"I read all you comments all the time in 2010 when our loved ones died. In fact you told me I was the reason you changed your profile picture. You never post anymore. Just always wondering how you are. From all the posts I could tell you weren't…"
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Macduff (Hal)
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Little things that happen that don't feel so little
Started this discussion. Last reply by Susan B Aug 19, 2011. 14 Replies 0 Likes
Here's a place to share those seemingly small incidents that remind you of your loss and often bring on anything from longing to overwhelming sadness. For example, in 1990 when we moved here to…Continue
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Macduff (Hal) commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2010
"By coincidence there's an article this week in the New York Times called "Relocation Therapy". It addresses moving after the death of a spouse in addition to break-ups. You may need a subscription to the Times Online to view it…"
Macduff (Hal) commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2010
"crying, likewise you have warm thoughts from me... with all live on with the unbelievable. "
Macduff (Hal) commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2010
"Jordan, Betty and I also met one evening, talked for hours, looked into each others eyes, and by the next night we were a couple. She wrote a wonderful essay about how we met, something I treasure.
Now like so many of you 2013 marked entering…"
Macduff (Hal) commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2010
"Jerry, Jan. 11th is my three year date... in so many ways I think our experiences are similar except that by sheer chance you found someone for a sustained relationship. What interests me in your last comment is that you "GF" said…"
Macduff (Hal) commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2010
"When she was dying and I was saying I couldn't imagine living without her,my wife said she had two words for me, and named a popular online dating website.
I know that if I died before her - or left her at any age, she would have gone on…"
Macduff (Hal) commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2010
"I don't know about you all, but Betty never would have believed that almost three years later I would still be mourning her so deeply. She told me I'd easily find another woman and it would be easy to go on with my life. I wonder if she…"
Macduff (Hal) commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2010
"Feelinglonely, I am sure all of us know the feeling (even if we're too south for snow) but the snow seems unique for those who have it, especially I bet the first snow of a season. That always was so special, watching the flakes come down…"
Macduff (Hal) commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2010
"I didn't mention that when I finally got the light on I saw I was laying on a nice thick bathroom rug with colorful squares on it that was among the many things (lots of clothes, costume jewelery and decorative items) of Betty's I gave…"
Macduff (Hal) commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2010
"I hope everyone is surviving this morning as well as possible. I am recovering from last night. What happened is a long story but the short version is that I got invited to an annual huge family Christmas Eve party given by Betty's best friend.…"
Macduff (Hal) commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2010
"This is the one place where nobody should worry about sounding whiny -
We, of those who hurt so much when we remember what it was like to share laughter, to share tears, with our beloved, know of what you speak.
We adjust, more to the point, we…"
Macduff (Hal) commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2010
"Drifting - for me it isn't so much heart vs. head about my moving, but rather not knowing whether I might beat the odds and meet someone new here and decide to choose a place together we both want to live. I guess that's a "head"…"
Macduff (Hal) commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2010
"Linda,
This is truly poetic and oh so true for those of us who grieve with all our heart and soul, whose spouse was "someone so close the boundaries are blurred into a sweet singularity."
I don't think I've heard this put so…"
Macduff (Hal) commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2010
"Jean, goingon and my old friend Jerry --
I know what Betty wanted for me since she told me before she died... to "get over it", "I have two words for you, e harmony" she said... she thought I be such a great catch I'd fine…"
Macduff (Hal) commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2010
"Thank you Jean...
I wonder if for some in this one size doesn't fit all world we all are in, there is a group of us who went through the gut wrenching grief of year one, and the vacillating grief of year two, for whom the third year becomes…"
Macduff (Hal) commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2010
"My third year is almost over and here I am still in the same house. Nothing keeps me here, I could move anywhere. Yet here I am with my sadness and starting slowly to accept that no matter what live holds in store for my future, I may end up living…"
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Comment Wall (17 comments)
- At 8:37am on April 16, 2013,
crying said… - I read all you comments all the time in 2010 when our loved ones died. In fact you told me I was the reason you changed your profile picture. You never post anymore. Just always wondering how you are. From all the posts I could tell you weren't doing well. Well three years later....I'm still struggling each day. How about you?
