"I was 51 and Jessie was 53 years and 1 month when he suddenly died - out of nowhere, he had a massive heart attack at home with our 23 year old son. I would do anything to have been there instead of our son. That is sometime he…"
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Jill
- Female
- Evanston, IL
- United States
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Jill's Discussions
Since my husband died 5 years ago, I find that I don't deal with stress very well. Anyone else?
Started this discussion. Last reply by HorseMom Jun 21, 2011. 7 Replies 0 Likes
I get overwhelmed and stressed out under pressure, more than I did before the illness and death of my husband. I definitely do not "sweat the small stuff" anymore, but still, I find that I feel more…Continue
How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
Started this discussion. Last reply by jan09 on Friday. 230 Replies 9 Likes
I'm interested in hearing from widows and widowers of all ages to know what it's like to be a certain age when you have your loss. We have widows and widowers of all ages here on Widowed Village and…Continue
Have you made any positive discoveries about your life since being widowed?
Started this discussion. Last reply by Dawn- Clouds Mum Jun 13, 2011. 23 Replies 0 Likes
Call me irrepressibly optimistic or call me nuts, but if I'm going to have to be widowed, I might as well try to make the best of it. I know that many of you on the site are very recently widowed, in…Continue
A hard question but do you have any regrets about your behavior during your marriage?
Started this discussion. Last reply by MacShug Jun 1, 2011. 31 Replies 0 Likes
I wish I hadn't expressed anger as much as I did. Ken would tell me that I felt too entitled to my anger and I think he was right. He was rarely angry, and I wish I would have behaved more as he did,…Continue
Jill's Page
I have found writing to be a really helpful tool to help recover from the terrible loss of my husband. Please vist my blog The Heartbreak Diary for ideas about using writing to help you through your loss.
Latest Activity
jan09 replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
Cookie replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I feel that you can do what you feel is best for you. After all, you don't need to live to please your friends. Maybe the handsome man reminded you of your husband in some way; and you recognized that. whatever reason, it…"
Jerry replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"It's been three and a half years that my wife is gone and I still take things day by say.I busy working a few hours a day just to pass time and keep my mind sharp. There are still plenty of hours left in the day to think about how things should…"
Cookie replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"My husband passed when I was 66. I am not really very social, out side of work and family, and in the last years we really didn't socialize much. So now, i am still working at 67 - and hoping to keep on. I look around me…"
Maria Louisa replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I was 57 when my dear husband (age 61) died last year from an aggressive cancer. I am grateful for our 37 years in love...but that also means I miss him so much. Our youngest was age 19 when his father died. He is home from college for the…"
carolynne replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"amatxlatina, no , it doesn't sound horrible....I think we all wish we could fast forward a few years. Skip all the heartache, the loneliness, the grief work, and just wake up magically in that time when we are All Better. I'd be a wealthy…"
mahagen replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I have found that the anticipation of the dates, the holidays is worse than the actual day itself. And this May was not bad. On the 32nd anniversary of my wedding, I was able to say "Yep, that was a good day in 1981! I had a wonderful…"
Jerry replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I have that same feeling, people,felling sorry for me.I went to a family gathering this weekend,my aunts uncles and cousins were all there. I felt sort of out of place being there without my wife, and that someway was being pitied by my relatives.It…"
amatxlatina replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Mahagen Thank you. I know its coming and I think that for me is the biggest part. I know I have to go through it and I cant bypass it no matter how hard I try. I know it sounds horrible but I would like to fast forward a few years. I am so sorry…"
mahagen replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Amatxlatina,
My May is your June. Both of our birthdays and our wedding anniversary are within 6 days. I'm at 3+ years. Please believe me that it can get better, easier, less pain filled. This year will be hard, the firsts are hard, but…"
amatxlatina replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I am 46 now, I just lost my husband March 14th. This month is already horrible as I know this is the month alot happened for us. his birthday, our moving into our new home together, and our anniversary all within a few days of the other. It just…"
Jerry replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I was 60 when my wife passed away 3 years ago. After 18 months I went on a dating site,I stated i was looking for a friend, nothing more. I met a widow and we hit it off. But I feel guilty getting to close to her. She has told me she loves me,and I…"
CatherineAmerica replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I am 30 years old and recently lost my 33 year-old boyfriend. he died unexpectedly from an undiagnosed heart condition, I came home from work to find him on the floor of our home. I've had some wonderful partners in the past, most of whom are…"
courtice replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I'm 49, my wife, Sara, who was 46, passed away in January. Like many of you, I too feel like I've been put into a very awkward situation. Part of me would like to re-connect again, and part of me isn't sure. I'm just trying to…"
Trifectagirl replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I was 37 with a 16 month old when widowed a year ago just under a year ago when my husband of a year died 10 days after our first wedding anniversary. Most of my friends have been pretty good. I do hope to re-partner in the future, but…"
erikag324 replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I was 25 when my husband died (4 months ago). Having two children (6 and 2) it was hard enough to relate to friends in their 20's but now I'm a widow, too. I've tried to make friends with my son's parents, but it's really…"
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Jill's Blog
Grief Meet Hope
Posted on August 6, 2012 at 10:55am 13 Comments 2 Likes
There are so many twists and turns along the grief pathway. I wrote this two and a half years after my husband died. I was just beginning to feel hopeful again. Today I am six and a half years past Ken's death. I am here to report that I have rediscovered happiness, something I never thought would be possible. I wish the same for every widow and widower.
