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  • Brooklyn, NY
  • United States Minor Outlying Islands
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At 6:52pm on August 22, 2014, Lady v said…

thank you, connection is so important for healing

At 6:15am on July 1, 2014, katpilot said…

Although I was mistaken about this day, it being the 30th anniversary of the day you met is so very special.

At 6:54pm on February 18, 2014, Lucy said…
Ellen, Thanks for being my friend! So sorry that you have been through this twice. Sometimes in my darkest moments I wish I had never married so I wouldn't have to feel this pain but then I think of how much I would have missed if I hadn't fallen in love with my husband. Hang in there, Spring is just around the corner! Hugs and blessings to you.
At 6:44am on January 16, 2014, Jade said…

wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all be together...all us girls...?

At 1:42pm on October 8, 2013, Angela said…

Hi Ellen,

I haven't heard anything about the meetups yet. As soon as I do, I will let you know.

At 4:59pm on August 27, 2013, smileanywayNJ said…

Hi Ellen. So sorry for your losses...geez.  I am glad we are all able to share so honestly and so supportively to each other..."virtual strangers" yet closest of friends. I am a proud rider of 2 MS bike-a-thons each summer. I raise as much money as I can without my friends disowning me. I also ride in the American Cancer Society bike-a-thon in between the 2 MS own personal ride (colon cancer took Brenda). I am sorry that we are all here but I am proud to be taking this walk with everyone.

At 5:17pm on June 3, 2013, jenb822 said…

Hi Ellen thank you for responding to my post. My husband had dilated cardiomyopathy for almost 20 years. He was diagnosed when he was 21. He had an idiopathic form, ehich means they dont know how or why he got it.  He defied all the odds by living with this disease almost symptomatic free for 17 years.  Two and a half years ago, he got pnemonia and it destroyed his heart. He got very sick very quickly after that. While working him up for transplant listing (over the course of 5 months) He went into cardiac arrest and they had to implant an LVAD (left ventricular assist device) heart pump. He had so many complications from the surgery and honestly never fully recovered from it.  The last 2 years were full of hospital stays due to GI bleeds, fluid over load and multiple infections, one of which invaded his pacemaker and resulted in the complete removal of all the hardware then 2 weeks later reimplantation.  His quality of life was severely diminished.  Every time they tried to list him for transplant, something would happen that prevented him from getting the full evaluation.  In january of this year, the doctors ran some tests and discovered that his right heart was failing and that he was running out of time.  They tried again to evaluate for transplant but was unable to get him stable enough to be listed.  we even went to Cleveland clinic to try to get him listed there and were turned down because of the rapid deterioration of the right side of the heart.  We were sent home from the hospital in mid march and referred to hospice on April 4th.  I couldnt believe what was happening.  He went down hill so fast.  This wasnt suppose to happen, he was suppose to get a transplant and we were going to raise our beautiful 6 children together and grow old together.  Besides, I always thought, God wouldnt take him away, he gave him to me and my boys why would he want to put us through that loss all over again.  Well I obviously was very wrong about that.  I am a very faithful person, but this just doesnt make any sense to me.  I am very angry and hurt. I feel like I am cursed. I feel like God has brought me these 2 amazing men, and just when we are at our happiest,he rips them away.  

At 9:50am on January 31, 2013, Maggie said…

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I have no idea how you survived going through this twice.  This is one of the reasons I am very afraid of dating, loving and marrying again.  The caregiving part also freaks my out.  Between February and May 2012 he used between 120 and 150 Isordils per week to break the angina attacks.  Sometimes he had to use up to 6 per attack.  We did not share a bed or room at that time, since he had bad attacks even at night and he did not want to disturb me.  I would get up and have a look where he was and whether he was still alive.  I would stand outside the bedroom door and try to listen whether I could hear him breathing or moving before going in to check on him.  I don't know if I could go through all that again.  I am blessed with two wonderful daughters.  We went through all kinds of things during 2012 that we would have liked to share with him.  Our oldest daughter was married on October, 6th. What a wonderful (but also kind of sad day).  We changed the seating arrangements at the last minute because my daughter couldn't cope with the idea of the empty seat beside me.  I was the one to walk her down the isle.  He would have been so proud.  Our youngest also finished her Degree in Foundation Phase Education, whilst the oldest finished her three year part time course in hairdressing at the end of 2012.  What proud moments he did not get to share.  And he worked long and hard hours to give the children the chance for further education.  He was an electrician with Eskom (the mayor provider of electricity in South Africa).  He was able to do the physical stuff until February 2012 but his health deteriorated so much that they kept him busy in the office doing admin stuff (which he hated).  The next few weeks will probably be tough - I can already feel it getting to me.  His 50th birthday would have been on April 6th.  And then we will have to get through May, 18th which incidentally was also the date we became engaged way back in 1985.  One day at a time, just one day at a time!!!!

At 9:25am on January 31, 2013, Maggie said…

Hi, Ellen.  Thank you so much for your friend request.  I really appreciate it.  I am so sorry for your loss but I hope sharing our experiences will help us cope better with our it.  I hope you have a wonderful and blessed day. 

At 6:15pm on January 30, 2013, kimkirt (KK) said…
Welcome to Widowed Village. I am sorry for the reason that brings you here but glad you have found us. This site and the wonderful people here have helped so many of us with fellowship along this journey. I hope that you can find comfort and hope here like so many of us have among others who “get it.” Have a look around and please feel free to contact me if I can be of any help. Hugs!

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