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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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Jill
  • Female
  • Evanston, IL
  • United States
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Jill's Friends

  • Elaine
  • 3janda
  • saudade
  • onmyown
  • Tweety69 (Beth)
  • Fichereader
  • sks
  • luvofmylife
  • Henry-in-Minn
  • Rebirth.Tanya (Tanya)
  • Kirochka
  • Blue Snow
  • KristeninDenver
  • kimkirt (KK)
  • t2

Jill's Discussions

Since my husband died 5 years ago, I find that I don't deal with stress very well. Anyone else?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Hope May 27, 2016. 26 Replies

I get overwhelmed and stressed out under pressure, more than I did before the illness and death of my husband. I definitely do not "sweat the small stuff" anymore, but still, I find that I feel more…Continue

How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Averysmom yesterday. 661 Replies

I'm interested in hearing from widows and widowers of all ages to know what it's like to be a certain age when you have your loss. We have widows and widowers of all ages here on Widowed Village and…Continue

Have you made any positive discoveries about your life since being widowed?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Dawn- Clouds Mum Jun 13, 2011. 23 Replies

Call me irrepressibly optimistic or call me nuts, but if I'm going to have to be widowed, I might as well try to make the best of it. I know that many of you on the site are very recently widowed, in…Continue

A hard question but do you have any regrets about your behavior during your marriage?

Started this discussion. Last reply by MacShug May 31, 2011. 31 Replies

I wish I hadn't expressed anger as much as I did. Ken would tell me that I felt too entitled to my anger and I think he was right. He was rarely angry, and I wish I would have behaved more as he did,…Continue

 

Jill's Page

I have found writing to be a really helpful tool to help recover from the terrible loss of my husband. Please vist my blog The Heartbreak Diary for ideas about using writing to help you through your loss.

Latest Activity

Averysmom replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Left.in.love I am so very sorry for your loss. Of course it is not easy for you. The challenges we all face may be different due to age....each age group presents it's own set of problems and issues....but easy?... never! You are basically…"
yesterday
left.in.love replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I was 22 when my husband was killed in a truck accident. I actually stumbled upon the accident and honestly I feel that my husband brought me there. I called his family and they met me at the scene of the accident. we had been together almost 6…"
Friday
Averysmom replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"RCH I am so sorry for your loss and all the pain. I am so happy you had a few more months together. I know every minute was precious. I understand why you felt like an executioner delivering the news as I had to tell Steve when he came out from…"
Friday
NoLongerInBergenJC replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Well I am a wee tad older than you are (age 62) but my husband and I were both 58 when he died.  (It is weird to me now that I continue to get older and he is forever 58.  And the newest good photo I have of him is from maybe 2007 so he…"
Thursday
chef (John) replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"You're doing all the "right" things, RCH. (And good for you for finding a good therapist, too! More of us guys need to do that.) I lost count of the number of tissue boxes I went through in the first few weeks. Like you, I seriously…"
Thursday
RCH replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"happylilycat wrote "I cannot fathom the idea of anyone every measuring up to my Morris, my soul mate...(like any of them could ever match what my Morris gave me!)YES.  I'm 53 and my Kelly was 50 when she died 12 months ago.  That…"
Thursday
RCH replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
""I not only lost my husband (best friend, soul mate, etc.), but I also lost myself...or at least the person I had been for the past 24 years..1/2 of an 'us' that no longer exists." Averysmom -- I read your description and felt…"
Thursday
Sissy replied to Jill's discussion What's scaring you these days?
"I'm scared of being alone. I'm scared to travel alone.  "
Thursday
happylilycat replied to Jill's discussion What's scaring you these days?
"Springlight, I get you, completely. After my two kitties pass away (one of them, Morris' favorite cat, is getting closer to the Rainbow Bridge)  I'm not going to adopt any more pets from the shelter, because I am also afraid of dying…"
Thursday
Sissy replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Here is something I wrote and sent to places for Drs. to read. Asking that they no more tell people that certain things can not happen.  In July of 2015, we were told that Paul had Glioblastoma Multiforme Grade 4... It was removed the next…"
Thursday
only1sue replied to Jill's discussion What's scaring you these days?
"I am scared both that I will find someone new and that will change my life or that I will always be alone. I am scared that I will have an illness or a fall and no-one will bother coming home to help. I am scared that I will be the "strange old…"
Wednesday
Imogen replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Jill:  I was 49 when my husband died.  I joined a social group at church.  There was one other single woman there, she left.  Then I left.  Being around couples was too hard. Your words "lonely loser" is exactly…"
Wednesday
happylilycat replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I appreciate what everyone else has said. We all have to make our own decisions on dating, etc.  At fourteen months I cannot fathom the idea of anyone every measuring up to my Morris, my soul mate. That's just me. I, too, have lost friends…"
Wednesday
Averysmom replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Yes Sissy...it spread when by all accounts, it shouldn't have. The primary tumor shrank with Chemo and radiation and we thought we were set for surgery that would take care of it. But when they began surgery this was not the case. Believing we…"
Wednesday
SpringLight replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Dear Averysmom, I understand the unbearable pain you are experiencing. The feeling of being shipwrecked. After my husband's initial diagnosis, we went on dates. During one of our museum trips, I came across the following quote by a French…"
Wednesday
SpringLight replied to Jill's discussion What's scaring you these days?
"I'm scared that when I die, my pets will be separated from each other, placed in a shelter or euthanized because no one will want them. I'm scared that I'll die alone and they'll starve to death. I'm scared that I'll…"
Wednesday

