"Well, here it is, "deathaversary" number 7. Not sure how I feel this year. Still hard to believe so much time has passed, until I look at all that has changed. I still live in the same place and am fortunate to have many…"
"I think, for me, it's about being alone. I don't mean lonely. I am very fortunate to have a community of friends and family to spend time with, and having grown up as the much younger child with distant parents, I am really…"
"So sorry your are feeling this way. As you can see from my last post, I've struggled this past year. I just can't seem to find my way back to happy. I'm feeling better than I was - and am hoping that as Spring finally…"
"Thank you all for sharing so honestly about your holiday season feelings. I found myself deeply sad this year - more than I have been in recent years. It surprised me because having passed the 6 year mark I have actually been feeling…"
"Another fan of Fall here! Maybe it's the whole "back to school" thing, but it always seemed like a time for new beginnings. And this year I really do have one. My grandddaughter is moving in with me! She plans to…"
"I haven't done anything special this summer (spent my spare cash on home repair), but I am just home from a very special thing that happens almost every week. I live just about 20 minutes away from where I grew up, so I am fortunate to…"
"Thank you all for sharing your thoughts. August 19th will be the 6th anniversary of Bob's death. I have been in a very dark place for the past few months - darker than I have felt for some time. I know that part of it is that I have…"
"I think what helped me is that the horror of the way he died - so sick, so much treatment, months in the hospital - has finally faded into the background and now when I think of him it is in happier times. It is such a relief to think of him…"
"Me too John. 5 years in August. It's such a different feeling this time. Still sad, still missing him, but now firmly established in another life. I'm still working out exactly what that life is/will be but…"
"I do know people who never met him. And, I still wear my wedding ring. If I'm in a group of people who knew Bob and some who didn't and he gets referenced there are sometimes raised eyebrows, kind of like where's your…"
"Thank you all. Do any of you sometimes have trouble with the time line? I mean sometimes I have trouble if something happened before his death - I find myself asking him - Were you hear when xyz happened?"
"The 5th anniversary of my husband's death will be in August. I agree that it is so long ago and just yesterday. I am staggered that so much time has passed and how so often his passing is once again brand new. I would say too,…"
"Thank you Cee - it ended up being one of those times when it felt good to be reminded of what I had rather than be sad about what I lost. I have a friend from childhood and this weekend was a big 90th birthday party for her mother. It…"
"5th Thanksgiving, 5th Christmas coming up. It's shocking to me how so much time has passed and how sometimes it feels like I just lost him yesterday. This past weekend I did something a little bit strange -I did a driving trip that…"
LucyGoo- Hi! I did not realize that you were in New Jersey! Hey Jersey Girl!
I have been debating on moving back for a while because I have no family in Texas and I get tired of always being the one to travel. I have lived here for 19 years and not one family member of MY side of the family has ever come out to Texas, not even for my husband's memorial service. They act like I live on the moon.
My family is in Morris County and Sussex County in Northern New Jersey. I am still raising a teen son who is in high school. He says he would be open to moving so we could live next to his uncles, aunts, cousins and his grandpas. We weren't ready this summer, but if we move, it would be next summer.
So sorry about your Lucy! We had crazy siamese cats before we got our beagle. The pedigreed one protected my daughter like an attack dog. The kitties lived to be 18 and 19 yrs old. We were pet free for a year and I couldn't stand it. I had a mixed beagle growing up so it was easy to talk me into one. This pedigreed bagel is nuts. He is nine years old and still gets in trouble every day - always eating something he shouldn't. He opens the fridge, jumps up on the table, unzips purses, gets in the trash cans, tears up bills, you name it. Walking him seems to make him crazier. But, he is the one thing that can still make me laugh! All the best. Jocelyn.
hi lucy. so so sorry for your loss. wanted to tell you i loved the photo of your beags. i have one too. we love him but he is very, very bad! he drove my husband nuts with his constant foraging for anything to eat (not just food). LOL. take care.
"Hello, May I respectfully suggest that you check out www.breakthrugrief.wordpress.com which has free videos of others who have lost and grieve telling their stories and offering coping strategies that worked for them and perhaps you. Len"
Lucy, I so know what you mean about not being able to tell the folks who loved our sweethearts, about what they went through, even remotely. I soon realized, he wouldn't want that, they didn't need it, and therefore, that kind of sharing wasn't going to help me, either. But little by little, I have been able to let little bits of the story out, here...I haven't attempted yet to put the whole thing out at once. Not sure I could handle it, though I suspect it would be helpful. Some of what you touched on about your husband's journey made me catch my breath, it seems so similar to what Billie had to endure, things I've barely mentioned anywhere. The leak into his lungs, for instance, though Billie's lung leaked out, not in, after a biopsy that never should have been ordered. His main doctor there at the hospital was in tears, when she saw what it had done to him, and she was so furious that the oncologist had ordered it in the first place, we had only just found out his cancer was back...he was hospitalized for pneumonia and MRSA at the trach site - both of which he beat...but the cancer returned, we found out, within a week of his dying, mainly from the results of that lung biopsy - the bad side effect the doctor who performed it had not bothered to mention was a possibility, and which he would have known was going to happen, if he had looked more carefully at Billie's x-rays. The year before, another doc had refused to do a lung biopsy on Billie, because of the condition of his lungs, from CPOD. I was hysterical, trying to warn Billie and the doctor, but Billie wanted to know what kind of cancer it was, and this doc made it sound like a walk in the park ("if we collapse the lung, we just insert a chest tube, and a couple days later that comes out.") I had to let Billie make the decision, he was someone who always wanted all the information before making a decision. But, the lung collapsed, they put in the chest tube, and later that day, he began a condition called subcutaneous emphysema. It was sci-fi horror movie in front of my eyes, and he finally agreed to hospice, later that day, or the next, I guess, and was gone three days later. Okay, without the gory details, there is one part of our horror story, you will either recognize the term, or not, and if not, you don't need to know what it means, it is too horrible to conceive of. But, I want you to know, you can share anything you need to here, with me or with others. I know I am full of PTSD, about that last year and a half of his life. It helps to tell our stories, over and over as much as we need to. Especially when we know the person listening is really listening. I am so sorry for all you and your sweet man went through. Sending you lots of good vibes to wrap around you, love and understanding. We will get through this, to a place where we can remember the good and the bad recedes. We'll talk more before long. Take good care.
Welcome to our community.... I hope we can keep you company on your journey ahead. Please look around a bit and read this basic introduction to the site. You can find more information about how the community works under "Help!" in the navigation bar, and we'll send you a few newsletters with tips and ideas in the coming weeks. If you need a little more help, go to the Home page and look in the right hand column to see the link to a "Help Desk" form. We all use the site differently, but we hope you feel comfortable sharing among us in the coming days, weeks, and months. Big hug!
site founder and admin
Lucy, congrats on being able to host such a large event on such a stressful day. It sounds like your husband was a wonderful guy who touched a lot of people. I'm glad they were there to support you. My husband was also the outgoing one in the relationship.
Welcome LucyGoo: I'm sorry for your loss but I'm glad you found your way to this site. I hope you will find the same comfort and understanding here at Widowed Village that I have. In the beginning I just read the blogs and posts and lurked in chat. Post and join us in chat when you feel comfortable. It is nice to be among people who "Get It".
I'm so very sorry for your loss, LucyGoo, but glad you found us. There is caring support and friendship here. Here's a good place to start: Basic Site Info
Join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place. Those 'chirps' you hear when you're in Widowed Village mean people are talking in the Chat Room; stop in some time and join the conversations. I look forward to getting to know you here.