This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

  • Female
  • Riverside, CA
  • United States
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Melissa's Friends

  • Solsticeowl
  • Pualili221
  • Roxi
  • KJPE
  • Simi
  • Ultra2015
  • TP
  • Crabby
  • Tekwriter
  • Whitedoves9698
  • MomOfBoys (Tammi)
  • Allan_sch
  • DIVA70
  • riet
  • susieq

Melissa's Page

Latest Activity

Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Dear BA7.5, I'm so terribly sorry you have to be here. I'm so sorry your Person died; your Beloved. It's been 21 months for me, and my life is split into two time periods. Before Gilbert and After Gilbert. Every single thing about my…"
8 hours ago
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Roxi, thank you. Big hug back to you! Reit, when someone says that to me, I say, "Unless you die first, someday you will know how I feel. Then you'll understand." It seems cruel, but it's the only way I can explain it. All my…"
20 hours ago
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"I'm so sorry, LadyHawke. You've been through a tremendous shock; you and your daughters need to take care of yourselves. This is still so new and fresh for you. Do you have friends or family nearby who can help you through this? I agree…"
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"John, if you hear back, I would still like a report. In my opinion, this is a blatant rip-off of Lucky Charms, which are, as Tekwriter states, magically delicious. Ultra, Roxi, and LadyHawke, I hope we can find a place of balance. A place where we…"
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Tekwriter, there are now marshmallows in Froot Loops?  That would make them wannabe Lucky Charms. I loved Lucky Charms when I was a kid. Ate them right out of the box, because I liked the texture of them dry. I need to get to the bottom of…"
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Hello LadyHawke, I'm so sorry you have to be here, but you'll find friends who understand. You're so right about time - fast and slow. This is still very new to you, and you do have to take things one minute at a time sometimes.…"
Aug 13
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"NoLonger, I never said anything about resenting other couples. I was talking about my emotions. As Shelley said, sometimes it's difficult to be rational when you're feeling emotional. This is a place where we can express our feelings in a…"
Aug 11
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"I went out to dinner with my son and his new wife and her parents last week. We sat outside at the restaurant and listened to a band. Everywhere I looked, I saw only couples. It still hurts when I see couples. I miss that so much. I'm doing…"
Aug 11
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Yes, CarLady. After Life is on Netflix. It stars Ricky Gervais, and he is wonderful. I want to be able to watch it. I think I'll try it again."
Aug 9
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"I started to watch both After Life and Dead to Me, but couldn't make it through the first episodes of either one. I think I should watch them because they will be "cathartic". :-/  I don't know.  Fortunately, I was…"
Aug 9
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"That's wonderful, Susan! It sounds lovely, and you have the music Ed compiled just for you. Relax into this new season of life. Thank you for letting us know how you're doing. Hugs~"
Aug 9
Melissa replied to Miket's discussion Rings in the group Widowed in 2016
"The black ring was worn in Victorian times when mourning jewelry was popular. I had a band that was black enamel with gold on either side that I'd bought years ago in Hawaii. It had nothing to do with mourning, but after Gilbert died I thought…"
Aug 6
Melissa replied to DebiT's discussion Regrets about what I didn’t realize in the group Suddenly Widowed
"Oh, DebiT, I'm so sorry. My husband had the same health issues as yours, along with high blood pressure. He had all the tests there were because he also had Multiple Sclerosis and due to the medications he was on for that, his heart function,…"
Aug 4
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"I think I can speak for us all when I tell you we'll be here for you every step of the way, KJPE. No matter how many people love us, when our Person is gone we feel so alone and so vulnerable even on good days. When something like surgery is in…"
Aug 4
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Nardly, you did the very best you could with the strength you had at the time. I think we all feel guilty about something we either did or didn't do. We're in enough pain without adding to it.  Churches have grief support groups. So…"
Aug 3
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Born in the 50s
"Hi Nardly! Look beneath the comment box where you post your message. You'll see the word "Follow" in blue on the left-hand side. Just click it!"
Jul 26

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Melissa's Blog

Home Alone

Posted on April 5, 2018 at 11:22am 12 Comments

Gilbert died five months ago, and I'm beginning to realize that the Old Melissa died with him. Now I have to invent the New Melissa or allow her to surface; I'm not sure how it works.

