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Jill
  • Female
  • Evanston, IL
  • United States
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Jill's Friends

  • Elaine
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Jill's Discussions

Since my husband died 5 years ago, I find that I don't deal with stress very well. Anyone else?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Hope May 27, 2016. 26 Replies

I get overwhelmed and stressed out under pressure, more than I did before the illness and death of my husband. I definitely do not "sweat the small stuff" anymore, but still, I find that I feel more…Continue

How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?

Started this discussion. Last reply by DaninKansasCity May 22. 670 Replies

I'm interested in hearing from widows and widowers of all ages to know what it's like to be a certain age when you have your loss. We have widows and widowers of all ages here on Widowed Village and…Continue

Have you made any positive discoveries about your life since being widowed?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Dawn- Clouds Mum Jun 13, 2011. 23 Replies

Call me irrepressibly optimistic or call me nuts, but if I'm going to have to be widowed, I might as well try to make the best of it. I know that many of you on the site are very recently widowed, in…Continue

A hard question but do you have any regrets about your behavior during your marriage?

Started this discussion. Last reply by MacShug May 31, 2011. 31 Replies

I wish I hadn't expressed anger as much as I did. Ken would tell me that I felt too entitled to my anger and I think he was right. He was rarely angry, and I wish I would have behaved more as he did,…Continue

 

Jill's Page

I have found writing to be a really helpful tool to help recover from the terrible loss of my husband. Please vist my blog The Heartbreak Diary for ideas about using writing to help you through your loss.

Latest Activity

Lupe's husband replied to Jill's discussion What's scaring you these days?
"I'm not sure what your situation is, but try to take it one day at a time.  You are on a journey and try as best as possible to embrace it.   40 is not to old to date, but don't worry about that.    I'm 55 and…"
May 23
Danielle replied to Jill's discussion What's scaring you these days?
"Hi GrievingNurse, Your post really made my heart ache and I wish I had magic words that could take some of the pain away. One day at a time is all we can do, I guess right? I'm afraid of the future too, both the immediate and the long distant,…"
May 22
DaninKansasCity replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I feel like I am suffering from survivors guilt. Does anyone else feel that way?"
May 22
Mrs. M. replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"My husband was 60 and I was 55.  We were in our first year of ‘retirement’ together.  However, our ‘retirement’ was to be much bigger than our work life.  We formed a business and signed a book deal just 10…"
May 22
MPMom (Colleen) replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Yep.  I'm 42 and my husband died in a mountain accident last June (can't believe it's almost been a year).  He was 40.  We'd been married 14.5 years, together for 20 and have 2 daughters 11 and 9.  I…"
May 22
Rich replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Same age difference between me and Janet. She was 54, I was 60. So far what I have discovered (at least in my case), time does not heal. Hopefully I am one of just a few of the exceptions."
May 22
DaninKansasCity replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"My wife passed at age 52, I am 58. I feel like my life is over. I dont for in anywhere. I feel like a third wheel."
May 22
GrievingNurse replied to Jill's discussion What's scaring you these days?
"I scared to be alone.... I am scared I want to abandon my kids... I am scared of the future... A 4 year plan seems so far off.... I'm afraid I'm not going to make it.... I'm afraid to sleep.... I'm afraid that I will forget what…"
May 22
only1sue replied to Jill's discussion What's scaring you these days?
"Don. there is no guarantee that anyone will do for us what we did for your loved one.  I just hope that my daughter who is my guardian will put some thought into finding me a good place, which will probably be a nursing home, in which to end my…"
May 20
Bobbysgirl replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Callie2, your words to be comfortable in our own skin really hit home with me. I guess I am able to adjust to my pain by accepting my reality. I miss Bob everyday, but I rarely cry now. Bob is gone almost 4 years, and I have worked very hard to…"
May 8
Callie2 replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"Imogene, When people say you're too young to be a widow, I think they mean not to upset you. It is similar to when people say "gone too soon" or "a life cut too short". Something we all have to face is the older we get,…"
May 8
Imogen replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I agree to what you are saying.  I was 49 when Doug died, & joined a bereavement group everyone was 15 - 20 years older.  I thought if one more person says "You are too young to be a widow"  I would smack them.  All…"
May 7
WV12345 replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I was 55 last summer when my husband died from early onset Alzheimer's at the age of 58.  Our ages set us apart from most couple's dealing with an Alzheimer's diagnosis and it continues to make me feel like I don't fit in…"
May 5
Don replied to Jill's discussion What's scaring you these days?
"The realization that if I became seriously ill, or become somewhat disabled for a period of time, that there will be nobody to do for me like I tried to do for Arlene. Also the realization that unless I am out in public, I could be dead and nobody…"
May 5
ashleynicole8378 replied to Jill's discussion What's scaring you these days?
"I'm terrified of something happening to my son, he's the only thing keeping me going. I'm scared of having a mental breakdown. I'm scared that I might be becoming dependent on the pain meds I've been taking to help me sleep.…"
May 2
Sissy replied to Jill's discussion What's scaring you these days?
"Hi Alone,     As I read what you said your scared of... One stood out to me... The that says your afraid someone might break into the house. Because I feel that way too. But I felt much better when I got a security system.  Please…"
May 2

