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  • Female
  • Riverside, CA
  • United States
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Melissa's Friends

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  • sadderbytheday
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Melissa's Page

Latest Activity

Melissa replied to Viva's discussion New to this forum - Grateful for this support forum in the group Suddenly Widowed
"Hi Viva, I'm so sorry about your husband. How are your children doing? It's awful enough to lose the love of your life, but when the cause of death is all anyone talks about 24 hours a day, the sadness must be almost unbearable. You…"
May 13
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"sadderbytheday, I'm so sorry. You have so many years of memories, which is wonderful, but I imagine they can be overwhelming as well. I hope you're doing better tomorrow. That's my prayer every night at bedtime. Let it be a little…"
May 2
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Gigi, I used to feel like the only one, too. I even looked up the statistics of widowhood when Gilbert died, to see how many of us there were. Thirteen million widowed people in the United States. Seven hundred thousand newly widowed every year. How…"
May 2
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"Loo, I'm so very sorry for the loss of your beloved. This is all new for you and you're still in shock. My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly as well, and for me, that added even more of a sense of unreality.  Please accept as…"
May 1
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Thanks for checking in, Ultra. I thought about you a lot yesterday."
Apr 29
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Ultra, please check in on the 28th and let us know how you're doing. This is hard enough during normal times, but these days we're reminded of loss every day. The pain feels so much more intense now, for me anyway. I wish we could be with…"
Apr 24
Melissa replied to LP's discussion Sunday Blues in the group Born in the 50s
"As I was trying to go to sleep last night, I was thinking about posting something like this here today. Sundays have been the hardest since my first week as a widow. We weren't church-goers, but the weekends were always the most fun. When the…"
Apr 12
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"I trained for hospice work years before Gilbert died because being with my father during his passing was actually a very gentle experience. I wanted to go back to that after Gilbert died, but our hospice wouldn't allow anyone who had lost…"
Apr 1
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Book Girl, I'm so very sorry for your loss. You have come to the right place. We are all walking the same road you find yourself on, and there is nothing you can say here that we won't understand. My heart is with you."
Mar 29
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"My heart just goes out to all of us. This is such a lonely time. I'm so grateful for my connection with all of you.  I care about you all so much and I'm so glad you're in my life, then I realize you wouldn't be if we…"
Mar 28
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"1. what was your 1st pet and his/her name? A canary named Tweety 2.  Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a kid? My dad gave me a little honey-colored bear with blue eyes for my first birthday, because I had blue eyes too. His b=name is…"
Mar 28
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Oh riet! I'm so sorry! I'm crying more now than I have since my husband died. All I see and hear about is how people are getting through this crisis together, and how blessed they are to have each other. Then I feel guilty for not being…"
Mar 26
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"I'm just loving everyone's answers! This is the best idea. Thank you again, Suzan. Barbee, I loved Same Time Next Year. Such a beautiful film. DIVA70, Doris Day and Rock Hudson! Yes! Such a great team. John, I said yes to going with the…"
Mar 22
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"This is such an awesome idea, Suzan! Thank you! 1.  When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?  Astronaut 2.  What was your favorite era?  60s, 70s, 80s, etc.? 80s 3.  What phrase annoys you the most?…"
Mar 22
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Hi Sander.  I'm so sorry for your loss, but you will find friends here. This is a bad time for all of us; this quarantine business. We will all get through this together.  Please come back and talk. I wish you comfort and…"
Mar 21
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"I'm in California and the governor has us all on lockdown. We are not allowed to leave our homes except to get food or medicine or see a doctor. This is likely to go on for at least 8 more weeks. I am left alone in my own head, which is a…"
Mar 21

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Home Alone

Posted on April 5, 2018 at 11:22am 12 Comments

Gilbert died five months ago, and I'm beginning to realize that the Old Melissa died with him. Now I have to invent the New Melissa or allow her to surface; I'm not sure how it works.

It's so odd to suddenly not have a routine. I don't have to wear ear buds if I want to listen to music in bed late at night. The dog doesn't mind if it's noisy at 2:00 am. I can eat dinner at three in the afternoon or midnight and nobody cares. I don't have to cook for anybody…


Just One Phone Call

Posted on March 26, 2018 at 7:38pm 18 Comments

Nobody but someone in this situation would understand what I'm about to share. 

I feel crazy, but grief is crazy sometimes. My husband has been dead for almost five months, but I need to call him. I have something important to tell him.

It's related to something in the news that we talked about and followed, and I know he'd really…


Comment Wall (12 comments)

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At 1:34pm on May 13, 2020, Jeaniegurl said…

thnx so very much.

At 2:07pm on December 25, 2019, Maggiepie said…

Yes, I guess my situation is still very raw. I'm usually down-to-earth but this has knocked me over. Nice to know you're in Riverside. I'm in Pasadena. Maybe, when I'm back to driving, we can meet up. Right now, I know I need to take care of myself. Again, thanks, Melissa.

At 10:08pm on September 12, 2019, Sueg said…

Thank you Melissa for the wisdom and encouragement.  It's exactly what I needed at this moment.



At 11:59am on October 26, 2018, riet said…

dear Melissa,

I wanted to send you this message on the 24th of this month.  I knew , this was "the" difficult date for you.  But as always life came between it. 

I just wanted to tell you: I feel with you.  Nothing can ease the pain of this day. I hope you are feeling  a bit better . As well as can be possible. I know even the good moments now are only bleak reflections of the glorious life that once was ours.  

I like to read your posts.  Some of them already helped me through real heavy moments. Thank you for them.

A  big hug to you. Take care 

At 7:16am on October 19, 2018, DIVA70 said…

Hi is comforting to know that someone identifies with the agony I am experiencing. For he most part I try not to share too much with family and friends. But with you and the others on this site I feel I can speak my truth. Someone close to me jokingly said well, youre single now! As if I wanted to be single....I am a WIDOW....big difference in my book. Anyway, thank you for understanding.

At 6:53am on April 6, 2018, Susan said…

Hi Melissa,

   I feel like I have learned way too much about glioblastoma, medicines, tests, etc.

   I hope you are coping well. On Dec. 7... It will be 2 years.


At 8:42pm on April 2, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  Thanks for the idea of EMDR.   Regarding your phone call son texted his dad several times (on Tom's cell which was active for a few months since he had all of his business contacts on it) and I text him on my phone.  Of course, I write him too but the most powerful thing that I did in my grief support group was write him when I was worried about the kids etc. and then have HIM write back.  It was like I was "channeling" him...

At 11:18pm on March 9, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  I don't know if I can do this. In many ways I felt like I was doing better the first year but I think I was in shock.  I put on my "mask" for the people around me.  I had a life and a future to look forward to.  I have friends who care about me but I feel numb and flat.  I want to feel grateful and appreciate the world around me but I really am just faking it.  I can hardly stay awake and i force myself to stay in the moment.  It's hard to understand the purpose of anything.  I know there are people out there who have nothing and I should feel grateful for what I do have but I can't shake this fog I'm in.   

At 10:28pm on March 7, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  The photos of your husband are lovely.  He looks like a kind and gentle soul.  And the dog looks a lot like ours too:) Kindest Regards, Barb (going.on.slowly)

At 10:40am on February 20, 2018, ForeverMourning said…

Hi Melissa,
Thanks for the kind words.  I am so glad I found this site. :)


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