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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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  • Female
  • Riverside, CA
  • United States
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Melissa's Friends

  • Solsticeowl
  • Simi
  • TP
  • Crabby
  • Tekwriter
  • Whitedoves9698
  • MomOfBoys (Tammi)
  • Allan_sch
  • DIVA70
  • riet
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Latest Activity

Melissa replied to Solsticeowl's discussion How can the sun still shine? in the group Suddenly Widowed
"Cristy, you are not losing your mind. You need to always remember that because it certainly feels as if you are. The hospital was hell, but it's mostly a blur now. I couldn't tell you what happened from day to day. Please keep writing.…"
Melissa replied to Solsticeowl's discussion How can the sun still shine? in the group Suddenly Widowed
"Solsticeowl, my heart aches for you. Your grief is so fresh and so unbearable. I found my husband on the floor as well, although he was technically still alive. He'd had a massive brain bleed. He died 13 days later. He's been gone a year…"
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Thanks, Shelley. I just feel so guilty that in order to help keep things calm in his room while he was in the coma, I let his sisters keep me out. I should have been beside him during that time, but he had so many sisters and brothers in law, and…"
Mar 14
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"I tell you guys everything, but I am so guilty about the days before my husband's death I can't even let you know. It eats me alive, but there's nothing to be done now. Yes, I will die alone, just as I am alone now, but nobody on…"
Mar 13
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Hi Linda. I'm glad you found us, but I'm so sorry you had to. My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly as well. I'm at almost a year and a half, and I find that things are getting harder. I think more about finding him. I have…"
Mar 12
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Tekwriter, I'm so sorry. I really do believe that our husbands are there to meet our pets, and vice versa. They will ALL be there to meet us. Hug your dogs for me. Much love."
Mar 11
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"I'm going to tell you all a story that gives me great hope. A friend of mine knew a medium, and I was having trouble dealing with my mother's death. My friend said, "This guy is really good. It couldn't hurt!" So, I go to…"
Mar 10
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Jan, I'm so sorry about Tiffy. About ten months after Gilbert died, I had to put our miniature dachshund, Blossom, to sleep. She was 17. Gilbert and I had only been married for about five years when we got her as a tiny puppy. She was with us…"
Mar 9
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"I hear what you're saying, Crabby.  It doesn't help to hear people say, "Oh, you'll feel so much better in x number of years" when you're just trying to get through today. It's meaningless. It does not apply…"
Mar 2
Melissa replied to Doxielover's discussion I've never known love like that before in the group Suddenly Widowed
"It's been 16 months, and I know I will see him again. He was a lawyer, musician, tennis player, loved to ride bikes . . .after the brain bleed he lived 13 horrible days. He was blind, paralyzed and on a feeding tube. He would never want to live…"
Mar 2
Melissa replied to Doxielover's discussion I've never known love like that before in the group Suddenly Widowed
"Doxielover, I'm so very sorry your Joanna didn't make it. My husband died of a massive brain bleed as well, but he just had one. It must have been horrible for you to go through so much for so long. It's a wonderful thing to be loved…"
Mar 1
Melissa replied to GrievingandLost37's discussion The Shock Has Worn Off in the group Suddenly Widowed
"I'm so sorry for your loss. It's so hard when the shock wears off.  I lost my husband 16 months ago, and I don't cry all the time anymore. I do things; I get out more and have more interest in things again, but the huge empty…"
Feb 24
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Me too, Tekwriter. This is the place in my life where I don't think I'm crazy!"
Feb 20
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Reit, I'm sending you my love. When Gilbert died, Melissa died too. The person I am now is not the Melissa I was with my husband. The Melissa who laughed easily and loved to be around friends. The Melissa who was curious about everything. The…"
Feb 18
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2016
"Thank you, Tess. I'm always looking for stories about how other widows cope."
Feb 15
Melissa replied to Miket's discussion Hit a Bump Today in the group Widowed in 2016
"Hi Miket. It's good that you know these intense periods of grief are finite. That's a type of control over them. I get migraines, and they almost always last three days. The pain is easier to bear when I know that I feel awful now, but I…"
Feb 12

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Melissa's Blog

Home Alone

Posted on April 5, 2018 at 11:22am 12 Comments

Gilbert died five months ago, and I'm beginning to realize that the Old Melissa died with him. Now I have to invent the New Melissa or allow her to surface; I'm not sure how it works.

