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Mary H
  • Female
  • La Jolla, CA
  • United States
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Mary H's Friends

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  • WilberMaker
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Mary H's Discussions

Faking it to Make it Didn't Work

Started this discussion. Last reply by SweetMelissa2007 Mar 26, 2017. 8 Replies

When I hit two years I decided that I was going to stop wasting my life in sorrow and heartbreak.  I decided that I would focus on feeling grateful for the wonderful life I was able to share with an…Continue

What to do when someone's pity talk begins to feel like too much?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Nance63 Feb 6, 2017. 12 Replies

I lost my husband almost 2 years ago, and there is a woman who worked with him who cared for him very much and she has made a point of checking in with me regularly and making sure I am okay, and…Continue

Is it easier to decide not to move on?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Lupe's husband Mar 14, 2017. 48 Replies

I loved my husband so much, and he was an incredible person.  I knew how lucky I was to have him in my life.  It is so easy now that I have lost him to think that no one could love me as much as he…Continue

Advice on Vacations in the First Year?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Dianne in Nevada May 28, 2015. 22 Replies

I have had several (not widowed) people tell me that I should take my kids on a nice vacation this year, and I thought at first that we should as well, but the problem is that we took so many really…Continue

 

Mary H's Page

Latest Activity

Susan replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Hi Riley/G.!     I've been doing O.K. ... But then I came down with something. Not a cold or Flu. Just coughing and congestion.      How about you? What are you up to ? Any plans for Thanksgiving or Christmas…"
Nov 23
Trav replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"describing it as awkwardly in between is such a good description."
Nov 22
Mary H commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2015
"I hear you looking for what you did wrong Nardly, thinking you must be to blame for the loss of the relationship you thought was a part of your life, and I've been there too.  But what I have come to realize is that we can't ruin a…"
Oct 21
Mary H commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2015
"I went to one of the Camp Widows also, maybe 2016, it's hard to remember, but it was very helpful.  I think it would be helpful even now in helping you with stuffed feelings. It's beginning to seem like a long time since I lost my…"
Oct 20
Susan replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
" Yes Riley / G ... That really does say it all.     How have you been ?  Susan"
Sep 23
Riley replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"That says it all"
Sep 23
Kevin replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"             Intimate Places Being kissed by somebody new It's an uncomfortable feeling to get used to Having someone new hold me tight Somehow the feeling just doesn't seem right I made love to only my…"
Sep 22
Mary H commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2015
"I'm glad to see you are doing well Gaye and Terry, coping and on the mend and thinking there are happier days ahead is how I'm doing too, and I wish it for all of us.  Yes, what we've been through has been so, so hard, and…"
Sep 21
Mary H commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2015
"Oh yes, all that and more.  Hard things have kept happening for so long they barely ruffle me anymore.  I think I've seen this in more than one movie, but the lead character walking through a war, or a catclysm, or a disaster, but…"
Sep 19
Mary H replied to Melissa's discussion Dreams
"I was always having those dreams too, where my husband had left me, and I kept wondering why was I having those awful dreams.  I think it was just this drumbeat of he's gone-he's gone-he's gone running through my mind all the…"
Sep 19
Mary H commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2015
"Terry and Mixelated!  It is very nice to hear how you both are doing.  We've gotten through the worst of it together and I'll always feel a certain fondness when I see your names.  And of course, all of you in 2015. …"
Sep 19
Mary H commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2015
"My health deteriorated massively at first as well, the trauma just nearly kills us, doesn't it?  But I have been turning things around just lately, did 23andMe and then StrateGene for personal health recommendations, and then Intermittent…"
Sep 17
Mary H commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2015
"I understand why you posted this without.  They lived, and they were so important to us, and its like we have one foot in two worlds, our together world, and this after world.  My youngest hardly remembers anything about her Dad. …"
Sep 17
Charlieboy117 replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Hi Mrs. M,  My wife died last November, under terrible circumstances and reading your thoughts,” struck” a cord with me. Especially when  you mentioned being “directionless”. For me it feels as if I’m in limbo…"
Aug 22
Mary H replied to JustLynn's discussion Do you think you’ll get married again?
"What is the trend you see?"
Jul 10
Mary H replied to JustLynn's discussion Do you think you’ll get married again?
"I think it is really inappropriate for people to ask you that question so soon.  They are really rushing ahead in their thinking, probably because they feel helpless to make you feel better.  But it sounds like you are handling it…"
Jun 23

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Mary H's Blog

Reflections on the First Year on the Anniversary of My Husband’s Death

Posted on January 7, 2016 at 8:56am 0 Comments

Today I came across a quote by Marcus Aurelius, “Tomorrow is nothing, today is too late; the good lived yesterday.”  What can he have meant by it?  I can only assume that he lost someone too, as that is how I felt nearly every day for an entire year.  The pain I felt on my husband's death was so intense that I thought the physical stress of it would carry me off as well.  Everything around me looked flat, as if the world itself was changed without his observation of it.  I didn’t sleep, and…

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Comment Wall (6 comments)

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At 9:28am on February 17, 2016, Hope said…

Mary H, you didn't need to apologize at all. Trying does not always work and you are so right. Hugs

At 6:03pm on June 27, 2015, Brucer said…

Hi Mary H,

I am so sorry for your loss and I wish you all my best.  My wife died 2 yrs and 8 months ago and this journey of grief goes on and on.  I saw your comments about family visits and how inconsiderate they can be.  For me, I experienced their lack of understanding of my wife's cancer as she battled for 8 years.  Her family continued to rely on her for everything as if she was perfectly healthy.  They expected her to put on holiday dinners, birthday parties, give haircuts,...you name it!  I could barely stand it and tried to politely suggest that others step up.  It was maddening at times.  We moved to Albuquerque from Cleveland for a job opportunity for me while she was in remission.  Eventually, her cancer returned and she passed in our home and we were together...just us two the way it should have been. 

People can be so selfish sometimes and others, like my wife, are so unselfish always giving of themselves.  Even now, If I dwell on the demands that her family put on her, I begin to boil so I try to block it out.  Life is too short for pointless anger. 

I hope each day is a little better for you.  Stay well.

Bruce

At 8:36am on April 24, 2015, laurajay said…

awe mary...thx  I so feel your pain   so fresh  so puzzling  and the urgency with which the grief  attacks is so exhausting...especially when resolve does not flow.  Be strong. I will not say it gets easier or softer...only you will know if it does...but there will be more changes and when they come they often give a glimpse of something that resembles understanding.   love lj

At 2:10pm on April 20, 2015, Gary'swife said…

Mary- Thanks for the friend request.  I hope you can get some of the paperwork and financial things sorted out.  That is the worse, and the most pressing in the beginning.  I know you have already found this site to be helpful, and trust you will come here for sharing, and venting as needed.  It's a horrible journey we are all on, but it's good to know we are not alone.

At 8:43am on March 13, 2015, Deborah B said…

Just stopping by to let you know that I lift in prayer and send you lovelovelove.  My husband has been gone for 15 months now.  I miss him more every day.  Sending you strength for the funeral.

Deborah

At 9:16pm on March 7, 2015, Dianne in Nevada said…

Welcome to Widville, Mary H. I'm so very sorry for your loss, but pleased that you found us. You'll find caring support and friendship here.

Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Ask here!  You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place.  I look forward to getting to know you here in Widville.

 
 
 

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