It's so odd to suddenly not have a routine. I don't have to wear ear buds if I want to listen to music in bed late at night. The dog doesn't mind if it's noisy at 2:00 am. I can eat dinner at three in the afternoon or midnight and nobody cares. I don't have to cook for anybody…


Just One Phone Call

Posted on March 26, 2018 at 7:38pm 18 Comments

Nobody but someone in this situation would understand what I'm about to share. 

I feel crazy, but grief is crazy sometimes. My husband has been dead for almost five months, but I need to call him. I have something important to tell him.

It's related to something in the news that we talked about and followed, and I know he'd really…


Comment Wall (9 comments)

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At 11:59am on October 26, 2018, riet said…

dear Melissa,

I wanted to send you this message on the 24th of this month.  I knew , this was "the" difficult date for you.  But as always life came between it. 

I just wanted to tell you: I feel with you.  Nothing can ease the pain of this day. I hope you are feeling  a bit better . As well as can be possible. I know even the good moments now are only bleak reflections of the glorious life that once was ours.  

I like to read your posts.  Some of them already helped me through real heavy moments. Thank you for them.

A  big hug to you. Take care 

At 7:16am on October 19, 2018, DIVA70 said…

Hi is comforting to know that someone identifies with the agony I am experiencing. For he most part I try not to share too much with family and friends. But with you and the others on this site I feel I can speak my truth. Someone close to me jokingly said well, youre single now! As if I wanted to be single....I am a WIDOW....big difference in my book. Anyway, thank you for understanding.

At 6:53am on April 6, 2018, Susan said…

Hi Melissa,

   I feel like I have learned way too much about glioblastoma, medicines, tests, etc.

   I hope you are coping well. On Dec. 7... It will be 2 years.


At 8:42pm on April 2, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  Thanks for the idea of EMDR.   Regarding your phone call son texted his dad several times (on Tom's cell which was active for a few months since he had all of his business contacts on it) and I text him on my phone.  Of course, I write him too but the most powerful thing that I did in my grief support group was write him when I was worried about the kids etc. and then have HIM write back.  It was like I was "channeling" him...

At 11:18pm on March 9, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  I don't know if I can do this. In many ways I felt like I was doing better the first year but I think I was in shock.  I put on my "mask" for the people around me.  I had a life and a future to look forward to.  I have friends who care about me but I feel numb and flat.  I want to feel grateful and appreciate the world around me but I really am just faking it.  I can hardly stay awake and i force myself to stay in the moment.  It's hard to understand the purpose of anything.  I know there are people out there who have nothing and I should feel grateful for what I do have but I can't shake this fog I'm in.   

At 10:28pm on March 7, 2018, going.on.slowly said…

Hi Melissa.  The photos of your husband are lovely.  He looks like a kind and gentle soul.  And the dog looks a lot like ours too:) Kindest Regards, Barb (going.on.slowly)

At 10:40am on February 20, 2018, ForeverMourning said…

Hi Melissa,
Thanks for the kind words.  I am so glad I found this site. :)

At 3:22pm on January 17, 2018, Carmen513 said…

Hi Melissa,

Thanks for the add friend. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious soulmate and husband Gilbert.

This whole grief thing is quite surreal. It has been 6 mths since my Bobby left now,and I guess Im coping better, but if Im being honest Im pretty pissed too.

So many times ,day or night I long to talk to him like we used too, and all I hear is my own thoughts or feel an emptiness..

I feel married but flying solo. Bat shit crazy.

Smiles and hugs for miles Melissa, You and Gilbert are in my thoughts x

At 7:24pm on January 14, 2018, Dianne in Nevada said…

Welcome to Widville, Melissa. I'm so sorry for your loss, but pleased you found us. You’ll find caring support and friendship here.

Join the Groups that fit you to find others that share your experience. Check out the Forum Discussions and Chat Room for conversations on all sorts of topics. Share your story. You'll find the latest news on the HOME page.


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