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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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Jill
  • Female
  • Evanston, IL
  • United States
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Jill's Friends

  • Elaine
  • 3janda
  • saudade
  • onmyown
  • Tweety69 (Beth)
  • Fichereader
  • sks
  • luvofmylife
  • Henry-in-Minn
  • Rebirth.Tanya (Tanya)
  • Kirochka
  • Blue Snow
  • KristeninDenver
  • kimkirt (KK)
  • t2

Jill's Discussions

Since my husband died 5 years ago, I find that I don't deal with stress very well. Anyone else?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Hope May 27, 2016. 26 Replies

I get overwhelmed and stressed out under pressure, more than I did before the illness and death of my husband. I definitely do not "sweat the small stuff" anymore, but still, I find that I feel more…Continue

How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?

Started this discussion. Last reply by DIVA70 Jan 2. 748 Replies

I'm interested in hearing from widows and widowers of all ages to know what it's like to be a certain age when you have your loss. We have widows and widowers of all ages here on Widowed Village and…Continue

Have you made any positive discoveries about your life since being widowed?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Dawn- Clouds Mum Jun 13, 2011. 23 Replies

Call me irrepressibly optimistic or call me nuts, but if I'm going to have to be widowed, I might as well try to make the best of it. I know that many of you on the site are very recently widowed, in…Continue

A hard question but do you have any regrets about your behavior during your marriage?

Started this discussion. Last reply by ChelaDreams yesterday. 53 Replies

I wish I hadn't expressed anger as much as I did. Ken would tell me that I felt too entitled to my anger and I think he was right. He was rarely angry, and I wish I would have behaved more as he did,…Continue

 

Jill's Page

I have found writing to be a really helpful tool to help recover from the terrible loss of my husband. Please vist my blog The Heartbreak Diary for ideas about using writing to help you through your loss.

Latest Activity

ChelaDreams replied to Jill's discussion A hard question but do you have any regrets about your behavior during your marriage?
"I'm so sad you feel this way. I hope you can heal into a place of forgiving yourself. The lesson I took from losing my husband was none of that self-hatred is worth your time. He passed from cancer but suffered from depression for many years.…"
yesterday
ChelaDreams replied to Jill's discussion A hard question but do you have any regrets about your behavior during your marriage?
"No offense to Jill who posted this question...because there is always going to be things to regret...but I HATE this question!  It's not healthy to linger in regret. It seems easier to remember all the things we did wrong than to cherish…"
yesterday
Lisa_says replied to Jill's discussion A hard question but do you have any regrets about your behavior during your marriage?
"Yes, I have a few regrets and they haunt me . I am trying to forgive myself as I know my husband forgave me so easily and never held a grudge. We are human and not perfect.  The heartache fear and trauma of watching your person be ravaged by…"
yesterday
Rich replied to Jill's discussion A hard question but do you have any regrets about your behavior during your marriage?
"I went fishing on her Birthday one year."
yesterday
DIVA70 replied to Jill's discussion A hard question but do you have any regrets about your behavior during your marriage?
"No, none at all.....sometimes I would get frustrated, sometimes I would even get angry....but the frustration and the anger never surpassed the devotion and love I had for my husband. The anger would pass, the frustration would simmer down and what…"
Friday
Hopesmom replied to Jill's discussion A hard question but do you have any regrets about your behavior during your marriage?
"OMG, Cat, I could have written the statement you wrote.I have been riddled with guilt but I know that he loved me so much and he knew that I loved him the same. We always communicated so great throughout our marriage but when he got cancer its as if…"
Friday
DIVA70 replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
" I was 70 and my darling husband was 71. This may sound odd to some but we really felt our life together was picking up steam. We still had things we wanted to do together. For my 70th birthday I had gone to Arizona to visit a former mentor who…"
Jan 2
chef (John) replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"JsBunny25, You were right to stop, rather than come to resent, what you were doing with the writing. I write in my journal now only when I feel like doing it. I was widowed at 54; Judith was 53 when she died eight-and-a-half years ago. We had been…"
Jan 2
JsBunny25 replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Hey NoLongerInBergen, Thank you for the kind words and I am sorry for your need to be here as well.  I appreciate your comment about sharing "the same ironic world view"... Jen and I had a very similar sense of humor and laughed a…"
Jan 1
NoLongerInBergenJC replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"@JsBunny:  I'm sorry that you have to be here.  50 is too young to go, and too  young to always be alone.  I do understand your feeling that when you think about meeting someone, you find the only one you want is the…"
Jan 1
JsBunny25 replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I'm sorry for everyone's loss.  My wife and I were both 50 when she passed.  We had gotten married at 25 and I made the comment prior to her passing that we had officially been together half our lives.  I miss her constantly…"
Dec 31
Clare replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I was 38 and he was 40."
Dec 31, 2019
Susan replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I was 59 Susan"
Dec 31, 2019
Etchtech replied to Jill's discussion A hard question but do you have any regrets about your behavior during your marriage?
"What I regret everyday is that I couldn’t prevent the one thing I was most afraid of from happening. I watched her like a hawk. Took over her medication distribution, I was always watching for signs of something going wrong and in the long run…"
Aug 18, 2019
Melissa replied to Jill's discussion A hard question but do you have any regrets about your behavior during your marriage?
"Yes, of course. I'm human, I make mistakes all the time. I have things my partner did or said that hurt too. I'm actually planning a little ritual for myself next spring, reflecting on the healing nature of forgiveness. I'll think…"
Aug 18, 2019
Roxana replied to Jill's discussion A hard question but do you have any regrets about your behavior during your marriage?
"I can guarantee our husbands forgave us.  My husband always found excuses for someones bad behaviour. And we need to remember they suffer no more, the past is gone, including our bitchines. But we need to learn our lesson and try to be less…"
Aug 13, 2019

