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Judyrose
  • Female
  • Litchfield, IL
  • United States
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  • Mary
  • Sueg
  • DIVA70
  • eliana
 

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Judyrose commented on Judyrose's blog post Remembering
"DIVA 70. Thank you so much for your beautiful comforting wordsIt felt so secure and reassuring to read them. I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband and your And soulmate.   You are so right I feel like I’m having an out of body…"
Monday
chef (John) left a comment for Judyrose
"I wish there were some place on this board where those who are totally new to the widowed experience could compare notes, or those of us who are more experienced could post things. There is no manual for widows/widowers, so everyone initially feels…"
Monday
Mary commented on Judyrose's blog post Remembering
"As DIVA70 described, this is like having an out of body experience.  Maybe that's a way of coping, I don't know.  It's just going thru the motions of living for me most days.  If I stop and really think about my life…"
Sunday
DIVA70 commented on Judyrose's blog post Remembering
"So sorry for your loss....My soulmate and I were married for over 47 years and together for 50 years. He would tell people we were together even longer than that because we actually were in the sixth grade together. 15 months ago he became…"
Sunday
Judyrose commented on Judyrose's blog post Remembering
"Mary.   Thank you for your comment I’m sorry for the pain that you were going through I’m like you I don’t know how I will ever get better.  I can go to the store by myself because I did that before he left me but…"
Sunday
Mary commented on Judyrose's blog post Remembering
"Judyrose, I feel the same as you.  We were married for 46 years, and he has been gone for 6 months.  We went everywhere together.  I can't even get used to going to the store.  I have no interest in going to places we went…"
Sunday
Judyrose posted a blog post

Remembering

I was with my spouse for almost 50 years. I have been widowed for three months. I miss his touch  so much. When someone has touched you almost  every day for 50 years how do you forget the feeling. I don’t want to forget the feeling yet I don’t want to remember the feeling because it hurt so much.I’m scared I’m going to forget the feeling of his touch . But yet it hurts to remember.     Judyrose See More
Saturday
Sueg left a comment for Judyrose
"Hi again Judyrose, I put Tom's truck on Craigslist monday and I sold it today.  I know I can't maintain it and with winter just around the corner, I have no place to store it, but I'm still feeling sad.  There is no reason…"
Sep 12
Sueg left a comment for Judyrose
"Hi Judyrose, Good to hear from you! I really struggle keeping 2 places clean.  Before Tom passed I was always a fanatic with cleaning and he would always say just leave it, but I always wanted to keep things orderly, but not anymore!  Like…"
Sep 12
Judyrose replied to Melissa's discussion Loneliness
"This is beautiful  and what I feel . Thanks for sharing."
Sep 11
Judyrose commented on KDawg67's blog post Dreams I keep
"Beautiful  "
Sep 11
Judyrose commented on KDawg67's blog post Letters
"Thank you for sharing this. It’s beautiful and so close to my heart.     Judyrose "
Sep 10
Judyrose replied to Judyrose's discussion Lost in the group Widowed in 2019
" Hi Melissa , It was so nice to read your comment thank you. It’s nice to know that I was not alone in thinking that he was still in the house or still in the bed.   Yes talking to people does seem to help a lot I have a niece…"
Sep 9
Melissa replied to Judyrose's discussion Lost in the group Widowed in 2019
"It's been just over five months now for me, and I still have those "think he's coming back" moments. Times when I'm out and about and come home imagining he's there...or waking in the middle of the night to realize…"
Sep 9
Judyrose replied to Judyrose's discussion Lost in the group Widowed in 2019
"Mary  I bet those dogs do keep you busy. I had that problem too. It was so hard to get some to call you back let alone come over. Then they say to get more than one  estimate  but we finally got everything done that we wanted to do of…"
Sep 4
Mary replied to Judyrose's discussion Lost in the group Widowed in 2019
"Judyrose, Two are English Setters, one is (I think) a Tibetian Spaniel mix, and the other a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.  The setters like to be outside more, so are in and out all day.  The other two are small and prefer to be inside…"
Sep 3

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Judyrose's Blog

Remembering

Posted on September 14, 2019 at 2:54pm 5 Comments

I was with my spouse for almost 50 years. I have been widowed for three months. I miss his touch  so much. When someone has touched you almost  every day for 50 years how do you forget the feeling. I don’t want to forget the feeling yet I don’t want to remember the feeling because it hurt so much.I’m scared I’m going to forget the feeling of his touch . But yet it hurts to remember. 

    Judyrose 

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At 8:41am on September 16, 2019, chef (John) said…

I wish there were some place on this board where those who are totally new to the widowed experience could compare notes, or those of us who are more experienced could post things. There is no manual for widows/widowers, so everyone initially feels isolated and crazy, when what they're actually feeling is shock, numbness, pain, fear and a need to connect with someone who is experiencing the same thing, or has already "been there". I'm glad you happened across my note and that it helped you a bit. Hugs.

