"I was 54 when my husband died 3/21/13 two days after his 54th birthday. We had been married 28 years plus 5 years of dating. I keep feeling I'm ready to move forward and then I realize he is never coming home again and I am…"
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Jill
- Female
- Evanston, IL
- United States
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Jill's Discussions
Since my husband died 5 years ago, I find that I don't deal with stress very well. Anyone else?
Started this discussion. Last reply by HorseMom Jun 21, 2011. 7 Replies 0 Likes
I get overwhelmed and stressed out under pressure, more than I did before the illness and death of my husband. I definitely do not "sweat the small stuff" anymore, but still, I find that I feel more…Continue
How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
Started this discussion. Last reply by Judy on Saturday. 205 Replies 9 Likes
I'm interested in hearing from widows and widowers of all ages to know what it's like to be a certain age when you have your loss. We have widows and widowers of all ages here on Widowed Village and…Continue
Have you made any positive discoveries about your life since being widowed?
Started this discussion. Last reply by Dawn- Clouds Mum Jun 13, 2011. 23 Replies 0 Likes
Call me irrepressibly optimistic or call me nuts, but if I'm going to have to be widowed, I might as well try to make the best of it. I know that many of you on the site are very recently widowed, in…Continue
A hard question but do you have any regrets about your behavior during your marriage?
Started this discussion. Last reply by MacShug Jun 1, 2011. 31 Replies 0 Likes
I wish I hadn't expressed anger as much as I did. Ken would tell me that I felt too entitled to my anger and I think he was right. He was rarely angry, and I wish I would have behaved more as he did,…Continue
Jill's Page
I have found writing to be a really helpful tool to help recover from the terrible loss of my husband. Please vist my blog The Heartbreak Diary for ideas about using writing to help you through your loss.
Latest Activity
Judy replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
AndiW78 replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I was 52 when my husband passed away at 55. We married when I was 18 and he was 20. He passed away 11/23/12. April 8th 2013 would have been our 35th Wedding Anniversary. Next week will be 6 months since I lost him. He was very ill the…"
mommy569 liked Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
chez2all replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I have a bit of a different perspective as I'm a 2nd time widow. First time I was widowed at 40 with 3 young kids. I hated the thought of being alone for the rest of my life and being out of sync with ALL my friends. I went…"
DyingInside replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I am 47 and my husband died a month after he turned 50. After a previous failed marriage when I was younger, I finally found my soul mate and we spent 20 years together. I can't even imagine being with someone else or dating again.…"
SneakyLady replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I was 45 and my husband was just 2 months shy of turning 63. We met when I was 19, married at 20 (everyone said he was too old for me, yadda yadda and it wouldn't last). Well, turns out they were right. We lasted only 24.8…"
Hatshepsut replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I was sixty-four when my husband of forty-two years died of colon cancer.
I'm sixty-seven now.
I moved from my parents' home to my husband's when we married. Never having lived alone before, life has been challenging since my…"
Angie aka Woody's Girl replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I was 54 - just 17 short months ago. We met at 18 and married right after I'd turned 19. To say I feel like a fish out of water is a gross understatement. But I keep trying to get out there and have travelled by myself to Australia to visit…"
Tweety69 (Beth) replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I was 41 years old with a one year old. I didn't know what hit me. Like you Jill, I felt so out of place. I was the only one of my friends who was a widow and with such a young child. I felt like I didn't fit in…"
willo replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"hi paul I know it seems daunting but I started "going with" my husband at age 13 married at 18 so I had never dated anyone, he too died in an accident and I buried him on our 28th anniversary ( I was 47) I started…"
Paul R replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I think this kind of divides into two parts. Not just age, but what was your dating experience before you got married. I met my wife in college and she was really the only person I ever dated more than once. At the age of 52 I have…"
Clevercanadianwoman replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I was a month from my 50th birthday when my husband died in a car accident in 2003. My son (only child) had just graduated high school and was in Australia at the time travelling. My husband and I were looking forward to being empty…"
Rae0523 replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I was 24 when I lost him. My birthday was 5 days after he died; I am 25 now, and still living in a world of confusion, sadness and disappointment. There was so much we had planned for the future..."
