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Medea
  • Female
  • Tempe, AZ
  • United States
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Medea's Page

Latest Activity

Steve commented on Medea's blog post One Year
"Hi Medea. Yes anniversaries and important dates, are brutal in the beginning, I remember so clearly, the 1 year anniversary of Mike's passing. I was so shocked in one way, it was already a year, and in another way, I was kind of relieved, that…"
Aug 5
Susan commented on Medea's blog post One Year
"Medea,     I read the part about going to work.   I only work twice a week. And I'm starting to realize I do it so I'm not alone. I's glad I'm not the only one who does that. Susan"
Jul 2
Medea posted a blog post

One Year

One year.I just came to work. I didn't know what else to do. I don't really want to be here, but I think home would just be depressing. Well, it's all depressing.  But I didn't want to be alone, and I still hear a voice telling me that no one cares and to shut up and get over it. So I didn't want to ask anyone to come over, just to keep me company.  So work it is.Once I thought I'd love to not have to go to doctors appointments every week, multiple times a week. Now I'd give it all up, just to…See More
Jun 16
Medea posted a blog post

Tired

My best friend came over today. She hadn't heard from me in a few days and was concerned if I was still alive. The last post on my Facebook was about Howard, and how I'd missed Restaurant Week with him. I had actually been asleep for close to two days.But, in truth, the thought hasn't been far from my mind. I'm tired. I'm tired of hearing my ex's voice in the back of my head, telling me how fat and unattractive and stupid I am. I'm tired of that same voice telling me no one cares.And I do miss…See More
May 24
Steve commented on Medea's blog post Home
"I love the "Haunted Mansion" theme! It sounds great! Chuckled at your "dork" comment. I also tried my hand at some veggies, last year in a plastic "apartment, patio garden" . I actually got some tomatoes and green…"
May 20
Medea commented on Medea's blog post Home
"I love roses. Always have. The front is a hedge of them. Well, it will be a hedge. I bought them bare root, so they're still filling in. I have more roses out back. About a dozen of them total, I think. I'm going to play with creating my…"
May 20
Steve commented on Medea's blog post Home
"Thanks for posting Medea. I could picture myself going through same process in my own way, I love my apartment in the same way. I have only in the past 2yrs, discovered a tiny green thumb. I have always loved roses, and lavender, jasmine, orange…"
May 20
happylilycat commented on Medea's blog post ~ FINIS ~
"Semper Fi. "
May 2
Lady J commented on Medea's blog post A Dream
"I wish my late husband would come to me in a dream, just to feel him next to me. I miss him so much. Its been 2 months and its gotten worse.Thank you for sharing, perhaps he will visit me soon."
Apr 27
Medea posted blog posts
Apr 22
Medea posted a blog post

The Last Centurion

Unpacking continues. I'm more or less settled in, but there's still random boxes and not everything quite has a home yet, but it's a liveable space, and I'm content. There's pictures on the walls, Hestia is on the mantle, and I've put my new vinyl cutter to good use, and there's a ton of different quotes, sayings, etc. on the walls. My seneschal said that even after under a month, it's clear that I've put down roots. That this is my HOME, and I'm staying here and it feels like me.Howard's…See More
Feb 12
Medea replied to Larryh0823's discussion Just trying to deal with this.
"Hugs.  I'm so sorry for your loss.  Yes, talking helps.  Just as much, knowing that there are people who aren't "tired of hearing about it" and wondering why you can't just get over it helps, too.  "
Feb 12
barbee commented on Medea's blog post A New Home
"This reminds me of what I did soon after my husband died. I moved to another city and created a colorful, comfortable house just for me! You should do well. Congrats to you for finding yourself again!!!"
Jan 22
vintage56(barb) commented on Medea's blog post A New Home
"Congrats! wish I could find a nice house like that!"
Jan 22
Callie2 commented on Medea's blog post A New Home
"Sounds nice, I'm sure you're very excited. Best wishes in your new home!"
Jan 21
Medea posted a blog post

A New Home

After many interesting contortions, I got my house.It really is just perfect for me. Howard wouldn't have done nearly as well there, but I absolutely love it.  It has just everything I could have asked for.It has orange, lemon, and a mystery tree that I had initially thought might be some sort of tangerine but ended up being the world's smallest grapefruits. I'll be adding lime, so I'll have the full compliment of citrus that I'll use in cooking. I'm looking forward to just being able to run…See More
Jan 21

Profile Information

So This Is Me

I'm Medea.

