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Melissa
  • Female
  • Riverside, CA
  • United States
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Melissa's Friends

  • TP
  • Crabby
  • cgouch
  • Tekwriter
  • Whitedoves9698
  • MomOfBoys (Tammi)
  • Allan_sch
  • DIVA70
  • riet
  • susieq
  • hamm4d
  • nayajivan
  • dcube
  • GracieB
  • Barb2017
 

Melissa's Page

Latest Activity

Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"This time of year is so awful. You're right, Jan. I think the early darkness just makes everything harder. I can hardly get out of bed. Let's all stay close during the holidays. We're here for each other. Peace to you all."
yesterday
Melissa replied to Peacefrog's discussion Went to bed and didn't wake up in the group Suddenly Widowed
"Peacefrog, my heart goes out to you. I'm so terribly sorry you have to be here.  It's all so surreal to be having a normal day, and in a second your whole life will never be the same. For me, it was a Tuesday afternoon. My husband and…"
Sunday
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"LP, I think about that sometimes. I'm stumbling around in the dark, but there are lanterns here. I'm so grateful."
Nov 13
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"I know, Shelley. I thought something would change after the first anniversary. We made it a whole year! Shouldn't just acknowledging that strength help us feel a little better? Nope. Not for me. If anything, it feels worse in certain ways. I…"
Nov 12
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Those YouTube relaxation videos have helped me a lot too, TP. They even have some that go on for 12 hours, so you can just have them going all night. I got an app for my phone called Calm. It has all kinds of sounds and pictures and meditation…"
Nov 9
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"I'm so sorry, Shelley. The one year mark really is just another day in a world of misery. Just get through the day as best you can. Be good to yourself. Talk to us. We understand. I will be thinking about you this weekend. Much love~"
Nov 8
Melissa replied to Crabby's discussion Random Thoughts on a Rough Weekend in the group Suddenly Widowed
"Thank you, Shelley. I've discovered podcasts as well. They are a good alternative to music.  Take care. I wish you well."
Nov 6
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Hi Tekwriter. In my experience, birthdays are more intimate than the big holidays. They weren't as hard as birthdays. Oddly enough, I think the hardest day for me was the anniversary of our first date. You just never know. Do know that we are…"
Nov 6
Melissa replied to Crabby's discussion Random Thoughts on a Rough Weekend in the group Suddenly Widowed
"Oh, Crabby. It's so hard, especially when we were blessed with husbands who pampered us and adored us the way ours did.  I lost thirty pounds in the three months after my husband died. I literally could not swallow food. I tried to tell…"
Nov 5
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"I hear you, Tekwriter. After my husband died, I had to put all the insurance in my name. I never used my husband's last name. I kept my maiden name. The mortgage company won't accept my homeowner's insurance because the last name is…"
Nov 3
Melissa replied to Miket's discussion Follow up to Nothing Compares in the group Widowed in 2016
"I hate to click the "Like" button. I wish it said "Understand" instead. There is nothing to like, but I understand everything you've said, Miket. I'm so sorry."
Nov 2
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Susan, I know how you feel. You put it perfectly. I am lost. Last year, I was still in shock. This year, I am alone and feeling alone."
Oct 30
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Shelley, this is still new to us and we don't know what kinds of feelings to expect. Grief seems to have innumerable ways to manifest. We think we know what to expect, then we're hit with a new feeling out of the blue. It could have…"
Oct 28
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Riet, I've had good friends tell me, finally, that they avoided me after Gilbert died because they didn't know what to say. They didn't want to upset me. I told them all they have to say is hello. The rest will follow naturally. I…"
Oct 27
riet left a comment for Melissa
"dear Melissa, I wanted to send you this message on the 24th of this month.  I knew , this was "the" difficult date for you.  But as always life came between it.  I just wanted to tell you: I feel with you.  Nothing can…"
Oct 26
DIVA70 left a comment for Melissa
"Hi Melissa...it is comforting to know that someone identifies with the agony I am experiencing. For he most part I try not to share too much with family and friends. But with you and the others on this site I feel I can speak my truth. Someone close…"
Oct 19

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Melissa's Blog

Home Alone

Posted on April 5, 2018 at 11:22am 12 Comments

Gilbert died five months ago, and I'm beginning to realize that the Old Melissa died with him. Now I have to invent the New Melissa or allow her to surface; I'm not sure how it works.

