"Thanks, Barbee, for your cartoon. I realize its my attitude and refusal to accept Mabel's death that pains me so much. My activities and distractions help take my mind off my loss, but invariably, an image of my spouse would pop up…"
"Hi Faolan. Its those small, trivial incidences that sets me back, too. The sort of thing you'd never think was important when I dropped Mabel off at Super Supplements where she ran her errands in picking up her vitamins and…"
"Hi All. Thanks for sharing, Alexandra. Mabel's birthday was in March . I called my son and told him wanted to be with them. Didn't want to be alone that day. I knew I'd be depressed in her absence...I…"
"Yes, Barzan. I know there is purpose in our lives. Am still in process of discerning it. Am very confused right now. I think God has abandoned me. I use to think my destiny was to carry out God's plan. My…"
"Barzan: I agree with you. My worse memory and my worse crying is the one of her dying in the hospital those four days. I want to erase that memory. i see no joy in it, just more sorrow...I don't want to live with…"
"GrandmaH and Barbee --Yes. We were married young, and I realized only after Mabel died how much our lives were shaped by one another. Through the years our thoughts, ideas, habits, preferences and interests continually surprised me as to how…"
"Thanks, Everybody! Thanks for your support and for your sharing. Barbee: Good idea. Think I will talk to our Activity Director; see how she responds. And, thanks so much Barzan. Your crying over puppy commercials when…"
"Hi Frank. We also attended a Marriage Encounter Weekend years ago...and I still remember one exercise we had writing and sharing our thoughts with one another. We were asked how would you feel if your spouse died...or something like…"
"Oh Hope...You've suffered so much as I. There is no way we can ever forget the love of our spouses, no way can we ever erase those memories. Thanks for being philosophical about it. We're all going through transition.…"
"My Tax Report: Thanks to Mabel, all I did was follow the format she used in collecting our data. Then, she'd send them on to our accountant -- someone who did our taxes since 1977!! We knew him when he was fresh out of…"
Hi Jim; Try MATCH.com. I have met some very fine people that way. The big problem for me is that most of them are in the Bay Area and hate to move. Colorado may have the person you seek. Most ladies there tend to like the outdoor activities. If you ski, the chances of meeting healthy ladies tends to be better. If you don't ski but would like to, take a lesson at Keystone Ski Area. You might meet someone in the class.
Hello, Jim. So good to hear from you. You know, I read in one of your posts that you were a minister. How wonderful! You know what I mean, then, when I talk about remembering the 'whole' person...the 'whole' life. It is the whole that matters, Jim. Not one day...and certainly not the last day. In fact, for me, the last day is the least important of all the days God gave me with Rick. If Our Heavenly Father judges us on the products of our 'whole' life, why wouldn't we view each other that way? (Without the judgment part, of course...you know, living in glass houses while throwing rocks, and all that!) What really matters is all that Rick taught me about love and forgiveness, tenderness and strength, laughter and life. Too many lessons to mention. Each day away from the trauma of losing him has made my sight clearer on my 'whole' life with him...on the lessons that matter more than those I learned the day I lost him. I hope you begin to see that soon, Jim. This isn't where you and I and everyone else here wanted to be, but here we are. And Rick and your lovely wife are Home now...safe, and loved, and cherished, and happy like they never could have imagined! That comforts me above all else...to know the One who made such a lovely man as my Rick is holding him in His loving arms right now. Have a peaceful evening, Jim.
Jim, you never have to worry about that here at least as far as I am concerned. Glad to read you are seeking counseling--I benefited greatly by attending a support group. I learned from them what to expect during the grief process and that my feelings were much of the same as many others there. Had a lot of that reliving of that day but when you lose someone suddenly, I think we tend to blame ourselves or question ourselves as to if we did all we could do and if we would have done X,Y, or Z, that perhaps, they would still be here. Once I began to believe that I did my best and that it was his illness that took him and that death was the result of his illness, the thoughts and flashbacks slowly ended. You're going to be OK, Jim. Callie
Hello, Jim. I was so glad to see your invitation to 'friend'. This site is the one place you can count on to have someone who understands the heart ache you feel (usually, there are many, many 'someones'!) It has helped me so much through the last 2+ years, I cannot describe it. I hope you find the light you need here as well, Jim.
Hello Jim, Thank you for the friend request. I'm sure God did not cause your wonderful wife to die. I bet he welcomed her though. He just has more jobs for us to do. I know I have been involved in helping people since my husband died that I would not have dreamed of knowing previously. You'll find your stride too when the worst calms down.
Thank you for your message and sharing a very special piece of yourself with me. I am now 2.5 years out from losing the love of my life, but find myself wrestling to get through tough spots still. They are fewer in number and are spaced out more, but floods still come. It warms my heart to hear that you and your wife were fortunate to spend so many years together. I'm also sorry that she is no longer here in person for you to share your life with. Anniversary dates are difficult, especially the first go-round. Today marks the 3-year mark that we first found out Frank's cancer had spread. I remember having a pit in my stomach, but seeing the fear in his eyes, I knew it was up to me to turn the day around. Jim, this day three years ago is one of the best days my husband and I ever had in our 6 short years together, even with horrible news. It's also the day we took my favorite picture of the two of us that I treasure. I know it may not feel like things are healing, but just know you will. I like that you are open to allowing yourself to express emotions as they come. That is very healthy. For me, I tend to fight and hold back, so I admire you for that. Know that you can meet amazing people in this community and if you ever need to talk, I have eyes and ears to listen. Peace and blessings to you, my friend. ~Kristi