Members

This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Mary H
  • Female
  • La Jolla, CA
  • United States
Share on Facebook Share

Mary H's Friends

  • Trav
  • LandL (Linda)
  • Riley
  • WilberMaker
  • john
  • stevie60
  • Athena53
  • crowlda (Dave)
  • lexy
  • Mrs. M.
  • sandi
  • susanelizabeth
  • Nieta
  • SweetMelissa2007
  • Boxer Mom

Mary H's Discussions

Faking it to Make it Didn't Work

Started this discussion. Last reply by SweetMelissa2007 Mar 26, 2017. 8 Replies

When I hit two years I decided that I was going to stop wasting my life in sorrow and heartbreak.  I decided that I would focus on feeling grateful for the wonderful life I was able to share with an…Continue

What to do when someone's pity talk begins to feel like too much?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Nance63 Feb 6, 2017. 12 Replies

I lost my husband almost 2 years ago, and there is a woman who worked with him who cared for him very much and she has made a point of checking in with me regularly and making sure I am okay, and…Continue

Is it easier to decide not to move on?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Lupe's husband Mar 14, 2017. 48 Replies

I loved my husband so much, and he was an incredible person.  I knew how lucky I was to have him in my life.  It is so easy now that I have lost him to think that no one could love me as much as he…Continue

Advice on Vacations in the First Year?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Dianne in Nevada May 28, 2015. 22 Replies

I have had several (not widowed) people tell me that I should take my kids on a nice vacation this year, and I thought at first that we should as well, but the problem is that we took so many really…Continue

 

Mary H's Page

Latest Activity

Mary H commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2015
"Thank you for that Theses... it's the first time in a long time that someone has told me they respect my feeling of still being loyal to the one I lost, and it's made me think about all of the pressure I've been getting from the…"
Aug 25
Mary H commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2015
"Hi Terry, I'm sorry to hear your health is poor (and the rest of you too who mentioned that).  I completely fell apart physically a year or two in, and went from walking my dogs to needing a cane on and off.  It is just really rough…"
Aug 23
Mary H commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2015
"So... here in the middle of the Corona Virus quarantine, doing a lot of puzzles to pass the time and get into a quiet place, and I have found that when I do memory after memory comes up on me of this and that moment with my husband, lost to me these…"
Jun 21
CatCo replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I don't want to date because I want my husband here with me. And on the flip side I know after some time I will want to be close to someone. And yet I cannot imagine what it would be like to even be…"
May 19
sus replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"I was widowed 20 years ago at the age of 36. I dated on and off but I don't think I was really ready. No one measured up to my late husband. That was because I wasn't ready. I met my current husband 3 years after being widowed at a grief…"
May 18
Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"I hope you like it... I tried to be as true to my own reservations and insecurities as I could within a fictional context, so it is a bit of a dark read, but hopefully with an affirming message in the end.  I hope also that you are doing well,…"
Mar 29
HillbillyWitchDr replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"I just ordered your book Mary H,  I lost my husband 4 1/2 years ago and I think I am ready to date again, but I have a lot reservations and insecurities going on."
Mar 29
Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"So... friends in this discussion group, I have channeled my distress at having been widowed in midlife into a book, which, if you are interested and you have a kindle, is on free offer for the next few days.  It's called Harmony and my…"
Mar 21
Mary H commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2015
"If my experiences had made me cynical, I would say it was a pretty good public relations move for your CEO to raise all of that money for the injured workers charity when his corporation was facing a lawsuit, and that a numbers guy would know…"
Feb 23
Mary H commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2015
"I hope you are right about your CEO SA, it's just that I had a CEO who continued to help me for years, and who protected me from "the board", and I never questioned why, I believed that he cared about my husband, and me and my…"
Feb 23
Mary H commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2015
"And by the way, I'm sorry to bring this to you if you haven't realized it yourself, but when the CEO told you he pled guilty because he didn't want you to have to deal with a trial, he was most likely being false with you and…"
Feb 23
Mary H commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2015
"Of course you are angry about what happened to your husband and your life SilverAnniversary, but your anger is just going to hurt you if you don't channel it to areas where it can do its job, of motivating action, of seeking justice, of finding…"
Feb 23
pricytapestry replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Awkwardly in between or just awkward. That is a good word Mary H, awkward and I feel a good way to look at it. Widowed at 53, I knew eventually I would date, even though the very idea of dating again after 34 years scared the heck out of me and I…"
Feb 9
Lupe's husband replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"I think you read too much into what I wrote above.   We were going out once a week at the most.     It's not like were were dating five times a week and then it dropped off.    Younger women are busy, but at…"
Feb 4
Mary H commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2015
"5 years ago tonight, New Years Eve, was the last night I spent with my husband, so I am feeling sorry for myself, remembering our toasts that night, toasting the best year yet that was passing that night and looking forward to the next one.  He…"
Dec 31
Charlieboy117 replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Hi Riley, Your story is uplifting and inspiring for us, not to give up hope. Kevin"
Dec 23, 2019

