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Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

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  • Female
  • Riverside, CA
  • United States
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Melissa's Friends

  • TP
  • Crabby
  • cgouch
  • Tekwriter
  • Whitedoves9698
  • MomOfBoys (Tammi)
  • Allan_sch
  • DIVA70
  • riet
  • susieq
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  • GracieB
  • Barb2017

Melissa's Page

Latest Activity

Melissa replied to Miket's discussion I Can’t in the group Widowed in 2016
"Miket, I'm so sorry. I can't listen to music or watch the same TV shows or movies we loved together. I can't go to the same places we went to together. All my friends have given up on me, and my family is over it. I understand.…"
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"I am seeing a medium in a couple of months. I really think there are people who have this gift. I saw a medium after my father died, and the things he said were remarkably accurate. He has since retired, unfortunately. Thank you so much for this…"
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Thank you, Shelley. I don't really think about them much, which is why the dream caught me off guard. Gilbert tried so hard to fix it and couldn't, so I try to remember the good days when his parents were alive.  You have helped…"
Jan 16
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Shelley, my husband's siblings hated me. There's no other word for it. His parents loved me, but after they passed the true feelings of the siblings came out. There are three sisters and two brothers. When I notified them of Gilbert's…"
Jan 16
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"I had a dream about my husband the other night. His siblings were cutting me with knives and jagged things. My husband suddenly was standing beside me and asked why I was letting them hurt me like that. I told him I would be happy to let them hurt…"
Jan 16
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"HockeyDogs, you make perfect sense. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Annie sounds like an amazing woman, strong and healthy. It must be incredibly disorienting to suddenly lose someone so healthy. None of us are prepared, but I imagine…"
Jan 13
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"I'm sorry, Allan_sch. Eight months is still new, but the shock is wearing off. From my own experience, and talking to other widows/widowers, this is the time it all starts to seem real. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. You…"
Jan 8
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"New Years Day was especially hard for some reason. We never did anything special, so I didn't expect a more difficult day.  I think it's the thought of another year looming ahead. Another year without my husband. Love and comfort to…"
Jan 6
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"I'm so sorry, Shelley. At least Christmas is over. I hope you find some peace now that it's done. Hugs. xo"
Dec 25, 2018
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"That's a wonderful idea, Suzan. I think I will do that. Tekwriter, I understand. I'm shocked when I look in the mirror. I've aged 20 years in the last year. I don't know how to smile the way I did when Gilbert was alive.…"
Dec 25, 2018
Melissa replied to Kmelli3 (Kate)'s discussion Feel like I am in a nightmare I can't wake up from in the group Suddenly Widowed
"I'm so sorry, Kmelli3. If it helps at all, everything you're feeling is normal. My husband died suddenly as well, and it's so shocking and unbelievable. We were getting ready to go on a vacation. How could he die when we had plane…"
Dec 21, 2018
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"My heart breaks for us all. You have all been in my thoughts, my brothers and sisters on this horrible journey. Somehow, we will get through Christmas, because that's what we do. We get through things. We endure things. I suppose we get…"
Dec 20, 2018
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"Monkey, that's it exactly. I want to tell my husband about this terrible thing that happened and have him hold me and tell me it's hard, but I will be okay. He'd rub my back until I fell asleep and I would be okay. But he's the…"
Dec 17, 2018
Melissa replied to Miket's discussion Not Doing So Well With Christmas Approaching in the group Widowed in 2016
"I know, Miket. I think I was numb last Christmas; the first without my husband. He had passed away just the month before so grief was new and overpowering. I didn't even think about Christmas. I made it through Thanksgiving okay this year too.…"
Dec 17, 2018
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"My husband would have been 63 today. He always called his birthday The International Day of Joy and Revelry. He loved birthdays because that meant he made it through another year and got smarter and stronger than he was the year…"
Dec 13, 2018
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Riet, the day after tomorrow is my husband's birthday, too. You have people to help you when you get home, don't you? I wish you a speedy healing. People are strange. Every night I pray not to wake up in the morning, but every day I take…"
Dec 10, 2018

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Melissa's Blog

Home Alone

Posted on April 5, 2018 at 11:22am 12 Comments

Gilbert died five months ago, and I'm beginning to realize that the Old Melissa died with him. Now I have to invent the New Melissa or allow her to surface; I'm not sure how it works.

