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Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

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  • Female
  • Riverside, CA
  • United States
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Melissa's Friends

  • Whitedoves9698
  • MomOfBoys (Tammi)
  • Allan_sch
  • riet
  • susieq
  • hamm4d
  • nayajivan
  • dcube
  • GracieB
  • Barb2017
  • Mich2018
  • ForeverMourning
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Melissa's Page

Latest Activity

Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
""Allow a few oohs and ahhs in their memory." I love that, Barzan.  This is my first Fourth of July without my husband; without ball games, hot dogs, swimming, a house full of people and their kids. I'm going to say something…"
Jul 4
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"widwom, you might start by looking at the "events" listing at the top of this page. I found a Soaring Spirits meetup in my town. They meet once a month, possibly more often. I'm sure there are similar groups in Columbus and the…"
Jul 2
Melissa replied to Miket's discussion The Process in the group Widowed in 2016
"Exactly, Miket! As an example, shortly after my husband died, I noticed a swollen red spot on my dog's mouth. I would have asked my husband to come look at it and see if he thought we should call the vet, wait and see, whatever. That's…"
Jun 29
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"I'm so sorry, Wood. I know how much it hurts."
Jun 29
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"KMA2106, thank you for your wise words. It's been eight months for me, and not every day is horrible anymore. I still cry every day, and I'm still scared to be alone, but I'm living. Certainly not my best life, or even a…"
Jun 27
Melissa replied to Tess's discussion Sole responsibility for your own life and happiness in the group Widowed in 2016
"No, Tess. You aren't the only one. I have no idea what to do next, and I feel like that every day. Sending you love."
Jun 27
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"Danih17, I'm so sorry for your loss, but I'm glad you found this place of understanding and healing. Come here often. You will find some peace. It's so new for you now. Please hang on for your beautiful baby, and ask friends and…"
Jun 26
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"Whitedoves9698, I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. You've had a terrible thing happen, but please don't blame yourself. How could you possibly know? We all think back on what we could have or should have done, but it just makes…"
Jun 25
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Allan_sch, I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how much you miss your wife. As LP said, we had LOVE. There are so many people who never felt the kind of love we felt for our person. That love is a blessing, and it never dies. I wish you peace…"
Jun 24
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"I'm so sorry about Marcus, shellybean. I have done EMDR therapy in the past for other issues and found it very helpful. If you have a good therapist with a lot of experience, I would think it could be helpful. I'm not a doctor, but I think…"
Jun 21
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"Hello MomOfBoys. I'm so terribly sorry about your loss. I don't know how we go on, but we do. My husband died almost eight months ago, and in the beginning I was sure I could not live. I think I managed for my children. I couldn't let…"
Jun 20
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Riet, I think we all do that. I know I do. When people visit, or something makes me laugh, or I read something Gilbert would like, I just keep thinking "Gilbert's dead. He's never coming back." It's the last thing I think…"
Jun 4
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"I'm so sorry, LP. The loss is still so fresh. At three months I would cry so hard I know the neighbors heard me. I would cry until my eyelids were blistered and my head throbbed. Most days I couldn't even get out bed. You're planting…"
Jun 2
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"My husband's mother suffered a major heart attack and was taken to the closest hospital; the worst in town. We were all pleasantly surprised when they seemed to be doing an excellent job of caring for her and keeping us informed. We got a call…"
May 28
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"NoLongerInBergenJC, three neurologists had to confirm that my husband had no brain activity before we could remove him from the ventilator.  Unfortunately, the episode that led to the brain death (I'm still not exactly sure what happened,…"
May 28
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Riet, I know. My husband had Multiple Sclerosis for almost thirty years, and he handled that with so much courage. He'd try any new medication available, and really had no symptoms for the most part. A little weakness in one leg and some issues…"
May 28

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Melissa's Blog

Home Alone

Posted on April 5, 2018 at 11:22am 12 Comments

Gilbert died five months ago, and I'm beginning to realize that the Old Melissa died with him. Now I have to invent the New Melissa or allow her to surface; I'm not sure how it works.

It's so odd to suddenly not have a routine. I don't have to wear ear buds if I want to listen to music in bed late at night. The dog doesn't mind if it's noisy at 2:00 am. I can eat dinner at three in the afternoon or midnight and nobody cares. I don't have to cook for anybody…


Just One Phone Call

Posted on March 26, 2018 at 7:38pm 17 Comments

Nobody but someone in this situation would understand what I'm about to share. 

I feel crazy, but grief is crazy sometimes. My husband has been dead for almost five months, but I need to call him. I have something important to tell him.

It's related to something in the news that we talked about and followed, and I know he'd really…


Comment Wall (7 comments)

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At 6:53am on April 6, 2018, Susan said…

Hi Melissa,

   I feel like I have learned way too much about glioblastoma, medicines, tests, etc.

   I hope you are coping well. On Dec. 7... It will be 2 years.


At 8:42pm on April 2, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  Thanks for the idea of EMDR.   Regarding your phone call son texted his dad several times (on Tom's cell which was active for a few months since he had all of his business contacts on it) and I text him on my phone.  Of course, I write him too but the most powerful thing that I did in my grief support group was write him when I was worried about the kids etc. and then have HIM write back.  It was like I was "channeling" him...

At 11:18pm on March 9, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  I don't know if I can do this. In many ways I felt like I was doing better the first year but I think I was in shock.  I put on my "mask" for the people around me.  I had a life and a future to look forward to.  I have friends who care about me but I feel numb and flat.  I want to feel grateful and appreciate the world around me but I really am just faking it.  I can hardly stay awake and i force myself to stay in the moment.  It's hard to understand the purpose of anything.  I know there are people out there who have nothing and I should feel grateful for what I do have but I can't shake this fog I'm in.   

At 10:28pm on March 7, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  The photos of your husband are lovely.  He looks like a kind and gentle soul.  And the dog looks a lot like ours too:) Kindest Regards, Barb (going.on.slowly)

At 10:40am on February 20, 2018, ForeverMourning said…

Hi Melissa,
Thanks for the kind words.  I am so glad I found this site. :)

At 3:22pm on January 17, 2018, Carmen513 said…

Hi Melissa,

Thanks for the add friend. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious soulmate and husband Gilbert.

This whole grief thing is quite surreal. It has been 6 mths since my Bobby left now,and I guess Im coping better, but if Im being honest Im pretty pissed too.

So many times ,day or night I long to talk to him like we used too, and all I hear is my own thoughts or feel an emptiness..

I feel married but flying solo. Bat shit crazy.

Smiles and hugs for miles Melissa, You and Gilbert are in my thoughts x

At 7:24pm on January 14, 2018, Dianne in Nevada said…

Welcome to Widville, Melissa. I'm so sorry for your loss, but pleased you found us. You’ll find caring support and friendship here.

Join the Groups that fit you to find others that share your experience. Check out the Forum Discussions and Chat Room for conversations on all sorts of topics. Share your story. You'll find the latest news on the HOME page.


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