Profile Information

Mary H's Photos

  • Add Photos
  • View All

Mary H's Videos

  • Add Videos
  • View All

Mary H's Blog

Reflections on the First Year on the Anniversary of My Husband’s Death

Posted on January 7, 2016 at 8:56am 0 Comments

Today I came across a quote by Marcus Aurelius, “Tomorrow is nothing, today is too late; the good lived yesterday.”  What can he have meant by it?  I can only assume that he lost someone too, as that is how I felt nearly every day for an entire year.  The pain I felt on my husband's death was so intense that I thought the physical stress of it would carry me off as well.  Everything around me looked flat, as if the world itself was changed without his observation of it.  I didn’t sleep, and…

Continue

Comment Wall (7 comments)

You need to be a member of Widowed Village to add comments!

Join Widowed Village

At 1:35pm on December 21, 2019, Trav said…

Hello Mary thanx for the friend request, will chat sometime soon busy night tonight actually have plans to get out woohoo

At 9:28am on February 17, 2016, Hope said…

Mary H, you didn't need to apologize at all. Trying does not always work and you are so right. Hugs

At 6:03pm on June 27, 2015, Brucer said…

Hi Mary H,

I am so sorry for your loss and I wish you all my best.  My wife died 2 yrs and 8 months ago and this journey of grief goes on and on.  I saw your comments about family visits and how inconsiderate they can be.  For me, I experienced their lack of understanding of my wife's cancer as she battled for 8 years.  Her family continued to rely on her for everything as if she was perfectly healthy.  They expected her to put on holiday dinners, birthday parties, give haircuts,...you name it!  I could barely stand it and tried to politely suggest that others step up.  It was maddening at times.  We moved to Albuquerque from Cleveland for a job opportunity for me while she was in remission.  Eventually, her cancer returned and she passed in our home and we were together...just us two the way it should have been. 

People can be so selfish sometimes and others, like my wife, are so unselfish always giving of themselves.  Even now, If I dwell on the demands that her family put on her, I begin to boil so I try to block it out.  Life is too short for pointless anger. 

I hope each day is a little better for you.  Stay well.

Bruce

At 8:36am on April 24, 2015, laurajay said…

awe mary...thx  I so feel your pain   so fresh  so puzzling  and the urgency with which the grief  attacks is so exhausting...especially when resolve does not flow.  Be strong. I will not say it gets easier or softer...only you will know if it does...but there will be more changes and when they come they often give a glimpse of something that resembles understanding.   love lj

At 2:10pm on April 20, 2015, Gary'swife said…

Mary- Thanks for the friend request.  I hope you can get some of the paperwork and financial things sorted out.  That is the worse, and the most pressing in the beginning.  I know you have already found this site to be helpful, and trust you will come here for sharing, and venting as needed.  It's a horrible journey we are all on, but it's good to know we are not alone.

At 8:43am on March 13, 2015, Deborah B said…

Just stopping by to let you know that I lift in prayer and send you lovelovelove.  My husband has been gone for 15 months now.  I miss him more every day.  Sending you strength for the funeral.

Deborah

At 9:16pm on March 7, 2015, Dianne in Nevada said…

Welcome to Widville, Mary H. I'm so very sorry for your loss, but pleased that you found us. You'll find caring support and friendship here.

Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Ask here!  You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place.  I look forward to getting to know you here in Widville.

 
 
 

© 2020   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service