- At 1:12pm on March 12, 2012,
job4348 said… I know sometime when I'm really down I don't want to spread it around on others so I don't say anything. The thing is I bet you and I aren't the only two that feel like that and just don't say anything. Could be from when we where growing up there wasn't the open/share everything menality there is now days. Just sometime would be nice to have someone care about our meltdowns.
I had that reminders from the past yesterday also but mine is his parnets home. Still find it hard to go into it and be around them. Really sad but can't help how I feel. If I share a memory you won't think I'm crazy--whenever I go into the bathroom at his parnets it flashes into my mind of the times we made love in there. Small house no privacy so if we were visiting that was our only choice. Well that or abstinance--lol. NO! That might have been why we never stayed long.lol They are good people just very conversative(cold).
Hope you are feeling some better-I guess we all just have to ride these memories out but as it says in the sign on the wall "I miss everything about you" Did you do that? Bet others that see it thinks it's some kids.lol
take care of yourself-talk with you later Brenda
- At 9:36pm on February 1, 2012,
Wanderer530 (Bernie) said… 
- At 9:33pm on February 1, 2012, Wanderer530 (Bernie) said…
Hi Macduff :)
Read some of your postings . . . And wanted to extend some compassion.
The dogs are way too adorable!
I'm sorry to hear you are where you are at :(
I wanted to reach out . . . I'm here. Drop me a line whenever.
I will keep you in my prayers.
Bernie
- At 4:30pm on January 21, 2012,
Susan B said… lovely that you have that clipping. and you've given me yet another idea--photo Keith's obituary, and share it here, maybe start a discussion so others can do the same. I agonizied over writing Keith's obits --one for our paper and one for his hometown-- trying to capture his life spirit in words.
- At 4:07pm on January 21, 2012, Susan B said…
Macduff--since I'm not among the widowed in 2010, I'm commenting here. I treasure little lists made by Keith (he was very organized about things and made to do lists, and then got everything done as oppposed to mine...tsk tsk)
and you have inspired me to photograph them!! thank YOU! I have no voice recording but that on my cell phone--his sister refuses to call it because she is "un-nerved" by it.
Keep on keepin' on, and I think you will find that "rest of your life" that we are all searching for.
- At 10:01am on January 21, 2012,
1mrypp said… Hi Hal,
my name is Mary. I've just been perusing the village and bumped into one of your posts or comments and read more. I hope you don't mind. To say that i felt kindred to you is a bit cliche because I on this site we are all kindred (I think). Reading some of your thoughts made me feel an empathy and a similarity to you. For me, it's nice not to hear stuff about god and what was "meant to be". Sometimes I get drawn to a fellow griever and turn off when I see that stuff. It's not that I am an atheist but I am a' sea (as a priest put it) when it comes to god, after life etc. I hope (yearn) that it exits but don't pretend to know. (I do wish I had faith though.) Anyhow, I digress..sorry. Your description of the sorrow, loneliness and pain you feel in Betty's absence I've been suffering - again, not news on this site - but I'm relating. The quote you cite from Mr Hall is too true. Also, I too have to be careful when I get into a crying jag... starting to cough. (I really puts a damper on it:). I admire your undertaking of the cross country trip. Thanks for posting the your pictures. I read that you said last Nov you were starting to date. I was wondering if that has done you some good. I hope so. (Coincidentally) this day happens to be the one year mark for me. - dreading anybody bringing it up. Am I different that way I wonder. Hal, I like your style and will be thinking of you and pulling for you. You take good care of yourself.
- At 8:17pm on January 19, 2012,
shakyground said… Mac Duff, my husband died the day after my birthday in 2010. He was really actually gone on my birthday when I found him. Needless to say, I don't celebrate my birthday anymore and inwardly wince when people wished me a happy birthday last year. Please accept my best wishes as you move forward in your life (even though it feels like it's at a standstill).
- At 5:58pm on January 17, 2012,
VOLUNTEERSupa Dupa Fresh said… Hal, I hope your birthday is a chance to look back with love and listen for hope from tomorrow. X
- At 1:59am on January 17, 2012,
Dianne in Nevada said… 
Hope your special day brings you unexpected smiles, Macduff.
Dianne
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