Profile Information

Jill's Blog

Grief Meet Hope

Posted on August 6, 2012 at 6:55am 12 Comments

There are so many twists and turns along the grief pathway. I wrote this two and a half years after my husband died. I was just beginning to feel hopeful again. Today I am six and a half years past Ken's death. I am here to report that I have rediscovered happiness, something I never thought would be possible. I wish the same for every widow and widower.

Grief Meet Hope…

Continue

Cleaning the Garage of Grief

Posted on July 24, 2012 at 9:45am 14 Comments

Sigh. Then there are the moments when the dead feel really, really, really, really far away. Really gone. Really dead. Really not here anymore. Really not influencing daily life anymore. Really not living. Not here. Gone. Dead. Irrelevant. Missing in action. Not a husband, not a father, not a friend, not someone who can lend you any kind of warm hand anymore.



This is not my favorite part of grief. This is just sad. This just makes me screw up my…

Continue

Loss is Timeless

Posted on July 1, 2012 at 7:28pm 8 Comments

(I wrote this a few days ago, on my birthday.)

Loss is timeless. Ken's brother got an email the other day from someone who just found out that Ken died. He wrote to express his sympathy, six and a half years later. Good for him. Loss is timeless. You can be moving along rather nicely, whistling, enjoying the view, and then it can root you like quicksand. It holds you. You may want to escape its grip, but it's strong. When it gets you, it can be hard to move forward. …

Continue

Death of Spouse Not Recommended

Posted on May 7, 2012 at 7:47pm 14 Comments

I'm going to write a gloomy post for a change. Normally I try to be upbeat about the havoc death brought upon me and mine. Generally, I aim to be filled with perspective and humor: after all, everyone dies. Death isn't special; it's expected. You can learn lessons from it! It can make you appreciate simple things, like waking up in the morning with your heart still pumping and your brain synapses still firing!

Today I want to tell you that I hate that more than six years have gone by…

Continue

Comment Wall (13 comments)

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At 5:13am on July 2, 2012, Rebirth.Tanya (Tanya) said…
Thanks for the friend request Jill, and sorry- in my hasty reply I totally neglected to wish you a Happy Belated Birthday- wishing you love, peace, and many blessings in the upcoming year. Looking forward to getting to know you better... :)
At 7:06pm on June 28, 2012,
VOLUNTEER
Soaring Spirits
said…

Happy Birthday, friend!! Hope you are doing great. XOX

At 8:07pm on January 10, 2012, t2 said…

Thank you, Jill. It's been 3 months as of today. I saw you on a forum on here and I think you mentioned MD Anderson. That's where my wife was treated for her last 3 years. Thought I'd friend you. Thank you for the comment.

At 2:14pm on June 28, 2011,
VOLUNTEER
Soaring Spirits
said…
Hope your birthday is mellow and lovely! X
At 4:39am on June 28, 2011, Dianne in Nevada said…

 

 

Jill,

Hope  you have a wonderful day.

Dianne

At 6:40am on June 11, 2011, loveliveson said…
Hi Jill, thanks!  I hope you have a really good weekend.
At 12:49am on June 1, 2011, 31Footprints said…
Thank you for adding me. I think it would help me to connect with the friend you have who also lost her husband to murder. I have facebook friends who have lost son's, daughters, and mothers to murder, but nobody who has lost their soul mate. Thank you again. x
At 10:09am on April 19, 2011, dadoffour (Floyd) said…

Hi Jill,

Thank you for comment. I have never written about these things, and I am constantly aware that we are all in a different place. Thank you for "getting it". You made my day.

 

Floyd

At 8:35pm on April 13, 2011, joe said…
To life!  And teeth!
At 4:19pm on April 3, 2011, Eileen said…

Hi Jill,

 

Thanks.  Yes, 5 years in august for me.  I have 2 boys, 11 and 13.  Yes for me too better in many ways but I miss him more than ever at times.  Hits me in a different way now.

 

I have written alot and that was my sanity.  I imagine writing your blog has helped you. 

 

Best,

Eileen

 
 
 

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