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Melissa
  • Female
  • Riverside, CA
  • United States
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Melissa's Friends

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  • widowboymom34
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Melissa's Page

Latest Activity

Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Oh riet! I'm so sorry! I'm crying more now than I have since my husband died. All I see and hear about is how people are getting through this crisis together, and how blessed they are to have each other. Then I feel guilty for not being…"
yesterday
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"I'm just loving everyone's answers! This is the best idea. Thank you again, Suzan. Barbee, I loved Same Time Next Year. Such a beautiful film. DIVA70, Doris Day and Rock Hudson! Yes! Such a great team. John, I said yes to going with the…"
Monday
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"This is such an awesome idea, Suzan! Thank you! 1.  When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?  Astronaut 2.  What was your favorite era?  60s, 70s, 80s, etc.? 80s 3.  What phrase annoys you the most?…"
Monday
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Hi Sander.  I'm so sorry for your loss, but you will find friends here. This is a bad time for all of us; this quarantine business. We will all get through this together.  Please come back and talk. I wish you comfort and…"
Mar 21
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"I'm in California and the governor has us all on lockdown. We are not allowed to leave our homes except to get food or medicine or see a doctor. This is likely to go on for at least 8 more weeks. I am left alone in my own head, which is a…"
Mar 21
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Thank you so much!"
Mar 20
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"I kept a Gratitude List after Gilbert died. I'd list three things every night. They were the usual things we are all quietly grateful for, and some less typical things. No repeats. Being me, I thought this was an outstanding healing practice.…"
Mar 19
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Tess, I'd laugh if weren't so true. "Just get on with things! Do some volunteer work!" I feel as if I've heard that 1,000 times since Gilbert died. I always think the same thing. "Gee, why didn't I think of…"
Mar 19
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"I'm so sorry, Mary. I had to have our 17-year-old dachshund put down about eight months after Gilbert died. He always took her to the vet, and they were both loved by the staff. I have a drawer with some of my husband's little doodads in…"
Mar 18
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"It's so good to hear from you all."
Mar 17
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"barbee, it's nice to hear from you! Please continue to post here. My Uncle Jack had the Spanish Flu as well. He was a toddler and my grandmother just kept him outside as much as she could. She believed fresh air and sunshine would help. He…"
Mar 16
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"I'm in California, and the governor announced yesterday that people 65 and over cannot leave their homes. Food and medicine will be brought to them. All bars and casinos are closed and restaurants are only allowed to seat half as many as the…"
Mar 16
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"Kevin, I'm so very sorry. My husband died suddenly two years ago, and it is a tremendous shock to your system, in every way. Don't even think about making any decisions now. Let your friends help you as much as possible while you take care…"
Mar 11
Melissa replied to Tess's discussion Misery loves company in the group Born in the 50s
"Oh, Tess! I hear you loud and clear! The world is going insane, and Gilbert isn't here to talk to about it. The kids aren't interested. Gilbert was so good to talk to. I watch the news now and talk out loud to him. "Gilbert! Did you…"
Feb 28
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"KCCHIEFS, I'm so sorry. You have come to the right place to find people who understand and want to talk. Your grief is very new and fresh, and it's so hard around the holidays. My husband died shortly before Thanksgiving in 2017. His…"
Feb 28
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"What an awful story, LP. Some people are just born heartless, I think. Two years after my husband's death, so many people are still so kind. Then there are the ones who are either oblivious or have no social skills. Three months after his…"
Feb 12

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Melissa's Blog

Home Alone

Posted on April 5, 2018 at 11:22am 12 Comments

Gilbert died five months ago, and I'm beginning to realize that the Old Melissa died with him. Now I have to invent the New Melissa or allow her to surface; I'm not sure how it works.