Profile Information

Jill's Blog

Grief Meet Hope

Posted on August 6, 2012 at 6:55am 12 Comments

There are so many twists and turns along the grief pathway. I wrote this two and a half years after my husband died. I was just beginning to feel hopeful again. Today I am six and a half years past Ken's death. I am here to report that I have rediscovered happiness, something I never thought would be possible. I wish the same for every widow and widower.

Grief Meet Hope…

Continue

Cleaning the Garage of Grief

Posted on July 24, 2012 at 9:45am 14 Comments

Sigh. Then there are the moments when the dead feel really, really, really, really far away. Really gone. Really dead. Really not here anymore. Really not influencing daily life anymore. Really not living. Not here. Gone. Dead. Irrelevant. Missing in action. Not a husband, not a father, not a friend, not someone who can lend you any kind of warm hand anymore.



This is not my favorite part of grief. This is just sad. This just makes me screw up my…

Continue

Loss is Timeless

Posted on July 1, 2012 at 7:28pm 8 Comments

(I wrote this a few days ago, on my birthday.)

Loss is timeless. Ken's brother got an email the other day from someone who just found out that Ken died. He wrote to express his sympathy, six and a half years later. Good for him. Loss is timeless. You can be moving along rather nicely, whistling, enjoying the view, and then it can root you like quicksand. It holds you. You may want to escape its grip, but it's strong. When it gets you, it can be hard to move forward. …

Continue

Death of Spouse Not Recommended

Posted on May 7, 2012 at 7:47pm 14 Comments

I'm going to write a gloomy post for a change. Normally I try to be upbeat about the havoc death brought upon me and mine. Generally, I aim to be filled with perspective and humor: after all, everyone dies. Death isn't special; it's expected. You can learn lessons from it! It can make you appreciate simple things, like waking up in the morning with your heart still pumping and your brain synapses still firing!

Today I want to tell you that I hate that more than six years have gone by…

Continue

Comment Wall (13 comments)

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At 5:13am on July 2, 2012, Rebirth.Tanya (Tanya) said…
Thanks for the friend request Jill, and sorry- in my hasty reply I totally neglected to wish you a Happy Belated Birthday- wishing you love, peace, and many blessings in the upcoming year. Looking forward to getting to know you better... :)
At 7:06pm on June 28, 2012,
VOLUNTEER
Soaring Spirits
said…

Happy Birthday, friend!! Hope you are doing great. XOX

At 8:07pm on January 10, 2012, t2 said…

Thank you, Jill. It's been 3 months as of today. I saw you on a forum on here and I think you mentioned MD Anderson. That's where my wife was treated for her last 3 years. Thought I'd friend you. Thank you for the comment.

At 2:14pm on June 28, 2011,
VOLUNTEER
Soaring Spirits
said…
Hope your birthday is mellow and lovely! X
At 4:39am on June 28, 2011, Dianne in Nevada said…

 

 

Jill,

Hope  you have a wonderful day.

Dianne

At 6:40am on June 11, 2011, loveliveson said…
Hi Jill, thanks!  I hope you have a really good weekend.
At 12:49am on June 1, 2011, 31Footprints said…
Thank you for adding me. I think it would help me to connect with the friend you have who also lost her husband to murder. I have facebook friends who have lost son's, daughters, and mothers to murder, but nobody who has lost their soul mate. Thank you again. x
At 10:09am on April 19, 2011, dadoffour (Floyd) said…

Hi Jill,

Thank you for comment. I have never written about these things, and I am constantly aware that we are all in a different place. Thank you for "getting it". You made my day.

 

Floyd

At 8:35pm on April 13, 2011, joe said…
To life!  And teeth!
At 4:19pm on April 3, 2011, Eileen said…

Hi Jill,

 

Thanks.  Yes, 5 years in august for me.  I have 2 boys, 11 and 13.  Yes for me too better in many ways but I miss him more than ever at times.  Hits me in a different way now.

 

I have written alot and that was my sanity.  I imagine writing your blog has helped you. 

 

Best,

Eileen

 
 
 

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