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Mary H
  • Female
  • La Jolla, CA
  • United States
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Mary H's Discussions

Faking it to Make it Didn't Work

Started this discussion. Last reply by SweetMelissa2007 Mar 26, 2017. 8 Replies

When I hit two years I decided that I was going to stop wasting my life in sorrow and heartbreak.  I decided that I would focus on feeling grateful for the wonderful life I was able to share with an…Continue

What to do when someone's pity talk begins to feel like too much?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Nance63 Feb 6, 2017. 12 Replies

I lost my husband almost 2 years ago, and there is a woman who worked with him who cared for him very much and she has made a point of checking in with me regularly and making sure I am okay, and…Continue

Is it easier to decide not to move on?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Lupe's husband Mar 14, 2017. 48 Replies

I loved my husband so much, and he was an incredible person.  I knew how lucky I was to have him in my life.  It is so easy now that I have lost him to think that no one could love me as much as he…Continue

Advice on Vacations in the First Year?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Dianne in Nevada May 28, 2015. 22 Replies

I have had several (not widowed) people tell me that I should take my kids on a nice vacation this year, and I thought at first that we should as well, but the problem is that we took so many really…Continue

 

Mary H's Page

Latest Activity

Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Not to mention how many of the men who say they are within that age group are actually lying about their ages, that's what I've found.  You could try putting something in your profile itself right up front saying that you don't…"
yesterday
Riley replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"I put 55 to 62 on there, but evidently match.com doesn't honor your preferences. "
yesterday
Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"I would reset your age parameters.  It's okay to want to date a guy your own age!"
yesterday
Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"My vote would be to be upfront about your hesitations without making it personal.  I think that would slow it down (maybe the back rubbing felt nice but you felt uncomfortable about what it meant about where he was headed) while leaving the…"
yesterday
Riley replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"I'm 58 and I keep getting these men as old as my dad trying to talk to me on Match.  The men my age seem to want a woman in their 40's.  I did end up talking to a nice guy who is 56, but then he told me he had stage 3 colon…"
yesterday
Bobcatkitty replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Hi...I'm new here.  Have been a widow for 2.5 years and DH passed away from his service in Vietnam due to Agent Orange.  I'm 73, so a little older than some of you. This topic is one that my group of widows have discussed many…"
yesterday
Riley replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"I would love to hear some replies to Silver55's response.  I was wondering too, is it possible to ease into this just by casually dating someone without any pressure.  I have the same question , do you tell someone up front you have…"
Thursday
silver55 replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"I said I wouldn't but I have gone on a second date with a man, I have no excitement about it, no butterflies, no attraction, no feelings at all.  He seems normal (I have this fear of meeting a psycho - sorry if that offends anyone) …"
Wednesday
Lupe's husband replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"I relate more than you think.    It's not "dating" that's my issue, its falling in love and resuming intimacy.   Hasn't happened for me yet, but maybe I haven't met the right person   …"
Wednesday
Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"I think that sounds really positive for you, and I hope that it works out.  I am sure your friend really appreciated the gesture you made, inviting her mother along.  Me, I don't have any male friends I could go out with, I have…"
Sunday
Lupe's husband replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"It's been a while since I've been on here.      Interesting posts the past few days.   Mary, I have a question.     I get this feeling that you find dating to be kind of daunting and abstract. …"
Jul 11
Mary H replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Hi Everyone, I thought I'd drop in with an issue I haven't seen before.  If you've been following my story, you know that its been about 3 and a half years for me, and that as much as I loved my husband (very, very much) I am…"
Jul 10
jmr23 replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Hi Kirch,,  I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your wife.  Also sorry to hear of the recent loss of your dog.  The pain of losing a child is unimaginable.  I lost my husband 2-1/2 years ago after a 2 year long battle with…"
Jul 7
Riley replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"HI Kathie and Kirch, thanks for the replies.  I understand what you mean by being around the opposite sex.  Right now I'm like you, just want someone to share a movie or dinner with.  Yesterday a 74 and 71 year old man messaged…"
Jul 5
kathienpb replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"Hi Riley For me, it was something to do to pass the time.  I am not looking for love, but I do enjoy men.  I just make it clear that there will probably be no relationship and if they're okay with dating once in a while then…"
Jul 5
Kirch replied to Mary H's discussion Dating Again for those Born in the 60s in the group Born in the 60s
"I have been out with someone, to go to the movies, I found out later she thought maybe there was a chance, between us.  I let her down I cant deal with it, the relationship.   It has been a year and 6 weeks from my wife passing. we…"
Jul 5

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Mary H's Blog

Reflections on the First Year on the Anniversary of My Husband’s Death

Posted on January 7, 2016 at 8:56am 0 Comments

Today I came across a quote by Marcus Aurelius, “Tomorrow is nothing, today is too late; the good lived yesterday.”  What can he have meant by it?  I can only assume that he lost someone too, as that is how I felt nearly every day for an entire year.  The pain I felt on my husband's death was so intense that I thought the physical stress of it would carry me off as well.  Everything around me looked flat, as if the world itself was changed without his observation of it.  I didn’t sleep, and…

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Comment Wall (6 comments)

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At 9:28am on February 17, 2016, Hope said…

Mary H, you didn't need to apologize at all. Trying does not always work and you are so right. Hugs

At 6:03pm on June 27, 2015, Brucer said…

Hi Mary H,

I am so sorry for your loss and I wish you all my best.  My wife died 2 yrs and 8 months ago and this journey of grief goes on and on.  I saw your comments about family visits and how inconsiderate they can be.  For me, I experienced their lack of understanding of my wife's cancer as she battled for 8 years.  Her family continued to rely on her for everything as if she was perfectly healthy.  They expected her to put on holiday dinners, birthday parties, give haircuts,...you name it!  I could barely stand it and tried to politely suggest that others step up.  It was maddening at times.  We moved to Albuquerque from Cleveland for a job opportunity for me while she was in remission.  Eventually, her cancer returned and she passed in our home and we were together...just us two the way it should have been. 

People can be so selfish sometimes and others, like my wife, are so unselfish always giving of themselves.  Even now, If I dwell on the demands that her family put on her, I begin to boil so I try to block it out.  Life is too short for pointless anger. 

I hope each day is a little better for you.  Stay well.

Bruce

At 8:36am on April 24, 2015, laurajay said…

awe mary...thx  I so feel your pain   so fresh  so puzzling  and the urgency with which the grief  attacks is so exhausting...especially when resolve does not flow.  Be strong. I will not say it gets easier or softer...only you will know if it does...but there will be more changes and when they come they often give a glimpse of something that resembles understanding.   love lj

At 2:10pm on April 20, 2015, Gary'swife said…

Mary- Thanks for the friend request.  I hope you can get some of the paperwork and financial things sorted out.  That is the worse, and the most pressing in the beginning.  I know you have already found this site to be helpful, and trust you will come here for sharing, and venting as needed.  It's a horrible journey we are all on, but it's good to know we are not alone.

At 8:43am on March 13, 2015, Deborah B said…

Just stopping by to let you know that I lift in prayer and send you lovelovelove.  My husband has been gone for 15 months now.  I miss him more every day.  Sending you strength for the funeral.

Deborah

At 9:16pm on March 7, 2015, Dianne in Nevada said…

Welcome to Widville, Mary H. I'm so very sorry for your loss, but pleased that you found us. You'll find caring support and friendship here.

Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Ask here!  You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place.  I look forward to getting to know you here in Widville.

 
 
 

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