It's so odd to suddenly not have a routine. I don't have to wear ear buds if I want to listen to music in bed late at night. The dog doesn't mind if it's noisy at 2:00 am. I can eat dinner at three in the afternoon or midnight and nobody cares. I don't have to cook for anybody…

Continue

Just One Phone Call

Posted on March 26, 2018 at 7:38pm 18 Comments

Nobody but someone in this situation would understand what I'm about to share. 

I feel crazy, but grief is crazy sometimes. My husband has been dead for almost five months, but I need to call him. I have something important to tell him.

It's related to something in the news that we talked about and followed, and I know he'd really…

Continue

Comment Wall (11 comments)

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At 2:07pm on December 25, 2019, Maggiepie said…

Yes, I guess my situation is still very raw. I'm usually down-to-earth but this has knocked me over. Nice to know you're in Riverside. I'm in Pasadena. Maybe, when I'm back to driving, we can meet up. Right now, I know I need to take care of myself. Again, thanks, Melissa.

At 10:08pm on September 12, 2019, Sueg said…

Thank you Melissa for the wisdom and encouragement.  It's exactly what I needed at this moment.

Hugs

Sue

At 11:59am on October 26, 2018, riet said…

dear Melissa,

I wanted to send you this message on the 24th of this month.  I knew , this was "the" difficult date for you.  But as always life came between it. 

I just wanted to tell you: I feel with you.  Nothing can ease the pain of this day. I hope you are feeling  a bit better . As well as can be possible. I know even the good moments now are only bleak reflections of the glorious life that once was ours.  

I like to read your posts.  Some of them already helped me through real heavy moments. Thank you for them.

A  big hug to you. Take care 

At 7:16am on October 19, 2018, DIVA70 said…

Hi Melissa...it is comforting to know that someone identifies with the agony I am experiencing. For he most part I try not to share too much with family and friends. But with you and the others on this site I feel I can speak my truth. Someone close to me jokingly said well, youre single now! As if I wanted to be single....I am a WIDOW....big difference in my book. Anyway, thank you for understanding.

At 6:53am on April 6, 2018, Susan said…

Hi Melissa,

   I feel like I have learned way too much about glioblastoma, medicines, tests, etc.

   I hope you are coping well. On Dec. 7... It will be 2 years.

Susan

At 8:42pm on April 2, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  Thanks for the idea of EMDR.   Regarding your phone call wish...my son texted his dad several times (on Tom's cell which was active for a few months since he had all of his business contacts on it) and I text him on my phone.  Of course, I write him too but the most powerful thing that I did in my grief support group was write him when I was worried about the kids etc. and then have HIM write back.  It was like I was "channeling" him...

At 11:18pm on March 9, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  I don't know if I can do this. In many ways I felt like I was doing better the first year but I think I was in shock.  I put on my "mask" for the people around me.  I had a life and a future to look forward to.  I have friends who care about me but I feel numb and flat.  I want to feel grateful and appreciate the world around me but I really am just faking it.  I can hardly stay awake and i force myself to stay in the moment.  It's hard to understand the purpose of anything.  I know there are people out there who have nothing and I should feel grateful for what I do have but I can't shake this fog I'm in.   

At 10:28pm on March 7, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  The photos of your husband are lovely.  He looks like a kind and gentle soul.  And the dog looks a lot like ours too:) Kindest Regards, Barb (going.on.slowly)

At 10:40am on February 20, 2018, ForeverMourning said…

Hi Melissa,
Thanks for the kind words.  I am so glad I found this site. :)

At 3:22pm on January 17, 2018, Carmen513 said…

Hi Melissa,

Thanks for the add friend. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious soulmate and husband Gilbert.

This whole grief thing is quite surreal. It has been 6 mths since my Bobby left now,and I guess Im coping better, but if Im being honest Im pretty pissed too.

So many times ,day or night I long to talk to him like we used too, and all I hear is my own thoughts or feel an emptiness..

I feel married but flying solo. Bat shit crazy.

Smiles and hugs for miles Melissa, You and Gilbert are in my thoughts x

 
 
 

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