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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Jill
  • Female
  • Evanston, IL
  • United States
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Jill's Friends

  • Elaine
  • 3janda
  • saudade
  • onmyown
  • Tweety69 (Beth)
  • Fichereader
  • sks
  • luvofmylife
  • Henry-in-Minn
  • Rebirth.Tanya (Tanya)
  • Kirochka
  • Blue Snow
  • KristeninDenver
  • kimkirt (KK)
  • t2

Jill's Discussions

Since my husband died 5 years ago, I find that I don't deal with stress very well. Anyone else?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Hope May 27, 2016. 26 Replies

I get overwhelmed and stressed out under pressure, more than I did before the illness and death of my husband. I definitely do not "sweat the small stuff" anymore, but still, I find that I feel more…Continue

How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?

Started this discussion. Last reply by noflies Mar 19. 611 Replies

I'm interested in hearing from widows and widowers of all ages to know what it's like to be a certain age when you have your loss. We have widows and widowers of all ages here on Widowed Village and…Continue

Have you made any positive discoveries about your life since being widowed?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Dawn- Clouds Mum Jun 13, 2011. 23 Replies

Call me irrepressibly optimistic or call me nuts, but if I'm going to have to be widowed, I might as well try to make the best of it. I know that many of you on the site are very recently widowed, in…Continue

A hard question but do you have any regrets about your behavior during your marriage?

Started this discussion. Last reply by MacShug May 31, 2011. 31 Replies

I wish I hadn't expressed anger as much as I did. Ken would tell me that I felt too entitled to my anger and I think he was right. He was rarely angry, and I wish I would have behaved more as he did,…Continue

 

Jill's Page

I have found writing to be a really helpful tool to help recover from the terrible loss of my husband. Please vist my blog The Heartbreak Diary for ideas about using writing to help you through your loss.

Latest Activity

noflies replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I feel the same way and I am 27."
Mar 19
Athena53 replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"From C.S. Lewis' "A Grief Observed":  "One flesh.  Or, if your prefer, one ship.  The starboard engine has gone.  I, the port engine, must chug along somehow till we make harbor."  I have a wonderful…"
Mar 19
bradley1985 replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"This is the most accurate statement I have ever heard:  "The end stage of my life got fast forwarded and happened too soon - what will I do for the next 20 or 30 years, I've already lived my whole life but I still have to go through…"
Mar 19
susanelizabeth replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Ashleynicole, I'm so so sorry for your loss at such a young age. Please know that everything you're feeling right now--not knowing what to say to people, not wanting to hear either their happiness or their problems, wondering where you…"
Mar 7
ashleynicole8378 replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"My loss is recent, only 2 months ago. I'm 29 and my husband was 37. I'm really confused on my self concept currently. Previously, I'd thought of myself of half of an awesome couple. I think Mark had the same self concept because right…"
Mar 7
brentdanley replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I was 43. Kirsten died May 29, 2016 after a long struggle with cancer. I have three teenage daughters, who are the love of my life. I am completely broken, but know that somehow I must move forward and live a rich life, whatever it is."
Mar 5
Sheena replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I am 33 with two boys 5 and 6. My husband passed one month ago. I barely leave the house but when I do, seeing families together is already difficult. :("
Feb 27
Beansy replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I was 45 when Norman died. He was 46. He was 37 when he became ill and needed a heart transplant. That was too long ago for a quick heart transplant and no implantable defibrillators were invented yet. He died in 1997.It has been 20 years since…"
Feb 25
alwayssmilemichele replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Hi.  I was 57 when my husband died March 8, 2016.  We would have been married 28 years on Dec 03, 2016.  First marriage for me...he was a 2 year widower when we met.   Great man...great husband....he was true blue to first wife…"
Feb 16
stevie60 replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"  My wife passed away 3 months ago. In some ways I am getting to a normal routine and getting more accepting of reality. But it is still the smallest little things that can really hit you hard. I have a regular routine. I go to the gym, I work…"
Feb 16
Sharon replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Hi, Jill.  I just lost my husband and I am 52.  I am so scared that I won't be able to find another decent man, I am afraid of facing the future alone.  There is anger and overwhelming sorrow every day..."
Feb 16
NoLongerInBergenJC replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Isn't it odd how we've all experienced that thing of people telling us "You're young, you'll meet someone"?  They don't even ask if we want to, and frankly, it's disrespectful to the person who died.…"
Feb 16
spiritual dragonfly (Linda) replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Today is day 125 since my husband died. He was 65...me 53. His birthday is next week, as is mine. We were each other's best friend. We lived and breathed for each other..to a fault. We built our lives around each other. I'm on my…"
Feb 16
Sissy replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Callie2,     I know that what you wrote here, was not for me...  But just the same, I loved it.... I want to be ME again.. I just need to figure out how to do that. Sissy"
Feb 15
Callie2 replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Bobbysgirl, It takes time and we can't rush it. Grief takes as long as it takes--we cannot make the decision for it to end but eventually, it will. Still, it doesn't mean we stop thinking of them or stop missing them--I still do after…"
Feb 15
Sissy replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I was 59"
Feb 15

