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  • Female
  • Riverside, CA
  • United States
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Melissa's Friends

  • Solsticeowl
  • Roxi
  • Simi
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  • Crabby
  • Tekwriter
  • Whitedoves9698
  • MomOfBoys (Tammi)
  • Allan_sch
  • DIVA70
  • riet
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Melissa's Page

Latest Activity

Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Suzan, I play Hallelujah over and over again. It's one of the few songs I can stand to listen to. I think I reached a milestone today, and you reminded me of it, Suzan. I was looking at pictures of Gilbert and he was doing something that used…"
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Tekwriter, the whole first year is a blur of pain interrupted by the business of his death. Nothing stands out to me, although I'm sure if someone brought up something we did, I would remember. I have little memory of the days. I think…"
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Riet, I've had the same thought many times. "Okay. You've been dead long enough. You can come back now." Completely irrational, but there it is. I noticed yesterday that I'm just feeling worn out and over this thing called…"
May 13
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Ron, I microwave dinners all the time. There's some good stuff in the frozen foods section. One night a week I order take-out from GrubHub. They bring it right to the door and I don't even have to get dressed! Another widow, on this site I…"
May 9
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Ron, just know we're here for you. Keep talking to us.  Much love to you."
May 7
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"I've been trying to figure out this whole thing with the kids. I don't know about you, but in my family, the younger people always took care of the older people. My widowed grandmother lived with us when I was a child. My father's…"
May 6
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Country girl, I'm so sorry. One of my sons is the same way. He says, "I don't have space in my head for you. I don't have time to comfort you. Go find some friends." He moved two blocks from my house, yet I have never been…"
May 5
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Jan, I talk to my husband all the time, especially when I watch the news. He loved politics; I did not. I watched the news with him because he loved it so much. Now I will watch one hour of news every day and say out loud, "Gilbert! Did you…"
May 4
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Allan_sch, I will be thinking of you on the 15th. It's a milestone for us. It means we made it through all of the firsts and we're still here.  I wish you peace and strength on the anniversary. Please let us know how you're…"
May 3
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Hey Ron! Poptarts and Percocet here! I don't drink; alcohol gives me migraines. After 18 months (two weeks ago), I quit the Percocet because although I have chronic pain from spinal surgeries and it was legally prescribed by my doctor, I knew…"
May 3
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Barzan, I hope you recover quickly. Being sick when the person who took such good care of you is gone is the hardest thing.  KJPE, after 18 months I sometimes think I hear my husband, or get the urge to call him. It's usually after…"
May 2
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"People say that we will someday be able to think of our Beloved and smile. After 18 months, I can think of him and smile, but there are tears streaming down my face. That turns into ugly crying. The strange thing for me is because I've had…"
May 1
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Dearest riet, I have been thinking of you these last few days. I knew the anniversary was near but wasn't sure which day. It's a hard day. It's also a testament to our strength when we realize we've lived a year without our…"
Apr 20
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Gilbert used to call his birthday The International Day of Joy and Revelry. He had a whole story he would tell, beginning with celebrations as the dawn broke in Far Off Samoa and not ending until it was midnight in Paris. The man could tell a…"
Apr 12
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Oh, shelley. We have so many similarities. I wish they were different similarities . . ."
Apr 11
Melissa posted a photo
Apr 11

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Melissa's Blog

Home Alone

Posted on April 5, 2018 at 11:22am 12 Comments

Gilbert died five months ago, and I'm beginning to realize that the Old Melissa died with him. Now I have to invent the New Melissa or allow her to surface; I'm not sure how it works.

It's so odd to suddenly not have a routine. I don't have to wear ear buds if I want to listen to music in bed late at night. The dog doesn't mind if it's noisy at 2:00 am. I can eat dinner at three in the afternoon or midnight and nobody cares. I don't have to cook for anybody…


Just One Phone Call

Posted on March 26, 2018 at 7:38pm 18 Comments

Nobody but someone in this situation would understand what I'm about to share. 

I feel crazy, but grief is crazy sometimes. My husband has been dead for almost five months, but I need to call him. I have something important to tell him.

It's related to something in the news that we talked about and followed, and I know he'd really…


Comment Wall (9 comments)

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At 11:59am on October 26, 2018, riet said…

dear Melissa,

I wanted to send you this message on the 24th of this month.  I knew , this was "the" difficult date for you.  But as always life came between it. 

I just wanted to tell you: I feel with you.  Nothing can ease the pain of this day. I hope you are feeling  a bit better . As well as can be possible. I know even the good moments now are only bleak reflections of the glorious life that once was ours.  

I like to read your posts.  Some of them already helped me through real heavy moments. Thank you for them.

A  big hug to you. Take care 

At 7:16am on October 19, 2018, DIVA70 said…

Hi is comforting to know that someone identifies with the agony I am experiencing. For he most part I try not to share too much with family and friends. But with you and the others on this site I feel I can speak my truth. Someone close to me jokingly said well, youre single now! As if I wanted to be single....I am a WIDOW....big difference in my book. Anyway, thank you for understanding.

At 6:53am on April 6, 2018, Susan said…

Hi Melissa,

   I feel like I have learned way too much about glioblastoma, medicines, tests, etc.

   I hope you are coping well. On Dec. 7... It will be 2 years.


At 8:42pm on April 2, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  Thanks for the idea of EMDR.   Regarding your phone call son texted his dad several times (on Tom's cell which was active for a few months since he had all of his business contacts on it) and I text him on my phone.  Of course, I write him too but the most powerful thing that I did in my grief support group was write him when I was worried about the kids etc. and then have HIM write back.  It was like I was "channeling" him...

At 11:18pm on March 9, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  I don't know if I can do this. In many ways I felt like I was doing better the first year but I think I was in shock.  I put on my "mask" for the people around me.  I had a life and a future to look forward to.  I have friends who care about me but I feel numb and flat.  I want to feel grateful and appreciate the world around me but I really am just faking it.  I can hardly stay awake and i force myself to stay in the moment.  It's hard to understand the purpose of anything.  I know there are people out there who have nothing and I should feel grateful for what I do have but I can't shake this fog I'm in.   

At 10:28pm on March 7, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  The photos of your husband are lovely.  He looks like a kind and gentle soul.  And the dog looks a lot like ours too:) Kindest Regards, Barb (going.on.slowly)

At 10:40am on February 20, 2018, ForeverMourning said…

Hi Melissa,
Thanks for the kind words.  I am so glad I found this site. :)

At 3:22pm on January 17, 2018, Carmen513 said…

Hi Melissa,

Thanks for the add friend. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious soulmate and husband Gilbert.

This whole grief thing is quite surreal. It has been 6 mths since my Bobby left now,and I guess Im coping better, but if Im being honest Im pretty pissed too.

So many times ,day or night I long to talk to him like we used too, and all I hear is my own thoughts or feel an emptiness..

I feel married but flying solo. Bat shit crazy.

Smiles and hugs for miles Melissa, You and Gilbert are in my thoughts x

At 7:24pm on January 14, 2018, Dianne in Nevada said…

Welcome to Widville, Melissa. I'm so sorry for your loss, but pleased you found us. You’ll find caring support and friendship here.

Join the Groups that fit you to find others that share your experience. Check out the Forum Discussions and Chat Room for conversations on all sorts of topics. Share your story. You'll find the latest news on the HOME page.


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