My partner Howard died on June 16, 2016. We weren't married. He would have lost his Medicare if we'd gotten married. And when you're having home nurses three times a week, in and out of hospitals, doctors at least twice a week, and who knows what other new things between now and then, well... His Medicare was more important than a ceremony.

He had been having issues for years - officially disabled due to bilateral charcot. But he ultimately started a sharp decline in January when he went in to septic shock. After six months involving pneumonia, sepsis, a BKA, trips from hospital to SNF, to hospital, and back again, a failed aortic valve, multiple infections, multiple pleural effusion aspirations, kidney distress, followed by renal failure, and then dialysis, (and very likely at least two strokes), the "official" end was MRSA - wll, that's what they put on his death certificate, anyway.

Since then, I've been doing the best I can. I'm broken, but I'm still doing my best. As I've said enough that it's nigh near my motto at this point, "You have to live through this moment to get to the next."

Personally, I'm in the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism), and I run a household. So if you hear me talking about my kids, then it's my house members. I love Disney, Halloween, and I'm a huge geek. I have a morbid sense of humor. And I'm unapologetic about all of it.

Medea's Blog

One Year

Posted on June 16, 2017 at 10:22pm 2 Comments

One year.

I just came to work. I didn't know what else to do. I don't really want to be here, but I think home would just be depressing. Well, it's all depressing.  But I didn't want to be alone, and I still hear a voice telling me that no one cares and to shut up and get over it. So I didn't want to ask anyone to come over, just to keep me company.  So work it is.

Once I thought I'd love to not have to go to doctors appointments every week, multiple times a week. Now I'd give…

Continue

Tired

Posted on May 24, 2017 at 10:34pm 0 Comments

My best friend came over today. She hadn't heard from me in a few days and was concerned if I was still alive. The last post on my Facebook was about Howard, and how I'd missed Restaurant Week with him. I had actually been asleep for close to two days.

But, in truth, the thought hasn't been far from my mind. I'm tired. I'm tired of hearing my ex's voice in the back of my head, telling me how fat and unattractive and stupid I am. I'm tired of that same voice telling me no one…

Continue

Home

Posted on April 22, 2017 at 10:47pm 3 Comments

Yeah, I'm catching up. Things that have been in my head that I've never quite written down. Phrases caught in memory.

I'm mostly settled. In less than a month is my housewarming party. A bit late in the year, but with the misters up, it should be okay. We're doing it black tie. Because we girls love a chance to get dressed up and wear pretty dresses and get our hair and makeup done. And guys look freakin' hot all dressed up in coats and ties. And it makes me happy to picture a house…

Continue

~ FINIS ~

Posted on April 22, 2017 at 10:30pm 1 Comment

Scattering his ashes was hard. His SCA household was with me, as were two of my house members. It was on the battlefield, which is what he would have wanted. We all took turns. In two scattering urns, everyone took a turn, making sure his ashes were well and truly scattered, as we weren't actually allowed to scatter him there. But where else would he want to be?  It was fitting.

Afterwards, they thanked me. They thanked me for making sure they were a part of things and keeping them…

Continue

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At 10:49am on September 4, 2016,
VOLUNTEER
Soaring Spirits
said…

Welcome to Widville, Medea. I'm so very sorry for your loss, but pleased that you found us. You'll find caring support and friendship here.

Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Ask here!  You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place.

Be sure to check out the HOME page for the latest news.  I look forward to getting to know you here in Widville.

 
 
 

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