At 7:36pm on September 12, 2019, Sueg said…

Hi again Judyrose,

I put Tom's truck on Craigslist monday

and I sold it today.  I know I can't maintain it and with winter just around the corner, I have no place to store it, but I'm still feeling sad.  There is no reason for me to keep it and yet I can't help feeling a piece of me has died.  Never thought a truck would do that to me,but it has. I didn't sell to anyone I knew..thank goodness for that. 

Sue

At 1:42pm on September 12, 2019, Sueg said…

Hi Judyrose,

Good to hear from you!

I really struggle keeping 2 places clean.  Before Tom passed I was always a fanatic with cleaning and he would always say just leave it, but I always wanted to keep things orderly, but not anymore!  Like you, I really don't care about keeping everything in order and I really struggle to get anything done.  At times it'll take every ounce of energy to make the bed or do the dishes, simple household chores.  I feel the chaos may be a reflection of my life. There just isn't any order in my life right now.

Judyrose, I to wish I would have said more to Tom. I wish I could look over at him sitting on the couch and tell him I love him, just one more time. But then again, that wouldn't be enough and I would want one more day with him and when that day is over, I'd want another day. The time we had is never enough.  But I also believe over the year and a half he was sick and more importantly the years we had before he got so sick, so much love was shared between us.  I find myself focusing so much on the time he was sick that I forget we had a terrific life before the cancer ravaged his cancer and spirit. So much was said before he got sick that I seem to forget that.  Lately I seem to focus my thoughts on when he was Ill and that I should have done this or said that, but we did have an awesome life before the cancer and we knew each other better than anyone, I wish I could focus on that more and not what I didn't do or say the last year or so.  

I haven't gone out to eat by myself yet.  Yesterday I was trying to figure out what to eat and the restaurant down the street has 1.50 sliders on Wednesday.  I thought... great, I'll walk down there, check it out to see if there were a lot of people, but I ended up walking by the place.  I just didn't feel comfortable sitting by myself.  I did bring a book along  cause I thought that would help, but instead like I said I just walked on by...trying to figure out what to eat is also hard for me.  I guess everything is difficult right now.  

Tom had an older SUV and when he passed my nephew said he would buy it.  I'm not sure if you went through anything like this, but Tom didn't have a lot of material things, but yet I have people saying they'll buy certain things, like my nephew wanting the SUV. I told him no, that's the last thing I'm thinking about is selling Tom's personal stuff.  I really don't want to see my nephew driving in my husband's truck. Does this sound crazy to you?  

Hugs are sent your way!

Sue

At 3:14pm on September 4, 2019, Sueg said…

Hi Judyrose,

Tom and I had a cat for many years that we got from the humane society.  She passed away a year ago.  I kept all her stuff in hopes of getting another cat.  I'm not quite ready yet because I've been going back and forth to our cottage up north. 

Tom passed away up north at the cottage,  those were his wishes. So even though its hard to be here by myself , I feel close to him here.  He loved the cottage and being outside in nature. But winter is right around the corner and  even though we usually kept it open over the winter, I don't think I will this year. There is so much work to be done and I feel so incompetent and that I'm letting Tom down. 

Judyrose,  I smell his clothes and even his shoes!  In fact I have a pair of his shoes in my car that I drive around with.  I miss him terribly and lately I've been finding myself crying more and more.  Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day.

Hugs,

Sue

At 1:42pm on September 3, 2019, Judyrose said…

Hi Sueg

It was so wonderful to hear from you. Cats are the best. I rescued 2 males about 5 years ago, I lost one in April but I still have the other 

Yes the loneliness is so hard. I’m doing better in public but sometimes I just want to cry even in Walmart. I think this site is wonderful it sure helps to read and hear from other people. The nights are so hard. I put one of my husband ‘s old t- shirts on my pillow it’s so nice to think I’m laying on him. But his smell is almost gone. 

Every day I get up I think maybe today will be better but it’s not. 

   Hugs Back

    Judyrose 

At 1:28pm on September 1, 2019, Sueg said…

Hi Judyrose, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. Thank you for reaching out to me.  People who haven't experienced such a painful loss have no idea the heartbreak, loneliness, and sadness that we are going through.  It's an emptiness that at times is unbearable. I'm grateful there is this site that helps people who are going thru this connect.

I went to the animal rescue shelter yesterday and came very close to getting a cat.  I wasn't quite ready, but I believe getting and having an animal, like you did, is good companionship and a bit of a distraction from what we are going through.  

Hugs to you,

Sueg

At 1:46pm on August 29, 2019, eliana said…

Welcome to Widville, Judyrose. I am truly sorry for your loss, and hope you find caring support and friendship here.

Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Ask here!  You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place.  I look forward to getting to know you here in Widville. Take care of yourself.

 
 
 

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