"Hope and IBelieveIn You: I read your posts and would just like to add that I am at over 3 years, and still have all of my husband's clothes and possessions. Luckily, I own my home so I have no pressure to dispose of anything.…"
"Peacoat: Am so sorry for your immense loss. However, knowing you have found this site is comforting. You will find many, many friends here who will understand all you are going through. Unfortunately, this is a very rough…"
"Regarding the question of wanting to see our loved one in a dream let me give my experience. I had one dream with my husband in it (will be 3 years on New Year's) and it was a very happy dream. However, when I woke up, I was very,…"
"On New Year's Day, it will be exactly 3 years since my husband passed away suddenly and unexpectedly while we were away for the holiday weekend. This has been the most excruciatingly painful 3 years of my life that nobody should have to…"
"Yesterday I had written that sudden loss adds another layer of grief for those of us who have lost our husbands this way. In addition I also said that because of the suddenness, we will probably go through life with an elevated sense of…"
"Laurajay: It will be 3 years for me on New Year's Day. I agree with you that the hardest part is definitely the suddeness and unexpectedness of the loss. This just adds another layer to the grief which is difficult enough as…"
"Hello mixelated and Diane: How very sweet of both of you to write. I must say that my day has been peaceful, but very, very sad as were the days leading up to today. How I wish I could turn back the clock and relive all those years once again. We…"
"Today would have been our 30th anniversary and it is also exactly 2 years and 8 months since my husband's passing. When it first happened. I could not believe I would be able to exist in this world without him. I don't know how…"
"When I see couples together I either look the other way or I think that we all have our particular time to leave this earth because nothing lasts forever. This may seem harsh, but in reality it is the truth."
"Hello mooselady: I am so sorry about the loss of your beloved husband. Nothing can prepare us when our life partner is suddenly and unexpectedly taken from us. It is a loss of enormous proportions. You are really in the very…"
"Froggie4635: A few years ago I also had tendonitis in my thumb. I went to the orthopedist and he gave me a cortisone shot right where it hurt, and the pain was gone in no time. I am surprised your doctor did not do the same for…"
"Yes, seaneen9: I have also benifted from 2 bereavement groups, where I also met other widows and we have beome friends for life as a result. In addition I had one on one counseling and have read numerous books of grief and widowhood.…"
"To all the newly-widowed members of "sudden death", I offer all of you my deepest condolences as well as welcome you to Widowed Village. Thank God this place exists because it is a place like no other. It is now 2 1/2 years…"
"This sudden loss experience is just so debilitating, cuts so deep and has traumatized me. I am sure of this because now even when something looks and feels hopeful, deep down I have this gnawing fear that it will all fall apart and elude me.…"
"Dear Silverlady: Today is exactly 2 1/2 years that my husband passed suddenly from this earth. I know I have made a lot of progress with the help of bereavement groups and friends I have made from these groups. However, it…"
Ellen, Thanks for being my friend! So sorry that you have been through this twice. Sometimes in my darkest moments I wish I had never married so I wouldn't have to feel this pain but then I think of how much I would have missed if I hadn't fallen in love with my husband. Hang in there, Spring is just around the corner! Hugs and blessings to you.
Hi Ellen. So sorry for your losses...geez. I am glad we are all able to share so honestly and so supportively to each other..."virtual strangers" yet closest of friends. I am a proud rider of 2 MS bike-a-thons each summer. I raise as much money as I can without my friends disowning me. I also ride in the American Cancer Society bike-a-thon in between the 2 MS rides...my own personal ride (colon cancer took Brenda). I am sorry that we are all here but I am proud to be taking this walk with everyone.
Hi Ellen thank you for responding to my post. My husband had dilated cardiomyopathy for almost 20 years. He was diagnosed when he was 21. He had an idiopathic form, ehich means they dont know how or why he got it. He defied all the odds by living with this disease almost symptomatic free for 17 years. Two and a half years ago, he got pnemonia and it destroyed his heart. He got very sick very quickly after that. While working him up for transplant listing (over the course of 5 months) He went into cardiac arrest and they had to implant an LVAD (left ventricular assist device) heart pump. He had so many complications from the surgery and honestly never fully recovered from it. The last 2 years were full of hospital stays due to GI bleeds, fluid over load and multiple infections, one of which invaded his pacemaker and resulted in the complete removal of all the hardware then 2 weeks later reimplantation. His quality of life was severely diminished. Every time they tried to list him for transplant, something would happen that prevented him from getting the full evaluation. In january of this year, the doctors ran some tests and discovered that his right heart was failing and that he was running out of time. They tried again to evaluate for transplant but was unable to get him stable enough to be listed. we even went to Cleveland clinic to try to get him listed there and were turned down because of the rapid deterioration of the right side of the heart. We were sent home from the hospital in mid march and referred to hospice on April 4th. I couldnt believe what was happening. He went down hill so fast. This wasnt suppose to happen, he was suppose to get a transplant and we were going to raise our beautiful 6 children together and grow old together. Besides, I always thought, God wouldnt take him away, he gave him to me and my boys why would he want to put us through that loss all over again. Well I obviously was very wrong about that. I am a very faithful person, but this just doesnt make any sense to me. I am very angry and hurt. I feel like I am cursed. I feel like God has brought me these 2 amazing men, and just when we are at our happiest,he rips them away.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I have no idea how you survived going through this twice. This is one of the reasons I am very afraid of dating, loving and marrying again. The caregiving part also freaks my out. Between February and May 2012 he used between 120 and 150 Isordils per week to break the angina attacks. Sometimes he had to use up to 6 per attack. We did not share a bed or room at that time, since he had bad attacks even at night and he did not want to disturb me. I would get up and have a look where he was and whether he was still alive. I would stand outside the bedroom door and try to listen whether I could hear him breathing or moving before going in to check on him. I don't know if I could go through all that again. I am blessed with two wonderful daughters. We went through all kinds of things during 2012 that we would have liked to share with him. Our oldest daughter was married on October, 6th. What a wonderful (but also kind of sad day). We changed the seating arrangements at the last minute because my daughter couldn't cope with the idea of the empty seat beside me. I was the one to walk her down the isle. He would have been so proud. Our youngest also finished her Degree in Foundation Phase Education, whilst the oldest finished her three year part time course in hairdressing at the end of 2012. What proud moments he did not get to share. And he worked long and hard hours to give the children the chance for further education. He was an electrician with Eskom (the mayor provider of electricity in South Africa). He was able to do the physical stuff until February 2012 but his health deteriorated so much that they kept him busy in the office doing admin stuff (which he hated). The next few weeks will probably be tough - I can already feel it getting to me. His 50th birthday would have been on April 6th. And then we will have to get through May, 18th which incidentally was also the date we became engaged way back in 1985. One day at a time, just one day at a time!!!!
Hi, Ellen. Thank you so much for your friend request. I really appreciate it. I am so sorry for your loss but I hope sharing our experiences will help us cope better with our it. I hope you have a wonderful and blessed day.
Welcome to Widowed Village. I am sorry for the reason that brings you here but glad you have found us. This site and the wonderful people here have helped so many of us with fellowship along this journey. I hope that you can find comfort and hope here like so many of us have among others who “get it.” Have a look around and please feel free to contact me if I can be of any help. Hugs!