"Yes, it was overwhelming because there were things he took care of and things that I took care of, but since his death, it is all on my shoulders. My son was just 13 when his dad died, so he does not know how to fix things.
I remember feeling angry…"
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Mariposa
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Mariposa's Groups
Mariposa's Discussions
SECONDARY LOSSES
Started this discussion. Last reply by Mariposa Dec 17, 2012. 1 Reply 0 Likes
How To Grieve Secondary Losses
Started this discussion. Last reply by jean Dec 16, 2012. 1 Reply 0 Likes
I found this helpful article about secondary losses.…Continue
Holidays Are Hard
Started this discussion. Last reply by Mariposa Nov 20, 2012. 11 Replies 1 Like
Thanksgiving is next week, but already I seem to be experiencing a hard time emotionally, struggling to stay present with the here and now, when my heart and mind wander to the past and dwell on all…Continue
Mariposa's Page
Latest Activity
Mariposa commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2011
"Dear VA Mom & Widow- welcome to Widowed Village- where we all "get it", but so sorry about your loss. I totally understand how you want to scream as I have had days like that as well.
It's been 18 months since I lost…"
Mariposa commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2011
"Gordy's Widow- God bless you as well! Have fun with your MIL. FAKE IT 'TIL YOU MAKE IT!! LOL! Happy Memorial Day! :-)"
Mariposa commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2011
"Cee- You asked "How have any of you managed to keep a positive attitude?" The one thing that has helped me is to focus on cultivating gratitude. Even in the horrible time while my husband battled cancer, everyday I tried to find one…"
Mariposa commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2011
"Gordy's widow - yes, I hear that voice in my own head. I realize that my grief does weigh me down and it is hard to move forward at times. I feel as if I am in a fog of sadness for the past week, and it affects my thinking."
Mariposa commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2011
"Juls and Paula- so sorry for your longing and missing what was lost. I don't know what it is, perhaps the time of year, but I had a hard week last week because I just wanted him to be near, just wanted to be held in his arms. …"
Mariposa commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2011
"Gordy's widow- my thoughts exactly- DUH! He changed doctor's but it was still at the same oncology practice as it was a group of them. I just hope it does not happen again. Peace.
"
Mariposa commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2011
"Joyce- I appreciate your support and that you understand because you are in the same shoes. That is how I feel- that I will make a donation for the type of cancer he had. To add insult to injury, 14 months after his death, I also…"
Mariposa commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2011
"Gordy's Widow- hugs to you! Sorry that you have had to deal with that. One thing that has happened twice is I have gotten phone calls asking for my husband, and it just hits me unexpectedly. The worst was the Breast Cancer…"
Mariposa commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2011
"A GRIEF WAVE hit today. I'm trying not to drown in sadness. What triggered it? I took my new vehicle to get the windows tinted. This vehicle replaces my beloved 16 year old Isuzu Rodeo that used to be the family car.
Anyhow, I chose the place…"
Mariposa commented on Mac's blog post WTF
"I know what you mean. Here we are whether we like it or not.
Hang in there. One breath at a time, one day at a time."
Mariposa commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2011
"LucyGoo- Hugs to you! I'm sorry that you had a flashback to a terrible time and it brought up so much you are hoping to heal from. I wish you peace, comfort and strength.
"
Paula left a comment for Mariposa
"Mariposa, I am so in awe and humbled by what you wrote on Tuesday in the group 2011. Would like to privately chat with you."
Mariposa commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2011
"Welcome kelleyinnewyork!! Sorry for your loss, but glad that you have found support. How awesome that you attended Camp Widow East. Peace, comfort and healing to you!
"
Mariposa commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2011
"TexasSue- Thanks for the kind words of support. Hugs to you!
Gordy- Thanks for your supportive words as well. For clarification, it was not his friends I was talking about- he had no close friends. I was referring to some…"
Mariposa commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2011
"Gordy's widow- thanks for the comment. I am not going sugarcoat it, but the first year after he died was hell, not only because of the grief, but due to the other losses caused by the discovery of secrets. Things had slipped out of him while he…"
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Mariposa's Blog
ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY
Posted on December 9, 2012 at 2:22pm 7 Comments 0 Likes
The one year anniversary of my husband's death is coming next week on December 12th.
When December 12, 2012 arrives, my son and I will have:
- Survived one year without him.
- Survived 12 months without him.
- Survived 52 weeks without him
- Survived 365 days without him.
- Survived 8,765 hours without him.
- Survived 31,556,926 seconds without him.