Profile Information

Jill's Blog

Grief Meet Hope

Posted on August 6, 2012 at 6:55am 12 Comments

There are so many twists and turns along the grief pathway. I wrote this two and a half years after my husband died. I was just beginning to feel hopeful again. Today I am six and a half years past Ken's death. I am here to report that I have rediscovered happiness, something I never thought would be possible. I wish the same for every widow and widower.

Grief Meet Hope…

Continue

Cleaning the Garage of Grief

Posted on July 24, 2012 at 9:45am 14 Comments

Sigh. Then there are the moments when the dead feel really, really, really, really far away. Really gone. Really dead. Really not here anymore. Really not influencing daily life anymore. Really not living. Not here. Gone. Dead. Irrelevant. Missing in action. Not a husband, not a father, not a friend, not someone who can lend you any kind of warm hand anymore.



This is not my favorite part of grief. This is just sad. This just makes me screw up my…

Continue

Loss is Timeless

Posted on July 1, 2012 at 7:28pm 8 Comments

(I wrote this a few days ago, on my birthday.)

Loss is timeless. Ken's brother got an email the other day from someone who just found out that Ken died. He wrote to express his sympathy, six and a half years later. Good for him. Loss is timeless. You can be moving along rather nicely, whistling, enjoying the view, and then it can root you like quicksand. It holds you. You may want to escape its grip, but it's strong. When it gets you, it can be hard to move forward. …

Continue

Death of Spouse Not Recommended

Posted on May 7, 2012 at 7:47pm 14 Comments

I'm going to write a gloomy post for a change. Normally I try to be upbeat about the havoc death brought upon me and mine. Generally, I aim to be filled with perspective and humor: after all, everyone dies. Death isn't special; it's expected. You can learn lessons from it! It can make you appreciate simple things, like waking up in the morning with your heart still pumping and your brain synapses still firing!

Today I want to tell you that I hate that more than six years have gone by…

Continue

Comment Wall (13 comments)

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At 5:13am on July 2, 2012, Rebirth.Tanya (Tanya) said…
Thanks for the friend request Jill, and sorry- in my hasty reply I totally neglected to wish you a Happy Belated Birthday- wishing you love, peace, and many blessings in the upcoming year. Looking forward to getting to know you better... :)
At 7:06pm on June 28, 2012,
VOLUNTEER
Soaring Spirits
said…

Happy Birthday, friend!! Hope you are doing great. XOX

At 8:07pm on January 10, 2012, t2 said…

Thank you, Jill. It's been 3 months as of today. I saw you on a forum on here and I think you mentioned MD Anderson. That's where my wife was treated for her last 3 years. Thought I'd friend you. Thank you for the comment.

At 2:14pm on June 28, 2011,
VOLUNTEER
Soaring Spirits
said…
Hope your birthday is mellow and lovely! X
At 4:39am on June 28, 2011, Dianne in Nevada said…

 

 

Jill,

Hope  you have a wonderful day.

Dianne

At 6:40am on June 11, 2011, loveliveson said…
Hi Jill, thanks!  I hope you have a really good weekend.
At 12:49am on June 1, 2011, 31Footprints said…
Thank you for adding me. I think it would help me to connect with the friend you have who also lost her husband to murder. I have facebook friends who have lost son's, daughters, and mothers to murder, but nobody who has lost their soul mate. Thank you again. x
At 10:09am on April 19, 2011, dadoffour (Floyd) said…

Hi Jill,

Thank you for comment. I have never written about these things, and I am constantly aware that we are all in a different place. Thank you for "getting it". You made my day.

 

Floyd

At 8:35pm on April 13, 2011, joe said…
To life!  And teeth!
At 4:19pm on April 3, 2011, Eileen said…

Hi Jill,

 

Thanks.  Yes, 5 years in august for me.  I have 2 boys, 11 and 13.  Yes for me too better in many ways but I miss him more than ever at times.  Hits me in a different way now.

 

I have written alot and that was my sanity.  I imagine writing your blog has helped you. 

 

Best,

Eileen

 
 
 

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