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Mary H
  • Female
  • La Jolla, CA
  • United States
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Mary H's Discussions

Faking it to Make it Didn't Work

Started this discussion. Last reply by SweetMelissa2007 Mar 26, 2017. 8 Replies

When I hit two years I decided that I was going to stop wasting my life in sorrow and heartbreak.  I decided that I would focus on feeling grateful for the wonderful life I was able to share with an…Continue

What to do when someone's pity talk begins to feel like too much?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Nance63 Feb 6, 2017. 12 Replies

I lost my husband almost 2 years ago, and there is a woman who worked with him who cared for him very much and she has made a point of checking in with me regularly and making sure I am okay, and…Continue

Is it easier to decide not to move on?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Lupe's husband Mar 14, 2017. 48 Replies

I loved my husband so much, and he was an incredible person.  I knew how lucky I was to have him in my life.  It is so easy now that I have lost him to think that no one could love me as much as he…Continue

Advice on Vacations in the First Year?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Dianne in Nevada May 28, 2015. 22 Replies

I have had several (not widowed) people tell me that I should take my kids on a nice vacation this year, and I thought at first that we should as well, but the problem is that we took so many really…Continue

 

Mary H's Page

Latest Activity

Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Thanks Doug, that was beautiful..."
4 hours ago
Doug02122014 replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Mary H, I can so relate this.  If you are anything like me,  I felt like I had one foot in the grief world and 1 foot in the "living world".  Danny Gokey's song "Tell Your Heart to Beat Again" just says it…"
20 hours ago
Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Well, it finally happened.  I've come out of the upside down world where no appropriate man is interested in me, and yet, scads of younger, handsome guys are hitting me up for hookups and open relationships and threesomes.  Finally,…"
yesterday
Nitabug replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"I waited a year. Just like every other big decision, it was a good idea to wait. A couple of different dates in....I decided I was definitely not ready. Everything seemed weird and abnormal. But I didn't do the comparison thing like I thought I…"
Apr 10
Nitabug replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Are you close to the east coast in NC?"
Apr 9
Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Hi Debz, I know I present a very dire picture, but I do think people our age can find love this way.  I know what problems I have that are holding me back (weight, teenage kids at my age), and I've actually been heartened to see how many…"
Mar 20
Debz replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Hi Mary, I tried Match two years after my husband's death. It didn't go so well. I joined again in January this year and my experience has been very similar to yours. Initially, I had a ton of scammers, who are easily recognizable once you…"
Mar 20
Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Okay, so he wasn't real.  I won't go into the line by line details, and will just say that I've learned to ask myself if the message is too gushing.  There are usually these 4 things in the fake approach, you are beautiful,…"
Mar 20
Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Thank you Dianne, I am laughing, but also, I am glad to be of service."
Mar 16
Soaring Spirits replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"I really appreciate you providing the detail of your online dating experience, Mary. I think it's very valuable. I'm facilitating a Baby Boomer & Widowhood discussion at our Tampa Camp Widow next week and I will be suggesting those who…"
Mar 16
Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"So, I the last week I’ve been inundated with scammers, one at a time, which does make me think it might be that when one washes out, another one queues up from the source.  And the scam profiles are getting harder and harder to resist,…"
Mar 16
Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Okay, I've been thinking overnight about how I might have avoided what happened.  I am probably too careful already, but there are a couple of things I've noticed.  First, yes (!) the subtle changes to my profile have weeded out…"
Mar 14
Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Well, I've had my first phone call with a strange man calling my house, and thank god it was on my google voice mail phone number.  The 60 year old blond haired civil engineer with a Germanic first name sounded very much more like a 30…"
Mar 13
Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Thank you both so much, I hope you are right!  And Graced Teacher, that was a great tip, getting a new number just for online dating.  I didn't know how to go about doing that without spending a lot of money, but my hairdresser gave…"
Mar 13
Soaring Spirits replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Like Graced Teacher, I, too, believe you will find that one person who deserves to be your next great love, Mary. I wish it could be easier. Keep being true to you, let go of those that choose to disappear before getting the chance to know all…"
Mar 8
Graced Teacher replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"You are so wise Mary H.  Please hang in there through the roller coater of emotions.  So much of what you have described I felt each step of the way.  I too was confident early on (after I could stomach the idea of trying again) then…"
Mar 8

