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Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

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  • Female
  • Riverside, CA
  • United States
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Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Thank you NancyD. "Held in love" is such a beautiful image. Our first wedding anniversary since my husband's death is coming up - June 15th. I've been dreading it so much, but perhaps I will also be held in love. "
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"You have a lifetime of beautiful memories, Riet. I'm so glad they are coming back to you."
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Dear Riet,  You described your husband so beautifully. He was so involved in life and love, right up until the end. I think having such an involved husband makes the loss even harder. Everything reminds you of him. Nothing feels right without…"
May 20
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"I'm so sorry, Mrs.Hehar. That must have been awful. It's normal to be so sad and afraid you think you're going crazy. I feel like that right now. It is fresh and new for us, and I hate it. I want my old life back. Somehow, we'll…"
May 16
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"(((shelley))) I know. I understand. Nights were the best time, for exactly the reasons you mentioned. We talked about everything in bed at night. Even when we were each reading, we'd stop and read parts of our books aloud to each other, because…"
May 15
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"Thank you, Marti67. I'm so sorry for your loss. Your story did give me hope. It's so dark and so quiet and so frightening, but you finally saw some light. Thank you for sharing your story. Blessings to you."
May 13
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"My husband died on 11/6/2017.  I don't think anything can prepare us for the pain. I'm so very, very sorry, Ann. We have each other here, and that is a comfort."
May 12
Melissa commented on Melissa's blog post Home Alone
"Hi susieq, You're doing fine on the computer! We're still brand new widows, I've come to realize. We're just starting our new lives, and there's no hurry. It's like we've been in a horrible accident and we're…"
May 10
susieq commented on Melissa's blog post Home Alone
" nice.  i found a blog with someone who is exactly where i am at at this point.  widowed 5 months and still grieving.       like you i need to find myself  etc... just dont know where to begin.   …"
May 10
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"Carol, thank you for the quote. I'm going to post it on my bathroom mirror, because I have not come up with one good reason to keep living. Not that I would take my own life, but I wouldn't mind if I died, you know? Gilbert would never…"
May 4
Lev commented on Melissa's blog post Home Alone
"Hi Melissa.  You're so new to being on your own.  Don't rush.  C S Lewis wrote book about grief. I really want to get myself a copy.  He said something to this effect and I think that we can all relate. …"
Apr 29
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Shelley, I've wondered the same thing. If somehow my grief upsets Gilbert. He always wanted to fix everything when he was here, and he could usually help. He can't help this, and I pray that he can see the bigger picture; the one I know is…"
Apr 29
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"irishlady, I can't imagine not crying every day. Last night I went out to dinner with some friends; the first time I've done that since Gilbert died six months ago. It was nice, and I thought maybe I was getting better. On the way to the…"
Apr 28
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"Shelley and Miss Em, that's probably the hardest thing for me. There's so much I want to tell Gilbert. What's happening in the news. The good things that happen. The bad things that happen. What a friend said. An interesting book I…"
Apr 26
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Hi Laurel. I'm so sorry for your loss. My husband died six months ago, and I've noticed recently that the days are getting a little easier. There are certain times of day that are still very hard; dinner time and bed time are the worst,…"
Apr 25
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"nayajivan, sometimes the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that if I died, especially by my own hand, my children would feel the same grief we are feeling now. I can't do that to them. Please try to take care of yourself and find…"
Apr 18

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Melissa's Blog

Home Alone

Posted on April 5, 2018 at 11:22am 12 Comments

Gilbert died five months ago, and I'm beginning to realize that the Old Melissa died with him. Now I have to invent the New Melissa or allow her to surface; I'm not sure how it works.

It's so odd to suddenly not have a routine. I don't have to wear ear buds if I want to listen to music in bed late at night. The dog doesn't mind if it's noisy at 2:00 am. I can eat dinner at three in the afternoon or midnight and nobody cares. I don't have to cook for anybody…


Just One Phone Call

Posted on March 26, 2018 at 7:38pm 17 Comments

Nobody but someone in this situation would understand what I'm about to share. 

I feel crazy, but grief is crazy sometimes. My husband has been dead for almost five months, but I need to call him. I have something important to tell him.

It's related to something in the news that we talked about and followed, and I know he'd really…


Comment Wall (7 comments)

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At 6:53am on April 6, 2018, Susan said…

Hi Melissa,

   I feel like I have learned way too much about glioblastoma, medicines, tests, etc.

   I hope you are coping well. On Dec. 7... It will be 2 years.


At 8:42pm on April 2, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  Thanks for the idea of EMDR.   Regarding your phone call son texted his dad several times (on Tom's cell which was active for a few months since he had all of his business contacts on it) and I text him on my phone.  Of course, I write him too but the most powerful thing that I did in my grief support group was write him when I was worried about the kids etc. and then have HIM write back.  It was like I was "channeling" him...

At 11:18pm on March 9, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  I don't know if I can do this. In many ways I felt like I was doing better the first year but I think I was in shock.  I put on my "mask" for the people around me.  I had a life and a future to look forward to.  I have friends who care about me but I feel numb and flat.  I want to feel grateful and appreciate the world around me but I really am just faking it.  I can hardly stay awake and i force myself to stay in the moment.  It's hard to understand the purpose of anything.  I know there are people out there who have nothing and I should feel grateful for what I do have but I can't shake this fog I'm in.   

At 10:28pm on March 7, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  The photos of your husband are lovely.  He looks like a kind and gentle soul.  And the dog looks a lot like ours too:) Kindest Regards, Barb (going.on.slowly)

At 10:40am on February 20, 2018, ForeverMourning said…

Hi Melissa,
Thanks for the kind words.  I am so glad I found this site. :)

At 3:22pm on January 17, 2018, Carmen513 said…

Hi Melissa,

Thanks for the add friend. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious soulmate and husband Gilbert.

This whole grief thing is quite surreal. It has been 6 mths since my Bobby left now,and I guess Im coping better, but if Im being honest Im pretty pissed too.

So many times ,day or night I long to talk to him like we used too, and all I hear is my own thoughts or feel an emptiness..

I feel married but flying solo. Bat shit crazy.

Smiles and hugs for miles Melissa, You and Gilbert are in my thoughts x

At 7:24pm on January 14, 2018, Dianne in Nevada said…

Welcome to Widville, Melissa. I'm so sorry for your loss, but pleased you found us. You’ll find caring support and friendship here.

Join the Groups that fit you to find others that share your experience. Check out the Forum Discussions and Chat Room for conversations on all sorts of topics. Share your story. You'll find the latest news on the HOME page.


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