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Mary H
  • Female
  • La Jolla, CA
  • United States
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Mary H's Discussions

Faking it to Make it Didn't Work

Started this discussion. Last reply by SweetMelissa2007 Mar 26, 2017. 8 Replies

When I hit two years I decided that I was going to stop wasting my life in sorrow and heartbreak.  I decided that I would focus on feeling grateful for the wonderful life I was able to share with an…Continue

What to do when someone's pity talk begins to feel like too much?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Nance63 Feb 6, 2017. 12 Replies

I lost my husband almost 2 years ago, and there is a woman who worked with him who cared for him very much and she has made a point of checking in with me regularly and making sure I am okay, and…Continue

Is it easier to decide not to move on?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Lupe's husband Mar 14, 2017. 48 Replies

I loved my husband so much, and he was an incredible person.  I knew how lucky I was to have him in my life.  It is so easy now that I have lost him to think that no one could love me as much as he…Continue

Advice on Vacations in the First Year?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Dianne in Nevada May 28, 2015. 22 Replies

I have had several (not widowed) people tell me that I should take my kids on a nice vacation this year, and I thought at first that we should as well, but the problem is that we took so many really…Continue

 

Mary H's Page

Latest Activity

Mary H commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2015
"I'd say hang in there Charlotteelsie, but honestly, I've been feeling like I've been walking a tightrope over the abyss myself lately.  Just don't look down, and try to find something, anything which you can find joy in for…"
Oct 2
Mary H commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2015
"Well, my second child has gone off to college and I am down to one in the house now, one fourteen year old who lost her father at ten and hardly ever comes out of her room.  My life keeps getting smaller and smaller and I can't seem to…"
Sep 27
Susan replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Dating would be wonderful... i just have no idea of how to go about it.  I'm not looking for a marriage... Just a friend. My husband was the only one I ever dated. ( High School sweethearts) Susan"
Aug 27
Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"What a valuable post.  I think all of these things are key, the letting go of what other people think, the not making comparisons, the realization that it can never be the same, and then finally coming to realize that it can still be worthwhile…"
Aug 13
WittyBlondeWolverine replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Hi Mary,  I am not often on WV, but your post on Buddhism really resonated with me. Almost 2 and a half years post loss, I find myself in a very strange place in my life.  Having been married for almost 25 years when Rob died, turning 50…"
Aug 12
Erica_D_W replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"I love your LOL!  (And, the Italian meal). I think sometimes the best thing is to laugh at the ridiculous situations we find ourselves in. There is this man that I think is absolutely gorgeous, kind and just an overall great person. He very…"
Aug 11
Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"I am sorry that it went down that way for you.  I have a fondness for the stand-up story because back in the day a lackluster guy I thought I should give a chance to stood me up, and my very next date was with the man I'd marry.  So…"
Aug 11
Riley replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Hi all,I"m home early because my first date since my husband died stood me up.  I waited at the restaurant for 50 minutes , ordered wine and then got dinner to go.  I'm not so much pissed at the fact this guy didn't show up…"
Aug 11
Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"However which way it goes Riley, you will be helping others who are hanging on the fence by sharing your story.  Good luck tonight."
Aug 11
Erica_D_W replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"And you are right about that. I definitely learned at that time that I needed more time to heal. No matter what you learn, I hope you have some fun! "
Aug 10
Riley replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Erica, Thanks for that!  You're right its just going to be a conversation and food.  I can do this. I think the experience will tell me a lot about if I'm ready or if I need more time to heal.  "
Aug 10
Erica_D_W replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"I know that nauseated feeling. Don't worry about it though. I went on a date from Match.com and really felt awful in the days leading up to the date. Although I ultimately wasn't interested in the man that I met, we had a perfectly nice…"
Aug 10
Riley replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Yes I agree, it seems harder for us ladies.  I too worry that about getting older and older.  On the other hand I think I'm fine with being single because I had such an amazing marriage for 39 years.  I think maybe it could last…"
Aug 10
Nitabug replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Love this!"
Aug 10
Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"I think the reason it is so hard to take it when someone pushes us to date is that it triggers our fears that we will be responsible for our own unhappiness if we are not proactive.  We women harbor additional fears because of our gender and we…"
Aug 10
Lupe's husband replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"I haven't been on much lately, so here's an update.  I tried messaging Lulu and invited her and her mom to dinner, but she didn't respond.   Then we went out for my birthday last week and one of the people who came…"
Aug 9

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Mary H's Blog

Reflections on the First Year on the Anniversary of My Husband’s Death

Posted on January 7, 2016 at 8:56am 0 Comments

Today I came across a quote by Marcus Aurelius, “Tomorrow is nothing, today is too late; the good lived yesterday.”  What can he have meant by it?  I can only assume that he lost someone too, as that is how I felt nearly every day for an entire year.  The pain I felt on my husband's death was so intense that I thought the physical stress of it would carry me off as well.  Everything around me looked flat, as if the world itself was changed without his observation of it.  I didn’t sleep, and…

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Comment Wall (6 comments)

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At 9:28am on February 17, 2016, Hope said…

Mary H, you didn't need to apologize at all. Trying does not always work and you are so right. Hugs

At 6:03pm on June 27, 2015, Brucer said…

Hi Mary H,

I am so sorry for your loss and I wish you all my best.  My wife died 2 yrs and 8 months ago and this journey of grief goes on and on.  I saw your comments about family visits and how inconsiderate they can be.  For me, I experienced their lack of understanding of my wife's cancer as she battled for 8 years.  Her family continued to rely on her for everything as if she was perfectly healthy.  They expected her to put on holiday dinners, birthday parties, give haircuts,...you name it!  I could barely stand it and tried to politely suggest that others step up.  It was maddening at times.  We moved to Albuquerque from Cleveland for a job opportunity for me while she was in remission.  Eventually, her cancer returned and she passed in our home and we were together...just us two the way it should have been. 

People can be so selfish sometimes and others, like my wife, are so unselfish always giving of themselves.  Even now, If I dwell on the demands that her family put on her, I begin to boil so I try to block it out.  Life is too short for pointless anger. 

I hope each day is a little better for you.  Stay well.

Bruce

At 8:36am on April 24, 2015, laurajay said…

awe mary...thx  I so feel your pain   so fresh  so puzzling  and the urgency with which the grief  attacks is so exhausting...especially when resolve does not flow.  Be strong. I will not say it gets easier or softer...only you will know if it does...but there will be more changes and when they come they often give a glimpse of something that resembles understanding.   love lj

At 2:10pm on April 20, 2015, Gary'swife said…

Mary- Thanks for the friend request.  I hope you can get some of the paperwork and financial things sorted out.  That is the worse, and the most pressing in the beginning.  I know you have already found this site to be helpful, and trust you will come here for sharing, and venting as needed.  It's a horrible journey we are all on, but it's good to know we are not alone.

At 8:43am on March 13, 2015, Deborah B said…

Just stopping by to let you know that I lift in prayer and send you lovelovelove.  My husband has been gone for 15 months now.  I miss him more every day.  Sending you strength for the funeral.

Deborah

At 9:16pm on March 7, 2015, Dianne in Nevada said…

Welcome to Widville, Mary H. I'm so very sorry for your loss, but pleased that you found us. You'll find caring support and friendship here.

Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Ask here!  You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place.  I look forward to getting to know you here in Widville.

 
 
 

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