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Mary H's Blog

Reflections on the First Year on the Anniversary of My Husband’s Death

Posted on January 7, 2016 at 8:56am 0 Comments

Today I came across a quote by Marcus Aurelius, “Tomorrow is nothing, today is too late; the good lived yesterday.”  What can he have meant by it?  I can only assume that he lost someone too, as that is how I felt nearly every day for an entire year.  The pain I felt on my husband's death was so intense that I thought the physical stress of it would carry me off as well.  Everything around me looked flat, as if the world itself was changed without his observation of it.  I didn’t sleep, and…

Continue

Comment Wall (7 comments)

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At 9:28am on February 17, 2016, Hope said…

Mary H, you didn't need to apologize at all. Trying does not always work and you are so right. Hugs

At 6:03pm on June 27, 2015, Brucer said…

Hi Mary H,

I am so sorry for your loss and I wish you all my best.  My wife died 2 yrs and 8 months ago and this journey of grief goes on and on.  I saw your comments about family visits and how inconsiderate they can be.  For me, I experienced their lack of understanding of my wife's cancer as she battled for 8 years.  Her family continued to rely on her for everything as if she was perfectly healthy.  They expected her to put on holiday dinners, birthday parties, give haircuts,...you name it!  I could barely stand it and tried to politely suggest that others step up.  It was maddening at times.  We moved to Albuquerque from Cleveland for a job opportunity for me while she was in remission.  Eventually, her cancer returned and she passed in our home and we were together...just us two the way it should have been. 

People can be so selfish sometimes and others, like my wife, are so unselfish always giving of themselves.  Even now, If I dwell on the demands that her family put on her, I begin to boil so I try to block it out.  Life is too short for pointless anger. 

I hope each day is a little better for you.  Stay well.

Bruce

At 8:36am on April 24, 2015, laurajay said…

awe mary...thx  I so feel your pain   so fresh  so puzzling  and the urgency with which the grief  attacks is so exhausting...especially when resolve does not flow.  Be strong. I will not say it gets easier or softer...only you will know if it does...but there will be more changes and when they come they often give a glimpse of something that resembles understanding.   love lj

At 2:10pm on April 20, 2015, Gary'swife said…

Mary- Thanks for the friend request.  I hope you can get some of the paperwork and financial things sorted out.  That is the worse, and the most pressing in the beginning.  I know you have already found this site to be helpful, and trust you will come here for sharing, and venting as needed.  It's a horrible journey we are all on, but it's good to know we are not alone.

At 1:19pm on March 31, 2015, Terry said…

Hi Mary, hoping that you are having a day that you can live with.  At one time I would have thought it an odd comment but I am realizing now that I have days that are manageable and others that make me wish it would all end for me.  I know that I will eventually be able to find a new purpose for my life but right now it just seems like such an effort to get up in the morning and try.  Evenings and overnights are the worst but I have found a slight change over the past 1 1/2 weeks that have surprised me somewhat.  Until then, I had to have some kind of sound on in the house whether it was radio or tv because I found the silence deafening.  Now a lot of the time, I have nothing turned on because I am getting used to the sound of silence.  It allows me to think, to remember and to talk to Anne.  It is funny that at one time talking in an empty house would have made me feel a little foolish but it seems to come naturally when I am talking to her.  I have even found myself reading the sympathy cards to her as they have come in the mail.

At 8:43am on March 13, 2015, Deborah B said…

Just stopping by to let you know that I lift in prayer and send you lovelovelove.  My husband has been gone for 15 months now.  I miss him more every day.  Sending you strength for the funeral.

Deborah

At 9:16pm on March 7, 2015, Dianne in Nevada said…

Welcome to Widville, Mary H. I'm so very sorry for your loss, but pleased that you found us. You'll find caring support and friendship here.

Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Ask here!  You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place.  I look forward to getting to know you here in Widville.

 
 
 

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