of 47 plus years 5 months ago. We first met in the 6th grade and reconnected over 50 years ago. He was my knight in shining armor. Like you I feel as if I was blindsided. Yes, he was…"
Sep 29
DIVA70 commented on Rkay's blog post Happy Anniversary..
"Happy Anniversary.....the guilt? I think that's a normal love was taken unexpectedly five months ago. I keep wondering if there was more I could have done.....he had been complaining of extreme fatigue but never missed a dialysis…"
Sep 26
DIVA70 commented on only1sue's blog post Six years
"Thank you for sharing. It has only been 5 months since my dear Tony left and I have been at a loss as to what my new life will become. I find solace in knowing that after six years you are in the same house. Hopefully, six years from now I can say…"
Sep 26
DIVA70 replied to Jwick's discussion I don't understand.
"I say listen to your heart.....only you know what kind of marriage you and your husband really had. Unfortunately people who knew you, especially family only have a single lense to look through so their perception of what your marriage is what they…"
Sep 16
DIVA70 commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"Hello Lost! So sorry for you lost. I lost my husband 4 months ago. One moment I'm talking to him and preparing to bring him home from the hospital. An hour later he was in ICU and died moments later. I still cant believe he's gone. As…"
Sep 12
DIVA70 commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"First let me say how sorry I am for your loss. It has been four months since the love of my life made his transition to heaven. I was recently asked what I was going to do with the house. My reply was simple. Nothing. This is the house we built and…"
Sep 10
DIVA70 commented on Miss Em (Emma)'s blog post My Bed
"Thar you for your candor and your honesty. You put it so beautifully. "
Sep 5
DIVA70 replied to LL22's discussion 4 months since husband's death in the group Widowed in 2018
"Hi...let me first say how sorry I am for your loss. April 29th I lost the love of my life so its been four months for me. What I have learned is you have to do what's best for you. In my case it suddenly became overwhelmimg….my adult…"
Sep 4
DIVA70 commented on LULU's blog post Three Months
"Its been four months since my husband of 47 plus years passed away suddenly. We had so many plans. He was my best friend, my protector, my confidant, my lover, my knight in shining armor. So I understand how you must be feeling. I have a wonderful…"
Sep 3
DIVA70 commented on Miss Em (Emma)'s blog post The right time for everything
"Its been four months for me and I still have not moved any of my husband's belongings. Like you I will know when the time is right. My children are all adults and they say whatever I decide is ok with them. I know he's not coming back but…"
Aug 31
DIVA70 commented on b2's blog post second year of the bunny without her bear
"Thank you for has only been four months since the love my life left. People have moved on with their lives and I understand that. But my life froze on April 29th and it has yet to unthaw. I still cant bring myself to get rid of his…"
Aug 31

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DIVA70's Blog

My Heart Still Aches

Posted on July 29, 2018 at 12:22pm 6 Comments

Exactly 3 months ago today my world was shattered and I lost my only true love and my soulmate. People keep telling me the heartache I feel will become more and more bearable. Right now I don't see how that will ever be possible. Even after 50 years together (over 47 married) we were looking forward to the future. We still had so many plans and dreams. Despite his illness (he was on dialysis) we had learned to navigate around his treatments and we still managed to travel and do the things we…


Fathers Day

Posted on June 18, 2018 at 9:48am 0 Comments

WELL, My Dearest,

             We made it....our first Fathers Day without you! I have to admit I was a basket case the days leading up to Sunday. Generally, the kids and I would be wrapped up in getting you that "perfect" gift. This year I was going to get you that new recliner you always wanted....your Pammie was sure to get daddy something special and of course Howard was the one to get you something funny. Kevin, our oldest always was the first to call and the grandkids jumped…


Comment Wall (3 comments)

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At 9:44am on June 15, 2018, riet said…

Dear Diva,

Reading your post, it struck me how close your experiences are similar to mine.  My husband died on the 20th of last April. He was suffering from braincancer.  He fought against it for 4 years with every force in him. He wanted to live and live and live.  He was my soulmate, my best friend, my love for almost 50 years.  We met when I was 15 and he was 23. 

The opposition from both our communities even brought us together more strongly as ever.

We have 3 children and 3 grandchildren who miss their dad and grandpa terribly. My dear husband lived for me and his family.

And as in the poem: he was my North, my South, my East and West, I thought it would last forever and I was wrong.

I still can't cope with his dead. There are times I just scream his name and hope he will hear it.  Or I close my eyes and pretend he is standing next to me. 

How do you manage to go on with your recent terrible loss?

I  thought I was prepared because of the grief we had before he died. The cancer had destroyed almost all functions of his body. He was almost completely paralyzed. He lost almost completely his speech and his sight. And still he wanted to battle till the last day.

He didn't want to return to a hospital or a hospice, so with the help of our daughter who nursed him every day in the last month, he could stay and pass away in our home. 

I miss him so very much.  And just like you, I melt down sometimes. In places we went together,  hearing a song we both liked, seeing the flowers he planted last year.

And I am so angry sometimes. The thought I never never see him again, is unbearable to me.  We never can share any jokes, or any memories no more .

People keep telling me this will change . At this moment I don't see that.  I only want to get those horrible last months out of my mind.  I want to see my darling as he was before this disease entered in our life. Before he was so dependent on help.

But it is difficult to find again my caring, creative, lovely husband again. I have to watch old photos to see this.

You experience this for about the same time as me .

So I wanted to say hello to you .

All the best to you


At 9:20am on June 6, 2018, Rainy (Misty) said…

Hi Diva, I noticed you on my blog and chked to see if you were new here.  I see that you are, WELCOME!  I'm so very sorry you've had to join us.  The struggle is real but not impossible.  I hope you'll find courage, strength and companionship here, just as I have. 

At 8:26am on June 4, 2018, Patience said…

Welcome to Widville, Diva70.I am truly sorry for your loss, and hope you find caring support and friendship here.
Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Click the "help" link at the top of page. You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. And the "chat room" is open 24/7.
Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place. I look forward to getting to know you here in Widville. Take care of yourself.


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