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Mary H
  • Female
  • La Jolla, CA
  • United States
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Mary H's Discussions

Faking it to Make it Didn't Work

Started this discussion. Last reply by SweetMelissa2007 Mar 26, 2017. 8 Replies

When I hit two years I decided that I was going to stop wasting my life in sorrow and heartbreak.  I decided that I would focus on feeling grateful for the wonderful life I was able to share with an…Continue

What to do when someone's pity talk begins to feel like too much?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Nance63 Feb 6, 2017. 12 Replies

I lost my husband almost 2 years ago, and there is a woman who worked with him who cared for him very much and she has made a point of checking in with me regularly and making sure I am okay, and…Continue

Is it easier to decide not to move on?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Lupe's husband Mar 14, 2017. 48 Replies

I loved my husband so much, and he was an incredible person.  I knew how lucky I was to have him in my life.  It is so easy now that I have lost him to think that no one could love me as much as he…Continue

Advice on Vacations in the First Year?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Dianne in Nevada May 28, 2015. 22 Replies

I have had several (not widowed) people tell me that I should take my kids on a nice vacation this year, and I thought at first that we should as well, but the problem is that we took so many really…Continue

 

Mary H's Page

Latest Activity

Mary H commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2015
"5 years ago tonight, New Years Eve, was the last night I spent with my husband, so I am feeling sorry for myself, remembering our toasts that night, toasting the best year yet that was passing that night and looking forward to the next one.  He…"
Dec 31
Charlieboy117 replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Hi Riley, Your story is uplifting and inspiring for us, not to give up hope. Kevin"
Dec 23, 2019
Susan replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Riley,    I think that's wonderful...Let me know how it goes. :-) Love, Susan"
Dec 22, 2019
Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Thanks Laurajay, I appreciate that."
Dec 22, 2019
Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"I'm happy for you Riley, and I've always heard stories about people reconnecting after a lifetime and it goes well.  I think there's a special magic in that feeling of having known someone for so long.  We will all be hoping…"
Dec 22, 2019
Riley replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Hi everyone,  I thought I'd chime in here.  I've started dating a guy 3 months ago.  He's my exact age , and actually we dated in high school.  A friend of mine found him and found that he was single and gave me…"
Dec 22, 2019
Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Daughters do take a new partner harder.  The silver lining to the cloud is, if you wait long enough, they start to want you to find someone new.  I am at the point where my children, 15, 19, 21, have all adjusted to their new lives. …"
Dec 21, 2019
Charlieboy117 replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Hi all, I recently started and finished dating, after a year after loosing my wife. My 1st date  ended after 3 dates, my second I ended it, different reasons. However, they both have something in common, both linked indirectly with my 3 young…"
Dec 21, 2019
Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Well, I don't think you can blame the age.  I'd say in general, the younger the woman, the busier she is, just the same as a man.  If your lady here is blaming time pressures for not seeing you more often, I'd say she's…"
Dec 21, 2019
Trav left a comment for Mary H
"Hello Mary thanx for the friend request, will chat sometime soon busy night tonight actually have plans to get out woohoo"
Dec 21, 2019
Mary H commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2015
"Coming up on 5 years soon, and still finding different faces to grief as I go along.  Oh those first couple of years were so unimaginably hard, and the middle couple, so conflicted as I tried to push myself to a place where I thought I should…"
Dec 21, 2019
Lupe's husband replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Haven't been on here for months, and here's the latest.     We still go out....occasionally.    We went to a hockey game a week ago.    She has an elderly mom, kids and grandchildren.   …"
Dec 20, 2019
Susan replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Hi Riley/G.!     I've been doing O.K. ... But then I came down with something. Not a cold or Flu. Just coughing and congestion.      How about you? What are you up to ? Any plans for Thanksgiving or Christmas…"
Nov 23, 2019
Trav replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"describing it as awkwardly in between is such a good description."
Nov 22, 2019
Mary H commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2015
"I hear you looking for what you did wrong Nardly, thinking you must be to blame for the loss of the relationship you thought was a part of your life, and I've been there too.  But what I have come to realize is that we can't ruin a…"
Oct 21, 2019
Mary H commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2015
"I went to one of the Camp Widows also, maybe 2016, it's hard to remember, but it was very helpful.  I think it would be helpful even now in helping you with stuffed feelings. It's beginning to seem like a long time since I lost my…"
Oct 20, 2019

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Mary H's Blog

Reflections on the First Year on the Anniversary of My Husband’s Death

Posted on January 7, 2016 at 8:56am 0 Comments

Today I came across a quote by Marcus Aurelius, “Tomorrow is nothing, today is too late; the good lived yesterday.”  What can he have meant by it?  I can only assume that he lost someone too, as that is how I felt nearly every day for an entire year.  The pain I felt on my husband's death was so intense that I thought the physical stress of it would carry me off as well.  Everything around me looked flat, as if the world itself was changed without his observation of it.  I didn’t sleep, and…

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Comment Wall (7 comments)

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At 1:35pm on December 21, 2019, Trav said…

Hello Mary thanx for the friend request, will chat sometime soon busy night tonight actually have plans to get out woohoo

At 9:28am on February 17, 2016, Hope said…

Mary H, you didn't need to apologize at all. Trying does not always work and you are so right. Hugs

At 6:03pm on June 27, 2015, Brucer said…

Hi Mary H,

I am so sorry for your loss and I wish you all my best.  My wife died 2 yrs and 8 months ago and this journey of grief goes on and on.  I saw your comments about family visits and how inconsiderate they can be.  For me, I experienced their lack of understanding of my wife's cancer as she battled for 8 years.  Her family continued to rely on her for everything as if she was perfectly healthy.  They expected her to put on holiday dinners, birthday parties, give haircuts,...you name it!  I could barely stand it and tried to politely suggest that others step up.  It was maddening at times.  We moved to Albuquerque from Cleveland for a job opportunity for me while she was in remission.  Eventually, her cancer returned and she passed in our home and we were together...just us two the way it should have been. 

People can be so selfish sometimes and others, like my wife, are so unselfish always giving of themselves.  Even now, If I dwell on the demands that her family put on her, I begin to boil so I try to block it out.  Life is too short for pointless anger. 

I hope each day is a little better for you.  Stay well.

Bruce

At 8:36am on April 24, 2015, laurajay said…

awe mary...thx  I so feel your pain   so fresh  so puzzling  and the urgency with which the grief  attacks is so exhausting...especially when resolve does not flow.  Be strong. I will not say it gets easier or softer...only you will know if it does...but there will be more changes and when they come they often give a glimpse of something that resembles understanding.   love lj

At 2:10pm on April 20, 2015, Gary'swife said…

Mary- Thanks for the friend request.  I hope you can get some of the paperwork and financial things sorted out.  That is the worse, and the most pressing in the beginning.  I know you have already found this site to be helpful, and trust you will come here for sharing, and venting as needed.  It's a horrible journey we are all on, but it's good to know we are not alone.

At 8:43am on March 13, 2015, Deborah B said…

Just stopping by to let you know that I lift in prayer and send you lovelovelove.  My husband has been gone for 15 months now.  I miss him more every day.  Sending you strength for the funeral.

Deborah

At 9:16pm on March 7, 2015, Dianne in Nevada said…

Welcome to Widville, Mary H. I'm so very sorry for your loss, but pleased that you found us. You'll find caring support and friendship here.

Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Ask here!  You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place.  I look forward to getting to know you here in Widville.

 
 
 

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