Members

This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Mary H
  • Female
  • La Jolla, CA
  • United States
Share on Facebook Share

Mary H's Friends

  • Riley
  • WilberMaker
  • john
  • stevie60
  • Athena53
  • crowlda (Dave)
  • lexy
  • Mrs. M.
  • sandi
  • susanelizabeth
  • Nieta
  • SweetMelissa2007
  • Boxer Mom
  • Naturelover
  • lilheart1989

Mary H's Discussions

Faking it to Make it Didn't Work

Started this discussion. Last reply by SweetMelissa2007 Mar 26, 2017. 8 Replies

When I hit two years I decided that I was going to stop wasting my life in sorrow and heartbreak.  I decided that I would focus on feeling grateful for the wonderful life I was able to share with an…Continue

What to do when someone's pity talk begins to feel like too much?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Nance63 Feb 6, 2017. 12 Replies

I lost my husband almost 2 years ago, and there is a woman who worked with him who cared for him very much and she has made a point of checking in with me regularly and making sure I am okay, and…Continue

Is it easier to decide not to move on?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Lupe's husband Mar 14, 2017. 48 Replies

I loved my husband so much, and he was an incredible person.  I knew how lucky I was to have him in my life.  It is so easy now that I have lost him to think that no one could love me as much as he…Continue

Advice on Vacations in the First Year?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Dianne in Nevada May 28, 2015. 22 Replies

I have had several (not widowed) people tell me that I should take my kids on a nice vacation this year, and I thought at first that we should as well, but the problem is that we took so many really…Continue

 

Mary H's Page

Latest Activity

Mary H commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2015
"My health deteriorated massively at first as well, the trauma just nearly kills us, doesn't it?  But I have been turning things around just lately, did 23andMe and then StrateGene for personal health recommendations, and then Intermittent…"
7 hours ago
Mary H commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2015
"I understand why you posted this without.  They lived, and they were so important to us, and its like we have one foot in two worlds, our together world, and this after world.  My youngest hardly remembers anything about her Dad. …"
9 hours ago
Charlieboy117 replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Hi Mrs. M,  My wife died last November, under terrible circumstances and reading your thoughts,” struck” a cord with me. Especially when  you mentioned being “directionless”. For me it feels as if I’m in limbo…"
Aug 22
Mary H replied to JustLynn's discussion Do you think you’ll get married again?
"What is the trend you see?"
Jul 10
Mary H replied to JustLynn's discussion Do you think you’ll get married again?
"I think it is really inappropriate for people to ask you that question so soon.  They are really rushing ahead in their thinking, probably because they feel helpless to make you feel better.  But it sounds like you are handling it…"
Jun 23
Mary H replied to JustLynn's discussion Do you think you’ll get married again?
"I was happily married as well, and we were very close, but I find myself as you have, unlearning marriage.  At four and a half years out, I have come to believe that it is way, way better to unlearn marriage and potentially (but not…"
Jun 22
Lupe's husband replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"I think you hit the nail on the head.  My neighbor was looking for nightlife and was not looking for the same things you were when traveling.    I'll let my daughter know what you told me.    She's not big on wine…"
Jun 7
alwayssmilemichele replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
""Different strokes for different folks."   I had not experienced a lot of international travel (too focused on career and marriage).  After our 1st European River Cruise, that was it...we were hooked!  Well, the unimaginable…"
Jun 6
Lupe's husband replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Thanks,    I can use all the new brain connections that I can get.   My daughter is talking about a Portugal trip.   How did you like it?   I asked my neighbor who has been there and he just thought it was ok, sort of…"
Jun 6
Lupe's husband replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"I've signed up for some dating sites and I just find them daunting.    You really have to be committed to the process to find someone and I'm not just not that committed.     I know the former leader of our regional…"
Jun 6
Riley replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Hi all,  I've been reading your responses to Lupe's Husband.  I've been thinking on what I wanted to say.  I'm gonna be 4 years out from my husband's death soon.  It's a hard time of year.  I…"
Jun 4
alwayssmilemichele replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Lupe's husband, as Mary H stated, it does sound like you are doing well!  September is a beautiful time to visit Italy...you are going to LOVE it!  I went with a Napa Valley Wine group in 09/2017...18 months after my Bob died.  A…"
Jun 4
Lupe's husband replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Yes, this was my first romantic relationship since Lupe died, but I had dated maybe 10 women before this   One woman I dated for close to a year, but it never became romantic.   I think you have a pretty good plan for yourself.   I…"
Jun 3
Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Hi Lupe's husband, it's good to hear an update from you, and, while your new relationship looks like it may not be "the" relationship, it sounds like you are doing well and that having that first post loss relationship was good…"
Jun 3
Lupe's husband replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"It's been three months since I've been on here.      A new record for me.     Overall, it looks like people are not using this website as much as it was several years ago when it was in its prime.  …"
Jun 2
Mary H commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2015
"CinPan, it's a very hard time, losing your husband just at that time when your children are growing away from you.  That's the stage of our lives where it is just give, smile, support and their minds are elsewhere, looking…"
Apr 12