Profile Information

Jill's Blog

Grief Meet Hope

Posted on August 6, 2012 at 6:55am 12 Comments

There are so many twists and turns along the grief pathway. I wrote this two and a half years after my husband died. I was just beginning to feel hopeful again. Today I am six and a half years past Ken's death. I am here to report that I have rediscovered happiness, something I never thought would be possible. I wish the same for every widow and widower.

Grief Meet Hope…

Continue

Cleaning the Garage of Grief

Posted on July 24, 2012 at 9:45am 14 Comments

Sigh. Then there are the moments when the dead feel really, really, really, really far away. Really gone. Really dead. Really not here anymore. Really not influencing daily life anymore. Really not living. Not here. Gone. Dead. Irrelevant. Missing in action. Not a husband, not a father, not a friend, not someone who can lend you any kind of warm hand anymore.



This is not my favorite part of grief. This is just sad. This just makes me screw up my…

Continue

Loss is Timeless

Posted on July 1, 2012 at 7:28pm 8 Comments

(I wrote this a few days ago, on my birthday.)

Loss is timeless. Ken's brother got an email the other day from someone who just found out that Ken died. He wrote to express his sympathy, six and a half years later. Good for him. Loss is timeless. You can be moving along rather nicely, whistling, enjoying the view, and then it can root you like quicksand. It holds you. You may want to escape its grip, but it's strong. When it gets you, it can be hard to move forward. …

Continue

Death of Spouse Not Recommended

Posted on May 7, 2012 at 7:47pm 14 Comments

I'm going to write a gloomy post for a change. Normally I try to be upbeat about the havoc death brought upon me and mine. Generally, I aim to be filled with perspective and humor: after all, everyone dies. Death isn't special; it's expected. You can learn lessons from it! It can make you appreciate simple things, like waking up in the morning with your heart still pumping and your brain synapses still firing!

Today I want to tell you that I hate that more than six years have gone by…

Continue

Comment Wall (13 comments)

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At 5:13am on July 2, 2012, Rebirth.Tanya (Tanya) said…
Thanks for the friend request Jill, and sorry- in my hasty reply I totally neglected to wish you a Happy Belated Birthday- wishing you love, peace, and many blessings in the upcoming year. Looking forward to getting to know you better... :)
At 7:06pm on June 28, 2012,
VOLUNTEER
Soaring Spirits
said…

Happy Birthday, friend!! Hope you are doing great. XOX

At 8:07pm on January 10, 2012, t2 said…

Thank you, Jill. It's been 3 months as of today. I saw you on a forum on here and I think you mentioned MD Anderson. That's where my wife was treated for her last 3 years. Thought I'd friend you. Thank you for the comment.

At 2:14pm on June 28, 2011,
VOLUNTEER
Soaring Spirits
said…
Hope your birthday is mellow and lovely! X
At 4:39am on June 28, 2011, Dianne in Nevada said…

 

 

Jill,

Hope  you have a wonderful day.

Dianne

At 6:40am on June 11, 2011, loveliveson said…
Hi Jill, thanks!  I hope you have a really good weekend.
At 12:49am on June 1, 2011, 31Footprints said…
Thank you for adding me. I think it would help me to connect with the friend you have who also lost her husband to murder. I have facebook friends who have lost son's, daughters, and mothers to murder, but nobody who has lost their soul mate. Thank you again. x
At 10:09am on April 19, 2011, dadoffour (Floyd) said…

Hi Jill,

Thank you for comment. I have never written about these things, and I am constantly aware that we are all in a different place. Thank you for "getting it". You made my day.

 

Floyd

At 8:35pm on April 13, 2011, joe said…
To life!  And teeth!
At 4:19pm on April 3, 2011, Eileen said…

Hi Jill,

 

Thanks.  Yes, 5 years in august for me.  I have 2 boys, 11 and 13.  Yes for me too better in many ways but I miss him more than ever at times.  Hits me in a different way now.

 

I have written alot and that was my sanity.  I imagine writing your blog has helped you. 

 

Best,

Eileen

 
 
 

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