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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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Jill
  • Female
  • Evanston, IL
  • United States
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Jill's Friends

  • Elaine
  • 3janda
  • saudade
  • onmyown
  • Tweety69 (Beth)
  • Fichereader
  • sks
  • luvofmylife
  • Henry-in-Minn
  • Rebirth.Tanya (Tanya)
  • Kirochka
  • Blue Snow
  • KristeninDenver
  • kimkirt (KK)
  • t2

Jill's Discussions

Since my husband died 5 years ago, I find that I don't deal with stress very well. Anyone else?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Hope May 27, 2016. 26 Replies

I get overwhelmed and stressed out under pressure, more than I did before the illness and death of my husband. I definitely do not "sweat the small stuff" anymore, but still, I find that I feel more…Continue

How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?

Started this discussion. Last reply by ByHisGrace08 Jun 25. 682 Replies

I'm interested in hearing from widows and widowers of all ages to know what it's like to be a certain age when you have your loss. We have widows and widowers of all ages here on Widowed Village and…Continue

Have you made any positive discoveries about your life since being widowed?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Dawn- Clouds Mum Jun 13, 2011. 23 Replies

Call me irrepressibly optimistic or call me nuts, but if I'm going to have to be widowed, I might as well try to make the best of it. I know that many of you on the site are very recently widowed, in…Continue

A hard question but do you have any regrets about your behavior during your marriage?

Started this discussion. Last reply by MacShug May 31, 2011. 31 Replies

I wish I hadn't expressed anger as much as I did. Ken would tell me that I felt too entitled to my anger and I think he was right. He was rarely angry, and I wish I would have behaved more as he did,…Continue

 

Jill's Page

I have found writing to be a really helpful tool to help recover from the terrible loss of my husband. Please vist my blog The Heartbreak Diary for ideas about using writing to help you through your loss.

Latest Activity

ByHisGrace08 replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Hi All, I was 29 when my husband died and just turned 30 four days ago. I feel completely out of the loop with everyone who was in the "before" stage of my life. All but four AMAZING friends have high tailed it to the hills and have…"
Jun 25
JUDY1951 replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I was 61 and he was 67. He was my rock so being on my own as been a shock but after 4 years am coping better and know this is what he would want. I have 5 sons but have found after time they expect you to move on and don;t understand when you spend…"
Jun 20
Callie2 replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Jo, that is wonderful. I was also widowed in 2008 (Dec). You know, I don't think we waste time grieving--it is necessary in order for us to move forward and create a new life (role) for ourselves. As each year passes, we see changes in…"
Jun 16
Jo replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I was age 55 when I was widowed. This was in 2008. I am just beginning to get excited about life and doing things again. I still don't watch British comedies, because that is what my husband and I always did together. I do not grieve anymore,…"
Jun 16
Tate2701 replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Hi. Yes, I'd rather be alone too. I do go out, but it's as a single person as part of a group of singles and mostly singles. I do volunteer gardening at the church where Jeff is buried (I take a flask of tea and we chat, even though we…"
Jun 2
Tate2701 replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I think that it's a positive thing you recognise that you still need to be around people - that came as a surprise to me, realizing I need them. I have a widowed persons walking group I meet with where, strangely, Jeff isn't always on my…"
Jun 2
WV12345 replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Tate, I totally understand the feelings around couples.  Thankfully, none of my family, friends or friends of friends or co-workers have lost a spouse.  Absolutely no one has been through this.  All friends and family members over the…"
Jun 2
Lupe's husband replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"i work with almost all married people who go straight home after work and there isn't much camaraderie there,.   People have their nose in their work and that's it.  I just don't relate to them anymore.  I need to be…"
Jun 2
Tate2701 replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Thank you. All my friends bar one are in happy relationships and yes, it makes me privately sad. I don't begrudge them their happiness because I was in a little bubble of absolute delight for 28 years with one other occupant and I wish everyone…"
Jun 1
Lupe's husband replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Hugs to you Tate.    Being places with couples kind of makes me uncomfortable, too."
Jun 1
Tate2701 replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"My husband died a week before his 47th birthday in January 2016. I am almost three years older than him, and was 50 in March 2016. Kids are grown up and independent. Last year I felt quite untethered; I've never lived alone before so it was…"
May 31
Lupe's husband replied to Jill's discussion What's scaring you these days?
"I'm not sure what your situation is, but try to take it one day at a time.  You are on a journey and try as best as possible to embrace it.   40 is not to old to date, but don't worry about that.    I'm 55 and…"
May 23
Danielle replied to Jill's discussion What's scaring you these days?
"Hi GrievingNurse, Your post really made my heart ache and I wish I had magic words that could take some of the pain away. One day at a time is all we can do, I guess right? I'm afraid of the future too, both the immediate and the long distant,…"
May 22
Mrs. M. replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"My husband was 60 and I was 55.  We were in our first year of ‘retirement’ together.  However, our ‘retirement’ was to be much bigger than our work life.  We formed a business and signed a book deal just 10…"
May 22
MPMom (Colleen) replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Yep.  I'm 42 and my husband died in a mountain accident last June (can't believe it's almost been a year).  He was 40.  We'd been married 14.5 years, together for 20 and have 2 daughters 11 and 9.  I…"
May 22
Rich replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Same age difference between me and Janet. She was 54, I was 60. So far what I have discovered (at least in my case), time does not heal. Hopefully I am one of just a few of the exceptions."
May 22