I have felt each second of loss, each hour of pain, each day of sorrow, each…
Continue How To Be Alone by Tanya Davis
Posted on September 19, 2012 at 11:16am 4 Comments 1 Like
This is a video done for a poem that talks about the beauty and gift of "aloneness." It is a challenge for anyone who has lost a spouse to look deeply into the emptiness and turn it into a gift. But this video gently reminds us how. I hope that the link works.
You Look Great They Say....So How Come I Feel Like SHIT?
Posted on September 18, 2012 at 3:05pm 8 Comments 0 Likes
I don't know why, but during the summer I had some weeks when I felt numb, or weeks when I actually felt okay. Yet, suddenly with Labor Day weekend, the feelings of grief have returned. Partly it is due to the fact it is a holiday weekend, as holiday weekends were usually the only time my departed workaholic husband would actually spend time with his family. Partly it is due to the fact my husband did not live to see his son begin high school, did not live to help me buy our son his first…
Continue ITS A GRIEF WAVE
Posted on September 3, 2012 at 4:30pm 4 Comments 1 Like
Ever since last weekend, I am struggling not to drown in a sea of sorrow because I have been hit with a major wave of grief. It is funny how the mind tries to forget, but the heart will always remember.
I looked back at my journal from this time last year when I was in the midst of being my husband's caregiver and there were some difficult and painful things happening as he suffered from…
ContinueComment Wall (21 comments)
- At 12:04am on April 28, 2013,
Paula said… Mariposa, I am so in awe and humbled by what you wrote on Tuesday in the group 2011. Would like to privately chat with you.
- At 10:29am on March 22, 2013,
Jpswife(Cathy) said… - Hi Mariposa
I just saw where you had written your mother died from ALS. MY husband did in April 2012!
I'm so sorry for both of your losses!!:(. I still struggle with the bad memories of his suffering & can't wait till I can think of all our happy times. Cathy
- At 10:28am on March 22, 2013, Jpswife(Cathy) said…
- Hi Mariposa
I just saw where you had written your mother died from ALS. MY husband did in April 2012!
I'm so sorry for both of your losses!!:(. I still struggle with the bad memories of his suffering & can't wait till I can think of all our happy times. Cathy
- At 10:28am on March 22, 2013, Jpswife(Cathy) said…
- Hi Mariposa
I just saw where you had written your mother died from ALS. MY husband did in April 2012!
I'm so sorry for both of your losses!!:(. I still struggle with the bad memories of his suffering & can't wait till I can think of all our happy times. Cathy
- At 3:43pm on March 20, 2013,
Janice said… hi, mariposa. I am sorry it has been so hard for you. you are not alone in the problems with friends. my houston friends, I lived there 11 years, and my children are still there, will get together with me for lunch but heaven forbid anybody should invite me to a dinner with couples. they all socialize in couples so I am not welcome. two in particular don't call, don't write, don't communicate at all. I am learning how to have a social life here in Hayesville with new friends. this is a retirement area to a large degree so there are a lot of people looking for things to do and people to do them with, so that helps. I am so grateful to the couples who do still include me. are you by any chance going to camp widow in myrtle beach? I am stepping out of my comfort zone and going!!!! I feel a tremendous need to be with people like me, trying to cope with sudden and unexpected loss. my husband was just 58.
thank you for reaching out to me :)
- At 8:24pm on March 19, 2013,
Marsha said… Hi Mariposa,
Thank you for the friend request. I look forward to getting to know you better. Sorry for the reason you are here but glad you found WV. It's been a source of comfort and peace for me. Sending warm thoughts and hugs your way!
- At 10:51pm on March 18, 2013, Marsha said…
Mariposa trying to figure out what the best plan for the future will be is difficult to say the least. Feel the need to move back east to be with family. My son is here in Calif for now and will finish his master's degree in 2014. Then who knows where he will move to. Both my children are grown ups with their own life and I do not want to be a burden to them. Miss seeing my granddaughters and being a part time Grandma is not fun. So I hope things will start falling into place so I can move and retire. I seem to know when it is time to make a move forward and even though it is difficult at times, I know in my heart it is the right decision. I pray you find peace in whatever direction your heart takes you!
- At 3:08pm on March 18, 2013,
onmyown said… :)
- At 2:38pm on March 18, 2013, onmyown said…
Thank you! This site is helping. It is so nice to talk with others who understand. :)
- At 5:13pm on March 17, 2013,
Patcpoo said… - Just a note to let you know you are not alone lol I was married 44 years and he is the only man I have ever been with. It scares me to thinking of getting naked with another man. Gary loved me since I was 15 warts and all and I cant imagine another man ever loving me again so unconditionally. So good luck to both of us if that time ever comes again :) Pat
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