Its good to able to talk (but not on the main part of the website). Yes probably not many are religious/Christian...
Posted this yesterday.
The reason I was looking at the info re finding a companion was varied but it seems that we are doing and trying to do the right things.. even one's we have been told to do.. like getting out of the house, volunteering, joining a social group etc....on and on. But it appears that for so many of us this is JUST NOT WORKING. At the heart of it is the need for companionship, to be cared about, volunteering is giving out but we are probably not receiving. I know we all want our beloved back. Also if we were looking for someone else as a companion (Love of your life would be almost impossible to repeat!!) So I realised first that the only thing that really heals is love. From other research I noticed that even those who are looking are searching for someone who looks like etc our beloved. But it seems that we may have to look at it differently, the qualities may be found in someone who looks different. They may have some aspects of our beloved but bring some special new ones. Qualities that could bring us new gifts. But he real nitty gritty is that only loving care, touch, and companionship seems to come close to doing the healing we need. So we can be in a dilemma.. ie don't want to date, afraid to. Some even say they are too ugly now. Even looking for purpose in our lives tends to come back to honouring our beloved, writing a book about them, donating money to a cause. None of which is really directly healing for us.. and we are important. We have got so used to caregiving and exhaustion that we cannot help ourselves properly. I have seen restoration occur when people are loved.
They blossom and unknown talents and feelings emerge. Somehow we have to find more support for widowed people as the stepping stone to healing. Also we need to create a place where widowed people can meet without the stressful dating process. Support for us is relatively low. Today I was at a service for Safety on our Roads, to pray for the ambulance officers, and many other organisations that are involved when an accident happens. But guess what there was no comment about the "grievers". I went up and said we need to pray for the survivors. The organisers said they would add this to next years' prayers!!
jade, loved your comment about doing lesson plans and learning things, that just makes sense to me. If we have to go through all this, the idea that we have things to learn and things to share is a real comfort. Something good has to come from this!
Thank you for the friend request! I hate what has brought us together. My son saw the site (Widow Village) just now and I explained to him what it was. He's eleven. Immediately he saw how many members there are and felt grateful that there weren't as many as he expected. Although I have no idea what the statistics are and I'm sure there are many more widows just not online. It took me a while to even start to admit what I am. I still have a hard time with two new identities - widow and single mom. So much has changed in my life and I am constantly adjusting. Even my friends treat me differently. I am comforted by the connection and the understanding.
Thank you for your friend request . I have posted an update re the church issue in various groups. 2013, widowed suddenly etc. I went to church and had not intended to say anything, but he spoke to me. I then told him how wounded I was by the statement. I have now made a decision to have the Celebration at home mid December, even though his passing was in January this year. Will have a few people, play music, show a bit of a DVD, cards Wes wrote, sing etc. Will put out photos and get some roses from the garden... the ones he bought for me. Blessings to you
Jade thank you for your message. I am finding that it is not just the grief, it is also the verbal assaults etc that widows receive that adds to it. Also I have not had a holiday since mid 2009 and there is a lot of paperwork still to be done re Wes. I am not surprised by the breast cancer stats... your whole immune system is under stress from so many aspects. Currently healthwise, I am using a natural hormone cream to help my body (it is also stopping my hair falling out!!) Also trying to clear toxins from my body via a negative ion footbath. It has been hard to remember to take vitamins etc. some times... but most days I do... all in an attempt to counter the grief damage. But I think the loneliness (hugs and caring) are missed the most by all of us. I glad that you have found Mother Mary a great help in your life.
Also the height of you and Ward - Wes was 6ft and I am 5ft 3. I agree it gives one a sense of safety, being enfolded in their long arms. Also the long legs tangled round our own when lying inbed. Many blessings
Welcome to Widville, Jade. I'm so very sorry for your loss, but pleased that you found us. You'll find caring support and friendship here.
Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Ask here! You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place. I look forward to getting to know you here in Widville.