It's so odd to suddenly not have a routine. I don't have to wear ear buds if I want to listen to music in bed late at night. The dog doesn't mind if it's noisy at 2:00 am. I can eat dinner at three in the afternoon or midnight and nobody cares. I don't have to cook for anybody…


Just One Phone Call

Posted on March 26, 2018 at 7:38pm 18 Comments

Nobody but someone in this situation would understand what I'm about to share. 

I feel crazy, but grief is crazy sometimes. My husband has been dead for almost five months, but I need to call him. I have something important to tell him.

It's related to something in the news that we talked about and followed, and I know he'd really…


Comment Wall (9 comments)

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At 11:59am on October 26, 2018, riet said…

dear Melissa,

I wanted to send you this message on the 24th of this month.  I knew , this was "the" difficult date for you.  But as always life came between it. 

I just wanted to tell you: I feel with you.  Nothing can ease the pain of this day. I hope you are feeling  a bit better . As well as can be possible. I know even the good moments now are only bleak reflections of the glorious life that once was ours.  

I like to read your posts.  Some of them already helped me through real heavy moments. Thank you for them.

A  big hug to you. Take care 

At 7:16am on October 19, 2018, DIVA70 said…

Hi is comforting to know that someone identifies with the agony I am experiencing. For he most part I try not to share too much with family and friends. But with you and the others on this site I feel I can speak my truth. Someone close to me jokingly said well, youre single now! As if I wanted to be single....I am a WIDOW....big difference in my book. Anyway, thank you for understanding.

At 6:53am on April 6, 2018, Susan said…

Hi Melissa,

   I feel like I have learned way too much about glioblastoma, medicines, tests, etc.

   I hope you are coping well. On Dec. 7... It will be 2 years.


At 8:42pm on April 2, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  Thanks for the idea of EMDR.   Regarding your phone call son texted his dad several times (on Tom's cell which was active for a few months since he had all of his business contacts on it) and I text him on my phone.  Of course, I write him too but the most powerful thing that I did in my grief support group was write him when I was worried about the kids etc. and then have HIM write back.  It was like I was "channeling" him...

At 11:18pm on March 9, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  I don't know if I can do this. In many ways I felt like I was doing better the first year but I think I was in shock.  I put on my "mask" for the people around me.  I had a life and a future to look forward to.  I have friends who care about me but I feel numb and flat.  I want to feel grateful and appreciate the world around me but I really am just faking it.  I can hardly stay awake and i force myself to stay in the moment.  It's hard to understand the purpose of anything.  I know there are people out there who have nothing and I should feel grateful for what I do have but I can't shake this fog I'm in.   

At 10:28pm on March 7, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  The photos of your husband are lovely.  He looks like a kind and gentle soul.  And the dog looks a lot like ours too:) Kindest Regards, Barb (going.on.slowly)

At 10:40am on February 20, 2018, ForeverMourning said…

Hi Melissa,
Thanks for the kind words.  I am so glad I found this site. :)

At 3:22pm on January 17, 2018, Carmen513 said…

Hi Melissa,

Thanks for the add friend. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious soulmate and husband Gilbert.

This whole grief thing is quite surreal. It has been 6 mths since my Bobby left now,and I guess Im coping better, but if Im being honest Im pretty pissed too.

So many times ,day or night I long to talk to him like we used too, and all I hear is my own thoughts or feel an emptiness..

I feel married but flying solo. Bat shit crazy.

Smiles and hugs for miles Melissa, You and Gilbert are in my thoughts x

At 7:24pm on January 14, 2018, Dianne in Nevada said…

Welcome to Widville, Melissa. I'm so sorry for your loss, but pleased you found us. You’ll find caring support and friendship here.

Join the Groups that fit you to find others that share your experience. Check out the Forum Discussions and Chat Room for conversations on all sorts of topics. Share your story. You'll find the latest news on the HOME page.


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