Profile Information

Jill's Blog

Grief Meet Hope

Posted on August 6, 2012 at 6:55am 12 Comments

There are so many twists and turns along the grief pathway. I wrote this two and a half years after my husband died. I was just beginning to feel hopeful again. Today I am six and a half years past Ken's death. I am here to report that I have rediscovered happiness, something I never thought would be possible. I wish the same for every widow and widower.

Grief Meet Hope…

Continue

Cleaning the Garage of Grief

Posted on July 24, 2012 at 9:45am 14 Comments

Sigh. Then there are the moments when the dead feel really, really, really, really far away. Really gone. Really dead. Really not here anymore. Really not influencing daily life anymore. Really not living. Not here. Gone. Dead. Irrelevant. Missing in action. Not a husband, not a father, not a friend, not someone who can lend you any kind of warm hand anymore.



This is not my favorite part of grief. This is just sad. This just makes me screw up my…

Continue

Loss is Timeless

Posted on July 1, 2012 at 7:28pm 8 Comments

(I wrote this a few days ago, on my birthday.)

Loss is timeless. Ken's brother got an email the other day from someone who just found out that Ken died. He wrote to express his sympathy, six and a half years later. Good for him. Loss is timeless. You can be moving along rather nicely, whistling, enjoying the view, and then it can root you like quicksand. It holds you. You may want to escape its grip, but it's strong. When it gets you, it can be hard to move forward. …

Continue

Death of Spouse Not Recommended

Posted on May 7, 2012 at 7:47pm 14 Comments

I'm going to write a gloomy post for a change. Normally I try to be upbeat about the havoc death brought upon me and mine. Generally, I aim to be filled with perspective and humor: after all, everyone dies. Death isn't special; it's expected. You can learn lessons from it! It can make you appreciate simple things, like waking up in the morning with your heart still pumping and your brain synapses still firing!

Today I want to tell you that I hate that more than six years have gone by…

Continue

Comment Wall (13 comments)

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At 5:13am on July 2, 2012, Rebirth.Tanya (Tanya) said…
Thanks for the friend request Jill, and sorry- in my hasty reply I totally neglected to wish you a Happy Belated Birthday- wishing you love, peace, and many blessings in the upcoming year. Looking forward to getting to know you better... :)
At 7:06pm on June 28, 2012,
VOLUNTEER
Soaring Spirits
said…

Happy Birthday, friend!! Hope you are doing great. XOX

At 8:07pm on January 10, 2012, t2 said…

Thank you, Jill. It's been 3 months as of today. I saw you on a forum on here and I think you mentioned MD Anderson. That's where my wife was treated for her last 3 years. Thought I'd friend you. Thank you for the comment.

At 2:14pm on June 28, 2011,
VOLUNTEER
Soaring Spirits
said…
Hope your birthday is mellow and lovely! X
At 4:39am on June 28, 2011, Dianne in Nevada said…

 

 

Jill,

Hope  you have a wonderful day.

Dianne

At 6:40am on June 11, 2011, loveliveson said…
Hi Jill, thanks!  I hope you have a really good weekend.
At 12:49am on June 1, 2011, 31Footprints said…
Thank you for adding me. I think it would help me to connect with the friend you have who also lost her husband to murder. I have facebook friends who have lost son's, daughters, and mothers to murder, but nobody who has lost their soul mate. Thank you again. x
At 10:09am on April 19, 2011, dadoffour (Floyd) said…

Hi Jill,

Thank you for comment. I have never written about these things, and I am constantly aware that we are all in a different place. Thank you for "getting it". You made my day.

 

Floyd

At 8:35pm on April 13, 2011, joe said…
To life!  And teeth!
At 4:19pm on April 3, 2011, Eileen said…

Hi Jill,

 

Thanks.  Yes, 5 years in august for me.  I have 2 boys, 11 and 13.  Yes for me too better in many ways but I miss him more than ever at times.  Hits me in a different way now.

 

I have written alot and that was my sanity.  I imagine writing your blog has helped you. 

 

Best,

Eileen

 
 
 

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