Members

This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Jill
  • Female
  • Evanston, IL
  • United States
Share on Facebook Share

Jill's Friends

  • Elaine
  • 3janda
  • saudade
  • onmyown
  • Tweety69 (Beth)
  • Fichereader
  • sks
  • luvofmylife
  • Henry-in-Minn
  • Rebirth.Tanya (Tanya)
  • Kirochka
  • Blue Snow
  • KristeninDenver
  • kimkirt (KK)
  • t2

Jill's Discussions

Since my husband died 5 years ago, I find that I don't deal with stress very well. Anyone else?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Hope May 27, 2016. 26 Replies

I get overwhelmed and stressed out under pressure, more than I did before the illness and death of my husband. I definitely do not "sweat the small stuff" anymore, but still, I find that I feel more…Continue

How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Maggie Dec 30, 2017. 704 Replies

I'm interested in hearing from widows and widowers of all ages to know what it's like to be a certain age when you have your loss. We have widows and widowers of all ages here on Widowed Village and…Continue

Have you made any positive discoveries about your life since being widowed?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Dawn- Clouds Mum Jun 13, 2011. 23 Replies

Call me irrepressibly optimistic or call me nuts, but if I'm going to have to be widowed, I might as well try to make the best of it. I know that many of you on the site are very recently widowed, in…Continue

A hard question but do you have any regrets about your behavior during your marriage?

Started this discussion. Last reply by MacShug May 31, 2011. 31 Replies

I wish I hadn't expressed anger as much as I did. Ken would tell me that I felt too entitled to my anger and I think he was right. He was rarely angry, and I wish I would have behaved more as he did,…Continue

 

Jill's Page

I have found writing to be a really helpful tool to help recover from the terrible loss of my husband. Please vist my blog The Heartbreak Diary for ideas about using writing to help you through your loss.

Latest Activity

Maggie replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I was 66 when my husband died from brain cancer. Now I am almost 71. I am still lonely and still miss him everyday even though our marriage was a bit rocky in the final 3 or 4 years...long story.  I moved to another state, share my home with my…"
Dec 30, 2017
Bibbys1960 replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Hi. I too am 64, and even if I say so my self still fit and young in my head. my bereavement is different in so much as my dear sole mate of 44 years, walked out one day and never came back, 4 hours later the police came to tell me he had been found…"
Dec 30, 2017
Bibbys1960 replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Hi. What you described is just how I feel. its 3 years now since my sole mate of 44 yrs died, it was sudden and so unexpected, I was left traumatised  i have tried so hard to fill that huge black empty hole, with family, friends, volunteer…"
Dec 29, 2017
Callie2 replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Stevie, all that you describe is called grieving. The ups and downs can make you feel a little crazy but this is very normal. It is scary that we have very little control over it or the tears that arrive whenever they wish. If only we had a way of…"
Dec 28, 2017
stevie60 replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
" I have kept a diary sort of, mostly private. Its gets to be a lot of ups and downs. I shouldn't say ups because those moments are only the times I am not crying or feeling depressed. After 13 months I am maybe worse off than I was after 3…"
Dec 27, 2017
Dianne in Nevada replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Thanks for sharing that link, Lirvie. I've started following Anjali now, too."
Dec 27, 2017
Lirvie replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"A Year of Grieving Publicly i have been following this lady for a few months.  Someone’s written and article about her and her story.  I felt it was appropriate here."
Dec 27, 2017
Beansy replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Yes. It took me years to be able to be comfortable being alone, though really still not happy with it. It is not just being alone, it is how couples, especially family, can be uncomfortable around me. They may not say anything, but the differences…"
Dec 27, 2017
sandi replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I was 60 when my hubby passed.  That was 18 mos ago.  I feel like I will probably be alone. I can't picture myself falling in love again.  The stress of being a caretaker for 10 mos and watching him slowly die definitely took its…"
Dec 26, 2017
Timelord replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Hello Beans...I feel like I'll probably be the traveler too eventually... I...fear I've got quite used to being alone...or so I tell myself...did that happen with you as well?"
Dec 26, 2017
Beansy replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I am also in the misfit toys category. Widowed at 46, twenty years ago. No family but a son and granddaughter, and his wife does not like me. I am at their home now, but I am the traveler always. It is far, but they wont come to FL. I think I am…"
Dec 26, 2017
Timelord replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Imogen, I'm pretty much in the same boat - steerage class... At any rate, most people have long evaporated, and as I get older, I suppose I'll "age into" the "usual definition" of widow.  Now I'm in a…"
Dec 26, 2017
sus replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I was 36 when A died in 1999. We had 4 children 13 and under. I remember my father driving me away from the hospital and I looked at him and said "I am just too young to be a widow."  I am in a very different place now. I have…"
Dec 23, 2017
Imogen replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I was 49 when Doug died.  My family was no support.  His family was better.  If it wasn't for my husband's aunt & my pets I would never have gotten through it.  She lives in another province so we could only speak…"
Dec 22, 2017
Sosammy replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"It has been only 2 months since I lost my husband. I am only 53 and I feel like there is no one who really knows me anymore. There are people who know the daughter, sister, and friend, but no one who truly knows the real me. After 33 years being…"
Dec 22, 2017
roark replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Hi Athena53, I am 64 and my husband passed away 21/2 years ago.  I totally agree on your last paragraph. I do not feel I even want to cohabitate but I am hoping I find a good man and perhaps that will change my mind. I would like companionship…"
Dec 17, 2017