Profile Information

Mary H's Photos

  • Add Photos
  • View All

Mary H's Videos

  • Add Videos
  • View All

Mary H's Blog

Reflections on the First Year on the Anniversary of My Husband’s Death

Posted on January 7, 2016 at 8:56am 0 Comments

Today I came across a quote by Marcus Aurelius, “Tomorrow is nothing, today is too late; the good lived yesterday.”  What can he have meant by it?  I can only assume that he lost someone too, as that is how I felt nearly every day for an entire year.  The pain I felt on my husband's death was so intense that I thought the physical stress of it would carry me off as well.  Everything around me looked flat, as if the world itself was changed without his observation of it.  I didn’t sleep, and…

Continue

Comment Wall (6 comments)

You need to be a member of Widowed Village to add comments!

Join Widowed Village

At 9:28am on February 17, 2016, Hope said…

Mary H, you didn't need to apologize at all. Trying does not always work and you are so right. Hugs

At 6:03pm on June 27, 2015, Brucer said…

Hi Mary H,

I am so sorry for your loss and I wish you all my best.  My wife died 2 yrs and 8 months ago and this journey of grief goes on and on.  I saw your comments about family visits and how inconsiderate they can be.  For me, I experienced their lack of understanding of my wife's cancer as she battled for 8 years.  Her family continued to rely on her for everything as if she was perfectly healthy.  They expected her to put on holiday dinners, birthday parties, give haircuts,...you name it!  I could barely stand it and tried to politely suggest that others step up.  It was maddening at times.  We moved to Albuquerque from Cleveland for a job opportunity for me while she was in remission.  Eventually, her cancer returned and she passed in our home and we were together...just us two the way it should have been. 

People can be so selfish sometimes and others, like my wife, are so unselfish always giving of themselves.  Even now, If I dwell on the demands that her family put on her, I begin to boil so I try to block it out.  Life is too short for pointless anger. 

I hope each day is a little better for you.  Stay well.

Bruce

At 8:36am on April 24, 2015, laurajay said…

awe mary...thx  I so feel your pain   so fresh  so puzzling  and the urgency with which the grief  attacks is so exhausting...especially when resolve does not flow.  Be strong. I will not say it gets easier or softer...only you will know if it does...but there will be more changes and when they come they often give a glimpse of something that resembles understanding.   love lj

At 2:10pm on April 20, 2015, Gary'swife said…

Mary- Thanks for the friend request.  I hope you can get some of the paperwork and financial things sorted out.  That is the worse, and the most pressing in the beginning.  I know you have already found this site to be helpful, and trust you will come here for sharing, and venting as needed.  It's a horrible journey we are all on, but it's good to know we are not alone.

At 8:43am on March 13, 2015, Deborah B said…

Just stopping by to let you know that I lift in prayer and send you lovelovelove.  My husband has been gone for 15 months now.  I miss him more every day.  Sending you strength for the funeral.

Deborah

At 9:16pm on March 7, 2015, Dianne in Nevada said…

Welcome to Widville, Mary H. I'm so very sorry for your loss, but pleased that you found us. You'll find caring support and friendship here.

Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Ask here!  You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place.  I look forward to getting to know you here in Widville.

 
 
 

© 2019   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service