Today I blindsided by something I hadn't thought about too much, what to do with my engagement and wedding rings now that my husband is gone and when do I stop wearing them. Today I had to take them…Continue
Does anyone ever have panic attacks associated with the sudden death of their spouse? I watched my husband die and all I see is him grabbing at his chest and telling me he had a bad back spasm. Now…Continue
Today my heart just hurts. Over the weekend I went to visit our godchildren for the first time along since his passing. I went to the aquarium for our godson's 3rd birthday and my other godson's baseball game. I kept thinking how much Ray would have loved those moments, especially the baseball game. He loved those kids so much; he would have been such a wonderful father. An now my heart hurts because I had to experience the weekend alone. It also hurts because those boys will never…Continue
Well, today is my 32nd birthday but it doesn't feel like anything special. While I have lots of friends and family wishing me a happy birthday, I am not getting love from the one person I want, my Ray. Why doesn't today feel special? It did for many years before I met him, it did all those years I was with him, but now it seems like another day but more hollow.
I feel like its not a special of a day because he is not here to share it with me. I keep hoping I will hear a…Continue
I forgot, just for a moment, that he was gone. I don't have these moments often anymore. Its very rare that I see his car in the garage and think, "oh good, he is home early", and even when I do have these moments they are only milliseconds of time. But Sunday I forgot.
I was sewing some new drapes for my bathroom and vanity, something I have been wanting to do for almost 2 years now. As I was sewing, I was smiling (again, something that is rare), and thought to myself,…Continue