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Mary H
  • Female
  • La Jolla, CA
  • United States
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Mary H's Discussions

Faking it to Make it Didn't Work

Started this discussion. Last reply by SweetMelissa2007 Mar 26, 2017. 8 Replies

When I hit two years I decided that I was going to stop wasting my life in sorrow and heartbreak.  I decided that I would focus on feeling grateful for the wonderful life I was able to share with an…Continue

What to do when someone's pity talk begins to feel like too much?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Nance63 Feb 6, 2017. 12 Replies

I lost my husband almost 2 years ago, and there is a woman who worked with him who cared for him very much and she has made a point of checking in with me regularly and making sure I am okay, and…Continue

Is it easier to decide not to move on?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Lupe's husband Mar 14, 2017. 48 Replies

I loved my husband so much, and he was an incredible person.  I knew how lucky I was to have him in my life.  It is so easy now that I have lost him to think that no one could love me as much as he…Continue

Advice on Vacations in the First Year?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Dianne in Nevada May 28, 2015. 22 Replies

I have had several (not widowed) people tell me that I should take my kids on a nice vacation this year, and I thought at first that we should as well, but the problem is that we took so many really…Continue

 

Mary H's Page

Latest Activity

Mary H commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2015
"CinPan, it's a very hard time, losing your husband just at that time when your children are growing away from you.  That's the stage of our lives where it is just give, smile, support and their minds are elsewhere, looking…"
Apr 12
Mary H replied to jlsrdh's discussion Heard on old tv show. in the group Suddenly Widowed
"After I suddenly lost my husband, the only tv show that could keep my attention was The Walking Dead.  After a time, I came to realize that it was because the people on the show are constantly losing the ones they love, and that they still have…"
Mar 26
alwayssmilemichele replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"YAY!  Great News!  Thanks for sharing your news!"
Mar 6
Dianne in Nevada replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Steve!!  So pleased to hear your good news."
Mar 6
Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Happy for you!"
Mar 6
Lupe's husband replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"It's been a while since I posted here, and I have some news.   I'm in a relationship!   We've been dating for a month or so and so far, so good.   It wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be, so maybe I was right…"
Mar 6
Mary H replied to Rich's discussion Premonitions
"I am not the sort to have a premonition, but I can't argue away what happened to me.  As my husband was leaving for the trip he would not return from, he seemed more hesitant than usual to be going, and what I can only describe as a voice…"
Feb 27
Mary H replied to KJPE's discussion He deserved so much more love in the group Suddenly Widowed
"Hi KJPE, I am so sorry for you and for everyone suffering sudden loss, as I did myself.  The one thing I can share with you that might help you through this particular sadness is that after losing a spouse in a good and happy marriage, you will…"
Jan 22
HockeyDogs replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Wise advice - thank you. I wish you well on your healing journey. Professional counseling is a big help to me too right now."
Jan 13
HockeyDogs replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Well stated. Exactly captures the mid-life loss. My partner died suddenly at 53 years old. I will turn 50 this year. We were together for over 25 years. So much shared life together. Possibly so much life left ahead for me. I have everything headed…"
Jan 13
bt660 replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"My story... I hope it can help guide you I want to share my story, as a piece of advice for those of us who are in this awkward stage of life.  We aren't really in the bar scene anymore, and we aren't in the senior circuit…"
Jan 7
Mary H commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2015
"Hi All, your posts have been touching me too... all of them, and especially yours Evolving.  I lost my 51 year old husband to a sudden heart attack, and it has not only been emotionally devastating, but physically.  Before he died, I felt…"
Dec 13, 2018
alwayssmilemichele replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"I applaud your courage, silver55 and your insight Mary H!   It does take courage to keep putting yourself out there..I truly know what you mean about it taking days to recover from a coffee date!  And Mary, I love your line "see…"
Nov 27, 2018
Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Everything you are saying makes sense Silver55, I think a lot of us think we ought to pick ourselves up at the year point and try to live again.  I wasn't able to do it myself, I couldn't face how sad it would make me, but the thought…"
Nov 26, 2018
silver55 replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"I lost the love of my life 15 months ago now.  About 3 months ago I signed up for online dating, not because I was ready or really wanted to date but to try and get my mind used to even the idea of another person in my life.  I have gone…"
Nov 25, 2018
Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"I always love to see the stories of the intrepid women out there really going for it, and I hope that you find what you are looking for as well, and that you keep checking in and letting us know how its going for you along the way."
Nov 25, 2018

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Mary H's Blog

Reflections on the First Year on the Anniversary of My Husband’s Death

Posted on January 7, 2016 at 8:56am 0 Comments

Today I came across a quote by Marcus Aurelius, “Tomorrow is nothing, today is too late; the good lived yesterday.”  What can he have meant by it?  I can only assume that he lost someone too, as that is how I felt nearly every day for an entire year.  The pain I felt on my husband's death was so intense that I thought the physical stress of it would carry me off as well.  Everything around me looked flat, as if the world itself was changed without his observation of it.  I didn’t sleep, and…

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Comment Wall (6 comments)

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At 9:28am on February 17, 2016, Hope said…

Mary H, you didn't need to apologize at all. Trying does not always work and you are so right. Hugs

At 6:03pm on June 27, 2015, Brucer said…

Hi Mary H,

I am so sorry for your loss and I wish you all my best.  My wife died 2 yrs and 8 months ago and this journey of grief goes on and on.  I saw your comments about family visits and how inconsiderate they can be.  For me, I experienced their lack of understanding of my wife's cancer as she battled for 8 years.  Her family continued to rely on her for everything as if she was perfectly healthy.  They expected her to put on holiday dinners, birthday parties, give haircuts,...you name it!  I could barely stand it and tried to politely suggest that others step up.  It was maddening at times.  We moved to Albuquerque from Cleveland for a job opportunity for me while she was in remission.  Eventually, her cancer returned and she passed in our home and we were together...just us two the way it should have been. 

People can be so selfish sometimes and others, like my wife, are so unselfish always giving of themselves.  Even now, If I dwell on the demands that her family put on her, I begin to boil so I try to block it out.  Life is too short for pointless anger. 

I hope each day is a little better for you.  Stay well.

Bruce

At 8:36am on April 24, 2015, laurajay said…

awe mary...thx  I so feel your pain   so fresh  so puzzling  and the urgency with which the grief  attacks is so exhausting...especially when resolve does not flow.  Be strong. I will not say it gets easier or softer...only you will know if it does...but there will be more changes and when they come they often give a glimpse of something that resembles understanding.   love lj

At 2:10pm on April 20, 2015, Gary'swife said…

Mary- Thanks for the friend request.  I hope you can get some of the paperwork and financial things sorted out.  That is the worse, and the most pressing in the beginning.  I know you have already found this site to be helpful, and trust you will come here for sharing, and venting as needed.  It's a horrible journey we are all on, but it's good to know we are not alone.

At 8:43am on March 13, 2015, Deborah B said…

Just stopping by to let you know that I lift in prayer and send you lovelovelove.  My husband has been gone for 15 months now.  I miss him more every day.  Sending you strength for the funeral.

Deborah

At 9:16pm on March 7, 2015, Dianne in Nevada said…

Welcome to Widville, Mary H. I'm so very sorry for your loss, but pleased that you found us. You'll find caring support and friendship here.

Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Ask here!  You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place.  I look forward to getting to know you here in Widville.

 
 
 

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