Timetoheal replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I am 39 and I'm not sure how to move forward either. I know it will be a while before I would even consider getting back out there. I think reading that at some point we will either get back out there or be content to live our lives without…"
lizbeth4 replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"HI Jill, I am 55 years old and my Husband died 35 days ago from cancer. My children are grown and I am blessed to have a 7 year old Grandson. I am totally out of sync. I woke up this morning thinking is this really happening, is my…"
jenn replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"this is where I am also. I was 49 when my husband passed but I have a 14yr old daughter so I still have a child / teen to take care of. I know no other widow or widower around my age and no single friends. I feel out of sic with…"
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Jill's Blog
Grief Meet Hope
Posted on August 6, 2012 at 10:55am 13 Comments 2 Likes
There are so many twists and turns along the grief pathway. I wrote this two and a half years after my husband died. I was just beginning to feel hopeful again. Today I am six and a half years past Ken's death. I am here to report that I have rediscovered happiness, something I never thought would be possible. I wish the same for every widow and widower.
Grief Meet Hope…
Continue Cleaning the Garage of Grief
Posted on July 24, 2012 at 1:45pm 14 Comments 10 Likes
Sigh. Then there are the moments when the dead feel really, really, really, really far away. Really gone. Really dead. Really not here anymore. Really not influencing daily life anymore. Really not living. Not here. Gone. Dead. Irrelevant. Missing in action. Not a husband, not a father, not a friend, not someone who can lend you any kind of warm hand anymore.
This is not my favorite part of grief. This is just sad. This just makes me screw up my…
Loss is Timeless
Posted on July 1, 2012 at 11:28pm 9 Comments 1 Like
(I wrote this a few days ago, on my birthday.)
Loss is timeless. Ken's brother got an email the other day from someone who just found out that Ken died. He wrote to express his sympathy, six and a half years later. Good for him. Loss is timeless. You can be moving along rather nicely, whistling, enjoying the view, and then it can root you like quicksand. It holds you. You may want to escape its grip, but it's strong. When it gets you, it can be hard to move forward. …
Death of Spouse Not Recommended
Posted on May 7, 2012 at 11:47pm 14 Comments 4 Likes
I'm going to write a gloomy post for a change. Normally I try to be upbeat about the havoc death brought upon me and mine. Generally, I aim to be filled with perspective and humor: after all, everyone dies. Death isn't special; it's expected. You can learn lessons from it! It can make you appreciate simple things, like waking up in the morning with your heart still pumping and your brain synapses still firing!
Today I want to tell you that I hate that more than six years have gone by…
ContinueComment Wall (14 comments)
- At 11:14pm on January 17, 2013,
GussieW-W said… - Hello Jill. I love your blog, and your writing prompts. I was always a compulsive diary keeper and it is a vital part of my daily self-help in widow land. Thank you!
- At 9:13am on July 2, 2012,
Rebirth.Tanya (Tanya) said… - Thanks for the friend request Jill, and sorry- in my hasty reply I totally neglected to wish you a Happy Belated Birthday- wishing you love, peace, and many blessings in the upcoming year. Looking forward to getting to know you better... :)
- At 11:06pm on June 28, 2012,
VOLUNTEERSupa Dupa Fresh said… Happy Birthday, friend!! Hope you are doing great. XOX
- At 12:07am on January 11, 2012,
t2 said… Thank you, Jill. It's been 3 months as of today. I saw you on a forum on here and I think you mentioned MD Anderson. That's where my wife was treated for her last 3 years. Thought I'd friend you. Thank you for the comment.
- At 6:14pm on June 28, 2011,
VOLUNTEERSupa Dupa Fresh said… - Hope your birthday is mellow and lovely! X
- At 8:39am on June 28, 2011,
Dianne in Nevada said… 
Jill,
Hope you have a wonderful day.
Dianne
- At 10:40am on June 11, 2011,
loveliveson said…
- Hi Jill, thanks! I hope you have a really good weekend.
- At 4:49am on June 1, 2011,
31Footprints said… - Thank you for adding me. I think it would help me to connect with the friend you have who also lost her husband to murder. I have facebook friends who have lost son's, daughters, and mothers to murder, but nobody who has lost their soul mate. Thank you again. x
- At 2:09pm on April 19, 2011,
dadoffour (Floyd) said… Hi Jill,
Thank you for comment. I have never written about these things, and I am constantly aware that we are all in a different place. Thank you for "getting it". You made my day.
Floyd
- At 12:35am on April 14, 2011,
joe said… - To life! And teeth!
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