It's so odd to suddenly not have a routine. I don't have to wear ear buds if I want to listen to music in bed late at night. The dog doesn't mind if it's noisy at 2:00 am. I can eat dinner at three in the afternoon or midnight and nobody cares. I don't have to cook for anybody…


Just One Phone Call

Posted on March 26, 2018 at 7:38pm 18 Comments

Nobody but someone in this situation would understand what I'm about to share. 

I feel crazy, but grief is crazy sometimes. My husband has been dead for almost five months, but I need to call him. I have something important to tell him.

It's related to something in the news that we talked about and followed, and I know he'd really…


Comment Wall (9 comments)

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At 11:59am on October 26, 2018, riet said…

dear Melissa,

I wanted to send you this message on the 24th of this month.  I knew , this was "the" difficult date for you.  But as always life came between it. 

I just wanted to tell you: I feel with you.  Nothing can ease the pain of this day. I hope you are feeling  a bit better . As well as can be possible. I know even the good moments now are only bleak reflections of the glorious life that once was ours.  

I like to read your posts.  Some of them already helped me through real heavy moments. Thank you for them.

A  big hug to you. Take care 

At 7:16am on October 19, 2018, DIVA70 said…

Hi is comforting to know that someone identifies with the agony I am experiencing. For he most part I try not to share too much with family and friends. But with you and the others on this site I feel I can speak my truth. Someone close to me jokingly said well, youre single now! As if I wanted to be single....I am a WIDOW....big difference in my book. Anyway, thank you for understanding.

At 6:53am on April 6, 2018, Susan said…

Hi Melissa,

   I feel like I have learned way too much about glioblastoma, medicines, tests, etc.

   I hope you are coping well. On Dec. 7... It will be 2 years.


At 8:42pm on April 2, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  Thanks for the idea of EMDR.   Regarding your phone call son texted his dad several times (on Tom's cell which was active for a few months since he had all of his business contacts on it) and I text him on my phone.  Of course, I write him too but the most powerful thing that I did in my grief support group was write him when I was worried about the kids etc. and then have HIM write back.  It was like I was "channeling" him...

At 11:18pm on March 9, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  I don't know if I can do this. In many ways I felt like I was doing better the first year but I think I was in shock.  I put on my "mask" for the people around me.  I had a life and a future to look forward to.  I have friends who care about me but I feel numb and flat.  I want to feel grateful and appreciate the world around me but I really am just faking it.  I can hardly stay awake and i force myself to stay in the moment.  It's hard to understand the purpose of anything.  I know there are people out there who have nothing and I should feel grateful for what I do have but I can't shake this fog I'm in.   

At 10:28pm on March 7, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  The photos of your husband are lovely.  He looks like a kind and gentle soul.  And the dog looks a lot like ours too:) Kindest Regards, Barb (going.on.slowly)

At 10:40am on February 20, 2018, ForeverMourning said…

Hi Melissa,
Thanks for the kind words.  I am so glad I found this site. :)

At 3:22pm on January 17, 2018, Carmen513 said…

Hi Melissa,

Thanks for the add friend. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious soulmate and husband Gilbert.

This whole grief thing is quite surreal. It has been 6 mths since my Bobby left now,and I guess Im coping better, but if Im being honest Im pretty pissed too.

So many times ,day or night I long to talk to him like we used too, and all I hear is my own thoughts or feel an emptiness..

I feel married but flying solo. Bat shit crazy.

Smiles and hugs for miles Melissa, You and Gilbert are in my thoughts x

At 7:24pm on January 14, 2018, Dianne in Nevada said…

Welcome to Widville, Melissa. I'm so sorry for your loss, but pleased you found us. You’ll find caring support and friendship here.

Join the Groups that fit you to find others that share your experience. Check out the Forum Discussions and Chat Room for conversations on all sorts of topics. Share your story. You'll find the latest news on the HOME page.


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