Grief Meet Hope…
Continue Cleaning the Garage of Grief
Posted on July 24, 2012 at 1:45pm 14 Comments 10 Likes
Sigh. Then there are the moments when the dead feel really, really, really, really far away. Really gone. Really dead. Really not here anymore. Really not influencing daily life anymore. Really not living. Not here. Gone. Dead. Irrelevant. Missing in action. Not a husband, not a father, not a friend, not someone who can lend you any kind of warm hand anymore.
This is not my favorite part of grief. This is just sad. This just makes me screw up my…
Loss is Timeless
Posted on July 1, 2012 at 11:28pm 9 Comments 1 Like
(I wrote this a few days ago, on my birthday.)
Loss is timeless. Ken's brother got an email the other day from someone who just found out that Ken died. He wrote to express his sympathy, six and a half years later. Good for him. Loss is timeless. You can be moving along rather nicely, whistling, enjoying the view, and then it can root you like quicksand. It holds you. You may want to escape its grip, but it's strong. When it gets you, it can be hard to move forward. …
Death of Spouse Not Recommended
Posted on May 7, 2012 at 11:47pm 14 Comments 4 Likes
I'm going to write a gloomy post for a change. Normally I try to be upbeat about the havoc death brought upon me and mine. Generally, I aim to be filled with perspective and humor: after all, everyone dies. Death isn't special; it's expected. You can learn lessons from it! It can make you appreciate simple things, like waking up in the morning with your heart still pumping and your brain synapses still firing!
Today I want to tell you that I hate that more than six years have gone by…
ContinueComment Wall (14 comments)
- At 11:14pm on January 17, 2013,
GussieW-W said… - Hello Jill. I love your blog, and your writing prompts. I was always a compulsive diary keeper and it is a vital part of my daily self-help in widow land. Thank you!
- At 9:13am on July 2, 2012,
Rebirth.Tanya (Tanya) said… - Thanks for the friend request Jill, and sorry- in my hasty reply I totally neglected to wish you a Happy Belated Birthday- wishing you love, peace, and many blessings in the upcoming year. Looking forward to getting to know you better... :)
- At 11:06pm on June 28, 2012,
VOLUNTEERSupa Dupa Fresh said… Happy Birthday, friend!! Hope you are doing great. XOX
- At 12:07am on January 11, 2012,
t2 said… Thank you, Jill. It's been 3 months as of today. I saw you on a forum on here and I think you mentioned MD Anderson. That's where my wife was treated for her last 3 years. Thought I'd friend you. Thank you for the comment.
- At 6:14pm on June 28, 2011,
VOLUNTEERSupa Dupa Fresh said… - Hope your birthday is mellow and lovely! X
- At 8:39am on June 28, 2011,
Dianne in Nevada said… 
Jill,
Hope you have a wonderful day.
Dianne
- At 10:40am on June 11, 2011,
loveliveson said…
- Hi Jill, thanks! I hope you have a really good weekend.
- At 4:49am on June 1, 2011,
31Footprints said… - Thank you for adding me. I think it would help me to connect with the friend you have who also lost her husband to murder. I have facebook friends who have lost son's, daughters, and mothers to murder, but nobody who has lost their soul mate. Thank you again. x
- At 2:09pm on April 19, 2011,
dadoffour (Floyd) said… Hi Jill,
Thank you for comment. I have never written about these things, and I am constantly aware that we are all in a different place. Thank you for "getting it". You made my day.
Floyd
- At 12:35am on April 14, 2011,
joe said… - To life! And teeth!
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