Profile Information

Jill's Blog

Grief Meet Hope

Posted on August 6, 2012 at 6:55am 12 Comments

There are so many twists and turns along the grief pathway. I wrote this two and a half years after my husband died. I was just beginning to feel hopeful again. Today I am six and a half years past Ken's death. I am here to report that I have rediscovered happiness, something I never thought would be possible. I wish the same for every widow and widower.

Grief Meet Hope…

Continue

Cleaning the Garage of Grief

Posted on July 24, 2012 at 9:45am 14 Comments

Sigh. Then there are the moments when the dead feel really, really, really, really far away. Really gone. Really dead. Really not here anymore. Really not influencing daily life anymore. Really not living. Not here. Gone. Dead. Irrelevant. Missing in action. Not a husband, not a father, not a friend, not someone who can lend you any kind of warm hand anymore.



This is not my favorite part of grief. This is just sad. This just makes me screw up my…

Continue

Loss is Timeless

Posted on July 1, 2012 at 7:28pm 8 Comments

(I wrote this a few days ago, on my birthday.)

Loss is timeless. Ken's brother got an email the other day from someone who just found out that Ken died. He wrote to express his sympathy, six and a half years later. Good for him. Loss is timeless. You can be moving along rather nicely, whistling, enjoying the view, and then it can root you like quicksand. It holds you. You may want to escape its grip, but it's strong. When it gets you, it can be hard to move forward. …

Continue

Death of Spouse Not Recommended

Posted on May 7, 2012 at 7:47pm 14 Comments

I'm going to write a gloomy post for a change. Normally I try to be upbeat about the havoc death brought upon me and mine. Generally, I aim to be filled with perspective and humor: after all, everyone dies. Death isn't special; it's expected. You can learn lessons from it! It can make you appreciate simple things, like waking up in the morning with your heart still pumping and your brain synapses still firing!

Today I want to tell you that I hate that more than six years have gone by…

Continue

Comment Wall (13 comments)

You need to be a member of Widowed Village to add comments!

Join Widowed Village

At 5:13am on July 2, 2012, Rebirth.Tanya (Tanya) said…
Thanks for the friend request Jill, and sorry- in my hasty reply I totally neglected to wish you a Happy Belated Birthday- wishing you love, peace, and many blessings in the upcoming year. Looking forward to getting to know you better... :)
At 7:06pm on June 28, 2012,
VOLUNTEER
Soaring Spirits
said…

Happy Birthday, friend!! Hope you are doing great. XOX

At 8:07pm on January 10, 2012, t2 said…

Thank you, Jill. It's been 3 months as of today. I saw you on a forum on here and I think you mentioned MD Anderson. That's where my wife was treated for her last 3 years. Thought I'd friend you. Thank you for the comment.

At 2:14pm on June 28, 2011,
VOLUNTEER
Soaring Spirits
said…
Hope your birthday is mellow and lovely! X
At 4:39am on June 28, 2011, Dianne in Nevada said…

 

 

Jill,

Hope  you have a wonderful day.

Dianne

At 6:40am on June 11, 2011, loveliveson said…
Hi Jill, thanks!  I hope you have a really good weekend.
At 12:49am on June 1, 2011, 31Footprints said…
Thank you for adding me. I think it would help me to connect with the friend you have who also lost her husband to murder. I have facebook friends who have lost son's, daughters, and mothers to murder, but nobody who has lost their soul mate. Thank you again. x
At 10:09am on April 19, 2011, dadoffour (Floyd) said…

Hi Jill,

Thank you for comment. I have never written about these things, and I am constantly aware that we are all in a different place. Thank you for "getting it". You made my day.

 

Floyd

At 8:35pm on April 13, 2011, joe said…
To life!  And teeth!
At 4:19pm on April 3, 2011, Eileen said…

Hi Jill,

 

Thanks.  Yes, 5 years in august for me.  I have 2 boys, 11 and 13.  Yes for me too better in many ways but I miss him more than ever at times.  Hits me in a different way now.

 

I have written alot and that was my sanity.  I imagine writing your blog has helped you. 

 

Best,

Eileen

 
 
 

© 2018   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service