This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

  • Female
  • Riverside, CA
  • United States
Share on Facebook Share

Melissa's Friends

  • Solsticeowl
  • Roxi
  • Simi
  • Ultra2015
  • TP
  • Crabby
  • Tekwriter
  • Whitedoves9698
  • MomOfBoys (Tammi)
  • Allan_sch
  • DIVA70
  • riet
  • susieq
  • hamm4d
  • nayajivan

Melissa's Page

Latest Activity

Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"My son is getting in two weeks. I've been cheerful and excited about everything in front of him and his fiancee, but I think I'm having a nervous breakdown. They want a picture of Gilbert for the "memorial table". Could I please…"
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Susan and Ultra, I'm glad things are going so well. If we can push back the sadness for a while, that is a very good thing. Hugs to you all."
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Suzan, I miss traveling as well. I would be happy to be your travel buddy. Have passport, will travel."
Jul 2
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Ultra, I love the Victoria and Albert!  I'm glad it's going okay for you. I'm not a religious person, but when I used to visit London I would go to St. Paul's Cathedral every day and just sit. There's something about it…"
Jul 2
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"I'm so glad the day was better than expected, riet. Life continues to surprise us! I wish you comfort and peace."
Jul 1
Melissa replied to Miket's discussion Distractions in the group Widowed in 2016
"I'm so sorry, Miket.  I think, from the conversations I've had here, that that's pretty much what we all do, or how we feel, anyway. No matter what we do, it feels as if we're just keeping busy. Trying to fill the hours.…"
Jun 27
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Thanks, Shelley. I appreciate your kindness. "
Jun 16
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Ron, there are days when I don't get out of bed. I don't sleep, either. I just lie there and wait for time to pass. It's a horrible feeling. The first year or so, I was frantic with grief. Now, I'm just exhausted. In my book,…"
Jun 15
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Gilbert and I got married twenty-four years ago today. This is the second wedding anniversary without him, and much harder than last year. We were in our late thirties when we got married. I thought we'd have more than 22 years together. That…"
Jun 15
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Wishing you comfort and peace today and every day, Suzan. All my love~"
Jun 13
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"I get it, Ultra. Just keep reminding yourself that you're going to see your son. That will be wonderful. London is so beautiful in early summer. You'll be good once you get there. My passport expired last November; a year after…"
Jun 12
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"John, I just want to tell you that going to South Africa and scattering Judith's ashes is one of the most moving things I've ever heard. For some reason, it gives me hope and courage. I thank you for that."
Jun 11
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"It was 19 months on the 6th for me. That's almost two years. When I made it through the first year, I thought things would slowly move toward a new normal. What I'm finding instead is that grief is just wearing me down. Getting through…"
Jun 9
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"Nancy, that's what I love about this place. There's always someone who understands. I wish we were all here for another reason; sharing the same hobby, perhaps. But here we are, and we have each other. That's such a gift. Take care…"
May 26
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"Hi lulu74, My husband had a stroke on 10/24/17 and died on 11/6/17, so I have two death days. In the beginning, I was so aware of them and sobbed all day during both days (I actually feel as if he died on the 24th. He never came back to us after…"
May 26
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Thank you, Susan. I come here to share what I can't share anywhere else. I get enough of people misunderstanding my intent in the "real world". I have a therapist and we talk about how I am navigating through life. This is my place to…"
May 23

Profile Information

Melissa's Photos

  • Add Photos
  • View All

Melissa's Blog

Home Alone

Posted on April 5, 2018 at 11:22am 12 Comments

Gilbert died five months ago, and I'm beginning to realize that the Old Melissa died with him. Now I have to invent the New Melissa or allow her to surface; I'm not sure how it works.

It's so odd to suddenly not have a routine. I don't have to wear ear buds if I want to listen to music in bed late at night. The dog doesn't mind if it's noisy at 2:00 am. I can eat dinner at three in the afternoon or midnight and nobody cares. I don't have to cook for anybody…


Just One Phone Call

Posted on March 26, 2018 at 7:38pm 18 Comments

Nobody but someone in this situation would understand what I'm about to share. 

I feel crazy, but grief is crazy sometimes. My husband has been dead for almost five months, but I need to call him. I have something important to tell him.

It's related to something in the news that we talked about and followed, and I know he'd really…


Comment Wall (9 comments)

You need to be a member of Widowed Village to add comments!

Join Widowed Village

At 11:59am on October 26, 2018, riet said…

dear Melissa,

I wanted to send you this message on the 24th of this month.  I knew , this was "the" difficult date for you.  But as always life came between it. 

I just wanted to tell you: I feel with you.  Nothing can ease the pain of this day. I hope you are feeling  a bit better . As well as can be possible. I know even the good moments now are only bleak reflections of the glorious life that once was ours.  

I like to read your posts.  Some of them already helped me through real heavy moments. Thank you for them.

A  big hug to you. Take care 

At 7:16am on October 19, 2018, DIVA70 said…

Hi is comforting to know that someone identifies with the agony I am experiencing. For he most part I try not to share too much with family and friends. But with you and the others on this site I feel I can speak my truth. Someone close to me jokingly said well, youre single now! As if I wanted to be single....I am a WIDOW....big difference in my book. Anyway, thank you for understanding.

At 6:53am on April 6, 2018, Susan said…

Hi Melissa,

   I feel like I have learned way too much about glioblastoma, medicines, tests, etc.

   I hope you are coping well. On Dec. 7... It will be 2 years.


At 8:42pm on April 2, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  Thanks for the idea of EMDR.   Regarding your phone call son texted his dad several times (on Tom's cell which was active for a few months since he had all of his business contacts on it) and I text him on my phone.  Of course, I write him too but the most powerful thing that I did in my grief support group was write him when I was worried about the kids etc. and then have HIM write back.  It was like I was "channeling" him...

At 11:18pm on March 9, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  I don't know if I can do this. In many ways I felt like I was doing better the first year but I think I was in shock.  I put on my "mask" for the people around me.  I had a life and a future to look forward to.  I have friends who care about me but I feel numb and flat.  I want to feel grateful and appreciate the world around me but I really am just faking it.  I can hardly stay awake and i force myself to stay in the moment.  It's hard to understand the purpose of anything.  I know there are people out there who have nothing and I should feel grateful for what I do have but I can't shake this fog I'm in.   

At 10:28pm on March 7, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  The photos of your husband are lovely.  He looks like a kind and gentle soul.  And the dog looks a lot like ours too:) Kindest Regards, Barb (going.on.slowly)

At 10:40am on February 20, 2018, ForeverMourning said…

Hi Melissa,
Thanks for the kind words.  I am so glad I found this site. :)

At 3:22pm on January 17, 2018, Carmen513 said…

Hi Melissa,

Thanks for the add friend. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious soulmate and husband Gilbert.

This whole grief thing is quite surreal. It has been 6 mths since my Bobby left now,and I guess Im coping better, but if Im being honest Im pretty pissed too.

So many times ,day or night I long to talk to him like we used too, and all I hear is my own thoughts or feel an emptiness..

I feel married but flying solo. Bat shit crazy.

Smiles and hugs for miles Melissa, You and Gilbert are in my thoughts x

At 7:24pm on January 14, 2018, Dianne in Nevada said…

Welcome to Widville, Melissa. I'm so sorry for your loss, but pleased you found us. You’ll find caring support and friendship here.

Join the Groups that fit you to find others that share your experience. Check out the Forum Discussions and Chat Room for conversations on all sorts of topics. Share your story. You'll find the latest news on the HOME page.


© 2019   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service