It's so odd to suddenly not have a routine. I don't have to wear ear buds if I want to listen to music in bed late at night. The dog doesn't mind if it's noisy at 2:00 am. I can eat dinner at three in the afternoon or midnight and nobody cares. I don't have to cook for anybody…

Continue

Just One Phone Call

Posted on March 26, 2018 at 7:38pm 18 Comments

Nobody but someone in this situation would understand what I'm about to share. 

I feel crazy, but grief is crazy sometimes. My husband has been dead for almost five months, but I need to call him. I have something important to tell him.

It's related to something in the news that we talked about and followed, and I know he'd really…

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Comment Wall (9 comments)

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At 11:59am on October 26, 2018, riet said…

dear Melissa,

I wanted to send you this message on the 24th of this month.  I knew , this was "the" difficult date for you.  But as always life came between it. 

I just wanted to tell you: I feel with you.  Nothing can ease the pain of this day. I hope you are feeling  a bit better . As well as can be possible. I know even the good moments now are only bleak reflections of the glorious life that once was ours.  

I like to read your posts.  Some of them already helped me through real heavy moments. Thank you for them.

A  big hug to you. Take care 

At 7:16am on October 19, 2018, DIVA70 said…

Hi Melissa...it is comforting to know that someone identifies with the agony I am experiencing. For he most part I try not to share too much with family and friends. But with you and the others on this site I feel I can speak my truth. Someone close to me jokingly said well, youre single now! As if I wanted to be single....I am a WIDOW....big difference in my book. Anyway, thank you for understanding.

At 6:53am on April 6, 2018, Susan said…

Hi Melissa,

   I feel like I have learned way too much about glioblastoma, medicines, tests, etc.

   I hope you are coping well. On Dec. 7... It will be 2 years.

Susan

At 8:42pm on April 2, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  Thanks for the idea of EMDR.   Regarding your phone call wish...my son texted his dad several times (on Tom's cell which was active for a few months since he had all of his business contacts on it) and I text him on my phone.  Of course, I write him too but the most powerful thing that I did in my grief support group was write him when I was worried about the kids etc. and then have HIM write back.  It was like I was "channeling" him...

At 11:18pm on March 9, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  I don't know if I can do this. In many ways I felt like I was doing better the first year but I think I was in shock.  I put on my "mask" for the people around me.  I had a life and a future to look forward to.  I have friends who care about me but I feel numb and flat.  I want to feel grateful and appreciate the world around me but I really am just faking it.  I can hardly stay awake and i force myself to stay in the moment.  It's hard to understand the purpose of anything.  I know there are people out there who have nothing and I should feel grateful for what I do have but I can't shake this fog I'm in.   

At 10:28pm on March 7, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  The photos of your husband are lovely.  He looks like a kind and gentle soul.  And the dog looks a lot like ours too:) Kindest Regards, Barb (going.on.slowly)

At 10:40am on February 20, 2018, ForeverMourning said…

Hi Melissa,
Thanks for the kind words.  I am so glad I found this site. :)

At 3:22pm on January 17, 2018, Carmen513 said…

Hi Melissa,

Thanks for the add friend. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious soulmate and husband Gilbert.

This whole grief thing is quite surreal. It has been 6 mths since my Bobby left now,and I guess Im coping better, but if Im being honest Im pretty pissed too.

So many times ,day or night I long to talk to him like we used too, and all I hear is my own thoughts or feel an emptiness..

I feel married but flying solo. Bat shit crazy.

Smiles and hugs for miles Melissa, You and Gilbert are in my thoughts x

At 7:24pm on January 14, 2018, Dianne in Nevada said…

Welcome to Widville, Melissa. I'm so sorry for your loss, but pleased you found us. You’ll find caring support and friendship here.

Join the Groups that fit you to find others that share your experience. Check out the Forum Discussions and Chat Room for conversations on all sorts of topics. Share your story. You'll find the latest news on the HOME page.

 
 
 

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