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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

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  • Female
  • Riverside, CA
  • United States
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Melissa's Friends

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  • MomOfBoys (Tammi)
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Melissa's Page

Latest Activity

Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"rm2121, I want to give up so often. It used to be every hour, in the first months. Now it's just maybe a couple of times a week. I stay alive for one of my sons. He has disabilities and he needs me. We all have to try to find something to live…"
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"Thank you, shelley. We walk this path together, and I wish you all the best as well."
Sep 6
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"Diamond Sky, I am so terribly for the loss of your best friend and life partner, and the future you were looking forward to. I found my husband on the floor of his office, still alive but not really able to communicate. He lived an agonizing 13…"
Sep 6
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"I'm so sorry for your loss, Sar_ML. The pain and loss are overwhelming, and we understand. I know what you mean about putting it into words. That makes it real when your whole being is screaming that it can't be real. Please come here…"
Sep 3
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"MsWizard, please allow yourself to cry. You will cry hard and long and loud, and when you stop, you can rest. There are toxins in grief tears. Crying will make you feel better. In the early days after my husband's death, I'd cry so hard…"
Aug 27
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Exactly, NancyD. Our spouses loved us and knew us like no one else ever could. They knew we did the best we could."
Aug 24
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"BrunaPP, I'm so very sorry for your loss. It's so new for you. This is the hardest time, and you will get through it. The pain is unbearable now, but it eases. Time will pass somehow and you will hardly remember these days. We are all your…"
Aug 23
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"LP, I hope the day goes as well as it can. My husband had the stroke four days after my birthday, in October. It's the only "first" I have left to face.  I can't even remember much about his birthday or the holidays, because…"
Aug 22
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2017
"Hi Ioptennis. I'm so very sorry you have to be here, and I'm so sorry about your illness. I know the feeling; there's so much busy work in those first few months, then life goes back to "normal". We're alone and at a…"
Aug 19
Melissa replied to ron323's discussion Anyone in San Diego ? in the group Born in the 50s
"Hi Ron, I'm in Riverside, about an hour and a half from San Diego. You can email me at [email protected] if you want to talk. Melissa"
Aug 17
Melissa replied to ron323's discussion Anxiety in the group Born in the 50s
"I suffer from terrible anxiety as well, Ron. My husband died last November and I haven't felt safe for a single minute since. I'm on anti-anxiety medication, but it doesn't really help much. I would really like to be able to exhale…"
Aug 17
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Tekwriter, I've gone around and around with that myself. I tried taking it off. I put it back on and wore my husband's ring next to it, on my middle finger. His ring is quite heavy and bulky compared to mine, and that was…"
Aug 16
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"LostandSad, the only thing wrong with you is that your beloved husband died and you're grieving. Everybody grieves in their own way. I never think about the day my husband died either, because he lost brain activity on a Saturday night and the…"
Aug 8
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Gary'swife, the mother of a friend of mine (also not a believer) made the same gesture as she was dying. My friend thought she wanted a hug, but she was reaching for something only she could see. My friend was really very comforted by that. All…"
Aug 8
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"I'm thinking about you, Gary'swife. I had one of those days yesterday. Today is better. I hope tomorrow is better for you."
Aug 8
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
""There have been times a loud roar should have been made by everyone, but was trivialized, covered over w/an the excuse of I'm widowed I can do what I want as well as the newbie knows what s/he wants. We are widowed, but not licensed to…"
Aug 8

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Melissa's Blog

Home Alone

Posted on April 5, 2018 at 11:22am 12 Comments

Gilbert died five months ago, and I'm beginning to realize that the Old Melissa died with him. Now I have to invent the New Melissa or allow her to surface; I'm not sure how it works.

It's so odd to suddenly not have a routine. I don't have to wear ear buds if I want to listen to music in bed late at night. The dog doesn't mind if it's noisy at 2:00 am. I can eat dinner at three in the afternoon or midnight and nobody cares. I don't have to cook for anybody…


Just One Phone Call

Posted on March 26, 2018 at 7:38pm 18 Comments

Nobody but someone in this situation would understand what I'm about to share. 

I feel crazy, but grief is crazy sometimes. My husband has been dead for almost five months, but I need to call him. I have something important to tell him.

It's related to something in the news that we talked about and followed, and I know he'd really…


Comment Wall (7 comments)

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At 6:53am on April 6, 2018, Susan said…

Hi Melissa,

   I feel like I have learned way too much about glioblastoma, medicines, tests, etc.

   I hope you are coping well. On Dec. 7... It will be 2 years.


At 8:42pm on April 2, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  Thanks for the idea of EMDR.   Regarding your phone call son texted his dad several times (on Tom's cell which was active for a few months since he had all of his business contacts on it) and I text him on my phone.  Of course, I write him too but the most powerful thing that I did in my grief support group was write him when I was worried about the kids etc. and then have HIM write back.  It was like I was "channeling" him...

At 11:18pm on March 9, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  I don't know if I can do this. In many ways I felt like I was doing better the first year but I think I was in shock.  I put on my "mask" for the people around me.  I had a life and a future to look forward to.  I have friends who care about me but I feel numb and flat.  I want to feel grateful and appreciate the world around me but I really am just faking it.  I can hardly stay awake and i force myself to stay in the moment.  It's hard to understand the purpose of anything.  I know there are people out there who have nothing and I should feel grateful for what I do have but I can't shake this fog I'm in.   

At 10:28pm on March 7, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  The photos of your husband are lovely.  He looks like a kind and gentle soul.  And the dog looks a lot like ours too:) Kindest Regards, Barb (going.on.slowly)

At 10:40am on February 20, 2018, ForeverMourning said…

Hi Melissa,
Thanks for the kind words.  I am so glad I found this site. :)

At 3:22pm on January 17, 2018, Carmen513 said…

Hi Melissa,

Thanks for the add friend. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious soulmate and husband Gilbert.

This whole grief thing is quite surreal. It has been 6 mths since my Bobby left now,and I guess Im coping better, but if Im being honest Im pretty pissed too.

So many times ,day or night I long to talk to him like we used too, and all I hear is my own thoughts or feel an emptiness..

I feel married but flying solo. Bat shit crazy.

Smiles and hugs for miles Melissa, You and Gilbert are in my thoughts x

At 7:24pm on January 14, 2018, Dianne in Nevada said…

Welcome to Widville, Melissa. I'm so sorry for your loss, but pleased you found us. You’ll find caring support and friendship here.

Join the Groups that fit you to find others that share your experience. Check out the Forum Discussions and Chat Room for conversations on all sorts of topics. Share your story. You'll find the latest news on the HOME page.


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